26. Miri
26
Miri
THE DAY BEFORE THE WEDDING
“A s you can tell, Miriam,” the CEO of Danae Enterprises said, pointing to the screen in front of me, “profits are up. Even if the joint US structure falls through, you’ve made a substantial impact to our cause.”
The room applauded, and I did my best to stay humble. “I couldn’t have done it without all of you. Truly.” I graciously smiled and pushed to my feet, keeping the grin on my face despite the wooziness behind my eyes. This had been a planned media excursion, one of the few Gran would let me have these days, and she’d been sure to assess me before I left.
I’d shrunk three sizes in the weeks since I broke things off with my spouses, and even the press had commented about the hollow look in my eyes.
“Miriam is heartbroken,” one of the newscasters had said. “I’d believe the leaked pictures are real based on that alone. Has anyone seen Ivy Washington these days? She’s a complete wreck.”
I had to swallow down the insult and carry on with my life like they weren’t bordering too close to the truth. Shame writhed in my gut like a snake, spewing its venom into my veins anytime I thought about my lost loves.
This is better, I reminded myself. Safer.
That was what kept me stock-still and frozen in Kensington, hiding in my ivory tower to wait for the villain to come to me.
All the news coverage had been about Lex and Ivy’s big day tomorrow, and the place where my heart used to be clenched again.
I have to protect them. I have to keep them safe.
I still didn’t remember what I’d done the night Reginald’s staff had supposedly overheard my “nightmare.” But perhaps ignorance was bliss. Perhaps it was better I not know. This did not change the fact I had become a liability in either case.
Perhaps you’d be safer with them, the logical part of my brain said, the way Ivy is.
It’s safer to stay away, the dark side repeated. Safer to be alone.
I felt so fragmented that I’d been paralyzed into inaction. I couldn’t go home to my loves, but staying still and quiet would get us all killed. Shoving all of that into a compartment somewhere in the agony of my heartbreak, I refocused on the present.
“Brilliant. I’m quite overjoyed to hear this,” I said. “And I do look forward to seeing what you come up with next.” I eyed my assistant at the corner of the room, and she pointed to her watch as if to indicate it was time to move on to my next appointment. I’d glanced at the itinerary this morning, but I hadn’t paid much attention because Yana kept me on task no matter what, the brilliant woman. I made my goodbyes and told everyone I’d see them at lunch before following her down the hallway to another meeting space. This one had no window on the door, and when she opened it for me, she stayed outside and nodded for me to go ahead of her.
No bodyguards first? No scoping out the space? Confused, I took a hesitant step inside and glanced around at the boxes of printer paper and the copy machines up ahead. “Is this a supplies cabinet?”
Yana shut the door in my face.
“Yana?”
“Good to see you, Juliet.”
The voice coated my spine like a warm campfire. Deep and melodic, it could have belonged to only one person. I turned on my heels and came face-to-face with Carter Scott leaning up against the plaster wall, looking like a walking wet dream with that panty-dropper grin on his stupid handsome face.
My Romeo.
My star-crossed lover.
My best friend until the end.
Emotions overwhelmed me, and I jumped into his embrace before I could stop myself, my arms going around his neck. God, he smelled exactly the same, like sunshine and soap and male. I missed him terribly, as much as I missed the others. My eyes burned and, silly me, I couldn’t hold back my emotions. Tears spilled over my cheeks and down my chin.
He laughed when he put me down, wiping at my face with his thumbs.
“Are you really here?” I whimpered.
“I’m here, Juliet.”
“How did you get me alone?”
He laughed and kissed me. Not the way Ivy or Lex would have kissed me, but deep and passionate all the same. We were bound together, he and I. We had something no one else would ever understand, even if it was different from what we had with the other two.
“I bribed your assistant.” He grinned. “She’s a big fan, and she found out you and I have matching tattoos.” He held up his palm and pretended to be shocked. “What? Carter Scott and Miriam Stuart are besties? Is that what all that time out in California was about?”
