Epilogue
Five years later…
“Stevie,” I holler from the kitchen, smearing peanut butter and jelly on four pieces of bread before slapping them together and shoving them into the kids lunchboxes. “Please come get your shoes on!”
Jude has been sitting at the door with his backpack on, shoes on, and a book for the last five minutes, and when he sees me coming his way, he leans forward so I can unzip his backpack and shove his lunchbox inside.
I drop a kiss to his forehead. “Thanks, Jude.”
Stevie rounds the corner, skipping toward the pile of shoes in the entryway before grabbing the same pair of green and yellow rain boots she’s been wearing everyday for two weeks now. I can’t find it in me to fight her about it with everything else going on .
She’s wearing a red t-shirt, purple tutu, and now her rain boots.
God, love her.
Grabbing the brush from the counter, I come up behind her and quickly drag a brush through her brown, curly hair and secure it in a ponytail on top of her head. She lets out a blood curdling scream the entire time, and Jude continues to read his book from his place on the floor.
When I found out I was pregnant five years ago, my heart had dropped out of my ass at the thought of having a baby. Then a two weeks later, my doctor informed me there were two babies growing inside of my body, and I called Beck crying and cussing.
I’d never said the f-word before, and Beck was shocked to say the least.
By the announcement of twins and my language.
A boy and a girl. Our Stevie and Jude.
Sylvia tells me often how much the twins remind her of Ben and Beck when they were young. Ben has always been like Jude, quiet and reserved. Jude sits back and observes the scene, but he isn’t afraid to get in on the action when he’s ready.
Stevie, though? My wild child is just like her daddy.
She’s loud and sassy, into everything and defiant. She’s independent, opinionated, and bossy. She’s everything I always wished I’d been when I was younger, and now that I’m a mother, I love nurturing that side of her. Letting her know there’s nothing wrong with having a dominating personality as a woman .
Like night and day, my kids.
My phone rings and buzzes on the counter, breaking me out of my thoughts, and I grin when I see Beck’s name on the display.
“Hey, B.”
“Mornin’,” Beck says cheerily. “What’re my guys up to?”
“Missing you.”
“Aw, I miss you guys, too.”
Grinning, I grab my water cup and sling my bag over my shoulder. “Let’s go, guys. Car. Move it. Stevie, babe, grab your bag first.” She huffs and drags it behind her instead. I roll my eyes as Beck chuckles into the receiver. “When will you be home?”
“Tonight,” he replies, shuffling around. “I have a meeting with my agent at noon for lunch then I’m headed that way.”
“Any news?”
“I’ll know for sure later, but I think they plan to offer me a three-year contract.”
“B!” I squeal, excitement bubbling over despite the way he says I jinx everything—hockey players and their superstitions. “That’s great!”
“Don’t get too excited.” He sighs, and I hear more crinkling. “I fucking miss you guys so much.”
My heart aches for him, and I trail after the kids with a sadness settling in my features that I usually try to hide. As I buckle the kids into their seats, I reply, “I know. If I could, I’d never let you leave. ”
“This was the first season that I could actually enjoy the game again.”
“Being an hour away is so much easier than LA, B.”
When Beck was drafted, he went to LA just like he thought he would. We thought that first season would be the hardest since we were newly married and pregnant, but it’s been the three seasons following the first that were hardest of all.
Staying in LA for three seasons wasn’t the plan, but Beck couldn’t get out of his contract, and I guess he played well enough that LA didn’t want to trade him either. Then last season he finally got traded to North Carolina, one hour away from Magnolia Hollow, and it was like the skies cleared. He was happy again, no longer throwing around words like ‘quit’ or ‘retirement’.
He played the best season of his career with North Carolina, and they’d be stupid not to lock him down.
“Enough about me,” he huffs. “You have your opening today. How are you feeling?”
“Nervous.”
“And…?”
Pursing my lips, I start the car and back out of the driveway. “Just nervous. Gwen has been blowing my phone up all morning about the line already, and I’m terrified I’m going to blow it and freeze up.”
