CHAPTER 15
Aelys
He remains silent, his eyes scanning my face as if searching for something. He intimidates me, but I can't tear my eyes away from him. Our breathing has returned to normal, but I'm still aroused, longing for him to finally touch me.
I hate myself as much as I need him.
I have no idea if what Tom said is true. Do I see any good in him? He has been nothing but cruel and rude to me from the start. The only time I've seen him being kind was when he gave my snake his terrarium.
Is he even capable of being good?
I'm jolted out of my thoughts when he takes a step towards me. He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear, and my lips part in shock at his sudden softness.
“I really hate you, Aelys,” he confides in a surprisingly soft voice.
I frown, not understanding why he's always so mean to me, no matter the circumstances. I want to ask him. I want him to give me an explanation, but no words come out. He sighs and rests his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. Mine widens and I freeze.
“I hate you for making me feel like this,” he begins. “I don't want you, and yet I can't bear the thought of another man having you, touching you.” His jaw tightens and I see his body tense.
I stay silent for a minute before gathering the courage to speak too.
“I hate you too,” I whisper. “You've treated me like shit since you first saw me, and I don't know why.” I shake my head, closing my eyes.
“I understand why you don't want this marriage.
But I don't understand why you blame me.
You act like I'm the one ruining your life, and I hate it.
I don't want you either, but I have no choice.
The only one who could convince the Dark Mage to cancel this union is you, Mattheo.
I don't have a say in the matter, but you do.
Do you know why? Because I'm a woman. Women can't speak out against orders given by men. We get killed if we do.”
I step back, my eyes opening to find him already staring at me intensely. I run a hand through my hair. I'm no longer excited. I'm sad and terrified.
Not only do I agree to this marriage to please both my father and the Dark Mage, but also because I would be killed if I dared to say I disagreed.
I've always known this, but I've never admitted it before.
Not even to myself. It scares me. I feel my chest tighten, and my breathing becomes ragged and uneven.
I can't breathe. I bring my fist to my chest while my other hand goes to my head.
I pull at my hair, trying to breathe, but to no avail.
I can't.
“Aelys?”
His voice is soft and he sounds worried. Yet I know he isn't. He doesn't care about me. My vision blurs, I feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks. My legs tremble and I drop to the ground, still desperately trying to get air back into my lungs.
“Fuck, Aelys!”
I can't see properly anymore, but suddenly I feel two strong arms pulling me towards him. His body is warm, and I can feel his muscles beneath his skin. I feel him pull me onto his lap, making me straddle him, but I can't see or speak. Everything is blurry and my throat is burning.
“You need to breathe, my angel.”
I want to scream that I can't, but I can't do that either. I'm starting to feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen. My vision is blurring further and all I can hear is my heartbeat.
Suddenly, everything stops when I feel something warm and soft on my lips. The dizziness begins to fade, my vision slowly begins to return, and I feel air entering my lungs again as the heat disappears.
It takes me a good minute before I can see and breathe properly again. My heart rate slows to a normal pace, and I exhale a breath of relief. I've never had a panic attack this bad before.
“My angel?”
I feel him cup my cheeks, gently turn my head towards him, my lips part slightly, surprised by his tenderness. My eyes meet his worried ones, and I frown. Why is he being so kind and acting like he cares? I'm confused.
“Have you ever had panic attacks before?”
I nod.
“Never this bad but yes…”
He nods and rests his forehead against mine, closing his eyes and sighing.
“You scared me,” he mutters.
I shake my head, not believing him but more importantly, wanting answers.
“Why don't you ask your father to find you another wife? I don't understand, Mattheo… Why not ask him to cancel our marriage and choose someone else ? You hate me.”
He doesn't answer. He just shakes his head before pulling back and stroking my cheeks with his thumbs.
“That's the problem, Aelys.”
He takes a shaky breath before letting his thumb meet my lower lip and tug on it, his eyes focused on the action.
“I don't think I ever hated you.”
He doesn't give me a chance to speak as he crushes his lips to mine. One of his hands runs through my hair while the other settles on the small of my back, pulling me impossibly close. My hands move up into his hair, sliding into his soft curls, gripping them gently.
He licks my lower lip, asking me to enter, and I allow him.
Our tongues battle for dominance, but he eventually wins.
I tug on his curls, earning a low moan from him.
His grip on my hair tightens as the hand that was on my back moves to my waist. I moan as I feel him grip my hip harder.
It will probably leave a bruise, but I don't care.
He starts rocking my hips back and forth on him, and soon, I feel him growing hard beneath me.
