Chapter 15 Kit
Kit
Shock rooted me to the spot as Penny stood over his brother wearing a smug smile.
When he took a step toward where Merrick had hit the floor, I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.
He looked so nearly gleeful that I worried what he might do next.
What he’d done already was bound to cause a world of trouble.
Hurried steps behind us alerted me to the arrival of Levitt and the Sentinels. I flinched when the Right Hand stepped into view and threw a look of warning in my direction.
“Kit, control your recruit,” Levitt hissed as one of the Sentinels levered Merrick to his feet. Then Levitt turned his glower on Penny. “I will consider this a family squabble, Mister Oliver, but if it happens again there will be consequences.”
Merrick shook off the Sentinel’s hand and stalked toward us. “There should be consequences now! Such insubordinate behavior deserves punishment, Your Eminence.”
“Your behavior isn’t above reproach either, Merrick,” Levitt snapped, rounding on him.
“Not only is your attitude unnecessarily combative, but this is twice now you’ve brought unsubstantiated claims against Mister Koesters.
Whatever your issue with him, it’s time you let it go before you find yourself facing unpleasant consequences.
” He gestured toward the door. “Out. Now.”
Merrick scowled and shouldered past us to follow the Sentinels into the hall. Levitt shook his head, then trailed behind them.
Penny dissolved into a coughing fit as they turned the corner into the living area. I eased him down onto the edge of the bed and crouched in front of him, running my hands up and down his arms to quiet him while he caught his breath.
“Did you see, Kit?” His eyes were bright, and he was shivering lightly. “I didn't know I could hit like that. Merrick went down so fast…”
“I appreciate you defending my honor,” I began, and to my dismay, Penny's crooked smile widened. He was delighted, but I was horrified considering the ripple effect this might have. “Though I would advise against punching people in the future. Violence doesn’t suit you.”
Penny sobered slightly and caught one of my hands to give it a squeeze. “Sorry Merrick’s so awful to you. It’s probably my fault because I’m always making things worse with him. I guess this didn’t help.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m pretty sure this will paint an even bigger target on our backs.”
Penny chewed his lip a moment before flexing his left hand. His knuckles were deep red from where they’d struck his brother’s face. “Merrick has an awfully hard head,” he muttered. “Feels like I punched a wall.”
I took his hand between mine and smoothed my fingers over his knuckles. “That's what happens when you hit people.”
Penny looked ready to reply, but then his eyes darted to something over my shoulder, and his features hardened.
He looked angry enough that I thought Merrick might have come back, but as I started to turn to see who was there, Penny cupped my cheek in his free hand and pulled my head up to crush his lips against mine.
The kiss was brief, ending when a throat cleared behind me. I whipped around to find Levitt standing in the doorway. His gaze flicked between Penny and me.
Dread settled in my gut. I wanted to believe it was an accident or bad timing, but a glance at Penny’s steely expression was proof that his advance had been intentional. He was making a point. Staking his claim as if I hadn’t already told him that I had no romantic interest in Levitt.
I pulled my hand from Penny’s grip and pushed to my feet, putting distance between us to keep him from causing any more harm.
“I’m sorry for this, Kit,” Levitt said before I could find my voice. “This is the second unfounded invasion of your privacy, and I’ll see to it that it doesn’t happen again.” He turned toward the hall then paused and looked over his shoulder. “Come see me soon. I think we have a lot to talk about.”
I nodded wordlessly, though my swallow was surely audible to both parties in the room.
Levitt passed through the doorway, and I followed a few steps behind.
In the living room, the Sentinels—heavy-laden with all of my father’s journals—waited with Merrick, who stood with a hand covering the red mark on his face that would undoubtedly turn into a bruise by morning.
I wondered what sort of story he’d come up with to explain it away.
“We’re done here,” Levitt said. He gestured for the others to exit, trailing after them and pausing once more on the front step before I closed the door. “I’ll see to it that the horse is put up. Goodnight, Kit.”
I couldn’t muster anything in response, so I shut the door in his face.
I wasn’t ready to face Penny again. My stomach was one giant knot, and my mind was a mess of emotions I couldn’t put names to. The only thing I could focus on was finding the hemlock before anyone else did.