“Winnie. That’s the most absurd thing you’ve ever said.” I can hear Beck’s grin as he speaks. “You found a purpose. You found the thing to make you feel alive, finally, and you’ve worked so fucking hard for it. Don’t let that voice in your head get to you, baby.”
“I found my purpose a long time ago.”
“Oh, yeah? So if your purpose isn’t partnering with Gwen and running a joint bakery and book store, then what is it?”
I drive past Bluebird Ranch, knowing Beth and Cal and Matt are hard at work already finishing up their morning chores and prepping for the long, hot summer day. I drive past the speed limit sign I can remember walking past every day on my way to town five years ago, and I drive past the police station where Cole’s truck is parked in the lot with a Hollow Hockey bumper sticker on the back.
Flicking my blinker on, I turn my car into Magnolia Hollow Elementary School and get in the car rider lane, my reality slamming into me suddenly.
“Just being here and being happy, B.” My answer is throaty and clogged with emotion, but I know he’ll understand. He’d said the words once upon a time. “My purpose is existing. You, the kids, the job… It’s all an added bonus.”
“That’s my girl,” he whispers softly, and I can feel the love in his voice as if he were sitting beside me holding my hand. “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
We hang up, and I take a few minutes to wipe at my face and unbuckle the kids as their teacher comes to Stevie’s door .
“Good morning, guys,” their teacher, Elle, greets them. She smiles at me and nods. “How is everyone this morning, huh?”
“Running behind,” I answer, leaving the as usual off since Elle gets it.
Stevie undoes her harness and scrambles out of the car, holding onto Elle’s hand and bouncing around while Jude takes longer to unbuckle. He lets me help him and situate his backpack on his shoulders then presses a kiss to my hand and waves bye.
“Have a good day, Stevie! Jude! I love you!”
They don’t answer, already tugging Elle towards the school entrance, and another teacher comes by to shut the back door and wave me off so the line can move forward.
Parking on the square is limited, but I manage to snag a spot on the other side of Sugar somehow, winding my way through the line to the building. I throw the door open and smile at the people waiting before letting it close and searching for Gwen.
“Gwen?”
“Win?”
“Are we playing Marco Polo? Where are you?”
Gwen pops out of the kitchen with flour on her nose, and I smile. Walking to the back, I look around the shop with awestruck eyes, nerves trickling back in. Gwen has trays upon trays of cupcakes in the walk-in fridge on standby, and I’m praying we haven’t overestimated how popular the opening is going to be .
Gwen tsks as soon as she sees me. “Nope. Nuh-uh. Wipe that look off your face.”
“This is just my face.”
“Well… You have bigger problems than worrying about this opening then. Like how you managed to land a husband with that sour look.”
I grabbed the closest thing to me—a blueberry—and tossed it at her. “Rude.”
Gwen dodged the berry and giggled. “Seriously. Did you see all of those people? It’s going to be great.”
“Yeah… I just…”
“Wish your super hot, totally hunky husband was here to celebrate with you?”
With a pout, I nod. “Is that stupid?”
Gwen grabs my shoulder and squeezes. “Yes.”
“Says the woman whose husband will be here,” I murmur as I slap her hand away with a huff. “I’m going to check on the book side so I can get away from you and your joy.”
“Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fine, but sure. Go check it again .”
I swipe a cupcake from the stack and walk away from her protests with a smile.
Bluebird Ranch is the same as always.
Jude, Stevie, and I walk hand in hand down the long, winding dirt driveway together, and I savor these moments with the two of them.
They’re growing up before my eyes, and it’s hard watching them slowly become more independent. Stevie is still in her tutu and rain boots, and Jude had such a good day at school that he’s wearing an eye patch he swiped from the treasure chest as he left the classroom.
Pretty soon these two babies won’t need me, and that’s a hard pill for me to swallow, which is crazy in and of itself considering I never thought I’d be good at this whole parenting thing.
