8. Wolf
8
WOLF
W olf took in the scenery to get his mind off Samantha as he drove out of the village and headed for his aunt and uncle’s house.
In his years away, he had nearly forgotten how energetically the little town went all-in for the holidays. Every shop was decked out in lights and greenery, and as he turned north onto Ambler, he could see that all of the houses were just as decorated. Santas and reindeer dotted many of the lawns, and colorful lights were wrapped around just about every bush or porch column.
Wolf remembered being bundled into the car as a small child, and his parents driving the kids all around Trinity Falls to admire the pretty lights.
Thinking about them gave him a twinge. They were living their best lives in Florida now, and he’d felt kind of bad coming here for the holidays instead of going to them. But they lived in a one-bedroom condo, and as it turned out, he would have wound up in Trinity Falls anyway to come get Ezra.
He’d called them right away, of course, and his mom’s first question when he told her what happened was, What does Angela think?
To his surprise, she had given him a lot of sympathy when he told her about the breakup. Mom always thought Angela was a very accomplished girl, and he figured she took a kind of pride in the fact that they were dating. But she didn’t seem too upset at that idea that they were through.
Oddly, he still wasn’t feeling all that broken up about it himself. Of course, he’d been pretty preoccupied, and it was possible that it just hadn’t hit him yet. But that wasn’t how it felt. He knew on some level that he should be mourning the loss of a relationship he’d been in basically since the tenth grade.
But if he was being honest, they hadn’t really seen all that much of each other since school. Each of them had been pretty focused on their own college and career. Maybe that was why it wasn’t hitting him as hard. His day-to-day life wasn’t really going to change. He would miss the weekly phone calls where they caught up on each other’s lives and strategized about everything under the sun.
But over the last year or so, he noticed Angela had some reason to miss their call more often than not.
Maybe the breakup was about more than the baby, he thought to himself for the first time.
He glanced in the rearview mirror, but of course he could only see the tiny bit of Ezra’s face reflected in the little giraffe mirror installed on his rear-facing seat.
It was funny how quickly he had gone from only having to think about his own needs and obligations to feeling like his heart was traveling around outside his own body, unable to even tell him what was wrong when it needed help.
It had been almost a full twenty-four hours now, and he had managed to come to the conclusion that Ezra always cried for food and fresh diapers, so Wolf tried to provide those things before the boy noticed the lack.
He also cried to be held, which was easy most of the time, but difficult in the car. Wolf had to strap his screaming boy into the car seat before heading out today.
Ezra’s cries were heartbreaking, and Wolf worried he’d be distracted, in spite of his discipline and training for much harder journeys than a quick car trip.
Luckily, with the sounds of the car and the radio playing softly, Ezra had calmed down almost immediately once they started moving.
Wolf was learning about the rest as fast as he could. It turned out that the first book Amelia had handed him was the quickest to skim for information, and he was decidedly in better shape to care for a baby now than he’d been yesterday. Which still wasn’t saying much. But if not for Samantha and Amelia, he was pretty sure he would be seriously second-guessing his own ability to do right by the boy.
As he drove, the suburbs melted away into rural countryside. Though the car was closed up and toasty warm, Wolf could practically taste the frosty air outside. He drank in the sight of the sepia-toned landscape of his youth.
Some might see only miles of brown, desolate winter fields, but Wolf saw the russet of the last dry leaves clinging to silvery branches, the painted beauty of the sycamore trunks, and the rich green of the pine trees. It all reminded him of running around the farm with his cousins when he was a boy, hiding and playing among the fragrant branches on Christmas tree hill until Uncle Joe called them all in for supper.
He found himself wishing that Ezra could have that too. Wolf knew he needed a good job if he wanted to raise the boy without cutting corners, but growing up in a city apartment seemed so cold compared to the freedom and wilderness Wolf himself had enjoyed.
We’ll come up with something interesting…
Samantha’s words echoed in his mind again, and he found himself picturing the young woman with the serious eyes, making him a promise he was sure she couldn’t keep.
And he was almost certain that something had shivered in the air between them this morning, like a thousand invisible butterflies taking wing at once.
He shook his head and tried not to feel foolish. She was a pretty young girl and he’d been away a long time, that was all.
Besides, she was telling him something he really wanted to hear, even if he didn’t quite believe it.
Between those things and his night in the rocking chair, waking up every twenty minutes or so to frantically check on the baby, it was only natural that he was imagining things.
A visit with Aunt Alice would set everything right. It always did. And Ezra would feel more like family once she had held him in her arms.