The friction on my covered clit makes me moan again as he groans against my lips.
His hands move to my thighs and he lifts us off the floor before moving over to the bed. He gently lays me on my back, placing his body between my legs, his hips against mine. He breaks the kiss to dip his head into the curve of my neck.
My back arches against him as I move my head to the side to give him more space. I cry out in desire as he bites one of the hickeys Tom left and he growls against my skin, making me shudder beneath him.
“I'll kill him for touching you.”
I moan as he licks my skin and begins to nibble gently. I gasp when I feel him suck harshly as he begins to leave his own mark on me. Once satisfied with his work, he kisses it gently before moving back up to my lips, kissing me hungrily.
“You're mine, Aelys. Don't fucking forget that,” he mumbles against my lips.
He rolls his hips against mine and I gasp as I feel his hard cock move against my clit.
He rolls them again, moaning as I moan too.
He slides his tongue between my lips, kissing me passionately.
This kiss is so intense that it makes me moan again.
His left hand grabs my wrists and he pins my hands above my head, arching my body against his.
His right hand slides down my body, discovering every curve I possess.
“I'm going to ruin you, my angel.” He growls against my lips and a shiver runs down my spine.
“Then ruin me, Mattheo,” I whisper, my mind clouded by my desire for him.
He grunts and then rolls his hips again as his right hand cups one of my breasts, letting a moan escape me that dies muffled in our kiss.
His hand moves down to the hem of my shirt and he gently strokes the skin of my hip before looking up at me, silently asking for my permission.
I nod and he lifts my shirt before letting go of my wrists and removing it completely, leaving me in my emerald green bra.
The lust in his eyes intensifies as he admires my chest.
“Magnificent,” he growls.
He looks at me, my heart skipping a beat as I see tenderness mixed with desire in his eyes.
“Can I touch you, my angel?”
I blush and avoid his gaze before nodding slowly. His hand grabs my chin and he forces me to look at him.
“I need words, my love.”
My breath hitches and my chest fills with heat. I love the way he makes sure I'm comfortable with everything we're doing and asks for my consent to continue.
“Yes,” I answer in a whisper.
He kisses me softly before letting his lips slide along my jaw and neck before stopping at my collarbones.
He cups one of my breasts with his right hand while his left moves up to hold my hands above my head.
My back arches when I feel his warm lips on my skin.
I moan and roll my hips, making him moan.
He dives down to my covered breast and kisses the exposed skin.
I gasp as he licks my skin before sucking on one of my breasts, focused on leaving his mark there as well.
I moan when he kisses the fresh purple mark and returns to my lips, kissing me softly.
He rests his forehead against mine, panting, as he closes his eyes to calm himself a little.
“I know you're a virgin, my angel. We'd better stop before we go too far.”
I feel my chest warm at his words. I thought he wanted to go further, but I'm glad we're stopping. I'm not ready yet. I nod slowly.
“Thank you…”
He nods as well before getting out of bed. I feel disappointed when he walks away to the closet. I was hoping he'd hug me, but I guess I expected too much. He disappears into the bathroom before coming back to pick me up and carry me.
I frown, putting my arms around his neck to steady myself.
He leads us into the bathroom and sits me on the counter.
I watch in confusion as he takes off my skirt.
He grabs a pair of shorts, and my eyes widen as he begins to put them on me, asking me to lift my hips so he can position them correctly.
I do as he asks and he picks up a black T-shirt that looks like one of his.
He motions for me to raise my arms, then slides the shirt down my body.
I look down to see how big it is on me before looking back up at him.
He takes off his shirt and then his pants, leaving him in his boxers.
He grabs our toothbrushes, puts some toothpaste on them, and hands me mine.
We brush our teeth, and all I can do is stare at him in confusion and amazement.
He's so gentle, so caring. I don't know where it comes from, but I love this side of him.
Once we're done, he takes me in his arms and leads us to the bed, laying us under the sheets. His arms never leave my body as he pulls me close, letting me rest my head on his chest. He gently kisses the top of my head before turning off the lights.
I don't fall asleep right away, my eyes remain wide open in surprise and confusion. I don't know if this intimacy is due to what happened earlier, but I like it.
I feel his breathing slow down a little after a few minutes and realize he's fallen asleep. I feel butterflies swirling in my stomach as his words begin to echo in my head.
‘I don't want you, and yet I can't stand the idea of another man having you, touching you.’
‘That's the problem, Aelys. I don't think I ever hated you.
You are mine, Aelys.’
‘I'm going to ruin you, my love’
I meant it when I told him to ruin me. And it scares me.