Turns out, just because you have bad parents who want nothing to do with you doesn’t mean you also have to be that way. Beck tells me it’s called breaking the cycle, and I broke it. He’ll tuck my blonde hair behind my ears and cup my face, kiss me sweetly, and show me how proud of me he is.
Lorelai and Colson divorced two years ago, and Lorelai moved to Washington to work in some fancy hospital where she could be the best of the best and leave behind this old life of hers. Colson… Well, I think he’s trying to get back in my good graces. At least that’s what Beck says.
He moved back into town a year ago, and he works with Jon Hamilton on the square. Now, he’s renting an apartment near the beach. Some little family that is far more deserving of my childhood home lives there now with the yard cluttered with toys. Every time I drive by it makes me smile .
Makes me wonder who’s making memories in my old bedroom.
My safe haven from the solitude.
“Where’s daddy?” Stevie asks, interrupting my thoughts.
Blinking back the emotion clogging my throat, I swallow and smile down at her. “I bet he’s on his way home right now. You think we should make him a special breakfast?”
Stevie jumps excitedly, tugging my arm. “Yes! Daddy loves pancakes, ya know. He told me so.”
“He likes when mama cuts the strawberries into hearts, too!” Jude interjects.
I lift a brow. “He does?”
They both nod. Stevie raises a finger and says matter of factly, “He also likes coffee, but only when mama makes it.”
Jude nods. “He said no one else makes it gooder than you, mama.”
“Better,” I correct automatically then inhale shakily. I miss Beck. I hate that he’s gone for long periods of time like this, but knowing the kids remember all of the little things he says or does makes that hole feel a little less empty.
I thought he’d be home by now, but his meeting ran over with his agent. So now he’s running behind schedule, which I know bothers him just as much as it bothers me.
Once we get half way down the drive, the kids wriggle out of my hold and bolt for the porch where Beth and Calvin are standing, waiting for them, and I can faintly hear the way the kids holler out for Gran and Papa as they near.
Jude trips going up the steps, but Calvin catches him before he can bust his face. The sight tugs at my heart, making me glad the kids have their own version of grandparents. Glad I have my own version of parents.
Colson sent me a birthday card. He must’ve put it in the mailbox at Sugar on his way to the office, and I stared at it for entirely too long this afternoon before I left.
He’s trying.
It just feels too late.
“Get on up here, birthday girl!” Calvin hollers. He has Jude hoisted up on his hip, and he whispers something in Jude’s ear that makes him giggle. Stevie and Beth are holding hands on the porch, and I stop walking, just watching them with a goofy grin.
I dreamed of this. I dreamed of the day I’d have a family. Nothing more or less. Just a family.
Clearing my throat, I stroll up the porch steps and hook my arms around Calvin and Beth’s necks, hugging them to my body tightly as Jude and Stevie squirm and complain about being squished.
Beth pulls away and brushes a strand of loose hair behind my ear. “You okay, Win?”
“Yeah,” I breathe. “I just… love you guys.”
She smiles softly, squeezing my arm. “You know we love you and these babies so much, right?”
“I know. ”
Calvin ruffles my hair. “Good. Let’s go eat then.”
Beth slaps at his chest. “You only care about food, Cal. Damn. We were having a moment.”
“I thought the moment was over?”
“It is,” I assure him and push them through the screen door. “Though I’m definitely going to cry about missing Beck lat—AHH! Holy shit!”
A scream tears out of my lungs as a dozen or more people burst out of the shadows shouting surprise as I walk into the livingroom of the farmhouse. My hand is clutching the fabric of my dress over my racing heart, and the twins laugh so hard I’m worried they might pee themselves.
“Mama said a bad word,” Stevie giggles.
“It’s not bad. It’s just grown-up, remember?” Jude reminds her seriously.
Cole moves toward me first, a shit-eating grin on his face as he wraps me up in a big hug and lifts me off the ground. “Happy birthday, kid!”
