18. Samantha
18
SAMANTHA
S am watched Amelia wrap the last strand of lights across the left side of Wolf’s front porch as the sun began to dip below the rooftops of the other houses.
The simple strands of tiny bulbs in plain white were wound a bit unevenly around the railings, but they seemed like they would look festive to Sam once they were lit.
She worried a bit, knowing Wolf liked to do things just the right way. Hopefully, he wouldn’t accidentally hurt Amelia’s feelings if he came home and didn’t like the unbalanced look of his front porch.
“We can plug them in now,” Amelia said, her eyes dancing.
“Okay,” Sam told her. “Hang on.”
But just as she was heading to the side of the house to plug in the extension cord, Wolf’s big, rented SUV pulled up.
“What’s going on here?” he asked with a smile as he got out of the car and headed to the backseat to unstrap Ezra.
Sam felt a wave of relief that he was glad to see them.
“It’s a surprise ,” Amelia yelled happily.
“I love surprises,” Wolf’s deep voice boomed back from inside the car.
Sam tried not to smile. She knew Wolf well enough now to be pretty sure that he definitely didn’t love surprises. But she also knew he adored Amelia, so he wasn’t exactly lying—he probably loved the idea of this surprise because he could tell she was excited about it.
She turned back to her sister, but Amelia was frozen, her eyelids fluttering a little.
Calm down, try to just relax and focus on your breath, her mother admonished in her head.
Sam felt a pang of guilt, knowing her mom wouldn’t have let Amelia get so excited in the first place. But she strode over to join her sister, and sure enough within a few seconds Amelia was blinking back to reality, her eyes looking to Sam for reassurance.
“It was only a few seconds,” Sam whispered to her, giving her a smile and a thumbs-up. “You didn’t miss a thing.”
Amelia smiled back and by the time Wolf came around the car with Ezra the tiny seizure was forgotten, like all the others before it.
She’s going to be okay, Mom. We both are.
“I can’t believe it,” Wolf said, looking at his front porch and its uneven strands of lights. “We’re going to have the prettiest house on the block, Ezra.”
“Can we turn it on?” Amelia asked Sam.
“Of course,” Sam said, jogging around to the side of the house again, where she bent and plugged in the cord.
She was immediately rewarded with happy sounds from Wolf and Amelia. And when she rose and headed back to the front of the house, Sam could understand why.
The lights were simple and small. Some were scrunched together and others more spread out. But they were truly beautiful, twinkling away merrily in the gray light of the afternoon, a concrete sign of the friendship they all shared.
“Look at that,” Wolf said to Ezra. “Look what Amelia did for you.”
Ezra clung to Wolf’s chest with one hand, the other fist in his smiling mouth as he gazed at the lights.
“He likes it,” Amelia said happily. “Look, Sam. You can see his dimples.”
“Great job,” Sam told her sister before turning her eyes to the adorable baby and the man holding him.
Wolf looked so right with his boy in his arms. In less than two weeks, he had gone from an overwhelmed young man to a confident dad.
“Can we invite you guys in for hot chocolate?” Wolf asked.
“ Yes, ” Amelia said, then looked to Sam hopefully.
“Sure,” Sam agreed. “If it’s not an imposition.”
“Not at all,” Wolf told them. “I was actually planning on making spaghetti and meatballs if you want to join me. It feels weird to cook a meal like that for just me, but I had a craving for it.”
“We would love that,” Sam told him. “If you’ll let us lend a hand.”
“Absolutely,” Wolf said with a smile. “It will go much faster with more people, and I think Ezra will like it better this way too.”
Sam smiled at that. Honestly, it was sort of impressive that Wolf was going to try and make a home-cooked meal tonight. She couldn’t help noticing all over again what a good job he was doing as a parent. It made her feel proud, even though she had nothing to do with it, aside from maybe giving him a confidence boost in the beginning.
Amelia skipped over to Sam, grabbing her hand as they followed Wolf and Ezra up the stairs and into the house.
“Wow, look at that,” Wolf said when they got inside, looking out his own front window at the pretty lights on the porch.
Amelia squeezed Sam’s hand and Sam felt a pang of gratitude for the big man who understood fully how much this meant to her sister.
