21. Alexei
21
ALEXEI
M y light switch covers are done, and I don’t know what else to do. I could go to bed, but Dad isn’t home from his meeting with Gage yet, and… I kinda wanna wait up for them.
Dad: We’re just finishing up and chatting. He says he’s going home because his mom is at a girl’s night, so he wants to be there for the twins. You can go meet him there if you want. I’m good.
It’s after ten since their meeting started late, but that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I shut off the lights to my workshop, double-check that the blowtorch is completely turned off, and head upstairs for a change of clothes.
Alexei: Okay, going there now. Let me know if you need anything.
The walk to Gage’s house takes four minutes, but the night air is warm enough to make my hoodie a bit much. Still, I wear it because I feel more comfortable in it. When I knock on the door, there’s a crash, a few bangs, and a lot of whispered yelling, but no one comes to answer it. I knock again.
“Heyyy,” Cole says, swinging open the door.
My back straightens and all my instincts kick in. “Hey.”
“I thought Gage was at your place tonight? Isn’t he staying over?” Cole asks, glancing behind him. “I thought… he’s not coming home, is he?”
Not now. Because I won’t let him . “Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
I tilt my head at him. “Is Nick okay?”
“Yes.”
His eyes aren’t focused and his pupils aren’t the right size. There are still crashes happening inside the house, and Nick is laughing and swearing at something from the kitchen.
“What is it?” I ask. “What’d you take?”
Cole shifts his weight from foot to foot, his eyes moving too fast, his fingers all pulling at one another. “Nothing.”
I look behind me to make sure Gage and my dad aren’t coming down the street, and then I push my way inside. Cole yells at me, but it doesn’t really have any heat behind it, so I walk into the kitchen to make sure Nick is fine.
They’re both high. Coke, by the looks of the powder Nick is trying to swipe off the table into a small little bag.
“We thought he’d be out all night!” Cole says. “We didn’t think he’d… don’t let him come here, Alexei.”
“How could you?” I ask them both. “When you know what he’s been through and what he’s still going through?”
“We’re allowed to experiment!” Nick shouts.
Sure. They are. But I’m surprised they want to after watching their older brother struggle for so long. “But here? In the house he moved into to try to make his life better? During his recovery? Could you disrespect him any more?”
They both look ashamed, but the drugs buzzing through their systems make them cocky. I try to remind myself that they’re young and dumb and allowed to make mistakes. They’re allowed to be stupid, and it’s not their fault their brother is a recovering addict.
“He’s not home. Mom isn’t home. No one was supposed to know. We’re being safe by doing it at home, and we’re being respectful by waiting until we’re alone.”
“Are you?”
“It’s not our fault he’s an addict!” Cole snaps, repeating my thoughts. “Doesn’t mean we are.”
No, it’s not their fault, but… “Means you have higher chances of becoming one,” I tell him, calm on the outside and panicking on the inside. “Are you both okay? It’s not… you’re not having any trouble with it? Feeling alright?”
“We’re great,” Nick says, a slow and disgusting laugh following his words. “So fucking great.”
I look at the bag still in his grip. “You better get that out of the house. Take his sobriety seriously. Respect him.”
“Yeah. We will. Just make sure he doesn’t come home.”
I watch them for another few seconds. I mean, they’re definitely high, but they don’t seem to be in any danger of taking too much or having a bad reaction. I want to hold out my hand and demand they give me the rest of the coke, but I don’t. It’ll cause a fight I don’t have time for because Gage will be home any minute. I know, for an absolute fact, that this will kill Gage. It will hurt him so deeply, test his sobriety, and break his healing heart.
I hear a car door slam, so I rush outside. My dad is driving home and Gage is walking up the front steps. I close the door behind me and watch his lazy smile make him gorgeous when he sees me.
“Hey, complicated,” he says, teasing me with a kiss to my cheek. “I was just thinking about you, and here you are. Our souls really can read each other.”
I don’t want to lie to him. He asked me once if I ever lied, and I told him I didn’t if I could help it, but I can’t help it tonight. I need to lie to him. I need to keep a secret from him. Because he’s not going to like what he hears, and I’d rather tell him tomorrow when the twins are sober and the little baggy is long hidden somewhere Gage can’t find it.
My heart hurts because I love the new pet name he finally gave me, but I’m too emotionally distraught to appreciate it.
“Wanna go for a walk with me?” I ask, pressing my hand to his chest to push him away from the house. “I need it.”
He frowns at me. “What’s wrong? You okay?”
“Yeah, I just need to walk. With you. Let’s go.”
He’s nodding, spinning from the door, taking my hand to lead me down the steps. We’re almost free, almost clear of this tragic mess.
Then something crashes inside. My stomach sinks when Gage looks.
“What’s that? I should check on them first.” He turns around, but I block him, standing between him and the front door. “Alexei.”
“Please, let’s go. They’re fine. I just talked to them.” I’m begging but trying to be casual about it. I can’t let him panic like I’m panicking. “Please, Gage.”
More crashing. Something shatters. Stupid laughter follows.
I block Gage and my heart completely cracks in half when he looks at me like he hates me. “Move.”
“No.”
“Alexei,” he growls, hand on my chest. “Get out of my way.”
“No. You shouldn’t go in there.” I meet his angry brown eyes. “Please, trust me.”
That’s the wrong thing to say, though. Because now Gage is worried. He’s envisioning terrible things happening to his brothers, and he has no idea what he’s about to walk in on, but he’s protective and needs to know. I see it in his eyes. I see the devotion to care for them and the need to make sure they’re alright. At this moment, I hate them. I hate Cole and I hate Nick and I hate drugs and I hate Gage for being noble and good.
Because being good is about to emotionally ruin him. Test him. Put him in a position he’s avoided because he’s determined to be sober, just like he said.
“Get the fuck out of my way, Alexei,” he snaps at me, all anger and rage now. “If you won’t move, I’ll make you move.”
“Please don’t.”
He does. Of course he does. Because he’s Gage Rossum, the man mending his relationship with the brothers he barely got to know growing up.
He shoves me so hard my back hits the door, and it stuns me. Stuns me so much that I start to slide down, but then I’m falling backwards, landing on my ass while Gage steps over me and through the open door.
“Gage! Please!” I yell, trying to scramble to my feet.
But it’s too late.
I’m scared. I’m scared enough to call my dad and put him in this situation he should avoid. And I feel selfish for doing it. His sobriety matters just as much, but maybe I’m realizing I trust him. I trust his devotion to me and his eight-year streak. He’s strong enough. I don’t give him enough credit.
For the first time in my life, I need him to be strong for me.
“Alex?” he answers.
“Dad…”
“I’m coming.”