Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
The ride back to the castle was quiet, the kind of companionable silence that came from shared experience.
Mhairi sat in front of Alpin on Dùbh's saddle, his arms bracketing her as he held the reins, and tried not to think about how right it felt.
How safe.
The sun was sinking toward the horizon, painting the sky in shades of orange and purple. Long shadows stretched across the road ahead of them, and the air had taken on that quality of early evening—crisp and clear, carrying the scent of wood smoke from distant cottages.
"Ye're quiet," Alpin observed, his voice rumbling through his chest against her back.
"Just thinkin’."
"About?"
"About how close that was. If ye hadnae been there..." She couldn't finish the thought.
His arms tightened around her briefly. "But I was there. That's what matters."
They crossed through the castle gates as the first stars began appearing overhead.
Servants moved about the courtyard, lighting torches and finishing the day's final tasks. A few called out greetings to Alpin as they passed, their eyes curious but respectful as they took in Mhairi's presence.
Alpin dismounted first, then helped her down. His hands lingered at her waist for a moment longer than strictly necessary before he stepped back.
"I should stable Dùbh," he said. "Get him settled fer the night."
"Aye." Mhairi made no move to leave. The courtyard was emptying, servants disappearing into the keep, warriors heading toward the barracks. Soon they would be alone in the gathering darkness.
"Mhairi?"
She looked up at him, that man who had saved her, protected her, given her space to heal and grow. The man who looked at her like she was something precious rather than something owned.
The words came before she could stop them.
"I want a future here."
Alpin went very still. "What?"
"I want a future here," she repeated, stronger this time. "In MacDougal lands. Learnin’ from Donnach, helpin’ the villagers, being part of this community. I want tae stop runnin’, stop hidin’, stop being afraid of what comes next.
I want..." She drew a shaky breath. "I want tae build a life. A real life. Here."
The silence that followed felt endless. Mhairi's heart pounded as she watched emotions flicker across Alpin's face—surprise, hope, something that looked almost like fear.
"Say something," she whispered.
"I want it with ye."
The words were quiet but they hit like a physical force. Mhairi's breath caught.
"What?"
Alpin stepped closer, close enough that she had to tilt her head back to meet his eyes. "I want a future with ye. However that looks, whatever that means. I want ye here, buildin’ that life ye're talkin' about. And I want tae be part of it."
"Alpin…"
"I'm nae askin' ye fer promises. Nae askin' ye tae decide anything taenight.
" His voice was intense but careful, giving her space even as he closed the physical distance between them.
"I'm just telling ye that whatever ye want tae build here, ye willnae be daeing it alone. Nae unless ye choose tae be."
Mhairi felt tears prick her eyes. "I've never had that before. Someone who wanted tae build something with me instead of fer me."
"Then it's about time ye did."
She wanted to kiss him.
Wanted to close the small distance between them and press her mouth to his and show him without words what his acceptance meant to her.
But the courtyard was still too public, and her emotions were too raw, and if she started kissing him, she might never stop.
"I should..." She gestured vaguely toward the keep. "I should go inside. It's getting’ late and I'm exhausted and need tae think about everything that happened today."
Something flickered in Alpin's expression—disappointment, maybe, quickly hidden. "Aye. Of course. Ye've had a long day."
Mhairi turned toward the keep, then paused. Without allowing herself to overthink it, she stepped back and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek.
Then she fled before he could respond, practically running across the courtyard and into the keep. Her heart was racing, her cheeks burning, and she felt simultaneously terrified and exhilarated.
She wanted a future there.
And Alpin wanted it with her.
The thought carried her all the way to her chamber, where she closed and locked the door behind her, leaning against it as she tried to catch her breath.
Mhairi had just changed into her nightdress when the knock came.
She froze, one hand on the tie of her robe. "Who is it?"
"It's me."
Alpin's voice, rough and low through the door.
Mhairi's pulse jumped. She crossed to the door slowly, her bare feet silent on the stone floor. "Alpin? What are ye daeing here?"
"Open the door, Mhairi."
It wasn't a command. More like a request made by someone who was holding onto his control by a thread.
She unlocked the door and pulled it open.
Alpin stood in the corridor, still in the clothes he'd worn to the village, his hair slightly disheveled like he'd been running his hands through it. His eyes were dark, intense, fixed on her face with an expression that made her stomach flip.
"Ye cannae dae that," he said.
"Dae what?"
"Tell me ye want a future here. Tell me ye want tae build a life. Look at me like ye want tae kiss me in the middle of the courtyard where everyone can see." He stepped forward, backing her into the room. "And then just walk away like ye didnae just turn me entire world upside down."
Mhairi's back hit the wall beside her wardrobe.
Alpin moved until he was right in front of her, one hand braced against the wall by her head, caging her in without actually touching her.
"I'm sorry," she managed. "I didnae mean tae."
"I'm nae askin’ fer an apology." His eyes dropped to her mouth, then back up to meet her gaze. "I'm askin’ fer permission."
"Permission fer what?"