Back on two feet, I punch his shoulder. “Scared the heck out of me. Did you plan all of this?”
Cole shakes his head and moves out of the way.
Beck steps out of the shadows, laughing at something Gus says off to the side, and when his eyes meet mine, I feel absolutely star struck. Just like the first time I saw him all over again.
I always thought that after a while the obsession and intensity we felt for one another would simmer at least a little, but instead it seemed to ramp up over the years. Just one look from Beckett Hale, and I’m toast.
He smirks at me from across the room, and it takes my brain and legs all of half a second to get on the same page before I’m launching myself at him, wrapping around him like a koala bear. My legs tighten around his hips, and my arms lock around his neck, holding him close as I bury my face in his neck and inhale deeply.
“I’m so fuckin’ happy to see you,” he whispers, just for me.
I pull back and kiss him in front of everyone. I missed him too much to care about what anyone else thinks. “I thought you were going to be late.”
“Small lie,” he tells me bashfully. “Wanted to surprise you. How’d I do?”
“Pretty good, I have to say.” Swallowing, I flick a hand around us. “You threw me a party.”
Beck cups my bottom, unabashedly groping his wife in front of all of our friends and family. I kind of love the fact that he’s never been able to keep his hands to himself. “You deserve a party. You deserve more than I’ll ever be able to give you, but I’ll die trying.”
I kiss him, ignoring the way my dress is gathering awkwardly around my thighs. I might flash everyone, but right now, I don’t care. I can’t find it in me to care.
Then two pairs of tiny hands and strong arms wrap around Beck’s legs, and he’s dropping me in an instant, kiss forgotten, to squat down to the twins level, scooping them up in his arms. He closes his eyes, like he’s savoring the feel of their full body hugs.
“Daddy!” Jude yells so close to Beck’s ear he winces.
Stevie grabs Beck’s face in her tiny hands and turns him so he’s looking at her. “We’re making you special breakfast. No green stuff allowed.”
Beck nods, taking his daughter’s demands very seriously. “No green stuff. Got it. We both know if mama is cooking she won’t go near that green stuff anyway.”
“Hey.”
He chuckles, looking at me pointedly. “Eat a piece of broccoli before you get scurvy, babe.”
I flick his ear, and when he winces, Jude comes behind me to kiss it better.
The night passes in a blur after that. I’ve never had a real birthday party, and while Beck has always known that, I told him last year when we were laying in bed two days after my birthday had passed about my secret yearning for a party.
And tonight is perfect.
There’s streamers hung from the doorways, helium-filled birthday balloons floating all around the house that the kids are enjoying batting around wildly, and a cake so big and beautiful that I have to wrap Gwen in my arms and kiss her cheek wetly in thanks. She squirms away from me, giggling and running to hide behind her hunky husband.
Like he’ll protect her from my love.
Pfft. As if.
It’ s nearing ten o’clock when Beck finds me as the party is winding down, clean up in full force as Beth and Cole take Jude and Stevie upstairs to what has become the grandkids room while they’re here. He drags me outside and past the barns, his hand wrapped tightly around mine as I follow after him.
“Where are you taking me?” I ask breathlessly. “My legs are too short to keep up with you! Also, you know I hate running.”
Beck doesn’t slow down. Instead, he spins around, bends at the knees as he wraps his arms around my legs, and hoists me over his shoulder like I weigh next to nothing. God, his strength is insane.
He smacks my butt, the sound ringing out in the quiet stillness, and I squeak as he keeps walking past the barns. I don’t even fight him. I love this playful, strong side of him, and I’ve missed him too much to do much more than soak up as much of his presence as I possibly can.
I raise my upper body slightly, hands planted on his sides. “You’re not taking me out here for a quickie, right? Because Cole said there’re coyotes.”
Beck chuckles, the sounds vibrating his torso. “He was fuckin’ with you, Win.”
“What a jerk.”