“Why don’t we take Ezra for a bit so you can get settled?” Sam asked Wolf, shrugging off her coat and bag and hanging them on one of the hooks by the door.
“That would be great,” Wolf said, waiting until she was ready before handing over a very wiggly Ezra.
“Hi, sweet boy,” Sam said, inhaling his delicious baby scent and enjoying the weight of him against her chest.
Ezra grabbed onto her hair and let out a string of happy chatter.
“Wow,” Sam told him, smiling into his dancing eyes. “You had a good day, didn’t you?”
“Hi, Ezra,” Amelia said happily. “We’re going to have dinner at your house tonight, but you can’t have any meatballs yet.”
Sam sat on the sofa so that Amelia could chat with Ezra and play with his little feet, which made him laugh. She could hear the water running in the kitchen, and the radio playing “Here Comes Santa Claus.”
And Wolf hadn’t been wrong about the lights, the soft glow coming from the front windows added to the ambiance of the cozy little house.
“I think he wants to be in his seat,” Amelia said. “That way I can read to him and play with him while you help make spaghetti.”
“You’re getting hungry, huh?” Sam asked. “It might be a while. Should we see if Wolf has an after-school snack?”
“No, I’m saving room,” Amelia said, her eyes sparkling.
“Spaghetti is the best,” Sam agreed.
They got Ezra set up in his little bouncy seat in the dining room and Amelia dropped to the floor beside him right away with a few books and toys.
“Would you like a hand?” Sam asked, heading into the kitchen. “I think Amelia wants Ezra all to herself.”
She indicated the doorway, so that Wolf could see that the two were right in eyesight.
“That’s great,” he said, chuckling. “And sure. Do you want to cut up some peppers for the sauce?”
“Wow, homemade sauce,” Sam said. “I’m impressed.”
“Well, home-improved,” he allowed. “I bought a jar of store-bought, but I always like to add some of the good stuff.”
Sam headed to the counter where Wolf already had a knife and cutting board set up. She grabbed a green bell pepper from the colander and began cutting it up as Wolf scraped the diced onions and garlic from his cutting board into a pan with a little butter.
“That smells so good ,” Sam sighed.
“Just wait,” Wolf told her. “I’m a pretty good cook—or at least I used to be. I missed doing it when I was in the service.”
“You cooked a lot when you were in high school?” she asked, grabbing another pepper.
“It was an excuse to hang out with my mom and dad,” he said, shrugging. “They both like to cook.”
“Are they excited about Ezra?” Sam asked, then bit her lip. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked.
“Yeah,” he said, looking pleased. “They’ll be here in a few days to meet him. And they weren’t all that surprised about Angela. Honestly, no one in the family was, which should probably tell me something.”
“You guys were long distance for a while,” Sam said, trying to keep any emotion out of her voice and just give him a reason to talk.
“Since high school,” Wolf said. “We’re both pretty driven, and we had that in common, but I think not much else.”
“It sounded like she didn’t want children,” Sam ventured.
“It’s probably bad to admit it, but I always hoped she would change her mind about that,” he said, frowning. “I guess it’s good that I found out when I did that it wasn’t a line she was willing to cross.”
Sam nodded and they worked on in silence. When she finished up her peppers, he added them to the simmering onions and garlic in the pan.
“That smells good ,” Amelia said from the next room.
“Thank you,” Wolf said. “I’m glad I can feed you guys since you decorated my house so beautifully.”
“The lights and extension cord were a gift from Michael over at the hardware store,” Sam told him. “When he heard they were for you, he wouldn’t let us pay.”
“He’s a good man,” Wolf said, nodding. “I’ll be sure to go over there and buy some things for the house. I’ve been meaning to do an inventory of this place and figure out what it needs anyway.”
Sam nodded, and tried not to think about what that meant.
He doesn’t necessarily mean to sell the place again. He could mean for himself and Ezra.
Wolf pulled a small bag of fresh, lean ground beef from the fridge and added it to the pan.
“Can you stir this while I start the pasta?” Wolf asked her.
“Of course,” Sam told him.
The song on the radio ended and Elvis began crooning “Santa Bring My Baby Back to Me.”
“Oh, this is a good one,” Wolf said warningly, shaking his head. “Too good.”
