Chapter 29
OLLIE
Ileft The Sun on my bed reading a horror novel.
Man, he looks so perfect on top of my duvet, I’d thought to myself on my way out of the room.
I couldn’t help it. The thing I’d felt when we’d first met unfurled more, those sparks going crazy. He was special. Outside, inside, every piece of him calling to me, saying to stop misjudging him, to put the Ben thing to bed.
One day I’d call my ex.
One day I’d get the closure I clearly needed. Possibly. I don’t know. He wasn’t on my radar right now after dominating it so hard in that restaurant. As if he’d fallen off the edge of the world into some irrelevant pit.
The cozy cuddle from Isaac’s healing lingered inside me, bringing a smile to my lips as I entered the kitchen, walking in on two men kissing.
Jake pulled away from Dean, instantly blushing and turning his back to me.
Dean licked his ex off his lips, then came over to greet me.
“Hello,” he spoke as smoothly as silk, shaking my hand.
“Hi. Are you both alright?” I tried not to smirk.
“We were eating some pasta.” Dean pointed at their empty plates and two half-empty glasses of red wine. “How are you? It’s good to see you back on your feet.”
If it weren’t for needing to feed The Sun and myself, I’d leave them to it.
I told him I was good and what I was up to.
He nodded. “And how is Isaac?”
“Getting there.”
“As always, there is a lot to process.”
Jake cleared his throat, finally facing me. “So, erm, Dean’s crashing here for a bit. Can’t exactly stay at The Coral right now and your mum really layered on the insistence.” He laughed nervously, talking quickly. He also sidled up to Dean ever so closely, their hands brushing.
Whatever happened to cause this sudden shift, good for them.
“Sorry if I interrupted,” I said.
Jake’s eyes widened a little. “You didn’t. We’ve finished. I’ll…I’ll…I’ll get these dishes cleaned.” Off he went to hide his face at the sink by the windows.
“I’ll help,” Dean insisted, joining him.
I left them alone, sticking to the other side of the kitchen where I whipped up my specialty of fish finger sandwiches with cheese and just the right amount of tartar sauce.
I grabbed a huge bag of ready salted crisps, some chilled glass bottles of water, and two servings of honeycomb tiffin.
Spread it out on a tray and set off for my room again.
To be alone with him…
If he didn’t like any of this stuff, I’d get him something else. Like a hot chocolate?
Did he share in my hot chocolate obsession? I’d find out, hoping for a yes because I could see us sharing in the sweetness together on my bed.
Can you really?
He was still engrossed in the book when I found him.
“This is insane,” he announced, looking up. “These zombies are greedy fuckers.” He spotted the food. “Ooo. What you got there?”
I showed him, and his face lit up.
“I’m ready for all of it.” He put the book down, running his pink tongue across his perfectly glossy lips.
Damn. They looked so sweet.
We sat side by side eating, talking about what he’d read so far, ending with a game of Frustration on the bed, avoiding real-world talk for now.
“I used to play this with my brother,” he said, pushing the popping dice center.
“This was my dad’s favorite,” I answered, taking my turn.
“I love that,” Isaac responded. “Was he big on gaming in general or only boardgames?”
“He rejected consoles,” I continued. “Said they weren’t pure.”
He snorted. “Don’t let Aaron hear you say that.”
I loved the snorty laugh he always made. “These games make me feel closer to him. As if I can feel him in every piece and every turn, you know?”
Crap. I was heading into sad territory.
He met my eyes, his incredible blue gaze fixating on me. “Can I ask what happened to him? You really don’t have to tell me.”
My chest was tangled with grief suddenly.
“He…he died on the way to work. Hit by a speeding van, the driver lost control because he’d been on his phone.
Hit my dad head on, and my dad…” I took a breath.
“Because he’d been running late, he hadn’t worn his seatbelt, as the inquest said.
He died the moment he went through the windscreen. ”
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”
“I miss him a lot.”
The way he listened to me made feel like I was the center of the universe. A surprising trait for someone I’d expected to be all about himself twenty-four seven.
Look how his eyes sparkle…
His presence loosened my tongue further. “I think I need to explain why I reacted the way I did around Ben.”
“Only if you want to,” he countered.
“I do. I really do.” And so, I revealed my past to him, how he did me dirty, how he’d destroyed my capacity to trust.
Speaking about it made it sound almost unreal. But it was real hurt, real pain Ben had sent my way. Making me feel useless, defeated.
Anger flashed in his eyes, letting out a huff. “Fuck him and the Hot Candy shit. I’m not doing it.” He folded his arms in a diva-like strop. “How can anyone be so cruel? And you’d think butter wouldn’t melt in his skanky mouth.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his indignation. “Don’t turn down a lucrative contract because of my past.”
