Chapter 19
Cullan
E lena flinches as my son calls her that horrible word. I actually feel the hurt and humiliation go through her. I give her a reassuring squeeze and gently set her on her feet.
Then stride over to my son and seize him by the elbow. “Move. Now.”
He shrugs angrily out of my grip, his eyes on Elena. “You’re kissing my dad? You’re making out with my goddamn dad?”
Elena is half turned away from us, her head bowed in shame.
It makes my heart ache to see her like this, silent and accepting of Leon’s cruelty.
It’s no business of his whom she kisses, and she owes no one an apology or an explanation, but she can’t seem to find her voice.
What has happened to her in her life that’s made her believe she deserves this?
Until she can fight, I’ll fight for her.
I grasp Leon’s elbow again, harder this time, and march him out of the kitchen and into the living room, closing the door behind us. Whatever hurt feelings Leon needs to express, he can do it here.
Without Elena present, he turns his anger on me. “What the fuck, Dad?”
“Watch your language.”
“Screw you! You’re kissing my girlfriend. I can say fuck if I want to.”
I feel my temper flare, but I keep a tight rein on it. “She’s not your girlfriend, Leon.”
“How long has this been going on? Have you been creeping on my girlfriend this entire time?”
Leon is the reason that they broke up, but I’m why that reason was brought into the cold light of day.
Before that, I was coveting Elena since the moment I laid eyes on her.
I kissed her. I pushed her to reconsider her relationship.
I have behaved in a way most people wouldn’t consider “being a good father.” Then again, if I thought Leon made Elena happy, I wouldn’t have manipulated Elena and Leon’s relationship so she ran from his arms into mine.
Possibly.
Oh, who am I fucking kidding? I’ve completely lost my heart to Elena, and I don’t think I could resist her no matter the circumstances.
It doesn’t matter what might have been and what I could have done.
It’s done. Elena is mine, and I’m not giving her up.
I’m not letting anyone make her feel like she’s deserving of ridicule and disgust either, no matter how much I love my son.
“Elena is blameless and has done nothing wrong. I haven’t been creeping on her, as you put it. I liked her before I knew she was your girlfriend.”
“You met her five minutes before you knew she was my girlfriend,” he scoffs.
“Yes. I liked her as soon as I saw her. Sometimes you know.”
“Dad, she’s half your age. It’s so fucking cringe that you’re going after someone that young. My friends are going to piss themselves laughing when they hear about this.”
“Maybe you should spend less time worrying what your friends think. I didn’t intend to pursue Elena, but I saw you weren’t making her happy, and her permission is all that I needed after you broke up.”
“Find someone else,” Leon pleads. “Find someone your own age. This is so embarrassing.”
I stare at him in astonishment. This is what’s upsetting him? In his shoes, I’d be punching me in the face and planning how to win Elena back, not whining about feeling like the butt of a joke.
“Leon, I’ve been on my own for two years.
Do you think Elena is the first woman I laid eyes on after your mother and I separated?
I’ve looked at other women, but I’ve felt nothing.
Elena is the first woman I wanted.” I search for the words to try and make him understand how I feel.
“Hers feels like the first smile I ever saw.”
Leon rolls his eyes. “I’m going to throw up.”
His petulant dramatics have me gritting my teeth.
Leon doesn’t want to understand, but I owe it to my son to try.
Even if he’s angry now, he will cool off later, and some of what I say might make a difference.
I move closer to him. “Listen to me. I was unhappy with your mother. Desperately unhappy. I love you and Rosie so much. With all my heart. I wouldn’t change anything because I have you and Rosie, but at the same time, it feels like I missed out on things I dearly want.
A woman I love who I want to marry and share a home with.
Raise children with. A woman who loves the man I am. ”
When Leon was a child, it always felt like my ex and I had polar opposite opinions about what was best for him, and with Rosie, I’ve been on my own. I want to share the experience of being a father with a loving wife, and I want that woman to be Elena.
“Whoa, slow down. You’re going to get married and have more kids?” Leon exclaims.
I glance at the door. There’s zero chance that Elena didn’t hear Leon shout that at the top of his voice.
“It’s too soon to know,” I lie. I already know.
“This is so gross. I can’t believe my dad is dating my girlfriend.”
Leon calling her his girlfriend makes my eyes narrow and the back of my neck prickle. “Your ex -girlfriend, whom you dated for a matter of weeks. ”
“You stole her from me,” he accuses.
“You pushed her into my arms.”
“You disgust me. You cradle robber. Did you screw her yet?”
“That’s none of your business,” I reply coldly. “I will discuss this with you as long as you want, but you will not resort to name-calling, and you will not pry into things that aren’t your business. You’re a man now, Leon. I should be able to talk with you like a man.”
Leon takes a walk about the room, shaking his head. “She wouldn’t put out for me, but suddenly she’s not frigid for you. Something’s fucked up about her.”
He didn’t hear a word I said. If he weren’t my son, I’d punch him for saying that. I’d throw him out of this house.
“Elena is kind, loving, and sensitive. I’m sorry, Leon, but you have never deserved Elena.”
“Bullshit. I wanted to marry her.”
Leon is in no way ready for marriage, and certainly not with my Elena. “You have a strange way of showing it. Screwing another woman. Letting men treat her like a piece of meat. Ignoring her cry for help when she was lost. You wanted to marry her? I would kill for her.”
As I recount all of Leon’s misdeeds, he fumes silently.