I laughed and shoved his shoulders, playfully squaring my jaw. In that brilliant moment of reconnection, I forgot the reason why I’d stayed away. I forgot I had a filthy secret I struggled to hide as well as I used to. I had to stay away from them, from all of them. This could turn bad so quickly, and I’d be powerless to stop it.
Carter ran his eyes over me, the weight of his gaze nearly drowning my lungs. I looked terrible; I knew I did. My eyes had sunk into my head and my cheeks had curved in. Every bone stuck out along my ribs, and no doubt he could feel that when he touched me. He didn’t say anything but didn’t have to. The thin set to his lips and the concern radiating out of his eyes said it all.
I cleared my throat and wrapped my arms around my torso, a self-conscious burn echoing over my skin. “It’s not what you think.”
“Jesus, Miri.” He ran his hands over my upper arms and shoulders to my neck, cupping my face. “You look horrible.”
“Shh.” I put my fingers over his lips. “Keep your voice down.”
“What’s going on? Are you okay?” His indigo eyes turned serious, and he put his hands on my shoulders, holding me still so he could get a good read on me. “Juliet?”
I licked my lips and sighed, tensing my muscles to keep them from trembling. “I don’t know.”
He blinked. “What? What do you mean you don’t know?” His expression dropped. “Have you seen a doctor?”
“Yes,” I hissed. “There’s nothing physically wrong with me. It’s just…stress.” I couldn’t tell him the truth, not now. Maybe not ever. I knew very well what was wrong with me, and he couldn’t do anything to fix it. None of them could.
“Stress.” Carter blew out a disbelieving breath and shook his head. “You should see Ivy.”
I snapped my gaze to his. I’d seen photos of her online and a few press junkets in the days leading up to the wedding. She had lost some weight, but she looked otherwise okay. “What are you saying?”
“You can’t be away from each other, and you know it.” His gaze pierced me, echoing the hurt and betrayal he must have felt inside. “It’s time to come home.”
“No.” I took a step back, breaking the connection between us as scalding tears slid down my cheeks. “This is for the best, Carter. I can’t—” I cleared my throat when it broke and tried again. “I’m tired of coming in third.”
That physically hurt him. Agony replaced the confusion in his expression, his brows furrowing, his lips pouting before thinning in response. He’d always been so beautiful, and I hated what I had to do to make him go. The lies I had to tell nearly gutted me, but I had to say them all the same. This would keep everyone safe, make sure I couldn’t hurt them.
“Third?” He shook his head. “Is that what you think?”
More tears slid down my cheeks, but these weren’t from the joy of seeing an old friend. This was the shame of knowing that all of this was my fault. I couldn’t keep the thistles going, and the king had likely gotten out because of it. All of this started because of me, because of what I’d done to him on Samhain, and now he could take my memories away from me and enter my mind whenever he wanted. I couldn’t trust myself. As long as I stayed away, they would be safe. I was too vulnerable where the king was concerned.
Besides, I didn’t have a right to call them my own, not anymore, no matter what the scars on our hands said. I’d agreed to marry someone else, and there was no going back now.
“Ivy and Lex, Ivy and you,” I continued, justifying my nonsense, “I can’t compete with that, and I’m done trying.”
Carter balked, his jaw falling open like I’d slugged him in the bollocks. “Ivy and…” He trailed off like he didn’t know what to say.
“It’s obvious that no matter what happens, Ivy is going to end up with one of you. And what do I get, huh?” It wasn’t true, and I only said it to hurt him. If Carter knew how vulnerable I was, if he knew that I’d agreed to the engagement with the prince, that I couldn’t trust my own mind…
No one will want you anymore, the darkness whispered. Oh, Little Thistle. Are we having fun yet?
It was all my fault. I was dirty, soiled, pathetic. I swallowed back the terrible memory and shook my head, sobbing as more tears spilled over my face. None of that mattered anymore. The same reasons that held us back before were still there today. In fact, the biggest reason was happening tomorrow on international television, much to my complete and utter agony.
