Chapter 9
9
Ash
S moke swirled around Ash as he stood in the middle of a fire in the northern part of the state. It wasn’t as bad as it had been made out to be, but the atmosphere would be shifting tonight, which meant a lot of wind. They needed to contain it before it moved down the mountains.
He’d canceled his cooking lesson earlier today after he’d gotten the call. For the first time in his life, he wasn’t thrilled about being called in to help. Usually, this sort of thing was a release. It helped keep his mind from straying too far.
Unfortunately, all he could think about was Charlie and how he’d nearly kissed her—again. He wanted to kick himself. He’d nearly lost control, only to be saved by her brothers. He could still feel the way his chest heaved with effort. He could feel the way his heart wanted to explode because it was beating so hard.
And after she’d left the room, she’d returned like nothing had happened.
Technically nothing had, but it could have.
He scowled and shook his head sharply. He had a job to do. He couldn’t get distracted. If he did, he’d risk several people’s lives. Right now, he needed to keep Charlie from slipping past his defenses.
Ash set to work dousing the roaring fires alongside his companions. They managed to get it to an eighty percent containment when they were called off it. Others would come in to finish the job.
The thrill he’d expected to feel while onsite wasn’t nearly as exhilarating as it had been when he was with Charlie. He was losing his grip on reality. That was the only way he could explain it.
Was it an addiction? The way he felt about her—could he be destroying himself? He’d already decided he wasn’t going to date anyone before he’d returned to Copper Creek. Then that mindset had turned into him choosing to be alone.
Yes.
He had his answer. It wasn’t healthy to obsess over a woman he had no chance of getting. That evening he’d almost leaned in for a kiss, and she hadn’t exactly looked scared of him. Ash couldn’t describe what he’d seen in her eyes other than an expectation of what was to come.
After he’d been dropped off at the station, he got into his truck, ready to go home. Only he didn’t end up there.
His face was still covered in smudges of soot. His hair smelled of smoke. And yet he found himself sitting in his truck in front of the Keagans’ home. He’d been drawn to it, needing closure for something he wasn’t sure he deserved.
Ash pushed the truck door open, then hesitated. It was dark out. Not many lights were on in the house. Anyone who was home could already be asleep. Still, he ignored that fact and walked around the back to where the door would lead him into the kitchen.
A twig snapped beneath his foot and a quiet gasp echoed toward him. His head shot up, and he found Charlie sitting on the back porch with a mug in hand.
Her eyes rounded and she rose to her feet. “Ash? What are you doing here?”
He stepped into the light, eliciting another gasp. She took a step toward him, her hand reaching for his face only for her to think better about it and withdraw.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
He shook his head, rubbing a hand over his head briskly as if it would air out the smoke smell. “I’m fine,” he replied.
She glanced toward the house. “Do you want to see Liam? I can go get?—”
“No,” he said far too quickly. Ash hadn’t even been aware that Liam was staying the night here. He knew the brothers occasionally stayed at the house when they had work to do early in the morning. “Do you mind… if we talk? Just you and me?”
Charlie hesitated. She had one foot on the steps and the other on the porch itself. He could see the cogs in her head whirling. She probably thought he was going to talk about what happened between them last time. He wouldn’t blame her for turning him down. He’d overstepped; she deserved to have space.
But then she shifted to face him. “Can I get you some tea?”
He smiled. “That sounds nice.”
When they were seated beside one another, both with steaming mugs in hand, she finally spoke again. “What did you want to talk about?”
Ash glanced sideways at her. “I had to work today.”
She stilled, her mug halfway to her lips. Then she blew on it and said, “I know.” He could hear the disappointment in her voice, and he flinched.
“It was harder today.”
This time she turned to face him fully.
He smirked at her. “Doesn’t mean I love it any less.” Then he breathed a heavy sigh. “I guess it makes it interesting when it’s a challenge.” Though, admittedly the challenge had nothing to do with the fire itself and everything to do with the woman seated beside him.
She huffed, but at least she wasn’t tearing him to pieces.
Ash chuckled and took a sip of his drink. “I don’t think I will ever stop loving my job no matter how hard it gets, no matter how dangerous.” He wanted so badly to ask her if she could ever love a guy who put his life on the line like he did. He wanted to tell her that he didn’t have a girlfriend. But most of all, he wanted to tell the beautiful girl beside him that he wanted a chance with her.
And yet he couldn’t.
Charlie sighed. “Yeah, well, lucky for you, I’m not your mom.”
