Chapter 36 Penny
Penny
My trip to the other bedroom for oil had bought me time, but not enough to dispel my mounting anxiety. I’d promised Kit I could take care of him, and I meant it. I believed it. But good intentions and a vivid imagination only went so far when not paired with actual experience.
I tried not to dwell on the knowledge that most of what I’d done with Dawson Hilliard had been harmless kissing and touching.
We’d only been intimate a few times, and one of those ended so immediately it hardly counted.
Also, Dawson had insisted on a certain way of doing things, which involved me being in the position Kit was in now.
I’d expected the same from Kit until our conversation the night before the third Oath, and was still trying to work up my nerve to do things opposite.
I was, at least, more experienced with my fingers.
With Kit in such close proximity all the time, I had no shortage of fodder for my imagination.
We’d barely been here a week before I’d stolen the oil from the kitchen, and I made ample use of it since.
I’d planned to be able to tell Kit what I liked.
So, if nothing else, I was fairly confident in my ability to translate what I’d learned on my own body to Kit’s.
“Pen?” Kit cupped his hand to the side of my face and tilted it till I met him at eye level. “Do you want this?”
A breathy laugh escaped me. “I asked you, didn’t I?”
And I’d felt so bold when expecting his refusal. The sudden acceptance caught me off-guard but, yes, I wanted it. I wanted him. Every piece.
He brushed his thumb across my cheekbone in slow, soothing strokes. “Technically, this time I asked you.”
I chuckled again, more of a nervous titter. “Not a fit of madness, is it?”
Kit’s dark eyes seemed luminous somehow, wide and deep in the firelight. “You’re the only thing driving me mad, Pen,” he said, his voice husky. “You have been for a while now.”
It was difficult to think of anything with all of him touching all of me, but I managed to channel my thoughts into a question. “A while, you say? How long is that exactly?”
His mischievous smile made me blush, and I knew he must have remembered the same moment I did, when he’d asked how long I loved him and why.
He glanced aside. “Well, I didn’t mark the day—”
Pitching forward, I silenced him with a kiss.
We toppled back onto the bed with our legs tangled and our arms wrapped around each other.
The heat and friction made my pulse thunder in my ears.
I shifted aside, trailing kisses as I went, and reached to take Kit’s erection in my palm.
Nerves tickled my insides like moth wings, making my movements jerky and my hands unsteady.
Kit didn’t seem to mind as he eased against me, rubbing hands down my back and up the nape of my neck.
My mouth captured his again, and my tongue slid inside. I stroked his shaft while his hand splayed in the small of my back, pinning me to him.
I was starved with need, far more than want, and every grip and slide of my desperate fingers was met with Kit’s own hungry touches. He dragged his hands over every inch of me, driving out whines and sighs that seemed to entice him all the more.
Thumbing over his head, I found it slick with fluid, which reminded me of other necessary preparations.
I pulled away from him, prompting a grunt of protest and a swiping grab that almost lured me back. Grinning, I snagged the small ceramic crock from the table by the bed then held it aloft.
Kit squinted at it with more scrutiny than when I'd first brought it from my room. “Is that cooking oil?”
I nodded.
Removing the cork, I poured a bit of the viscous liquid into my palm, then resealed the crock and returned it to its place. Rubbing the oil across my fingers turned them slick and glossy, and Kit’s brow arched.
Heat rushed my face. “You’ll appreciate it,” I assured him. “I promise.”
He watched with marked interest as I crawled back to kneel beside him.
“You trust me?” I asked.
Kit’s lips parted to reply, but then he only gave a single, slow nod. I nodded in return and grabbed his shin, pushing one leg up, then the other, till they were both bent and spread apart.
I slid into the space between his knees, placing one hand to the middle of his chest and feeling its steady rise and fall.
I’d learned the shape of his torso, mapped it in my mind. I remembered when he’d first showed me his brand and the tattoo meant to mask it. A fresh layer of scabbed skin mangled the once beautiful bird design. I tried to keep the sorrow off my face as I gingerly brushed over it.
Kit lay still, looking up at me while I traced the grid of lines on his abdomen, then past his navel to drag along the length of his shaft.
He shivered and rolled his hips against me while emotions warred in his near-black eyes. I liked the ones I saw now: desire, need, and longing.
