Chapter 9 #2
I stood up and left the living room. All I needed was for Brixton to wake up and hear my father talking shit.
Once I was in the powder room with the door closed, I spoke.
“Well, if I didn’t make the right decision, what can I do about it now, Daddy?
You do know that I’m stuffed full of his baby at this point, right?
You want me to interrupt this pregnancy?
Tell Brixton thanks but I’m gonna go in a different direction? ”
“What? No, baby—”
“Then what are we even talking about, Daddy?”
“Ryann, you’re my daughter. I don’t want you to find yourself in over your head.
I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to get too dependent on him.
Don’t you two have an agreement about co-parenting?
Just remember that this is a business arrangement and not an opportunity to play house with somebody who has a different agenda than yours. ”
“Daddy, respectfully,” I pushed out through gritted teeth, “you really should’ve let Mom have this conversation because I don’t know what you’re trying to say, but what you are saying is pissing me off to the utmost. I—”
“That’s not my intention, baby—”
“You know, I find it so funny that when Christian and Gensie were going through this exact same process, you were all support and positive affirmations. Now it’s me, and all I’m getting is keep your baby’s daddy at a distance.
We’re gonna be co-parenting this baby. We need to be friends.
I need you to stop trying to make this situation more clinical than it already is.
Damn!” For the first time in life, I hung up in my daddy’s face.
I flipped the lid on the toilet, sat down, and sobbed.
That was where Brixton found me about five minutes later.
Ten Weeks Later
“Are you sure you’re gonna be all right?” Zyah probed as she helped me gather up Mocha’s things.
I’d received a call from the agency the day before. Apparently, Mocha’s owners had finally figured out their lives and were headed back to the Chicagoland area to retrieve their dog.
“I have mixed emotions. I mean, she’s been with me for like six months. I love her, but at some point I will have to start preparing for my human baby.” My hand involuntarily went to my twenty-week pregnant stomach and cradled it. “I don’t want Mocha to feel neglected or forgotten.”
Zyah saw the tears in my eyes and crossed the room to pull me into a hug. For the last month, I’d been more emotional than ever before. And I was pretty sure it started when I noticed that Brixton was pulling away from me.
He still stopped by and checked on me. He still brought food by regularly and took Mocha for walks.
Gone were the days of foot massages. Instead, he sent gift cards for me to get foot massages from day spas.
The bouquets of pink flowers still showed up each week and I appreciated it.
The sleepovers had stopped. The chilling on the sofa binging our shows had stopped.
“Aww.” Zyah comforted me.
“But when she goes, I’m gonna be all alone,” I cried.
“You won’t be alone. I’ll be here and Brix’ll be here.”
“Brix is never here anymore!” I blurted. “He doesn’t show up for me in the same way he used to. He’s not… present.”
“What happened?” She held me tighter.
“I don’t know. I don’t know. Maybe he met somebody.
I don’t know.” I swiped at the tears impatiently.
“Anyway, it’s not important. I need to stop harping on the things that make me unhappy.
I don’t want my baby cooking in a cesspool of negativity.
Brixton will still be a good dad and a good co-parent.
He just won’t be my partner the way I thought he would during this process. ”
We were both quiet and I shrugged her off of me.
“Eww. This pregnancy is making you mean, Ry.”
I ignored her. “And what I just told you needs to stay between us, Zy. I don’t want you asking him why he stopped hanging out over here and all that stuff. All I wanna do is get through this appointment and find out if my baby is a boy or a girl.”
“You mean, I’ll find out if it’s a boy or a girl. You and Brix will stay in suspense.” She grinned at me.
I gave her a blank stare.
She pouted. “I thought you wanted to be surprised at the baby shower with a gender reveal. So do you want to know and everybody else can be surprised at the gender reveal?”
I considered it. “Yeah. I can’t go on not knowing. I think that’s part of what has me so cranky. I want to know.”
“Okay,” she agreed easily. “My vote is girl. What’s your vote?”
“Girl,” I confided.
“Okay, put your shoes on. Let’s go find out.”
