Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Anthea
The roller coaster climbed higher, the track steeper, the ground further away. My heart hammered like it might burst through my ribs.
"Anthea, don't be scared!"
Olei's voice cracked against the wind. He sat between Silas and me, puffing out his little chest. "Dad and I will protect you!"
I forced a smile I didn't feel. My palms were slick with sweat. The slow climb made my stomach lurch. I couldn't look down.
Agreeing to come here had been insane. But I couldn't say no to Olei.
After the parent-child sports day came over ten days of spring break.
He'd asked so carefully if we could spend it together.
Every time I saw that hope in his eyes, something in my chest went soft.
And Silas would just stand there, silent, watching me, waiting for my answer.
A small, warm hand wrapped around mine. I snapped back to the present. Olei, turning to smile at me. My chest flooded with sweetness.
"Close your eyes." The deep voice cut through my fear, slid into my ear.
Then a rough palm reached past Olei, settled over my other hand where it gripped the safety bar. I couldn't pull away. Didn't want to.
I looked at Silas. He sat beside Olei, watching me, his gaze gentle. Black casual shirt today, sleeves rolled to his elbows, exposing the tattooed forearms. Under the bright amusement park sun, those dark blue marks looked wrong.
"As long as I'm here, I won't let you fall." His voice low, easy to believe.
I thought his arms were too damn long.
The next second, gravity vanished.
"Ah—!"
The coaster plunged. I screamed on instinct. But I felt the pressure on my hand tighten. Silas's grip like a chain, anchoring me through the chaos of spinning and falling. Wind roared in my ears, but absurdly, I felt safe. Like the man holding my hand could defy gravity itself. Defy death.
When we got off, my legs barely worked. Never again. Never stepping foot in this section again.
"That was awesome!" Olei's cheeks flushed pink with excitement.
Fine. Seeing him this happy, I swallowed my resistance.
The park buzzed with life. Balloons, cotton candy, children's laughter everywhere. Olei held both our hands, grinning like a little sun. The heat was brutal. Sweat beaded on his face. I wiped it away with a tissue.
"I'll get drinks." Silas nodded toward a spot. "Wait on that bench."
"Daddy, I want a strawberry milkshake!" Olei said sweetly.
"Done." Silas glanced at me. "You?"
"Same as Olei."
He nodded and headed for the drink stand.
"Olei, let's sit." I pulled my gaze away.
He nodded. We'd just reached the bench when everything went sideways.
"Hey, kid! Want a balloon?" A clown with a painted grin jumped out from behind a bush.
He clutched a fistful of colored balloons, shoving his face right up to Olei's.
"Ah!" Olei jumped, grabbed my leg, and shouted, "Mom!"
The word froze me solid. The laughter, the music—gone. My chest flooded with shock and something that hurt. God.
The clown stumbled back, hands up in surrender.
"Oh, oh, sorry little guy!" He bent down. "Didn't mean to scare you. Here, take this balloon. My apology gift, okay?"
He held out a blue balloon, but Olei buried his face in my stomach, wouldn't look.
"It's fine." I forced a smile, took the balloon, tied it to my wrist. "He'll be okay in a minute."
The clown waved and bounded off toward a group of kids playing nearby.
I'd already forgotten about him.
"Olei..." My voice shook. "What did you just call me?"
The body in my arms went rigid. After a long moment, he lifted his head. Eyes full of tears.
"I'm sorry..." He hiccupped, panicked. "I shouldn't have said it out loud... I promised myself I'd pretend I didn't know..."
My heart stopped.
"You knew I was your mother?" I dropped to my knees, cupped his face. "When did you find out?"
He was six. Before we met again, he'd never even seen me.
Olei sniffled, eyes red. "A long time ago, I saw Dad in his study, crying over your picture. I asked who it was. He said, 'She's your mom, but she went somewhere very far away. I lost her.'"
My breath caught. Silas cried over my picture in the dark?
"When you showed up at school, I thought I was seeing things. But Dad liked you so much. I knew I wasn't wrong. I thought if I was good, if I pretended not to know you, you wouldn't disappear again like Dad said... I wanted you to stay."
Tears blurred my vision. I stared at this little face, too old for his age, my heart tearing. He'd known all along. He'd been protecting what mattered with his tiny, careful heart.
"Olei." I pulled him into my arms. "I am your mother. I'm sorry, baby. It's my fault. I came back too late. I'll never leave you again."
Olei finally sobbed. My tears came harder. I held him until my legs went numb.
"What happened?" Silas's voice behind me.
I turned. He held three drinks, eyes on our faces, brow creased.
"Nothing," I wiped my tears. "A clown jumped out. Scared Olei."
His gaze moved between us.
"Just a scare wouldn't make you both cry like this." Certain.
I sighed internally. The man was too damn sharp. I wasn't going to hide it. Olei's words proved Silas hadn't lied about everything when we reunited. I needed answers about six years ago.
"Let's sit." I took two milkshakes, handed one to Olei, led him to the bench.
Silas followed silently.
"Olei called me Mom." I sipped my shake, wetting my throat. "He said he saw you crying over my picture. That's how he recognized me."
I glanced at Olei, sipping his shake, pretending not to listen. His ear twitched.