His gaze tore away from mine as my hand ventured farther down. When my oil-slicked fingertip grazed his rear opening, Kit sucked a sharp breath. He grabbed the hand I had pressed against his chest and wound our fingers together in a crushing squeeze.
I leaned in, touching gently, circling, and kissed him. His other arm wrapped around my waist, tethering me to him.
“I’ve got you, darling,” I whispered against his lips. “Relax.”
With a much deeper inhale, Kit nodded. I felt his muscles loosen as the tension left his body.
I smiled and kissed his cheek, then pushed into him.
The tight resistance slowly gave way as he sucked another breath, then exhaled it in a moan.
I buried my face in his neck and closed my eyes to focus until I found that certain spot inside.
Kit’s grip became bruising on my hand, and he bucked beneath me.
“Gods, what is that?” he gasped.
I grinned and curled my finger forward and back, stroking over the spot while Kit writhed beneath me. His bare skin flushed hot as I massaged inside him and kissed him relentlessly. First his lips, then his cheek, then over to nip gently at the shell of his ear.
With my head beside his, I heard every stuttered gasp, swallow, and hum of pleasure.
My member stiffened almost painfully, and I gave Kit’s hand a squeeze before pulling free and reaching down to take hold of his erection. I’d barely grasped it when he cried out, some mix of a curse word and my name.
I bent in and trailed my lips over his bare chest. He whimpered and squirmed as I flicked my tongue across one firm nipple, then the other, still curling and uncurling my finger and now steadily stroking his member.
Kit arched up against me, and I met him with a kiss, sucking his lower lip until he pulled back.
“Fuck’s sake,” he rasped. “At this rate, we'll be finished before we start.”
When I twisted my finger inside him, Kit let out a growl. He grabbed my wrist. “No more. Gods. I won't last.”
My pulse quickened. I’d never seen him this way. Never seen anyone like this, falling out of control and into desperation for release.
“Do you want me to stop?” I asked.
Kit shook his head. “No, Pen, I want…” He licked his lips, then swallowed, seeming to focus before he fixed his gaze on me. “I need you.”
I pulled loose of him and released his erection in one fluid motion. Kit gasped again at the loss of sensation, the sudden emptiness I intended to fill because I needed him, too.
With a fumbling grab to the bedside table, I retrieved the oil once more and poured into my cupped palm. I spread the liquid along my shaft until it was thoroughly coated.
Kit shifted on the mattress, his panted breaths evening out while I spread his legs wider still. Trying to align with his entrance, I realized quickly we needed height, too, so I dragged a pillow down from the head of the bed. I motioned for him to raise up, then tucked the pillow under him.
“Feels obscene,” Kit muttered while blush colored his cheeks.
I smiled. “I think it's beautiful.”
He was tense again, jaw clenching and hands knotted in the sheets as I situated myself between his updrawn knees.
“Breathe, darling,” I reminded him. “Let me take care of you.”
I smoothed one hand up his thigh toward his groin while putting my oil-slicked fingers to his entrance again. Massaging around the muscle, I slid one finger inside, then eased in a second.
“Penny…” Kit’s voice was a guttural sound.
He thought I was denying him still, as though I didn’t need it as much as he did.
“If it’s too much, tell me, and I’ll stop,” I said before pulling my hand free and guiding my erection into its place.
The rim of Kit’s opening cinched around my member. The overwhelming tightness and heat stole my breath. My senses sparked alive with entirely new feelings, so much more intense than the stroke of my own hand. This was all encompassing, all consuming.
My eyelids fluttered as I forced myself to push farther in, deeper than my fingers had gone. Leaning forward, I grabbed Kit's hips and thrust all the way into him.
Kit moaned, and I echoed him. He worried he wouldn't last, but I knew I wouldn't either.
“Move, Pen,” Kit urged. “Don’t stop.”
I rocked back, then forward again. The sensation flooded me with euphoria. “You feel amazing,” I whispered, surprising myself by being able to speak at all.
Somehow, we found a rhythm, plunging in and out while I pitched forward on top of him, gripping his sides while he responded in kind. His fingers skimmed across my back, dragging his nails over my skin and making me shiver.
“Is it good?” I asked, fighting the tickle of a cough building in my lungs.