Later that afternoon, as Zyah whipped into a parking spot at the doctor’s office, Brixton pulled in right next to us. He turned off his truck and hopped out quickly enough to grab my door and open it for me. I took his outstretched hand, and he helped me out of Zyah’s vehicle.
“Hey,” I said as he pulled me into a hug, resting his hand on my stomach as he did so.
“Hey.” He kissed my cheek, sending butterflies directly to my stomach. “You good?”
“I’m okay. I’m getting Mocha’s things packed up. Tiffany called me. She claims that the owners will be in town tomorrow.”
“You want me to drop by and grab her and her things? It’s probably gonna be emotional. Saying goodbye and handing her off to people who are strangers to you… and her.”
“I agree.” Zyah chimed in before I could formulate a response. “It’s emotional. It’s heavy. It’s stressful. What time did Tiffany ask you to drop Mocha off?”
The three of us walked toward the front door of the doctor’s office.
“Uhm, she asked me to have her there by ten tomorrow morning.” I looked up at Brixton. “Actually, would you mind getting her tonight? I think it’ll be easier if I don’t have to face handing her off in the morning.”
Brixton threaded his fingers through mine. “Nah, I don’t mind. You have her stuff ready?”
I took a deep breath, then nodded.
“Yeah, I’ll come through and get her tonight.” He held the door open so Zyah and I could walk through it.
I went to the reception desk and gave them my name before taking a seat next to Brixton in the empty waiting room.
Genesis recommended her doctor and I appreciated it.
Her doctor had a clientele made up of the who’s who of elite Chicagoans.
Her practice was focused on providing privacy and anonymity for its patients.
She made sure that no patient ever ran into another patient leaving or arriving at her facility.
Soon enough, my name was called by the nurse. I was weighed, handed a cup, then directed to the restroom while Brixton and Zyah were led in the other direction toward the examination room. Once I handed in my urine sample, I joined Zyah and Brixton.
The appointment proceeded as usual. I laughed when both Zyah and Brixton turned their backs to me as I stripped down and donned the requisite paper gown.
The nurse came in and got my blood pressure.
The sonogram tech came in and let us hear the heartbeat before she got down to the business of finding our little one’s genital area on the screen.
“So does everybody want to know, or am I just telling the future aunt?” The nurse’s voice held a smile.
Brixton, who was standing at the bed holding my hand, looked to me in deference.
“I wanna know,” I confirmed.
“Cool.” He nodded.
Zyah bounced on her feet and clapped her hands. “Yes. But before you tell us, let us share our guesses. I say girl.”
“Girl,” I said.
“Yeah, girl,” Brixton put in.
The nurse zeroed in on a specific area of the baby’s body. “If you look right here, because baby Upton has their legs wide open, I can tell you what I don’t see.”
“A penis,” Brixton surmised.
“A penis,” she confirmed with a chuckle. “Looks like baby Upton is a princess.”
“Yes!” Zyah cheered. “As the aunt, this evens the playing field for me. Now, I have two nephews and two nieces! Until Christian knocks Gensie up again, I’m two up, two down.”
“Wow. Uhm…” Brixton’s voice cracked and pulled my attention away from the screen and to him. “Wow. Princess Cole. I thought it was a girl but actually having you confirm that… just wow.”
I tugged his hand, and he bent down and gave me a hug, managing not to get the gel on himself. “We’re having a daughter,” I told him.
“We’re having a daughter.” Before I knew what was happening, he took my face in his hands and kissed my lips.
Zyah gasped. “Oh.”
Her reaction broke the spell. Brixton dropped his hands, stepped back from the bed, and ran his hand down his face. “Oh damn. I’m… like, my bad. I’m sorry, Ry. I didn’t mean to do that.”
I didn’t say anything. I just stared at him as my lips tingled from the kiss.
“It was the emotion,” Zyah said before going over to Brixton and laying her hand on his arm. “You just got caught up in the emotion of it all. You’re having a daughter. You’re gonna be a girl dad.”
“Yeah, that’s mind blowing. Wow.” His eyes met mine. “Thank you, Ry. Thank you.”
That seemed like the perfect opportunity for us to hug or have some kind of physical contact. But Brixton kept his distance. That fact stole a little bit of joy from me.