Chapter 5
Chapter Five
LANE
T hat man drives me insane. If he thinks I’m going to join his fan club, he’s lost his damn mind. I drop my head back and take a long, deep breath. I’m not sure how much longer I can do this.
Everything feels overwhelming. No matter how many walls I throw up, Sawyer manages to climb right over them. He has no idea what this does to me, and it’s my fault. Sawyer is a flirt and my frenemy. When we were younger, we were friends, but as we grew up, things started to change for me. I saw Sawyer in a different light, and that’s when I noticed so did all of the other girls in school.
What really put me off was in the sixth grade, I overheard Carly Rose telling a few of the other girls in my homeroom that Sawyer kissed her. I’d seen the two of them hanging out more, and she was constantly at his locker. There was no way for me to miss it because my locker was right next to his. We planned it that way.
After I heard her say they kissed, I got a bigger backpack and ditched my locker. I also ditched Sawyer. I was hurt and got pissy about it even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. The distance I put between us didn't matter, though. I could never get that hurt to go away.
What was worse is that he and Carly only lasted a couple of days. Even now, I clench my fist thinking about it. I couldn’t believe he gave away his first kiss like that. Like it was nothing. I know it was his first kiss because when he asked me if I'd ever been kissed and I said no, he said he hadn't either. I stupidly thought he was going to save it for me, but I guess he solved that problem all on his own.
My attention snaps back to my store when I hear the door open. Sawyer comes out with the small china cabinet on a dolly. I watch as he wheels it out all on his own.
“You coming?” Sawyer holds the passenger door open for me.
“Yeah, hold on.” I need to make sure it gets there in one piece, and I’m not ready to part with it. I love all of my creations, but this one feels special.
I lock up the shop before climbing into Sawyer's truck. He makes sure the cabinet is bundled up safely and tied down.
"Are you going to tell me why you got cold?" Sawyer asks when he backs out of the parking spot.
"Did you wait until I was trapped in your truck to ask me that?"
"I asked because I want to know." His gaze slides to me before returning to the road. It looks like I might have really hurt his feelings.
"I'm sorry, Sawyer. It's not you. It's me." I snort a laugh as soon as the words pass my lips. "That sounded cliché."
"That it did." He shakes his head, clearly not finding it as humorous as I did.
"It really is me. It’s my own shit."
"Your own shit? So it has nothing to do with me?"
I should have known he wouldn't let it go. "To a degree, I suppose, but it shouldn't be on you." I shrug one shoulder, not wanting to say more.
Sawyer pulls around to the back of City Hall where the loading area is located. A number of people are already here getting set up for tonight. I go to unclip my seatbelt, but Sawyer covers my hand with his to stop me.
“I hate when you pull away from me.” Sawyer's brows furrow together, and his expression turns sullen. I'm not accustomed to seeing Sawyer this way. He always has a smile or a quick smartass comment, ready to spar with me.
“We’re not kids anymore, Sawyer.”
“Trust me. I know we’re not kids.” His eyes meet mine, and I can see there’s no playfulness to them.
“It changes things.”
“Why?”
“Seriously?” I blink at him. How can he not see it?
"Yes, seriously!” He’s pissed and trying to hide it, but it’s bleeding through. “Cut me some slack here."
"You're bringing this up now?” We've been this way for over a decade, and he’s choosing today to lay it out?
"Better late than never," he quips back.
"That's the thing, Sawyer, it is too late." It hurts my own chest admitting that to him.
Sawyer and I can never be what I once wanted when I was a young girl. He’s always been the only one for me, but clearly it wasn’t the same for him. If we tried to be together now, I think I’d always feel like I was some kind of consolation prize.
"It's not. You and I?—”
"Are what? Friends?” I say, looking him in the eyes. “We fight constantly. I'm starting to wonder if you're a masochist."
"Only for you." He’s not smiling, and his tone is far from playful.
"No." I shake my head. "That's just it, Sawyer. Nothing about you is only for me, and it hasn’t been that way in a long time."
"Lane,” he says, and there’s an ache in his voice. “You’re?—"
A knock on the window has Sawyer pulling back to see who it is. While he’s distracted, I quickly hop out of his truck. I hear him mutter a curse before I shut the door behind me.
“Is this it?” Evie hurries over toward me, her heels clicking loudly on the concrete. She has been putting this auction together for as long as I can remember. “Been dying to see what you made for us.” She gives me a bright smile. “Joshua!” Her smile drops instantly. “You drop that, and I swear I’ll tan your ass.”
“I got it,” he shouts back, but his hold on the giant glass vase tightens.
Evie rolls her eyes. “He's about as useful as a steering wheel on a mule.”
I snort. Evie always has a way with words. They will either cut you or make you laugh. I open the tailgate of the truck while Sawyer is caught in conversation with Evie’s husband.
“Oh, beautiful.” Evie runs her hand across the top. “You do incredible work.”
Heat rushes to my cheeks. “Thanks.”
“Might have to bid on this myself.” Evie leans in closer. “The hubs said I can’t bid on Sawyer. Even if it’s for a good cause.”
It’s harder than it should be to force out a laugh.
"Sawyer Logan! Is that you?!" I hear a girl squeal excitedly, and we all turn.
If it isn’t the blast from the past, Carly Rose. What the fuck? I thought she left for the big city with a modeling career on the rise. Is this what they mean by manifesting because she’s the last person I want to see. And damn it, she's as beautiful as ever.