He rubs his large hand up the back of my thigh, his digits dangerously close to my wet pussy, and I suck in a breath. Then his hand disappears for a moment before he’s smacking my butt again. “Seems like you’re conflicted about that quickie.”
Huffing, I drop down and let myself hang there.
“Don’t worry, baby.” He slows his pace then stops altogether. He pulls my hips, and I slide down the front of his hard body. He tangles his fingers in my blonde hair and tugs gently, forcing my head back as he stares down at me. “I need more than a quick fuck behind the barn tonight. I plan to take my time with you… later .”
My body trembles. My nipples harden. My pussy throbs.
“Yeah…okay,” I breathe, chasing pathetically after his lips.
“Turn around.”
He releases me, and I stumble slightly, blinking away the lust clouding my gaze. Following his directions, I slowly turn, realizing we’re at the small pond close to the back fence behind the farmhouse. Jude and Stevie love coming down here and picking some of the wildflowers that grow alongside the edge of the embankment.
My eyes snag on the glinting red metal tucked to the side of the pond.
“Beck…” I gasp, my voice barely audible as I take a single step forward. “How…?”
His boots crunch the ground as he steps up behind me. His chest brushes my back as he whispers, “Happy birthday, Winnie.”
Two years ago, I’d sat on the front porch steps of Beck’s childhood home and cried as they tore down the park across the street, demolishing a piece of my heart in the process. I watched helplessly as they carried away the rubble like they didn’t care that it meant the world to me.
The red swing set that was my spot long before it became our spot was hauled off to the dump along with all of the memories I’d made. I’d been inconsolable, ready to chain myself to the rusted post like a crazy person.
Beck had talked me down. Promised the memories were still there even if the swings were gone.
I spin around to face him, my glossy, amber eyes staring up at him. “Is this…?”
“It’s ours,” Beck confirms, and I know he understands what I’m asking.
Ours .
Beck spins me by the shoulders, a soft chuckle escaping him as he nudges me forward, and I hike through the tall grass until my fingertips brush the rusted, red posts. I inhale shakily as emotion floods me.
This swing set holds so much more than my secrets. There are years of laughter and smiles, hurried kisses and secret touches, tears and anger stored in this metal structure. Beck and I have shared so much more on these rubber seats than a few quiet, thoughtful conversations, and it’s like the air hums as we near the structure.
My fingers bump and slide down one of the chains, the swing squeaking as it moves, and I drop my hand, just staring for a moment. It’s been two long years without something so simple. It shouldn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, but Beck and I had our beginning at this swing set. The history of our glances and soft spoken words are forever carved into the rusting metal.
“Jude and Stevie will love this…”
Beck shuffles behind me. “Stevie will climb the chains. Jude will want to come down here and swing every chance he gets. He’s just like you that way.”
Sniffling, I nod. “B… This is…”
“Sit down, baby.”
Without hesitation, I follow his direction and slide my hands under my butt to smooth my dress down as I sit on the cool rubber. Beck sits in the swing beside me, and my eyes trail up his body, taking in the scuffed boots, worn jeans with the hole in the thigh, and his t-shirt. His style has changed so much over the years, especially whenever he’s back in Magnolia Hollow.
My eyes snag on his chest though. More closely, the strawberry cupcake he’s holding, gold candle burning as he smiles at me.
“Tradition,” he says softly. “I made you a promise over five years ago that you’d never spend another birthday by yourself.”
“A promise you’ve kept.”
“A promise I’ll never break.”
I twist to face him, one of my arms wrapped around the chain as I place my hand over his gently and blow the flame out on the cupcake.
Just like every other year, Beck grins at me, lopsided and boyish. Those dimples making me melt a little more every time he flashes them my way. “What’d you wish for?”
And just like every other year, I lean forward far enough to kiss his nose then his lips. “If I tell you, it won’t come true, B.”
The truth is… I don’t wish for anything.
I’m not sure what more I could wish for at this point. Despite all odds, I managed to find a life full of purpose and a patient, kind love within my solitude.