Sam watched in wonder as he grabbed a spatula and began lip-syncing and dancing along with the song—his big body surprisingly graceful. It was so unexpected that she couldn’t seem to take her eyes off him.
Before she knew what was happening, Wolf danced right up to Sam, taking the wooden spoon out of her hand and placing it on the counter beside his abandoned spatula, then pulling her into a spin.
Sam laughed in surprise and heard Amelia’s delighted laughter in the doorway a second later. Though Sam had never exactly been a wallflower, she felt herself blushing as she danced with Wolf to the old-fashioned tune.
Wolf kept right on moving his mouth to the lyrics, but Amelia sang them out, her sweet voice adding to the lighthearted moment.
“ That was ‘Santa Bring My Baby Back’, by Elvis Presley,” the deejay announced when the song was over. “ And I’m Ho-ho-Hope Holiday. ”
Sam giggled, feeling younger than she had in a year.
“That’s my cousin’s wife,” Wolf said, obviously interpreting her giggle as being about the deejay’s nickname.
“The one on the radio?” she asked, catching her breath. “I think I met her at dinner.”
“That’s the one,” he said, nodding and returning to continue getting their dinner ready. “I still can’t believe he’s married. Jacob never seemed like the marrying kind, and now he’s got a little boy and everything.”
“He seems happy,” Sam recalled, thinking of the handsome, laughing man who sat with Hope at dinner.
“I’ve never seen him so happy,” Wolf said, a smile teasing up the corners of his mouth.
“That’s Nick’s dad,” Amelia chimed in.
“It sure is,” Wolf told her.
“Or maybe it’s his stepdad,” Amelia said uncertainly.
“That’s the nice thing about family,” Wolf told her. “You get to decide what the people you love are to you.”
“Like you’re Ezra’s dad now,” Amelia said, nodding.
Wolf’s expression suddenly went blank, and Sam wondered if maybe he didn’t want to think of himself as the baby’s father yet.
“Wolf and Ezra will decide what they want to call each other,” Sam said quickly.
“It’s Barry,” Wolf said. “I know Ezra’s too little to remember his dad, but he was my friend. I don’t want it to feel like I’m just taking his child as my own.”
“But that was what he wanted, right?” Sam asked. “I mean, that’s why he left Ezra with you.”
Wolf nodded, but he still looked troubled.
“That’s boiling,” Amelia pointed out.
They turned to the pasta just as it began bubbling over the side of the pot.
“Shoot,” Wolf said, moving to turn down the heat as the water hissed against the burner.
Amelia went back to sit in the threshold with Ezra, and Wolf and Sam worked quietly for a little while, the music on the radio filling the air with upbeat Christmas tunes and the delicious steam from their meal warming the drafty cottage.
When it was all ready, Amelia set the table. Ezra had fallen asleep in his bouncy seat, so Wolf carried it over and placed it right by his chair.
They all bowed their heads while Amelia said a quick grace that was mainly focused on the specifics of the meal in front of them.
When they dug in at last, Sam hummed approval around her first bite. The sauce was delicious and the pasta was cooked just right.
“Goooood,” Amelia said around a big bite of bread dipped in the sauce.
“Not bad,” Wolf declared. “If I do say so myself.”
They all ate in happy silence until their plates were clean.
“I did a presentation at school today,” Amelia said as Sam collected their plates.
“You did?” Wolf asked, moving to get up.
“No, no,” Sam said. “You two chat a little. I’m just going to clean up.”
She slowly and carefully washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen as she listened to Amelia and Wolf talk about the presentation and everything her classmates had said afterwards.
It was nice to eat a homemade meal she hadn’t fully prepared on her own. And it was really nice to hear another adult interacting with Amelia. Her little sister deserved to have more than one grown-up in her life.
Sam had to stop herself from pretending that they were a family and this was their life—preparing meals and sharing the days’ events with each other, big or small.
But do I really need to stop?
I always thought me dating someone would be bad for Amelia. But it might be different with Wolf. He cares about her. And she likes him so much…
Suddenly, a cry from Ezra broke the spell, and Wolf hopped up, scooping him out of his seat to change his diaper and give him a bottle.
It was probably a sign that she and Amelia should go. It was odd not to want to get home to her own space like she usually did. But the little house was so cozy.