At last, the wooden sign for Cassidy Farm came into view. The sign was painted with apples and a horse, letting visitors know they were in the right place, just as it had for as long as he could remember.
Heading up the gravel driveway that wound between rows of majestic sycamores, Wolf passed the apple orchard, and then the fields where blueberries grew under protective nets in the summertime.
He continued on, past the nursery with its cut trees on display outside, and the big octagonal barn that was home to the farm grocery, the bakery, and the Christmas-All-Year-Round shop—all of which smelled like cinnamon in his memories, from the delicious pies that seemed to be baking around the clock.
The pony paddock and the pens of animals set up for tourists to visit came up next, and just past that, he finally reached the sign that let him know he was entering private property. The dirt road narrowed and a minute later, Aunt Alice’s big Victorian farmhouse appeared before him.
The house looked just the way he remembered it, somehow impressive and down to earth at the same time. But it still surprised him how much it stirred his emotions, even though he had been staying here a few days already when he got the news about Ezra.
As he pulled into the gravel lot, he spotted Aunt Alice, already standing on the front porch like she was expecting him, although he hadn’t called ahead. They all liked to tease that this was her special gift, knowing when the people she loved were coming home, but Wolf sometimes wondered if she really did have a sixth sense.
He parked and hopped out, throwing a quick wave to his aunt before going around to the back and getting Ezra out of his seat. The little one had been sleeping, but he snuggled into Wolf’s arms without complaint.
When he headed up the path to the house, Wolf saw that his Uncle Joe was out on the porch too. His aunt and uncle were both beaming, but they had their eyes still trained on the car, as if expecting someone else to get out.
Angela, he realized. They’re waiting for her. They must think Ezra is ours…
Well, they would know the truth soon enough. He took the porch steps carefully, instead of jogging up them like usual.
“Oh, Edward,” Aunt Alice said softly. “What a sweet little one.”
Aunt Alice was the only one who called Wolf by his given name these days. He smiled at her happy words—they were the essence of Alice Cassidy, all love and no judgement.
“This is Ezra,” he told her.
“Ezra,” Joe echoed thoughtfully.
“Well come on in,” Aunt Alice said. “It’s too cold out here for you, isn’t it, Ezra?”
Wolf was pretty sure the baby was just going to go back to sleep on his shoulder. Instead, the little one wiggled a bit, as if he wanted to see who he was coming to meet.
They all piled inside, and Wolf kicked off his boots so he wouldn’t track snow and mud all over the place.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Alice said. “When you said you had something to take care of yesterday, I had no idea that you meant it literally.”
Her eyes were twinkling with merriment and Wolf couldn’t help smiling back at her.
“Sorry about that. I had my hands too full to explain anything in the moment,” he told her. “And it… well, it honestly didn’t feel real.”
They made their way back to the kitchen where all the best things in the Cassidy house happened. The space was big, and it opened to a cozy family room where Uncle Joe already had a nice fire crackling in the grate.
“Babies have a way of taking up all our energy and time,” Alice said fondly. “Have a seat. Did you have breakfast?”
“I had a coffee in town,” he told her, taking a stool at the counter.
“I’ll fix you a quick plate of eggs,” Uncle Joe said, heading for the fridge without even waiting to see Wolf’s response.
Though he wanted to say he could do it himself, it hit Wolf that he absolutely could not.
“Thanks, Uncle Joe,” he said instead.
“What a wonderful surprise,” Aunt Alice said, her eyes trained on Ezra.
Wolf lowered his little one and turned him in his arms, putting Ezra’s back against his chest so that Alice could see his little face.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” she cried. “You might be the cutest little baby in the world.”
Ezra squeaked and kicked his legs, his little hands wiggling in the air.
“Oh goodness,” Alice said, looking a little teary-eyed. She was clearly wanting to hold him but not wanting to overstep.
“Would you like to take him for a minute?” Wolf asked.
“Just so you can fix yourself a second cup of coffee,” she said and winked at him.
She was by his side in a heartbeat, lifting Ezra out of his hands and settling him to her ample bosom in no time.
“You’re the sweetest boy in the world,” she told him in a soft voice, her smile animated in a way Wolf was sure the boy would love.
Ezra squeaked and did his frog-leg air hopping, clearly delighted.
“Coffee, son?” Joe asked.
“I’m okay for now,” Wolf told him. “I figured I’d let you two know what was going on before the others get here. I’m not sure how Ezra will respond to a lot of excitement.”
What he meant was that once the grown Cassidy kids came in from chores an hour or so from now, this house would be full of noise and the press of big, hungry farmers clamoring for lunch. It was a feeling he loved, but he didn’t know how it might seem to such a tiny baby.
