Chapter 26 #2
At that point, Auggie’s trying to hide his phone next to him so he can record. Theo’s pretty discreet about it when he puts his hand on the phone and pushes it down.
Fortunately, the wait staff begins to bring out the food.
It’s not plates of lukewarm salmonella; it’s decent, the kind of stuff you’d expect—a garden salad, chicken in some sort of white wine sauce, droopy asparagus.
I hold one by the end, and it looks just like a limp dick, and Emery’s face gets redder and redder.
It’s too easy sometimes.
“They’re all homosexuals.” Sam’s gran is leading June Louise through the tables. Gran’s had a perm done, and she’s wearing a pink caftan that clashes with her red hair. “The whole lot of them.” She sounds a bit unsure, though, as she adds, “Except for the bis.”
Sam groans.
“What the ever-loving fuck?” Emery asks. And not quietly.
“Ree,” John-Henry says.
“Sammy,” Gran says as she swoops in to kiss him on the cheek. “You look so handsome. And Gray, oh my Lord, you’re a dream. And you made me cry, too!” That’s when I get a kiss on the cheek.
Auggie’s trying to get his phone up again.
There’s this website called DaddySpankz, and I decide I’m going to send it to Theo.
I’m so caught up in this thought that I almost miss the fact that June Louise is bussing Emery’s cheek, and Emery’s face is scarlet.
“Hello, Miss June,” he mumbles. He sounds like a middle-schooler trying to explain his hand down his pants when he says to the rest of the table, “A friend of my mother’s.”
“Sam,” John-Henry says, and he’s grinning, “why don’t you introduce us?”
Sammy shoots him a look that I don’t think he would have dared a few weeks before, but he makes the introductions.
“My Sammy thinks the world of you,” Gran says to John-Henry. “I can see why: you’re easy on the eyes.”
Sam looks like he’s about to burst into flames.
“What a ringing endorsement, John,” Emery says. “He picked you as a mentor because of your bone structure.”
“Oh God,” Gran says. “You’re exactly like your father. Boy, howdy, did I have the hot pants for him!”
I’m sure I’ve seen Emery speechless before. But it’s never been quite so satisfying as right now. Even June Louise looks like she’s about to laugh.
Eventually—unfortunately—Sam sends Gran packing.
Auggie looks like he’s dying from trying not to laugh—and from his missed opportunities—and Theo is trying not to grin.
But he’s clearly more of an adult than the rest of the fucks-for-brains at this table because he’s the first one to really talk to Sam.
“It’s nice to meet you, Sam. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Nice to meet you, too,” Sam says. He doesn’t actually say sir, but you can hear it hanging in the air.
“I understand you’re with the police too.”
“Yes, sir.”
It must have slipped out, I decide. But the way Auggie’s grinning tells me he didn’t miss it either.
“And you’re going to be a detective.”
“Another gay detective,” Emery says.
John-Henry groans and says, “Not tonight, love.”
“It’s an observation, John. It’s a statistical anomaly.”
“Technically, Sam’s a bi,” I say.
Sam squeezes my knee under the table, and I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing.
“Actually,” Sam says, “I didn’t apply for the detective opening.”
John-Henry’s face changes in an instant. “You didn’t? Why not?”
Sam shrugs. “I’ve been doing some thinking. I might want to be a detective at some point, but I’m not sure that’s what I want to do right now.”
“Okay,” John-Henry says, but you can tell his whole world just got turned upside down. I think of all those marathon jerkoff sessions they’ve had together, planning how Sam is going to be the next detective for the Wahredua PD. “So, what did you—I mean, what do you want to do?”
“He doesn’t have to have a five-year plan,” I say.
“He doesn’t have to have one,” Emery says, “but why the fuck wouldn’t he?”
“Please,” Auggie says to Theo. “I’m begging you.”
“I want to work more with the community,” Sam says. “I liked being involved with WISP.”
“And he’s fucking fantastic at it,” I say.
Sam shrugs.
“Okay,” John-Henry says again in that slightly baffled tone. But you can tell he’s trying to be kind as he says, “That’s great, Sam. That’s so exciting. There’s a lot of good ways you can be involved.”
“Too late, boner,” I say.
Sam actually blushes.
“What does that mean?” John-Henry says.
“Uh, well, I applied for a different position,” Sam says. “And I got it.”
“What was it?” Emery says. “Please tell me you’re going to work the front desk and they’re canning Ehlers.”
Sam shakes his head. He’s even redder now. “I’m going to be the new SRO. Liz Kirkman didn’t want to go back after the shooting, and they hadn’t filled the position.”
“SRO?” Auggie says. “Is that the officer assigned to the high school?”
Theo nods.
“He’s so fucking good at this stuff,” I say. “Connecting with people, talking to them. He’s going to do great working with kids.”
For a final moment, there’s confusion in John-Henry’s face. But then it clears, and he smiles and says, “Sam, that’s awesome. I’m so happy for you.”
“I have a question,” Emery says.
John-Henry says, “No, you don’t.”
“Yes, John, I do.” To Sam, he says, “You’re clearly not an idiot.”
“Um, thank you?”
“You’re attractive. You have a steady job.”
“Ree,” John-Henry says.
“I’m just pointing out that the boy has a certain appeal.”
“The boy?” I say.
“What would you say,” Emery asks Sam, “if I told you that you could do better?”
Sam looks at him. And then he says, “I’d say don’t talk about my boyfriend that way.”
It’s hard to read Emery’s face sometimes. Mostly because I’m not entirely sure he’s a human being. But something relaxes, and he settles back in his seat as he says, “Good thing it was a hypothetical question, then.”
Theo clears his throat and says, “Auggie made a video that kind of plays around with that premise.”
It’s a transition, and it’s meant to ease the tension, and it works. We watch Auggie’s video, and it’s cute, and he manages to get his shirt off twice in it. The little fucker has abs, and he’s clearly a show-off. After that, the rest of the night flows smoothly.
As the dinner begins to wrap up, people stop at our table to say goodbye.
There are some congratulations, and a few people who say they’re sorry I’ll be leaving WISP.
Not Robin, of course. Foley hands me an envelope full of cash and says it’s from Norman and Gross, for WISP. And Chief Peterson shakes my hand.
I’m caught up in the flow, so I’m only partially listening when I hear John-Henry say, “Why don’t you guys come over? We’ll play some games, hang out. It’ll be fun.”
There’s this little pang inside me, because I know Sammy’s going to say yes. John-Henry inviting him to hang out—it’s basically his wet dream. And it’s fine. I’m past the jitters. I love Sam. I know how much he wants this.
I don’t even mean to catch his eye.
Sam smiles at me. Just at me.
And he says, “Thanks, John-Henry. But I’ve got plans with my boyfriend.”