Chapter 8 #2
The please at the end of her sentence sent a twinge to my heart. Dr. Angelique Stokes almost never asked for anything, let alone grace.
“I will,” I assured, “just let me get through this presentation.”
Two hours after my presentation, I managed to slip away from the conference and took an Uber to the design district to buy myself a “job well done” gift from the Gucci store. After swiping my Visa, Jonathan, my client advisor, boxed and bagged up my new handbag and handed it to me.
“Thank you so much for visiting us today, Ms. Stokes. Please come back and see me again,” he piped with a wink.
A smile swung free as I headed out of the store while pulling out my phone. His mention of my last name reminded me that I needed to call my mother back. I put my AirPods in my ear and waited for her to answer.
She stammered when she answered. “H—hello?”
“Mom?”
“Hey…”
“Is now a good time? You wanted me to call you back to tell me something, remember?”
“Y—yeah.”
“But you sound tired like I caught you in the middle of a nap or something. What’s wrong with your voice?” I questioned.
She cleared her throat. “Cassidy.”
“Yeah?”
“I have stage three breast cancer.”
Her words made me freeze in the middle of the street. “W—what?”
“I’m sorry to spring it on you like this, but I figured you needed to know.”
“How long have you known?”
“I found out a little before you moved to New York.”
My brows heightened in surprise. “And you’re just now telling me? Why would you wait this long to tell me something so important?”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d care.”
I dropped my lower lip in a pout as tears stung my eyes. “What? Why wouldn’t I care? You’re my mother.”
“And you’ve reminded me time and time again about how much of a bad one I was to you. I just never wanted to admit it.”
I lowered my eyes to the ground, unable to stop the millions of thoughts racing through my head. “We can talk about this in person. I’m going to book a flight to you tonight!”
“No, no. You stay right where you are. You don’t need to come here. Nothing will change, and I don’t need you here putting your life on pause for mine.”
“I have so many questions. What are the doctors saying? Did you get a second opinion? Can they operate to remove it? Do you need chemo? Radiation?” I asked before recovering my breath.
She sighed. “Cassidy, slow down.”
“I can’t, Mom! You just told me you have cancer! I’m losing my mind over here and you’re telling me that I can’t come see you!”
“I know this is a lot to process.”
“Why would you wait until I moved all the way across the country to tell me something like this?”
“Because I knew if there was still a chance that you did care, you’d never leave California.”
“Exactly!”
“And I couldn’t have that,” she reminded me.
Feeling defeated, I aimed my steps at the closest bench I could find and plopped down. “I feel like a terrible person for not knowing. At the end of the day, you’re still my mother. I’m sorry—I should’ve checked in with you more.”
“How could you have possibly known something like this would happen? This is exactly why I don’t want you here. You can’t but my burdens on your shoulders, Cassidy. All I need you to do is promise me that you’ll go get yourself checked out.”
I bobbed my head up and down while patting the base of my hand against my dewy cheeks. “I will, I promise. I’ll make an appointment as soon as I get back to New York.”
“Good.”
“So, tell me what’s going on. I want to know everything,” I probed as calmy as my wrecked nerves would allow.
“Well, the good news is the cancer hasn’t spread to my organs, and I’ve been doing an aggressive chemo regimen for months. The doctors keep telling me that if we stick to the treatment plan, there’s a good possibility that I can beat it.”
“That’s a good thing! That’s great news!” I quaked as a wave of relief washed over me.
“Yeah, but there is also a high risk that it could come back.”
“Well, we’re not going to even speak that into existence. Positive vibes only, Mom.”
“You’re right.”
“How are you feeling though?”
“Tired, mostly. Some days I’m sick and don’t have much of an appetite, but other than that, I’m managing.”
“Managing? You should be doing more than managing. Do you need anything? Are you comfortable? Let me come take care of you,” I offered.
“Your Aunt Tina is here every day. She’s been helping, and I’ve hired some help around the house.”
“When’s your next doctor appointment? I want to be there.”
“Cassidy, what did I just say?”
I let out an aggravated sigh. “If you won’t let me come see you, let me at least pay to get you more help. Whatever you need, just tell me what you need, Mom,” I pleaded, tears springing out of my eyes.
“I need you to keep doing you, Cassidy. I know it may not have seemed like it, maybe ever, but you have made me so proud. You always have. And maybe I didn’t know how to show you that, or maybe my guidance and criticism were the worst thing for you and tore you down more than built you up.”
“M—mom.”
“I just want you to know that I’m sorry,” she acknowledged.
I never imagined I would be standing in the middle of a street in Miami when my mother and I would have our ‘Come to Jesus’ moment, but there we were.
“Cassidy? Did I lose you?” she asked when I didn’t respond.
Goosebumps pebbled my arms. “I’m here.”
“Did you hear what I said?”
“I did, and I—I guess I don’t know what to say because I never knew you were listening.”
“I was always listening. I just never wanted to hear you because every time you told me how you were feeling, it was like you were holding up a mirror in my face, and I couldn’t take it. So, I let you push me away because I couldn’t admit that you were right.”
My heartrate still hadn’t found a resting beat and the right words still hadn’t found their way to my tongue. “Wow, Mom. I—I don’t know what to say.”
“You’ve said enough over the years and now it’s my turn. After the diagnosis, I started to put a lot of things into perspective. I started finally allowing myself to deal with the death of your father.”
Hearing her news had me wondering how I would deal with losing another parent after losing my father six years prior. “I’m glad you’re trying to work on yourself, Mom.”
“Gotta do it while I still have breath in my body to do so, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Listen, I didn’t mean to bring down your day with all my sad news. How did your presentation go?” she questioned, changing the subject.
The uptick in her voice made me smile for the first time during our conversation. “It went good. I got a lot of good feedback after.”
“I knew it would. I’m so, so proud of you, Cassidy.”
“Thank you.”
“But listen, your aunt just got here, so I’m going to talk to you later, okay?”
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Sounds good.”
I hung up the phone and sat dumbfounded.
It would have been impossible to try and process everything my mother had just told me right then and there.
After making sure my eyes were dry, I glided past a store with my nose in my phone, trying to find a good meeting point for my Uber to pick up me and take me back to my hotel.
I was no longer in the mood for retail therapy.
“Cassidy?”
I froze before turning around, allowing my mind time enough to process the male voice that had called out to me. “Omar?”