Chapter 8 Penny #2
Slowly, I told him the rest. After a few months in the infirmary, part of a mission in a neighboring town, I was sent home.
A kindly old nurse came by weekly to check on the healing progress and give me exercises for my stiff, achy fingers.
The new skin stretched and sometimes tore, causing oozing and bleeding that soaked through the bandages.
The process was grueling, and the pain seemed endless, leaving me sobbing into my pillow most nights, trying to keep quiet enough that Merrick wouldn’t hear.
“How old were you?” Kit asked, his expression indecipherable.
“Nine.”
His lip curled. “So he’s always been despicable.”
The retelling had taken all my energy, and I was tired again. Too tired to do more than bounce my shoulders. “I suppose.”
Kit drew his knees up against my back, pitching me forward so I was tucked against him.
Residual thoughts and feelings were replaced by longing.
I wondered if he felt my body flush or saw my skin prickling with gooseflesh.
As close as we were, I wanted to be nearer still.
But I didn’t budge, hunkered into myself and avoiding Kit’s eyes until his arms looped around me once more.
“Kit,” I began, already wondering if I would regret it. “What did you mean last night? At the bar?”
He quirked a brow. “You'll have to be more specific.”
“You said but,” I explained as a frown overtook my face. “You said you'd like to love someone, but…”
Kit watched me for a long quiet moment until I dared to finish the statement.
“But not me?”
Kit's face went stricken. “Gods, no. That’s what you thought I meant? Pen…” He eased me back, catching my face in his hands to level my gaze with his. I wanted to look away but couldn't tear my eyes from his fathomless ones as he shook his head. “The but was about me, not you.”
I swallowed down the fear still mounting, the worry that I'd given myself again to someone who didn't feel the same. But that wasn't what he said.
“What about you?” I murmured.
He chewed his lip, visibly struggling with the words. “Because I'm… wrong somehow. I don’t even know what love feels like. I’m a little afraid I can’t feel it at all.”
It was sad. So much of him was sad, and all of it came long before me.
Coming back to the place that had caused it and confronting his father through the pages of those cursed journals had only made things worse.
I didn't believe that he couldn't feel love, though.
He was too good, too gentle, too kind for that to be true.
Contemplation kept me quiet until Kit said with a sigh, “That isn't what you want to hear.”
I couldn't deny it, but it would do no good to agree, so I kept my peace.
Kit shifted beneath me, releasing his hold on my chin to slide his hands around my back instead. They rubbed up and down in slow, soothing motions.
“I don’t mean to lead you on,” he continued, “because I do care for you. Deeply. I couldn’t bear to lose you.”
The sudden pain that pinched his face prompted me to reach out. I rested my hands on his arms and squeezed gently. “I'm not going anywhere. I came here with you, and I intend to leave with you, too.”
He nodded, and a curl toppled over his brow, so perfect and soft I couldn't help myself from brushing it back. I kept my fingers there, tangled in his raven locks as I reassured him of what I'd said before.
“I like you, Kit. You make me happy.”
He cupped a hand around my wrist and tipped his head against my forearm, holding himself close. His voice was a rasp when he asked, “Is that enough?”
I raised one shoulder, then let it drop. “For me. For now.”
Kit sighed audible relief.
“We'll let the rest sort itself out,” I said. “It's only been two months after all.” I flashed a cheeky grin that made Kit’s eyes sparkle.
Looping an arm around my waist, he drew me in. His lips pressed against mine, timid at first, then more firm. I leaned into it, winding my arms around his neck. The kiss deepened, warm and wet and wonderful, and the bliss of the moment swept me away.
When Kit pulled back, a whine of protest escaped me. Pleasant heat seared through my body, pooling in my groin as I rocked gently against him.
Kit stared up at me, and I didn’t wait for encouragement to tug the hem of my shirt up over my head.
Kit’s hands returned to my hips and settled there as I flung the garment aside and turned back to him.
I took his face in my hands again and drew him in for another kiss.
His lips parted enough to allow my tongue to slip inside, gliding across his and making him gasp.
Some of the tickling tightness I’d felt in the tavern returned, seizing my lungs. I pulled back just enough to stifle a cough, recalling how Kit had fretted over me before and not wanting to worry him now.
To further assure him, I smiled, reached down and took one of his hands, then pulled it up to press against my chest. I rolled my hips into him again and went back for another kiss, nipping his bottom lip between my teeth.
The movement seemed to spur Kit to engage.
He slid his hand around to my lower back, where he pressed his palm flat against me to hold me close, pushing a satisfied groan out of both of us.
His other hand went to the back of my head, catching in my hair and tugging until my head tipped to expose my neck.
Chills rippled down my spine as Kit peppered kisses across my throat and bare shoulders. I was panting, eyelids fluttering, and fingers pressing into him to keep myself from floating away.
Kit’s grip on my hair held me in place, awash in pleasure and craving every touch. I wanted him off the floor and in my bed. On top of me. Inside me. I breathed a needful whimper at the thought.
The moment Kit released me, I grabbed his shirt, pushing it over his head and arms and tossing it aside.
I was all over him then, shoving him back against the side of the bed as I raked both hands down his torso.
Hungry kisses followed every touch and drag of my fingers, indulging fantasies I’d had in my room alone at night, wondering how he felt and tasted.
We were both breathing heavily by the time I worked up the nerve to slide my hand farther down.
Brushing across his crotch found the hardness I’d expected there.
I placed a few kisses across his collarbone before curling my fingers around his stiff member through the fabric of his trousers and coaxing out a low moan.
No sooner had Kit’s head lolled back in a brief moment of ecstasy than did he buck upright. He caught hold of my wrist and pulled it away.
I straightened, too, and we stared at each other in mutual surprise.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted, though I wasn’t entirely sure I meant it. “That was presumptuous.”
He retained his hold on me for a few seconds more, then shifted to grasp my hand instead. “You shouldn’t apologize,” he said, “for anything. You’re…” He hesitated, visibly searching for words before settling on the right ones. “You're wonderful, Pen.”
Blush burned my cheeks. “So are you, Kit.”
Pulling back, I pushed up off my knees to stand. Kit stayed on the floor with his hands in his lap and his expression dazed.
When I stooped to pull him to his feet, it spurred an abrupt cough. I turned my face into my elbow, hacking as though there were something caught in my chest, but nothing came free. Kit took hold of my shoulders, steadying me despite his own wobbly legs.
“I’m okay,” I told him, though the wheeze in my next breath said otherwise.
He was tired enough that he didn’t press, and he finally released me to collapse onto his bed looking half asleep already.
I stayed beside him, searching the mattress around him for a spot where I could squeeze in.
The frame was barely wider than he was, and while I may have been willing to pile on top of him for the night, I doubted he would feel the same.
Kit draped his arm across his eyes and expelled a sigh. “Goodnight, Penny.” His voice slurred with impending sleep. “I’ll try not to wake you again.”
My smile returned, or perhaps it had never left. “Night, Kit.”
I crept back to my own bed and shimmied under the blanket, pulling it all the way up to my chin. I wasn’t sure how much sleep I would get with the weight pushing down on my chest and my mind full of every wonderful thing that had happened that night.
I was almost able to forget what we were here to do and that one or both of us could be dead before the next month was over. For the moment, I was happy, the way Kit said I should be, and that was enough.