He rolled his eyes. “Oh, honey. I think the deal is dead anyway after…” He pulled his phone from the right pocket of his black jeans, staring at the screen. “I guess I can say goodbye to life as I used to know it.”
It was my turn to say sorry.
He scowled at his phone, putting it screen-down on the duvet. “Never mind all that. So, now you’ve seen Ben again, what happens next?”
I took a sip of the water before speaking. “I’m thinking I should talk to him, to exorcise some demons.”
“I get that. But also fuck him.” He rolled his eyes. “In the non-shagging way.”
I laughed, his eye-rolling cute. “What about Tony?”
He tensed, eyes moving to the boardgame between us.
“I fucked up.” He explained about texting him after getting his message.
“I don’t know what came over me. We ended for a good reason.
Because of him, because I saw the light when he left me.
Why would I want to go back to that?” He sighed, those incredible blue eyes finding me again.
“Because he showed me some attention? Pfft. He’s bad news in more ways than one, always has been.
Fuck knows what comes next, and it terrifies me.
This whole life terrifies me. Shit. Sorry, I’m dumping on you, and I don’t know why. ”
I let him talk, liking him trusting me with this.
There’d been a shift in the energy between us. Because of the cuddly aftermath of his healing me, or maybe because I finally saw the error of my misjudgment. I didn’t know but bring it all on.
Man, those sparks…
I only knew that he left me breathless in the good way.
“Honestly, things are getting messy in here,” he tapped on his skull.
“And here.” He drew a circle around his heart.
“I’m trying to be strong. I like to be strong because it’s always served me well.
Determination coupled with kick-ass bravado made me fight to get what I want.
And I carry that with me in everything I do, especially being The Sun.
” His shoulders sagged a little. “But I’m flagging.
I’m lost. One moment I think I can step up and lead, the next I’m flat on my backside. ”
Man, he seemed so vulnerable. “You think of yourself as a leader?”
He rolled his shoulders, sitting up straighter.
“I know I’m only the oldest brother by like minutes, but I feel like I have the responsibility of the big brother role on my shoulders.
And that’s not meant to sound whiny. I like it.
I want to be in this position. But how can I lead when I’m lost and making stupid decisions? ”
I was an only child, so I didn’t understand how he felt. But my heart went out to him. Dealing with that along with the fate of the world would be too much for anyone.
“You’re being too hard on yourself.” I offered him as much warmth as I could muster, drifting into dangerous territory.
I was softening toward him, longing to take his hands in mine.
What’s happening to me?
The way he looked at me broke down my walls, my preconceived notions of him now dead fish floating on the surface of a pond.
“Sorry, Ollie. You don’t need to be hearing me ramble like this,” he said.
“It’s alright. Talk if you need to.”
“Thanks,” he breathed, his stare practically unblinking. Searching, probing through the windows of my face to dig into my soul.
“I think you’re amazing.” The words fell out of my mouth, taking me by surprise.
Who was I? What happened to me? And why did I like this new direction?
Stop it before something happens…
“You do?” His head cocked to the side a little, his complexion taking on a sudden glow. Like the sun.
Like The Sun.
Oh, crap. If I slid off the bed now, I’d get back to myself and nip this craziness in the bud.
Yet what was so wrong with seeing someone in a new light?
“I think I should go,” he said, the voice of reason.
“No.” I did find his hands then. So soft, those fingers tapered perfection, his nails glossy.
“Please don’t go. I…I…I don’t know what I’m doing.
But I know I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being so cold.
I thought you’d be like Ben—some pampered dickhead who’d swan about the mansion, treating us all like shit. ”
“You did?” he questioned.
“Yeah.”
“I do swan about sometimes, and I am a tad pampered,” he said.
I laughed lightly. “You’re not like him. You’re not like anyone. I thought so the moment I saw you.”
He didn’t pull his hands away, and I shuffled closer.
Those sparks…
“Ollie?” His lips gleamed like his nails. So inviting, a feast for the eyes like the rest of him. Filled with tempting mystery. How would they feel against mine? Like the finest silk in existence? Like heaven colliding with my reality?
Stop this…
But I shuffled closer still, hoping we were on the same wavelength, and got to my knees, leaning over him.
He looked up, shaking, those eyes so bewitching.
“Ollie…” I loved the way he said my name. He took it and ran it through his magical voice box to make it better. Brighter.
Because he’s The Sun…
My hands left his, finding his biceps. So tight, so wonderful beneath my palms.
“Ollie…”
The air crackled with nervous energy, my brain telling me to reconsider, the rest of me all-in to kiss him.
Could I kiss him?
Would I kiss him?
Was I about to cross a line I really shouldn’t?
Don’t look at me like that, I thought at him, trapped in his sexy web.
Because I’m coming undone…
So damn undone.