CHAPTER 36
Mattheo
The day after our loss...
I barely slept all night, my mind kept going back to the torture Aelys endured at the hands of O'Connor and Law, as well as the miscarriage.
I feel so much anger and grief for what they did to my wife.
Not once did I let go of her. I held her tightly in my arms every second, stroking her hair tenderly and soothingly, slowly caressing her back to help keep the nightmares away, but it wasn't working.
She had them all night, waking up several times, terrified, screaming and crying.
Sunlight now streams into the room through the loosely closed curtains, my eyes falling on my wife. My heart breaks even more when I see her staring blankly into the room, her head resting on my chest.
“Hello, angel,” I whisper, kissing the top of her head. “Are you in pain?”
She sighs and nods silently, her lips pursing and her eyes filling with unshed tears.
I nod and grab the vial left by the healer, enchanted to refill when empty, and help her sit up.
She drinks it and kisses my cheek in thanks, then lies down on top of me.
I hug her tightly and stroke her back, knowing we won't be leaving the bed anytime soon.
Day 2...
We didn't move from the bed except to go to the bathroom and take a quick shower.
I asked her if she was still in pain, and she mumbled a small 'less’.
She had nightmares again, but this time she didn't scream when she woke up.
She just cried, clinging desperately to me as if she were afraid I would leave her, which wouldn't happen.
Never.
This time, I took advantage of her sleep to let a few tears roll down my cheeks.
I'm still furious and want to avenge our baby, but I'm starting to feel the pain of loss more deeply.
I never thought about having children until I learned about the arranged marriage and that she was to bear my heir.
I must admit, I was terrified of becoming a father since I don't have a good role model.
Darkvis is far from a loving father. He's more like a torturer in my eyes.
But the more I fall in love with Aelys, the more I love the idea of having children with her. Yes, I'm still afraid of being a shitty father, but I want to become one if it means she'll be the one carrying my children.
I'm dying to leave the manor and hunt down O'Connor and his followers, but I know my wife needs me more than ever. I can't leave her and go on a rampage. I'll kill them all once the pain is more bearable for both of us.
A light knock at the door makes me look up before frowning.
I glance over at my lovely wife to see she's still asleep, her hand clutching my shirt in one fist, preventing me from leaving her.
I mumble a hopefully discreet 'come in' because I don't want to wake Aelys, Carmen gently opens the door while poking her head through the frame, not opening it completely, as if afraid of disturbing us.
Her saddened eyes fall on my wife before turning towards me. She whispers, 'How is she holding up?' and I just shake my head, my lips pursing into a thin line as I look back at my wife.
Still not wanting to risk waking her since she finally seems to be sleeping peacefully, I decide to invade Carmen's mind. This is the first time I've taken this liberty with the Leroi matriarch, but it's easier to talk this way.
‘Do the others know?’
She jumps a little, surprised by the sound of my voice in her head while my lips don't move an inch.
‘No. I just told them she was seriously injured, but I didn't mention... the other thing.’
‘Fine. Let's keep it that way. If everyone finds out, it'll only make things worse for her.’
She nods and gives me a small, sad smile before leaving, gently closing the door behind her.
I kiss the top of my wife's head as she snuggles closer to me.
She shifts a little and hides her face in the crook of my neck.
One of my hands slides into her hair and strokes it lightly, careful not to wake her, while the other continues to caress her back.
I know that when she wakes up, she will look at the wall of our room or at the dead gardens of the Manor that we can see through the large window.
Like yesterday.
I haven't heard her voice since the miscarriage, except for her little less’. However, she doesn't need to speak for me to understand how much pain she's in. I've made a promise to myself that I'll hold her in my arms and help mend her broken heart, even if it means doing so until my last breath.
Day 3...
I walk into the bedroom, a plate of food for my wife in one hand and a glass of water in the other, hoping she'll eat more than she has in the past two days.
I had to quickly go down to the mansion's kitchen and retrieve something to feed her, taking advantage of the fact that she was in the shower.
She began to flinch at my touch. She always lets me hug her, but she hesitates every time before letting me and melting into my arms, as if my touch frightens her but comforts her nonetheless.