"Tae show ye how much I want this future with ye. To stop holdin’ back. Tae stop pretendin’ I dinnae want ye so badly I can barely think straight." His free hand came up to cup her face, thumb stroking her cheekbone. "But only if ye want it too. Only if I'm nae misreadin’ this completely."
Mhairi's breath came fast and shallow. Every nerve in her body was singing with awareness of him—his nearness, his warmth, the barely leashed desire in his eyes.
"Ye're nae misreadin’ anything," she whispered.
Alpin's control shattered.
He kissed her like he was drowning and she was air.
His mouth claimed hers with a hunger that stole her breath, one hand tangling in her hair while the other gripped her waist, pulling her flush against him.
Mhairi responded with equal desperation, her hands fisting in his shirt, rising on her toes to get closer. The kiss deepened, turned carnal, all the weeks of tension and wanting pouring out into their lips and tongue.
When they finally broke apart, both breathing hard, Alpin rested his forehead against hers.
"Tell me tae leave," he said roughly. "Tell me this is too fast, that ye need more time, and I'll go. I'll walk out that door right now and we'll pretend this never happened."
"And if I tell ye tae stay?"
His eyes blazed. "Then I'm nae going anywhere."
"Stay." The word came out sure and strong. "Please, Alpin. Stay."
He kissed her again, slower this time but no less intensely. His hands moved to the tie of her robe, fingers pausing over the knot.
"May I?" he asked against her mouth.
"Aye."
He untied the robe with deliberate care, pushing it off her shoulders. It pooled at her feet, leaving her in just the thin nightdress. His eyes darkened as they traced over her.
"Beautiful," he murmured. "So damned beautiful."
Mhairi reached for his shirt, but he caught her hands gently.
"Nae yet." He guided her backward until the backs of her knees hit the bed. "Taenight is about ye. About showin’ ye how much I want ye."
He eased her down onto the bed, following her, covering her body with his. The weight of him was solid, grounding, and Mhairi arched up into him instinctively.
Alpin's mouth found her neck, kissing and nipping his way down to her collarbone. His hands explored with reverent slowness, learning the shape of her through the nightdress.
His mouth traced patterns across her collarbones, down to the modest neckline of her nightdress. His hands skimmed her sides, her hips, the outside of her thighs.
Every touch was patient, giving her time to adjust, to accept. Never rushing, never demanding more than she was ready to give.
When his hand slipped beneath the hem of her nightdress, sliding up her bare leg, Mhairi gasped.
"Still good?" he asked, pausing.
"Aye. More than good."
His hand continued upward, fingers tracing patterns on her inner thigh that made her squirm. When he reached the apex of her thighs, he paused again, giving her a chance to object.
Instead, Mhairi spread her legs slightly, an invitation she didn't have words for.
Alpin groaned low in his throat. "Ye're goin’ tae be the death of me, lass."
He kissed his way down her body, pushing the nightdress up as he went. When he settled between her thighs, Mhairi's brain finally caught up with what was happening.
"Alpin, what are ye—"
"Trust me?" He looked up at her from between her legs, his expression both wicked and tender.
"Aye, but…"
"Then let me worship ye properly."
His mouth descended, and Mhairi's entire world narrowed to the sensation of his tongue against her most intimate flesh.
She cried out, her hands flying to his hair, unsure whether to pull him closer or push him away from the overwhelming pleasure.
He took his time, learning what made her gasp, what made her moan, what made her hips buck against his mouth.
When he added his fingers, pressing inside her slowly while his mouth worked its magic, Mhairi thought she might actually die from the intensity of it.
"Alpin," she gasped. "I cannae—it's too much."
"Let go," he murmured against her. "I've got ye. Just let go."
The pleasure built and built until Mhairi couldn't breathe, couldn't think, could only feel.
When she finally shattered, his name on her lips, he worked her through it with gentle licks and soft touches until she went limp against the mattress.
Alpin kissed his way back up her body, settling beside her and pulling her against his chest. Mhairi was still trembling, aftershocks rolling through her as she tried to remember how to breathe.
"That was..." She couldn't find words.
"Just the beginnin’." He pressed a kiss to her temple. "If ye'll have me."
Mhairi tilted her head back to look at him. His eyes were still dark with desire, his body tense with unfulfilled need. But he was holding her like she was precious, stroking her hair, waiting for her to recover.
"I want all of it," she said. "All of ye. But maybe... nae all taenight?"
"Taenight was perfect." He shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable despite his condition. "We have time, Mhairi. We have all the time ye need."
She snuggled closer to him, her hand resting over his heart. "Stay with me? Just fer a while?"
"As long as ye want."
They lay together in the firelight, Mhairi's breathing gradually evening out as exhaustion from the day's events finally caught up with her. Alpin held her, his hands moving in soothing patterns across her back.
Just before she drifted off, she murmured, "I meant it, ye ken. About wantin’ a future here. With ye."
"I ken." His voice was soft, full of something that sounded like wonder. "And I meant it too. Whatever future ye want tae build, I'll be right there beside ye."
Mhairi smiled against his chest and let herself fall asleep, safe in his arms.