Chapter 6
six
. . .
Hendrix
Coming down from the high of the win against my old team and walking into an empty hotel room had me shootin' to Cassidy’s crib like it was a drive-by.
Being that it was the holidays, finding an available flight out of Vegas to San Jose wasn’t an option, so I rented a car and drove eight hours to her front door, arriving there a little after seven o’clock Christmas morning.
By the look on her face, she hadn’t expected for me to show up in the flesh.
She was used to the chase, and as much as I admired her, I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my days running after someone who didn’t eventually have plans on getting caught.
“Well?” she inquired, arching an accusing eyebrow.
“Do you promise you’re gon’ hear me out and listen?”
“Why would I promise you anything?” she asked, flashing her critical eyes at me.
“Because I drove over eight hours to see your ass, that’s why.”
Her brows squinched together. “I never asked you for any of that.”
“And I didn’t ask to come home on Christmas Eve to an empty hotel room with no explanation as to where you went.”
Cassidy ambled over to the couch and stared at me while picking at the edge of her throw blanket with her fingertips. “Just tell me who the fuck she is. And you better not fuckin’ lie to me.”
“I don’t know that bitch. I got the paparazzi on my head over some dumb shit when I don’t even waste my time with none of these groupies.”
“You act like you just became famous yesterday, Hendrix! You know they are always in your damn business, sniffing around for a story. I’m just mad I let you, let me play myself.”
“Play yourself?”
“Yeah, that’s what the fuck I said!” she spoke abrasively.
“I’ve never played you, Cass. Those photos were from the away game in Phoenix a few weeks ago. She was there with my teammate, Keyshawn, who had the room right next door to mine.
“Keyshawn like Keyshawn Randolph?” she interjected.
“Yeah.”
She grunted. “Mmm.”
“What?”
“I met his wife, Tori, at the game.”
I shook my head. “I don’t be in that man’s business about what he does and who he does it with. All I’m worried about right now is me and you.”
“And yet you still haven’t explained how she ended up with you if she was with someone else. Or do y’all just pass bitches around like hot potatoes?” she assumed.
I sucked my teeth. It was clear she was irritated beyond the point of consoling because she let reckless shit fall off her lips. I needed to bring her ass down a few notches.
“Look, I know I’m not your favorite person right now, but—”
“But what?” she asked, rolling her neck before journeying into the kitchen.
I stepped up to her. “You ain’t gon’ keep talkin’ to me like I’m fuckin’ anybody. I been told your ass you need to do more listenin’ than talkin’, so sit your ass down and fuckin’ listen for once!” my voice barked over hers.
Her eyes lit up in surprise that anyone would speak over her, let alone give her a command. Without saying another word, she posed her ill-mannered ass on the barstool at the kitchen island, rustling with the half-eaten cookie on the napkin in front of her.
“I need you to hear me, and I need you to hear me clear, aight? The bitch came knocking on my door at three o’clock in the morning because he got drunk and passed out, and she wanted to leave.
Niggas ain’t supposed to have nobody in their rooms, if so it’s an automatic fine.
She told me her phone was dead, so I called her ass an Uber and walked her down.
When the car showed up, she turned to kiss my cheek to thank me and fuckin’ left.
I didn’t know her ass then, and I don’t know her now. I ain’t been on no body but yours.”
She sat with her lips pursed together in silence, refusing to offer up a response.
“Well?” I probed.
She shot me a glare that was cold as ice. “Oh, I can speak now?”
My lips twisted in anger. “I’m about two seconds from walkin’ right the fuck outta here, Cass. Cut the bullshit, aight? I’m telling you the truth.”
“And how am I supposed to believe you?”
“Because I haven’t given you any reason not to.
You’re so caught up in your past traumas that you don’t even know you’re a part of the fuckin’ problem!
I understand you’ve been hurt, but you don’t have to hurt me when I ain’t done shit but be loyal to your ass.
I told you to your face that I love you.
You think I go around sayin’ that shit to anybody? ”
“Clearly, I don’t know what you do when I’m not around.”
My body tensed; I could feel myself seconds away from wanting to throw in the towel.
“Even when I’m not around, you get all of my time.
If it’s not ball or some shit I gotta do to make money, then you have everything else.
I’ve put you second to none for months! You think I curve these hoes every day because I don’t want them?
It would be easy for me to fuck, but I don’t.
I’ll check any hoe if she cross the line because I ain’t tryna jeopardize what we have.