My heart breaks every time this happens, but I know she can't control it and it's not her or my fault.
She just went through a major trauma, of course her body is having a reaction.
She was tortured for fuck's sake. And she lost our child, which is too much for one person to go through in such a short period of time.
I'm worried about her, but I also know she needs time and space.
I let her know I am there for her, always will be.
She only snuggled closer to me in response before abruptly pulling away, my touch becoming too much for her.
This is another thing that breaks my heart. She can't stand my touch for too long.
But I understand.
I want her to feel safe and comfortable with me, even if it means I can't hold her. So I ignore my own pain to help her through hers because that’s more important than anything else.
I place the plate and glass on her bedside table and take out my cigarettes as I walk over to the large window, which I crack open.
I take a cigarette from the pack and slip it between my lips before lighting it.
I inhale the smoke and let it fill my lungs, enjoying the sensation before exhaling it again.
Aelys comes out of the bathroom, her beautiful eyes fixed on mine.
She comes towards me, glancing at the food on the bedside table with a frown before taking my pack of cigarettes and lighting one for herself.
I want to cup her cheek in my palm, but I restrain myself, reminding myself that she doesn't like being touched anymore.
Instead, I tilt my head slightly and sigh softly.
“You need to eat, my love. Even if it's just a little bit.”
She sighs and looks down at the floor, biting her lower lip. She's eaten a little these past few days, but I know it's not enough. If she doesn't eat, she'll weaken, maybe even get sick.
My eyes never leave hers as we smoke our cigarettes in silence, her eyes now fixed on the plate, wondering whether or not to eat.
Finally, she puts the butt of her now-finished cigarette in the ashtray and grabs a muffin with a shaky hand.
She takes a bite, and I give her a small smile, proud of her.
Her eyes brighten a little before becoming lifeless again.
I always take that as progress. At least she's eating.
A knock at the door makes us both jump, her eyes widen in terror. I give her a reassuring look, hesitating to kiss her temple for comfort before I think better of it and go to open the door, careful not to open it too wide, so my wife stays out of sight.
It's my brother, and my jaw clenches as the thought of his plan to kill me comes back to mind.
I leave the room and close the door behind me, knowing Aelys can't hear us with all the spells I placed on our suite since her miscarriage, which means we can talk freely.
I cross my arms over my chest and scowl at my brother.
“What do you want?” I ask in a venomous tone.
“I just wanted to see how she is doing,” he rolls his eyes.
I can see the worry on his features, which only makes me angrier because I know he tried to steal my wife on our wedding day. I clench my fists and feel my knuckles crack under the pressure, but I keep my arms crossed, refraining from hitting him.
“What do you think?” I growl. “She was tortured by those assholes, of course she's not okay.”
Tom sighs and looks away, his eyes fixed on the stairs at the end of the hall.
“Can I see her?”
I let a chuckle escape and shake my head in disbelief.
This little shit has balls, I have to admit it.
“You're delusional if you think I'm going to let you near her,” I growl. “She doesn't want to see anyone anyway.”
He nods slowly before telling me to say hello for him and turns on his heel, heading towards the stairs. I watch him walk away, my eyes black with rage. If he thinks I'm going to give her a message from him, he's kidding himself.
I return to the suite and my features immediately soften when my eyes fall on my wife. She hasn't moved an inch, still nibbling at whatever is on the plate I brought. I smile softly, proud of her, and walk over to her. She gives me a questioning look, and I sigh.
“Tom.”
Her eyes widen and she instantly looks down.
I know she's thinking about their discussion before our wedding, but she doesn't know that I know.
I raise my hand and slowly approach her, waiting for her approval to touch her.
She looks at my hand hesitantly before nodding gently, allowing me to tenderly cup her cheek as I try to ignore how much she still flinches beneath my palm.
“I know everything, darling,” I say softly. “Your conversation, his plan…”
Her eyes widen a little more and her lips part. It takes her a moment, but I quickly see realization dawn in her eyes. She knows I've read her thoughts.