“We’ll help you with him, and then head out,” she offered Wolf.
“Thank you,” he told her, joining her in the kitchen. “Oh, wow. You didn’t have to clean everything.”
“It’s what I always do after dinner,” she told him honestly. “And I didn’t even have to cook.”
“You helped cook,” he told her, as he lay Ezra on the changing pad and wrinkled his nose. “Oh, buddy, I think it’s time for a bath.”
“I’ll grab it,” Sam said, getting the baby bath out of the broom closet where Wolf kept it.
They worked together preparing the bath and getting Ezra in. The sweet boy chuckled and chattered as soon as he was in the warm water.
“Do you have him while I run and get his pajamas?” Wolf asked.
“Of course,” Sam told him.
She found herself humming Christmas carols along with the radio as she bathed the little one. Ezra straightened his little legs and splashed a bit, his eyes filled with wonder as he gazed up at her.
It had been forever since she used to help out with Amelia. There was something so peaceful about taking care of a baby. It forced you to be right in the moment.
And this particular baby had her heart, with his funny chirping and adorable dimples.
Sam was just wrapping him up in his fluffy duckling hooded towel when Wolf made it back down with Ezra’s pajamas.
“Wow, we’re efficient,” he said.
“Teamwork,” she said with a smile.
She found herself not wanting to give up the sweet little bundle, but of course he needed a fresh diaper and his warm sleeper. When the baby was dressed and yawning on his chest, Wolf smiled down at Sam.
“That was ‘Silent Night,’ sung by the Tarker County Community Choir,” the deejay said. “ And if you’re listening out on the road, please be careful. It’s really coming down out there.”
Wolf raised a brow and went to the window.
“Oh wow,” he said as he looked out.
Sam headed over to join him and let out a little gasp of surprise.
In the glow from the streetlights, she could see snow had drifted over the lawns and sidewalks, already so deep that she couldn’t tell the curb from the street. And it was still snowing hard—big flakes slashing down diagonally with the force of the wind.
“You don’t want to try and walk home in that,” Wolf said. “Why don’t you two stick around and we’ll put on a Christmas movie?”
“We only live a few blocks away,” Sam said, her eyes still on the driving snow.
“It won’t hurt to wait until it lets up,” Wolf said. “Walking in that isn’t safe. You might stay in control, but the cars might not.”
She sucked in a breath thinking about that risk.
“Okay,” she said. “As long as you’re sure that we’re not imposing too much on you.”
“As it turns out, I was planning to relax and watch a movie tonight,” he told her with a teasing grin. “This guy doesn’t exactly like to paint the town red.”
Ezra was already half-asleep on Wolf’s broad chest. Sam had to smile.
“Okay,” she told him. “Thank you.”
She followed him out to the living room, where Amelia had curled up on the sofa to wait, looking like she was about to fall asleep herself.
“Are we going home?” she asked a little sadly when Sam sat down beside her.
“Well,” Sam said. “It’s actually snowing really hard right now. Wolf wanted us to stay, and he’ll put on a Christmas movie. Does that sound okay?”
“Is this a sleepover?” Amelia asked excitedly. “Will we have a snow day?”
“No, no,” Sam told her. “Nothing like that. We’re just waiting until the snow lets up a little.”
But Amelia was already scrambling off the sofa to go look out the window.
“Wow,” Amelia said. “ Wow. We’re definitely going to have a snow day tomorrow, and it’s the last day of school before winter vacation.”
“Well, I’m not sure,” Sam told her. “They could still clean this up before school starts.”
But Amelia didn’t answer, she just stared out the window, so much delight and wonder in her eyes that it made Sam’s heart ache with love.
This is my purpose in life , she reminded herself. Helping her feel safe and happy.
Moments like this one helped Sam remember that she was already doing what she was meant to do, there was no need to wish for more.
Two hours later, the credits were rolling on Klaus , as Amelia slept between Sam and Wolf on the sofa, leaning on her sister’s shoulder.
“That was really nice,” Wolf said softly.
“It’s one of her favorites,” Sam told him with a smile. “Thank you for letting her choose.”
Wolf got up and stretched and headed to the window.
“Hey, Amelia,” Sam said softly, rousing her sister. “Time to go home.”