I take a deep breath and say in a more level tone, “You’re young, which means you make mistakes, and I hope once you’ve had time to think, you’ll learn from this. Do better, Leon. I still love you. I’ll always love you, but you need to grow up and become a man you can be proud of.”
“Like I’m supposed to be proud of you?” he sneers .
I don’t feel one scrap of shame over pursuing the future mother of my children.
The woman I’m certain that can make me happy, and whom I’ll work hard to make happy.
Elena’s so close to seeing my true face, and she hasn’t turned away from me.
I think I can reveal some of my criminal work without worrying she’ll panic and tell me to stop.
Maybe after she’s met Mercer’s wife, Vivienne, I can tell her the whole truth.
I think she’ll like Vivienne, and the young mother can be her friend and show her that while men like me and Mercer walk in dark and dangerous places, we’ll always come back to them.
We’d never hurt them. We only want to love and protect our families.
“It was you dancing with her last night, wasn’t it?” Leon accuses.
“It was.”
“She looked so happy,” he says bitterly. “I hate her for that. She’s supposed to be miserable like me.” He turns, and slams out of the house.
I sigh and rub my brow. I wish my son wasn’t hurting as much as he is now, but I hope he learns from this experience, and the next woman he dates he will treat better than he treated Elena.
When I come back into the kitchen, Elena’s cheeks are wet with tears. I take her in my arms and hold her close. “I’m so sorry you had to hear all of Leon’s unkind words.”
She puts her hands on my chest and clutches handfuls of my shirt. “I don’t care about that. The way you stood up for me, Cullan? No one’s ever done that for me before.”
“Of course, darlin’,” I murmur, kissing the tears from her cheeks. “No one has the right to talk to you that way. If someone is cruel to you, you can tell them you don’t want them in your life. You have every right.”
“I wasn’t raised that way. I don’t know how.”
I know Elena is able to lash out if she feels trapped or angry, but she should feel confident enough to calmly tell someone to back off when they need to hear it.
I pull back and put my hands on her shoulders, staring deep into her eyes.
“You were raised by two timid little church women who probably couldn’t say boo to a goose, but good manners are only for good people who treat you right. ”
“They aren’t really timid…” She hesitates for a moment, and then nods. “I’ll try, Cullan. Thank you.”
“That’s my girl,” I murmur, and kiss her again. I taste the saltiness of her tears on my tongue. She wraps her arms around me and parts her lips, inviting me deeper. “Let’s go to bed.”
Upstairs, we lay together beneath the bedclothes, and Elena strokes my bare chest.
“I heard some of your conversation with Leon,” she whispers.
I smile against her lips. “I’ll bet you did. He was talking loud enough. What did you hear?”
“That you were on your own for two years and you…you liked my smile as soon as you saw me.”
“I liked you as soon as I saw you.”
She holds me tighter. “I liked you as soon as I saw you, too. I liked you so much that I had to confess it to my priest. Father Connell was so outraged that he wouldn’t even give me penance.”
“No forgiveness? I don’t think it’s supposed to work like that.”
“I don’t know. I was too upset to ask. I don’t think I’m a very good Catholic. I have doubts. I feel like I go through the motions for my aunts.”
“We all have our spiritual paths to walk, and they rarely look the same.”
“Are you spiritual? What do you believe?”
I think for a moment, stroking her hair. If there is a god, I’m going to hell. “I’m agnostic. I don’t have faith, but it’s impossible to know if I’m right or wrong about there being a higher being.”
“That’s true. I… I did hear something that you sounded certain about,” she says tentatively. “You want to be a father again.”
I smile and rub the tip of my nose against hers. “Yes. With you. Is that too much?” I murmur, stroking circles on her back.
She’s biting her lip, but she’s smiling. “No. I like the way you talk about it. It’s sexy and it makes me yearn for the same thing. I’ve always wanted to be a mother. Are we crazy to be talking about this when we haven’t even defined what we are?”
“It’s very simple. You’re mine.” I pull her closer and kiss her.
“Yours. I like the sound of that.”
“We’re still learning about each other. You don’t know everything about my work or other parts of my life, but I want you to. I want you to know everything about me, and for you to still feel safe and loved in my arms.”
“Have you got skeletons in your closet, Cullan Grant?” she teases.
I gaze at her through my lashes. “Maybe I do. Would you like me any less if there were? If I wasn’t a heroic white knight all the way to my core, would you believe I adore you any less?”
“I don’t think anything could change my mind about that.”
I really fucking hope so.
I press a kiss to her lips. “Good. Because I adore you.”
“I don’t need to believe you’re perfect and good all the way through to be with you. I know I’m not, and you still care about me, don’t you?”
“So much.” I cup her face, my heart beating wildly. Elena is everything I’ve ever wanted. “If you got pregnant, I’d be over the goddamn moon.”
“Are you in a hurry, Cullan?” she asks, but there’s a playful note in her voice, as if she wouldn’t be upset if I was.
I’m pushing her by bringing it up again and again, but I can’t help myself. I pull her astride me. “Maybe I am. Maybe I want to knock you up right now.”
I caress her nipples with my thumbs, watching her head fall back in pleasure.
Elena is all mine, in my bed. There’s one less secret today now Leon knows we’re together, and it’s only strengthened my relationship with Elena.
I can only hope that revealing the rest of my secrets will bring us even closer.
“Slide down my cock, darlin’,” I coax her. “I want to be back where I belong.”
Elena does as she’s told, crying out as every inch of my cock fills her. I hold her hips and thrust up into her, and I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight.