Chapter 9 #2
Tears welled up in my eyes as I grappled with the reality of Mr. Luis’ words.
I never knew the intimate details of what happened to my father.
My mother only told me that he was shot while the four families retaliated against whoever attacked the Black family at Sneaux’s graduation party.
I accepted that story for years, but now it sounded like something sinister had happened.
Friendly fire. Maybe even Mr. Luis himself.
I thought back to the last conversation I had with my father while I drowned the world out.
I stood in front of the floor length mirror on the right side of my room and pulled my waist length knotless braids into a ponytail to see if it looked better up or down with the bathing suit I planned to wear to Sneaux’s graduation party.
We’d been around each other day in and day out since we were in middle school.
She’d seen me at my worst, and vice versa, so I wasn’t usually nervous to be in her presence, but that day was different.
I came up with the cutest way to confess my feelings and pray she wouldn’t turn me down.
The feelings between us were mutual. I was the one holding back, fearful of the scrutiny confirming our feelings would bring.
The world was homophobic enough. However, in our close knit circle, same sex relationships were unheard of.
“Milani Dashae Harris!” My father shouted my name before slamming the front door shut.
I rolled my eyes and released the grip I had on my braids.
They looked better flowing down my back anyway.
Walking over to the dresser, I lifted my lip gloss and applied a generous coat.
I’d childishly kissed Sneaux on prom night before rushing into my house before she could say anything, so I knew her lips were as soft as they looked.
I planned to do that again before the day was over, but I wasn’t going to run away afterward.
“Milani, I know you hear me! Where are you?” He roared, his agitated tone bouncing off the walls.
“What is he bitching about now?” I mumbled, sauntering over to the dresser to text my driver to pull the car around.
“You maxed out your credit card on more jewelry like we didn’t just buy you a bunch of shit for your graduation?”
I spun around and squinted my eyes. “Maybe,” I muttered.
“Where the fuck is it? Better be some good shit! Your credit card just rolled over today!”
“Dad, it’s important,” I explained, hoping that he would calm down to listen.
My parents had asked if me and Sneaux were more than friends countless times, and I always told them we weren’t.
However, I hoped that wouldn’t be the case after that day.
I knew my parents had a lot of plans for my life, but the older I got, the more I wanted to go at things my own way.
We weren’t on the same page about much of anything lately.
I wanted to attend UC Davis and eventually become a veterinarian.
However, my parents wanted me to attend the University of Florida to study law so I could become our family lawyer and let them stress me out at all times of the night with their legal drama.
That was the last thing I wanted to do. I knew how much Aunt Bunny’s job stressed her.
Plus, I loved animals, so that’s what I wanted to do.
“That’s it, ain’t it?” My father raged, storming across my bedroom to snatch up the David Yurman bag.
He tore the bag when he forcefully stuck his hand inside and pulled the box out.
I frowned as I watched it crumple to the floor because I couldn’t give Sneaux a damaged gift bag.
When my father flipped the box open, he pulled it closer to his face and squinted his eyes to read the engraved words.
“Milani, what the fuck is this?”
“I’m going to ask Sneaux to be my girlfriend,” I admitted, my heart hammering in my chest. Until that moment, I hadn’t vocalized my plans to anyone, not even to myself.
He snapped the box closed and looked up at the ceiling.
“I’ve asked you at least a dozen times if you and Sneaux were more than friends, and every time you denied it.
What the fuck do you think you’re doing now?
The focus is UF, law school, and eventually you’re going to marry a man and have my grandchildren!
I’ve respected Luis and the way he raises his daughter, but mine won’t be doing all that silly liberal shit!
Besides, our situation isn’t so simple. There is bad blood between me and your grandparents.
If you don’t find a husband, our household loses voting power when it comes to the decisions that affect the Harris name, when I need to step aside. Is that what you want?”
“Dad, if they don’t want to take care of me when you step aside, I can take care of myself. I don’t care about—”
“I care! I put my blood, sweat, and tears into this shit! You know what. I’m not even about to get my pressure up arguing with you.
This shit ain’t up for debate! I don’t give a fuck if I have to marry you off to a lesser man because you never find a husband, you will marry a man! There is plenty on the line.”
“No I’m not!” I argued, finding the voice to drop the other bomb that I’d eventually have to tell them. “I’m also not accepting UF’s offer. I’m going to UC Davis.”
“No, the fuck you not! That college is too far away from home and—”
“That’s the point. I need to get far away from here.”
“Milani, what has gotten into you? You let Sneaux and her unruly lifestyle get into your head. We’ve already discussed your career plans.”
“We didn’t discuss anything. You guys told me what you expect me to do, and I didn’t really have a choice in the matter.
Plus, I already notified UF that I would no longer be enrolling and forfeited the enrollment deposit and paid the deposit at UC Davis.
I’m eighteen now. You can’t tell me how to live my life or who I can love. ”
“Love?” He sputtered.
“Yes, I love her!”
His face frowned in disgust, and he stormed out of the room with the black box in his hand. “Dad, give me my stuff back!” I whined, storming out of the room behind him.
Deep down inside, I knew my father might have a visceral reaction to my feelings for Sneaux, and that’s why I was never completely honest until that day.
I remember overhearing my father telling my mother he didn’t want me thinking I was a little boy like Sneaux did when I asked to join a soccer team with some of the other girls.
Instead, he signed me up for cheerleading and wouldn’t let me quit, no matter how much I loathed the sport.
In 2007, when Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End was released in theaters, we were obsessed.
I wanted to be a pirate for Halloween, but my father refused and had a custom princess costume designed by a seamstress.
When prom night rolled around, and my father realized that Sneaux and I were color coordinating, he was perturbed by the sight.
All of those incidents made me fearful of being honest with my parents.
“You want to go against me with shit I paid for. You out of your fucking mind!” He badgered.
“Fine. I don’t need the gift. I know Sneaux loves me for me. My words will be enough.”
“I’m turning your phone off, revoking access to your credit card, and your driver is being relieved of duty. You aren’t leaving this house until it’s time for you to leave for college. I’ll pull some strings to get your spot back at UF. Do you understand me?”
I folded my arms across my chest, wearing a brave face, but I was on the brink of a meltdown. The day wasn’t going according to plan at all. It was Friday, and my mother spent the day at the spa while my father did whatever the hell he did all day. Yet here he was harassing me.
“Marcus! Ray!” My father hollered, spit flying from his mouth, he was so enraged.
“Yes sir,” they shouted, abandoning their posts to comply with whatever demand he was about to toss out.
“Milani isn’t to leave this fucking house.
I don’t care if you have to tie her ass to a chair.
She doesn’t leave! Y’all know she’s sneaky, if she goes to the bathroom, you better be at the door listening for the piss trickle.
If Milani gets near a phone, you better snatch it!
She can’t be around that dike ever again, either.
I don’t give a fuck if it’s a ball or gala.
If you see her even looking at Sneaux, drag her out by her fucking hair! Clearly, she’s easily manipulated.”
“Yes sir,” they replied in unison. Fucking lap dogs.
“As soon as I can figure my way out of this family I’m going to do it and I’m going to be with Sneaux! I don’t care what anyone thinks.”
My father halted his stride just as he made it to his office, launching the box inside before turning around to face me. “Over my dead body,” he snarled.
“I don’t care if I have to wait until you’re in the grave if that’s what it takes!” I spat.
“Ummm hmmm. I’ll show you a dead body,” he growled, barreling down the steps like a peal of thunder.
Those were the last words I uttered to my father before going into his office to take the necklaces back and heading to the Black Family Estate.
I never saw or spoke to my father again.
It took me a while to forgive myself for uttering such vile words to him in my fit of anger.
I was just tired of everything that came along with being Zechariah and Janice Harris’ offspring.
Everything about my life had been so controlled, and I just wanted Sneaux for myself.