Silas looked at Olei. Expression complicated. After a few seconds, he didn't answer. Instead, he raised his hand. Almost instantly, a man in a plain T-shirt and jeans appeared from nearby.
His bodyguard. Obviously shadowing us the whole time. I hadn't noticed him once.
When the guard reached us, Silas spoke gently to Olei. "Olei, let this gentleman take you to the carousel, okay? Dad and An—Mom need to talk."
Olei's eyes darted between us. Curious, but he hopped off the bench, took the guard's hand.
"When you're done talking, come get me." Serious.
My nose stung again.
"Okay, baby. We'll be quick." I handed him the balloon. "Take this. The clown gave it to you."
Olei took it, then turned and walked toward the carousel with the guard.
Just Silas and me on the bench. The park buzzed around us—crowds, music, laughter. But between us, silence.
"Silas, I need to know what was true six years ago. What happened to you and Olei all these years?" I picked up where we left off.
His Adam's apple bobbed. He looked at me. Pain in his eyes.
"Anthea, the day after you left, my hair started turning white." His voice rough. "I thought I wanted power. Family honor. Until Vanessa told me you died in childbirth... I couldn't accept it."
"You had all that power. Couldn't you find out where I went?" I couldn't help the accusation.
But even as I spoke, I believed him. Vanessa could do anything.
"My father and Vanessa faked your death so I'd marry her without distraction. So you'd disappear from Olei's world. They killed everyone who knew the truth. I had my people investigate over and over. Nothing. Not until my father died and I destroyed Vanessa's family did I learn the truth."
What? He destroyed Vanessa's family? Silas wanted a child in the first place to smooth the way for their alliance. Why would they think my presence would stop the marriage?
"Then why just send me and my parents abroad? Why not kill me?"
"My father's decision," Silas said. "Later, I found out Vanessa wanted you dead. But my father chose to let you go. After all, you were Olei's birth mother."
What was I supposed to say? That the devil had a shred of humanity left?
"Where's Vanessa? What's she doing now?"
"She escaped recently," Silas growled. "We'll find her. And what's left of her family."
After a moment, his tone softened. The sadness in his eyes suffocating.
"When I thought you were dead... the whole world went dark. All my ambition, all my plans—worthless. I even thought about going to hell to find you. But Olei was small. I couldn't leave him."
He reached into his collar and pulled out a necklace. A teardrop-shaped pendant, etched with intricate patterns and Russian characters.
"This used to hold you." Voice hoarse. "Vanessa sent me your ashes. I put them in the pendant. Carved your Russian name on it."
I stared at the necklace. Couldn't name what I felt.
"For six years, it never left my chest." His fingers traced it. "It kept me alive through every night I wanted to die."
He looked at me. Eyes red. "Anthea, I know I'm a bastard. But I... I missed you every second of these six years. Never stopped. I was raised to treat everything as a tool. Value, not feelings. But I was wrong. I didn't know until I lost you. I love you."
I watched this once-untouchable Pakhan confess, repent, lay himself bare before me. My resolve wavered. But I couldn't. Absolutely couldn't.
"I replanted the manor garden with dahlias. They're beautiful now." Hope in his eyes. "Give me a chance to start over, Anthea. This time, I'll love you the right way."
My heart pounded. His words moved me. I couldn't deny what I felt for him. These past days together, I'd seen the change. More respectful. Less domineering. A different Silas.
But I was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt again. Afraid of believing him, only to find myself in another lie.
"I..." My voice scraped out. "I can't."
His gaze darkened.
"At least, not now," I added. "I need time. What you did before... it hurt. I can't pretend it didn't happen. But now, you can throw that damn necklace away. I'm back."
He froze. Looked down at the pendant. Then he unclasped it. In the sunlight, that frozen tear looked ready to melt. His arm swung. The necklace arced through the air and landed in the grass.
We pulled ourselves together, called Olei back, and moved to the next attraction. The giant Ferris wheel glowed in the sunset, warm and full of love. We climbed into a car. It rose slowly.
Olei pressed against the glass, watching the shrinking park and the expanding horizon.
"Wow, so high!" He pointed. "Mom, Dad, look! The whole sky is red!"
We followed his finger. Gold-red clouds hung in the sky like molten metal, quiet and brilliant. The land below was bathed in the same golden red. Dreamlike. Mysterious.
"Beautiful." I stared, whispered.
The wheel climbed. Olei's excitement faded. He yawned, leaned against me, eyelids heavy. Today had worn him out.
"Sleep, Olei." I ran my fingers through his soft hair.
He curled into me, asleep in seconds. Little body rising and falling. Smile still on his face. The car went quiet. I felt Silas's gaze on me. Hot. Focused.
I looked up. Met his eyes.
His face moved closer. I should pull away. Push him back. Tell him we were done.
But I didn't. I closed my eyes. His lips covered mine. Familiar heat. Familiar scent. A gentle kiss, careful, testing. His tongue traced my lips, licked every inch. I kissed back, opened my mouth, let his tongue in, tangling with mine.
I told myself I was doing this because he was pitiful. He wore my "ashes" around his neck. Cried over my picture in the dark. Raised our child alone.
But my heart beat too fast.
When the kiss ended, the wheel reached the top. The whole city spread beneath us. Lights flickering on. Brilliant as stars.