Kit caught the back of my head and pulled me to him for a blistering kiss. “Wonderful, sweetheart,” he murmured.
The compliment, combined with the full-body feelings washing over me, was almost enough to drive me over the edge. I struggled to keep rhythm, biting my lip and sucking shaky breaths.
When I felt Kit's arm move, I drew back enough to watch him grab his erection and fist over it. The sight stoked the desire in my belly, and I drove harder into him, building friction and speed while tingling bliss crept up from my toes.
The tightness in my chest intensified, thinning the air and making me gasp through the final thrusts.
Kit yelped a cry, and his body jerked beneath me.
He clenched around my member, dragging me over the edge of ecstasy.
Ropes of white coated his stomach and chest while mine filled him from the inside.
He moaned as I pumped into him, and we stayed locked together, both panting and twitching while reality slowly returned.
My knees wobbled, no longer able to support me, and I sagged back, extricating myself from the vise of Kit's legs as he, too, went limp.
I stretched out beside him, tucked in close with my sweat-speckled skin brushing against his. The tightness had yet to ease in my chest, and I fought for shallow gasps. Kit rolled over to face me and cupped his hand to my warm cheek. The worry was back, bringing me down from my euphoric high.
“I’m okay.” I nodded as vigorously as I could. “Just worked up is all.”
He watched me a moment more, stroking my face while his gaze flicked from my fluttering chest to my eyes and back again. Gradually, the tension eased and I could breathe more freely, but the exertion left me weak and lightheaded.
Finally, I turned away and reached off the side of the bed for my discarded clothes. I wiped my hands, then grabbed a shirt to offer to Kit. While he wiped up the mess on his stomach, I sprawled flat on my back with a wide grin.
“I’ve never done that before,” I said between slowing breaths. “I mean, I have, but the other way around.” Pushing up on my elbows, I looked over at Kit and added, “I think I like this way better.”
Kit leaned up and combed the curtain of hair behind my ear. His cheeks were tinged pink, and his eyes were almost sleepy as he dipped in to meet me with a gentle, savoring kiss.
It didn’t last long before the need to cough spurred me to pull away. I hacked into the crook of my arm and turned onto my side while a dizzy spell swept over me. The discomfort was fleeting, but worth what had sparked it.
Kit massaged up my back, then snuggled in to curve his body against mine and loop his arm around my waist.
He kissed behind my ear before whispering, “You’ve changed me, you know. For the better, I think.”
My eyelids were heavy, and I realized I’d done a better job of exhausting myself than Kit. It was a struggle to keep them open as I stared out at the room that had so recently become ours.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
Kit’s chest swelled with a deep breath. “Those things you said about me? What you see in me?”
He paused, and I hummed an encouraging sound.
“I’m not sure they were true, before you.”
His arm hugged tighter around me, and I grabbed onto it, wanting to keep him close.
Kit’s voice was a rumble in my ear as he continued. “I’ve spent all this time believing I’m not a good person, wondering how you could want to be with me. For years, I hated myself. Sometimes I still do, but less now, because of you.”
It was too much to hear and not see him. I shifted away while craning my neck to find his face. His brows were drawn together, and his eyes were soft beneath them in a wistful sort of look.
“Kit, I love you,” I told him. I couldn’t say it enough.
He smiled, and the whole room felt warm and wonderful.
“I love you, too, Pen, in a way I never thought possible.” He stroked my cheek again, and I caught his hand to hold in mine. He looked down at our entwined fingers as he added quietly, “You’ve made me a better man. A happier one.”
It was all I wanted for him. To banish his doubt and sorrow and fear and leave him as full of joy and hope as I was.
Because he’d made me that way. It was strange to think that, while I was learning how dark and frightening the world could be, I was learning, too, how good it felt not to be alone in it.
I had begun to doze when Kit gently stirred me. “We should wash up,” he said. “I’ll fill the tub if you want to wait here.”
I nodded, feeling weighted to the bed and drowsier by the second. No sooner did I feel the chill of Kit sliding away than did he return, this time standing over me while rubbing my arm. Peeling my eyes open, I gazed up at him, this darling man I could call mine.
“You ready, sweetheart?” he asked.
The pet name filled my stomach with butterflies.
I crawled off the bed and stumbled into him, and was immediately wrapped up, held, safe, and loved.
And it was perfect.