Our packs were spilled across the floor, and I crawled through the mess, shaking out every article of clothing and praying to find the vial of poison inside. My anxiety worsened the longer I searched and didn’t find it.
“What are you looking for?”
I looked up to find Penny leaning in the kitchen doorway. His stern expression had given way to one of idle interest.
“The hemlock,” I replied.
“It’s not there. They looked.” He wandered into the room and poked at the mess with the toe of his boot. His eyes stayed locked on the floor.
“If it’s not here, that means it fell out in town,” I said, “and if someone finds it—”
“They won’t.”
When I glanced up, he still wouldn’t look at me. “What do you mean? How do you…” Realization struck. Not once during the raid had Penny been nervous. He’d been annoyed by the intrusion, agitated, but never worried.
My brows drew down as I pinned him with a glare. “What did you do?”
He sighed and met my eyes. “I dumped it out on the road before we got here. Nora said neither of us should be taking it, and you wouldn’t stop, so I did what I had to.”
He sounded as irritated as I felt. It was a relief that Penny had inadvertently saved us both from the consequences of my attempt at cheating our way through the third Oath, but he’d caused twice as many problems in the last few minutes as he’d solved.
Part of me wanted to thank him. Truthfully, he deserved my thanks, at least for this. But any comfort I might have found in his efforts to protect me paled in comparison to the sense of betrayal that I could no longer ignore.
I didn’t trust easily. Growing up in the cult, surrounded by deceit and manipulation, I learned that trust and vulnerability were weaknesses that could—and would—be exploited. So, I closed off every part of myself that might be used to hurt me, and I never let anyone fully in again.
Penny was the first person in a long time that I’d thought I could trust. He made me feel safe enough to start opening back up.
Now, I worried that may have been a mistake.
It wasn’t enough for him to know that he was the one I had chosen to be with.
He wanted grand gestures and public affection, but those were things I couldn’t give him yet.
He’d told me back on the road that it was enough for now that I made him happy.
Clearly, “for now” had lasted until we got back to Ashpoint and no longer applied.
“Why did you do that?” I asked quietly.
He frowned. “I told you, neither of us should have been taking it—”
“That’s not what I mean.”
His brows pinched. “Then what do you mean?”
“You told me you weren’t the kind of person who went around kissing other men, especially when there’s nothing to prove. But this makes twice now that you’ve taken it upon yourself—”
“You’re not just some other man, Kit,” Penny cut in, bold before dropping his eyes to the floor again. “You’re mine.”
I bristled. For so long, I’d been a tool my father put to use whenever the whim struck him.
I was never given a choice in the matter.
My freedom to choose was stripped away piece by piece as I got old enough to think for myself until my every move was dictated by the man who wanted a supplicant rather than a son.
The idea of belonging to someone again, even someone as kind and gentle as Penny, was enough to sicken me.
It was stifling, and restrictive, and uncomfortable, and I didn’t like it.
“I’m not a possession to be fought over.” My voice came out sharp, and Penny flinched.
“I didn't mean it like that.”
I pushed to my feet. “Then how did you mean it? Because that certainly felt proprietary.”
His eyes darted up to mine, and his hands curled into loose fists. “Maybe it was.” Frustration bled through his tone. “Maybe I do want to fight for you. You should fight for what you love.”
“There’s nothing to fight about!” I threw my arms up and tried to rein in my irritation without success. “I told you that it doesn’t matter how Levitt feels about me because I’m with you, and that’s not going to change. He’s no threat to you.”
Penny’s shoulders drew in, and he curled his arms around his middle. When he spoke, his voice came out so small that it made my chest ache.
“I don't know what you do when you visit him.
What you talk about. And I didn't think about it until you said he loved you once.” He looked aside, and a faint blush crept over his cheeks.
“Then I saw him today, and I thought, what if he loves you still?” His brows knit together as distress overtook his meek expression.
“He's powerful, Kit. I know he is, and you've known him longer than me.
If you're trying to take Merrick's place, what if the easiest way to do that is to be with Levitt?
He wouldn't deny you if he loves you. He'd want to keep you close.” He stopped long enough to huff an unhappy breath.
“I would,” he said, then softened again. “I do.”