Amelia woke up and stretched like a little cat before trying to go back to sleep on Sam’s shoulder.
“No, no, baby,” Sam told her. “We’re going to go home and sleep in our beds.”
“Nope,” Wolf said from the window. “You’re not going anywhere.”
“It’s only a few blocks,” Sam protested.
But Amelia lost all signs of being sleepy as she hopped up and headed to join Wolf at the window.
“It’s a snowstorm,” she said excitedly. “It’s a blizzard.”
Sam joined them to see for herself. They weren’t wrong. The snow was still coming down hard. And the drifts were high enough now that the stairs up to the porch were covered.
“You two can take my bed,” Wolf said.
“No way,” Sam told him. “I’ll sleep on the floor and Amelia will take the couch.”
“Go on up and check out the room,” Wolf told Amelia.
Amelia took off up the steps in a flash, leaving Sam looking up at Wolf.
“I, uh, don’t sleep in there anyway,” he said, his eyes on the floor. “I sleep in Ezra’s room.”
She thought about Ezra’s room. There was no bed, only a rocking chair in there.
“He needs you,” she guessed, moved that the big man would sleep in discomfort to be near the baby.
“I need him,” Wolf said softly.
The situation clicked into place suddenly for her. Plenty of vets had a hard time sleeping alone in a room when they came home, after spending years in bunks with other men or women all around them. It was one of many things she had learned from the brave people she worked with.
“That’s fine,” she told him right away. “It’s also completely normal.”
His eyes lifted to meet hers and she nodded, trying to tell him with her eyes that she didn’t judge him in any way.
He nodded back once, and didn’t say a word. But Sam could sense an invisible wall coming down between them.
Wolf headed for the stairs, leaving her feeling a little dazed, even as her mind raced with ideas for how to get a bed for the baby’s room. They’d had offers of donations from some local shops. Maybe one could help with this.
“Anyway,” he told her as she grabbed the baby monitor from the coffee table and jogged to catch up with him. “It’s more than fine for you girls to take the big bedroom. I’ll just grab you something to sleep in.”
“Thank you,” she told him.
He grabbed a big duffel from the hall closet as Amelia came out of the bathroom.
“I put toothpaste on my finger and brushed like that,” Amelia said proudly.
“That was very resourceful of you,” Sam told her, following her into the room with the big bed.
Ezra fussed in his room, the sound coming through the door and the monitor in Sam’s hand at once.
“I’ll be right out,” Wolf said. “Sometimes he just needs a little reassurance.”
“Come on,” Sam told Amelia. “Let’s get the bed ready.”
She placed the monitor on the bedside table while she pulled down the duvet and separated it from the sheets, which she untucked from the bottom of the bed, since Amelia didn’t like her feet to be trapped by the sheet.
“You’re okay,” Wolf told Ezra gently on the monitor.
Sam heard a soft little whimpering sound that was Ezra, probably wanting to be picked up.
“Yes, I know, we like it when they’re here,” Wolf told him. “But they’ll still be here in the morning. Isn’t that nice?”
Amelia looked to Sam and smiled at that.
Sam smiled back. It was pretty sweet.
“Yeah, it feels more like home to me too,” Wolf said softly, his voice a little huskier now. “When they’re here.”
Sam pressed her lips together and busied herself needlessly fluffing up the pillows and trying not to read too much into his conversation with the baby.
“Did you hear that?” Amelia whispered to Sam.
“He might not remember that we can hear him,” Sam told her. “Let’s focus on the bed. Does it look comfy?”
“Yeah, but he’s right. I feel more like I’m at home when I’m here,” Amelia said. “Don’t you?”
A million answers went through Sam’s mind, most of them intended to discourage the little girl, who had already been through so much, from forming a strong attachment to a man and a baby who might well be back in the city in a week’s time.
“Hey,” Wolf said, sticking his head in the door. “I’ve got some of my old Army sweatshirts. I know they’re not much, but they’ll keep you warm.”
“Thank you,” Amelia said, darting up as if to take one, but wrapping her arms around his waist instead, and hugging him hard.
Wolf’s arms went automatically around the little girl, and he looked up at Sam with an expression of such surprise and tenderness that she felt like a fist had closed around her heart and it couldn’t continue to beat.