I haven’t lied to you once. Why the fuck would I start now? ”
“Because you got caught up with your side pocket!” she fired back, flapping her arms around in the air as she spat out her words.
“I swear to God, Cass, you really about to make me leave.”
She raised her thick, arched right eyebrow. “Run me my key before you leave,” she demanded while holding out her hand.
I scowled. “What? Really, Cass? You really gon’ take it there?”
“Again, I didn’t ask you to come here. You said you wanted to explain, and you did, so you know where the door is. I’m not stopping you.”
“So, that’s it? You done with me just like that?”
“You’re the one who said you were leaving.”
“But do you want me to go?”
She pulled in a tight breath and let it out slowly. “Look, Hendrix, I just think that—”
“What? What do you think? Because I ain’t done shit but put you on a pedestal and you know it!”
“I did the same for you!”
“Then, why are you letting this go so easily?” I quizzed.
“Because I can’t love someone like you!” she shouted. Her broken-hearted eyes continued downward toward the floor as she swept her finger against her mascara-straightened lashes to brush away the tears.
My brows sloped. “Someone like me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Cassidy had a thing for acting off pure impulse. It was fine when it was used at the right place and time, and right then wasn’t it. “Answer me!”
When she didn’t respond for the second time, I made my way to the door while pulling the key to her apartment off my keyring. “Then, I guess there’s nothing left to say then,” I verified before stopping to place the key on her countertop and then slamming the door behind me.
I trekked halfway down the hallway to the elevator when she called out to stop me. “Wait, Hendrix. Come back! I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to say that, and I don’t want you to leave. I guess, I just wanted to beat you to the punch. You know, to hurt you first,” she admitted.
I turned and angled a glance down at her. “Why would you wanna hurt me?”
I could see the sadness in her tear-dampened eyes. “I—I don’t. Well, I did, but not anymore. I’m sorry, this is just all so much for me, and I guess I’m not adjusting as well as I thought I was.”
“Do you love me?”
A burst of air shot from her mouth before she drove her eyes down to the floor.
“I do love you, I’m just—scared out of my fucking mind.
Seeing those photos put me in the worst headspace, and I went into survival mode, okay?
Learning how to maintain my sanity in your world is a lot, and I can’t get my heart broken again. ” She quaked.
She tried hard to maintain her hard exterior shell, but all I saw was a scared little girl struggling with her own insecurities.
Knowing I lacked patience for a lot of shit, Cassidy was someone I saw myself waiting for; in this lifetime or the next.
“I told you that your heart was safe with me, didn’t I? ”
“Yeah, but—"
“But nothin’, Cass. You already know where I stand, and it seems like I’m not the one that needs to figure out where they wanna be. You either wanna be with the me you know in your heart, or the me these dumb ass blogs are trying to make me out to be.”
“I do want to be with you, but—"
“There should never be a but after you say somethin’ that you mean, Cass.
Why don’t you get that? I love you, but.
I wanna be with you, but. All this red light, green light, stop, go, slow down, stay, leave shit you doin’ is childish, and I’m not on that type of time.
And at the end of the day, the real flex is, this is the type of shit I was trying to be on with you,” I fussed, digging into my pocket and pulling out a small gift box.
“What is that?”
“Your Christmas gift,” I told her. “I planned to give it to you after the game, but you dipped out on me.”
“Hendrix, I said I was—”
“Just open it,” I told her. She took the box out of my hand and pulled the perfectly tied red satin bow apart. Inside was a key to the house I’d recently rented in Kansas City. “I was hoping you could make my new house a home, but I can see you not ready for that.”
She raised the top of her nose to me. “Hendrix, listen. I—"
“Nah, you listen. I meant what I said about not letting you go, Cassidy, but I’m not doing this back-and-forth dance with your ass.
I guess it was only a matter of time until something came along and tried to tear us apart, but I’m still fighting for this to be something.
I don’t want to be the only one fighting.
So, how all this plays out is in your hands.
I don’t want to hear shit else from you right now.
I want you to take some time and when you really figure out what it is you want, then you let me know,” I declared.
“Can you at least just come back inside and get a couple of hours of sleep before you go?” she requested.
I shook my head. “Nah, I’m good.”
“Hendrix, don’t be like that.”
“I told you I’m straight. Enjoy the rest of your Christmas, Cass,” I told her before pressing the elevator button and stepping inside.