“You tell us whatever you want,” Alice said softly. “We’re just so happy to see him.”
Wolf cleared his throat and told them all about Barry and Lynne.
“We heard that awful news,” Joe said gruffly.
“But we had no idea the two of them had no other family,” Alice said, shaking her head sadly. “This poor little angel.”
She pressed a kiss to the top of Ezra’s head.
“So, you’re going to keep him?” Joe asked.
“Yes,” Wolf said immediately. “It changes… well, everything. But he’s mine now.”
“That’s just right,” Alice said, nodding approvingly.
“How does Angela feel about this?” Uncle Joe asked.
Uncle Joe’s tone was neutral, but Wolf was pretty sure his uncle had already guessed the answer. Joe Cassidy was a lighthearted man. He was inclined to dance and joke, and even to flirt shamelessly with his wife in front of company just to see her blush. Sometimes Wolf forgot he was also one of the wisest, most compassionate men he knew.
“We broke up,” Wolf said simply.
Joe nodded once and turned back to the eggs in the pan with the air of a man who’d had something confirmed for him.
“Are you okay about it?” Alice asked gently.
“I know everyone was always wondering why I hadn’t proposed to her yet,” Wolf said. “But it just never felt right. I’ll always care about Angela, but it’s funny… I’m not really upset about the end of the relationship. I think maybe we’d grown apart and just needed a reason to realize it.”
Joe blew air out from his mouth and nodded, eyes still on the eggs.
“Well, I’m sure things worked out just as they were meant to,” Alice said, grinning down at Ezra. “And you won’t have time to worry over it much now.”
“Nope,” Wolf said, smiling at the way his boy was grabbing at the little green wreath pin on Alice’s red apron.
“Well now,” Alice said firmly, as if it was time to get down to brass tacks. “Of course the two of you are more than welcome to stay here as long as you’d like. We’ll shift things so that you can have two rooms next to each other.”
“Believe it or not, Barry and Lynne bought a house on Oberlin,” Wolf told her. “And they left that to Ezra and me. I think we’ll go ahead and spread out there, for a while at least. We spent last night there, and it was comfortable.”
He left out the part where it was only comfortable for Ezra, and he’d had to fold himself into that rocking chair just to get a little shut-eye.
“Isn’t that something?” Alice said, shaking her head. “You’ll be able to pop him right in the stroller and walk around the village.”
“I was thinking the same thing,” he told her.
He almost told her that maybe Ezra could walk into town to meet up with his friends when he was older. Then he realized that it would only make her sad to hope they might stay, when chances were good that they couldn’t.
“Now, Ian and Faith probably still have some of Connor’s things in the attic,” Alice said to herself. “Have you got a crib?”
“Barry and Lynne had all the big stuff,” Wolf said. Wondering how to tell her the next part of the story. “The movers left it at the house. But I did what you said yesterday, and went over to the foundation in town.”
“You did?” Alice asked. “Before you got Ezra?”
“Right after,” he said. “I pushed the time back when Otto said it was urgent, and I didn’t want to cancel after that. I just walked over with the baby in my arms.”
“Bet they didn’t see that coming,” Joe murmured, chuckling as he plated the eggs.
“No,” Wolf agreed. “But the girl there really helped us out. She and her sister went up to the baby store on Route One with me, and helped me pick out some things he needed for now.”
“That real young girl with the little daughter?” Joe asked, grabbing the toast out of the toaster.
“It’s her little sister,” Wolf told him.
“Yes,” Alice said. “Miss Caroline over at the library says she’s a wonderful reader. It’s so lovely that her sister brings her over there often. She said they check out a mountain of books every time.”
“She picked out books on taking care of babies for me at the store,” Wolf said. “She’s a really bright kid.”
“Well, I’m not a bit surprised the two of them helped you,” Alice said warmly. “That young lady seems like exactly what that foundation needs—kind and capable, with a big heart. She and her sister will bring a breath of fresh air into town.”
“ App-bapp-bapp,” Ezra said loudly, then blinked in surprise.
“Yes,” Alice laughed. “You’ll bring a breath of fresh air yourself, won’t you young man?”
“I can take him back,” Wolf offered, seeing that the boy was getting squirmy.
“No, no,” Alice said. “He just wants to have a little walk and look around, that’s all. You sit and enjoy your breakfast.”
Joe set down eggs, toast, and a jar of Cassidy Farm apple butter on the counter in front of him, and Wolf couldn’t argue with that.
“Oh, wow,” Wolf groaned as his stomach growled in anticipation.