“What do you get?” His voice smacked with the pain and desperation that had been building in the weeks since we’d seen each other. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” I scrubbed my hands over my face, trying to regain the composure I had walking in here. Our joyful reunion had to end. I couldn’t be caught alone in a closet with him. The Prince of Monaco would definitely not like that. “Forget I said it. Carter, you have to go.”
“What is going on with you?” He closed the distance between us, wrapping his arms around me again. I tensed and broke away, needing more space, ignoring the hurt look in his eyes. “What happened to all we have is us?”
“I don’t have a choice.” My heart shattered as I said it, all of the torture from the weeks apart seeping out of me.
He squared his jaw, the belligerent knight in shining armor coming to the forefront of his personality. “Come to America. Marry me, Juliet. Marry Lex. Can’t you see we need you?” His words rang through me, the truest thing I’d ever felt in my life. “And you need us. I mean, fuck. Look at you.”
My knees gave out, and I sank to the floor, unable to hold my own weight while I cried. Carter followed me, squatting down so he could wrap his arms around me and hold me. “You’re not safe with me, not anymore, not anymore.” I could barely get the words out, but I needed him to hear them.
“I love you,” he murmured, kissing the side of my head. “You’re not third anything. It’s all of us, Miri, all the time. Weeds is a fucking mess without you.”
“Ivy is strong.”
“Lex is a stone-hearted monster.”
The thought of my beloved prince of darkness made me chuckle, and Carter cupped my jaw so he could look me in the eyes again.
“Things are getting bad.” He shook his head. “I was sent to get you. My tour is almost over, and once it’s up, I’m heading back to DC.”
None of that had been a surprise. I’d felt it the minute the king had gotten out, but it didn’t matter anymore. The princess would save everyone in this fairy tale, and that started with staying away from them to protect them.
The king’s voice echoed in the back of my mind.
“Little Thistle, you’ll come to owe me quite a bit before we’re through.”
I shivered and couldn’t hide it, making Carter hold me tighter.
“You’re not safe here by yourself. Please come with me.”
“What, right now?” I balked and met his gaze.
“Yes, right now. Roxy’s down in the car. We could get you out. You could start a new life in the States with us. We need your help. Please.”
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to do it. Bleeding Christ, a huge part of me wanted to squeal for joy and jump in his arms, eagerly accepting his proposition. I yearned for my spouses the same way they yearned for me.
But I couldn’t. It was safer for everyone if I stayed away. The king could manipulate me in ways he couldn’t with the others, and the closer he got to me, the more vulnerable I made the people around me. If he could manipulate my mind anytime he wanted, I didn’t know what else I was capable of, what sins he’d make me commit and hide from everyone else.
“I can’t,” I said. “I love you, but I can’t.”
He looked crestfallen, my words shooting him right through the gut.
“You have to go,” I told him, suddenly afraid that someone would see him and report it back to Gran. She couldn’t know he was here, that I’d been in touch with any of them. Hell, she’d nearly killed me when I’d listened to Ivy on the phone a few weeks ago. If she knew I’d seen one of them in person? “Carter, please. Don’t make it harder for me.”
“None of us wanted this, but we’re all a part of it. That includes you, like it or not.” He kept his voice as low and as level as he could, but I knew I was killing him. “You can break it off with them, but you can’t get away from me.” His voice broke and he cleared his throat, blinking back tears. “Not me, Miri. Not me.”
“Okay,” I relented, my chest heaving. “Okay, Carter. I’ll figure it out. I’ll call you.”
As if coming to some resolution within himself, he nodded and said, “Okay.” He gave me one last kiss before standing and going for the door. “He’s coming, Miri. You need to be ready to tear this all down when he does.” I didn’t say anything as he opened it and left me standing there, shaking and terrified for what I’d just agreed to.