He nearly choked on his drink, laughing as he turned to look at her. He couldn’t agree more—but for different reasons. Instead, he said, “My mother wouldn’t dare tell me what job I should have.”
She shrugged but didn’t meet his eyes. She kept her focus on the darkness surrounding them.
“Have you thought about my offer? About the self-defense classes?”
Still, she didn’t look at him. She wore a knitted shawl around her shoulders, a pair of pajama pants, and a loose-fitting T-shirt. It looked like she had been preparing for bed. Had he interrupted her nighttime routine? He wanted to say he was sorry—but he really wasn’t.
Finally, she glanced at him. “Would your girlfriend approve?”
He flinched at her question—and she likely noticed.
“She wouldn’t, right? I bet she wouldn’t approve of me teaching you how to cook, either.” She frowned before bringing her drink to her lips. “It’s probably not a good idea.”
“It’s not a problem,” he insisted.
Charlie snorted. “By the way you reacted to my question, I doubt that very much.”
He’d lied far too much as it was. If he told her his girlfriend wouldn’t mind, that would only add to the lies he’d spun. The web had grown too large. But he couldn’t risk telling the truth about his fake relationship. If he did, Liam would pounce. All her brothers would. Too many questions to answer. Too many excuses he’d have to make. So he phrased it differently. “Do you think I’d actually date someone who would be jealous about me teaching another girl how to defend herself?”
“I wouldn’t like it,” she blurted.
He stared at her, wondering if she’d meant to say that out loud.
When she started to fidget, he got his answer. Charlie hadn’t meant to show her cards. A sly smile spread across his face. Maybe she did like him, even if it was only a little bit. Either that, or she was just being honest with him—like a friend might be.
Charlie sent him an embarrassed look before quickly turning away. “Sounds like you’re perfect for each other.” It was a poor attempt at covering up her blunder, but he accepted it.
“Yeah, maybe,” he murmured, still watching her.
She tossed back the remainder of her drink and placed the mug on the wooden porch between them. Then she leaned forward, resting her forearms on her knees. She stared straight ahead, thoughtfully. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.”
He smiled but didn’t risk speaking in case she took it back.
“Your girlfriend is pretty lucky,” she mumbled almost wistfully.
“How do you figure?” he whispered, surprised at the turn of their conversation.
She swallowed audibly. “Not many guys would take on cooking lessons to impress a girl. I mean, I guess sometimes a guy might learn how to dance—but that’s usually for a wedding. And yet here you are, trying to learn a new skill so you can do something romantic for her.” She turned, looking up at the stars. “She’s lucky to have you.”
He was tempted to brush off the compliment, but he knew better. Couldn’t draw attention to himself.
“And the cherry on top?” She let out a mirthless laugh. “You’re trying to convince me to take some self-defense lessons.” A shake of her head was all she seemed capable of mustering.
“How’s that the cherry on top?” he asked with genuine curiosity.
“I’m just your friend’s kid sister. I’m nothing. I’m a nobody. You don’t owe me any?—”
Ash couldn’t take it any longer. This self-deprecating habit she occasionally let come through. He reached out and took her hand in his, forcing her to sit up a little straighter. He placed her hand between both of his, rather than holding it with any degree of romance. “I want to set something straight. Right here, right now.”
She stared at where he held her hand as if he were a bear trap and she wasn’t going to be able to escape.
He tugged on her hand gently, drawing her focus to his face. “You are perfect the way you are. I meant it when I said it then.” He swallowed hard. “And I mean it now.”
She blinked, her eyes brimming with emotion.
“Any guy would be lucky to have you, Charlie. Any one of them.” Ash made sure his words sunk in—deep to her core. She needed to know that she had value. She needed to know that whoever she chose to spend her life with—they were the lucky ones. Then he whispered, “I only wish it was me.”
It was slight, barely perceptible, but her eyes widened. Her lips parted and she exhaled a shaky breath.
Ash didn’t know what to do. While he remained calm on the outside, on the inside, he was scrambling. He might have blown his entire cover. If she asked him about his fake girlfriend in this moment, he might have actually told her the truth. If she demanded for him to explain what he meant about wanting to be that lucky man, he wouldn’t be able to hold back.
He jumped to his feet, nearly knocking the mugs from their places. “Goodnight, Charlie.” With that, he hurried down the steps and all but sprinted to his truck. He was quickly losing his grip on his self-control. The next time he saw her, he might have to apologize for what he’d said. He might have to explain himself and his actions.
Goodness!
Why couldn’t he have just stayed away?
Ash backed out of the driveway and headed home, berating himself for his mistakes, past and present.