Chapter 20 Kit #2
“Not this time.” I eased him out of my lap and onto the cushion beside me. “You need to get something in your stomach besides wine, or you’ll hate yourself in the morning.”
He sighed and sagged against my shoulder. “Okay.”
It was a stretch to reach the plate and mug from the coffee table without unsettling him, but I managed and handed him the water first. He guzzled it down before taking the slice of bread and cheese I offered next.
We ate in companionable quiet until all that remained was a piece of crust that Penny fiddled with in his lap. He seemed to know what was coming, even though I was sure all we both wanted was to curl up together and not worry about anything else until morning.
But, since he was settled, there were things I needed to address before I could settle.
“You know, you don’t need to act like Merrick to beat him,” I said.
Penny tossed the crust onto the plate so he could wind his arms around himself. He looked simultaneously ashamed and defeated.
“Men like Merrick, men like my father, thrive on getting you off-balance and worn down enough that you don’t see any other solution but to resort to the same methods you’re railing against. All it does is fuel their fire and give them more power over you.
And you’re not like them, Pen. You can’t sustain their levels of vitriol without it hurting you too. ”
He sniffled and squeezed himself tighter. “I’m sorry I scared you. I don’t ever want to scare you.” His teary eyes met mine sidelong. “Do you… Do you still fancy me?”
“Of course I do.” I sat back into the corner of the couch and pulled him with me so we could recline chest to chest. His arms crept around my waist when I pulled the blanket off the back cushions and wrapped him up.
Ultimately, I knew some of what he was going through.
In the last few months, Penny had lost almost everything in his life.
Not all of it was permanent, but what he had left was inaccessible.
I’d felt that, too, more than once in my life.
It had been lonely and terrifying to face down a whole new world without anyone around who understood.
Back then, I’d wished Levitt had been there.
Now, I could be for Penny what Levitt had never been for me: a link to his old life and a reminder that not all the good things were gone.
“I know you’re trying to protect me, to protect us,” I murmured against his hair.
“So am I. We’re trying to keep each other safe, but our methods are at odds.
We need to get better at talking about these things so we’re not working against each other all the time.
” I chuckled softly. “And I hate it when we fight.”
He pulled back and propped himself up on his hands. “I am trying to protect you. I want to. And Merrick should be my problem, not yours. I know your father put you through awful things. That doesn’t mean you need to take them from my brother, too. I won’t let him treat you that way.”
“Your problems are my problems.” I moved to brush the hair back from his face, but he ducked out of reach.
“Not this one.” He shook his head, further unsettling his blond locks. “He was my problem long before I got here.”
I sighed and tried to tug him back down, but he wouldn’t budge.
“This isn’t Eastcliff, Pen,” I argued. “This isn’t your farm.
The stakes are higher here, and so are the consequences.
If he rallies the Sentinels, Merrick could force Levitt’s hand and find some way to have us killed.
I need you to realize how dangerous he is.
” I tipped my head against the arm of the couch and let out a long breath.
“You don’t lash out at a bear that’s attacking you when you want to survive.
You stay calm, you talk low, you retreat and, if it keeps coming, you make yourself small to protect where you’re vulnerable. ”
Penny snorted. “Merrick isn’t a bear. And I spent too many years cowering to him to do that anymore.”
I knew that. Still, I’d insisted on attending the get-together that Penny actively tried to avoid. Asking him not to get antagonized by Merrick’s disparaging comments was pointless when I was the one who forced him into that situation to begin with. He tried to refuse, and I should have let him.
“I’m not asking you to cower. I’m asking you to walk away instead of engaging.
” When I lifted my head again, Penny was scowling at me.
At least this time when I reached out, he didn’t pull away, and he let me rest my palm against his cheek.
“In that vein, the dinner was a mistake, and I’m sorry.
I shouldn’t have put the two of you in the same room, and I shouldn’t have accepted Violette’s invitation.
I should have found another way to placate her without putting you in that position. I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you.”
Penny sighed and tipped his head fully into my hand. “So, no more family dinners?”
“Next time, I’ll tell them you’re sick.”
That earned me a laugh, and it was the best thing I’d heard all day. He grinned as he sank back down against me and tucked his head under my chin.
“More like they make me sick,” he said.
The tension in my shoulders eased, and I pressed a kiss into his hair. “So, will you try to avoid Merrick for me? I promise I won’t put you in that situation again.”
He yawned and snuggled in closer. “I think I can manage that.”
“And if he tries to approach you, will you walk away?”
He groaned. “That will be harder. But I’ll try. For you.”
“Thank you.” I slid my arms around him. “I feel like I owe you an apology for how I handled the situation with Levitt, too.”
“Do you?”
I leaned my head against his and closed my eyes. “While I still don’t think you went about it the right way, ultimately it didn’t matter. I would have had to tell him about us eventually. He’d have tried to pursue me, and he would have asked why we couldn’t be together when I turned him down.”
Penny yawned again, and his words slurred as he asked, “But he didn’t pursue you?”
“No, because I told him I’m with you, and he respected that.”
I could hear the grin in his voice this time. “And because I kissed you in front of him.”
I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Yes. That conveyed the message that I’m off-limits to him quite clearly.”
“Good.” Penny’s arms slipped around my waist, and he pressed in a little closer.
The crackle of the fire in the hearth filled the quiet that stretched between us.
After several minutes, it tempted me to doze, and Penny was well on his way to giving in.
Between the wine and the late hour, he was fading fast. After the day he’d had, it seemed cruel to wake him and send him to bed when he seemed so comfortable here.
I was more comfortable with him here, too.
I slept better with him tucked against me and, after the last two days, I was desperate for a night of decent sleep.
In my exhaustion, all worries about growing too accustomed to not sleeping alone were forgotten.
One more night wouldn’t hurt.