“You’ll have to remember to eat,” Alice counseled him from over by the window, where she stood with Ezra, who was mesmerized by the light streaming in. “It might sound silly, but when you’re taking care of a baby, it can be easy to forget your own needs. And this little fellow will need a well-fed, well-rested dad.”
Dad.
It was tough to think about being Ezra’s dad. The idea felt disrespectful to Barry.
“Maybe it’s too soon to call you that,” Alice offered, clearly sensing his discomfort.
“He’s too little to remember Lynne and Barry,” Wolf said, thinking it through. “But I’ll want him to know about them.”
“Of course. You’ll make sure he understands how much they wanted him and loved him,” Alice said, nodding her head. “We’ll try and dig up as many photos of his dad growing up as we can.”
“Get one of the kids to check the internet for more recent pictures,” Joe advised. “They love that stuff.”
“I never even met Lynne,” Wolf said, guilt splitting his chest open again.
“You’ve been away a long time,” Joe said suddenly. “For the good of us all. You don’t have a single thing to answer for. Be proud, son.”
“Thanks, Uncle Joe,” Wolf said.
Wolf figured his time in the Army might not have been exactly what his uncle was picturing. But it was true that he’d been away, and it was clear how much he had missed, not just with Barry, but with Angela too. And with all his cousins here in town.
“You’ll get caught up with everyone soon enough,” Alice told him firmly. “Now don’t let those eggs get cold.”
“When you’re done, you can help me grab the last of the decorations from the attic,” Joe told him.
An hour later, Wolf was feeling great. He’d eaten, talked with his aunt and uncle, changed Ezra, and handed him back to Alice for a feeding. And all the Christmas things were downstairs.
Wolf suspected that maybe Uncle Joe hadn’t planned on bringing them all down. There were probably more decorations here than would fit on the house and tree at once, given that both were already completely decked out.
But Wolf didn’t mind helping, even if he was only aiding and abetting his uncle’s attempt to get his aunt a little more time to cuddle Ezra, who had fallen asleep in her arms after his bottle.
He was just thinking about heading out when the back door suddenly banged open.
“Hey Dad—” Wolf’s cousin, Jacob, began as he walked in.
But Ezra let out a plaintive cry at being woken so unceremoniously, cutting off whatever Jacob was going to ask his father.
“I’ve got you,” Wolf said briskly, heading over to take him from Alice. “You’re okay.”
“ Whoa,” Jacob said, stopping in his tracks. “Holy cow, man. Where’s Angela?”
“Not here, buddy,” Wolf said, shaking his head once.
“Oh,” Jacob said. “Oh shoot.”
“This is Barry and Lynne Robinson’s boy,” Wolf told him. “My boy now.”
Ezra blinked up at the big man in front of them. He was calmer now, but his lower lip was still pouting and tears still glittered on his lashes.
“Oh wow,” Jacob breathed. “Hi, baby. Hey there, little nephew.”
“He’s only been with me since yesterday,” Wolf told him. “But, yeah, this is your uncle, baby.”
“I can’t believe it,” Jacob said, his eyes finally straying from the baby to Wolf.
“I guess it’s not what anyone expected,” Wolf said.
“No, man,” Jacob said appraisingly. “It suits you.”
Wolf scowled, but Jacob merely nodded to him. He clearly meant it.
And it was odd, but it was starting to feel natural to have the baby with him. He’d felt almost off-balance while he was helping Joe, and happy to have the boy back in his arms again just now.
“Hold up,” Jacob said, a smile spreading across his face as he jogged over to the old radio on the counter and turned it up a little. “That’s my wife.”
Sure enough, Wolf recognized the soft-spoken deejay introducing the next song on the all-Christmas station as Hope, the Cassidy family’s new neighbor—who was now Jacob’s new wife.
If he hadn’t met Hope himself at Sunday dinner, Wolf would have thought it was impossible for the cousin he remembered as the most wild and rebellious of the lot to have a wife.
But here I am with a baby, Wolf thought to himself. So who am I to judge?
A moment later, Jacob’s brother Ian came in with their older brother Shane on his heels and the kitchen began to fill with the friendly noise and laughter that went hand in hand with any Cassidy gathering.
Wolf instinctively moved over to the family room and sat by the fire with Ezra. From here, he could still see and hear Jacob catching the other two up on what was going on. But Ezra could get accustomed to the happy sounds from a slight distance.
Ezra himself wasn’t having any of it though. He wiggled and squawked to get back to the action of the kitchen.
Wolf chuckled and got up with him, heading back into the fray.
We still have a lot to figure out, he thought to himself. But this boy is definitely one of us. And that’s something.