Chapter 24
24
Charlie
C harlie nearly collapsed on the floor. It took everything she had to remain on her feet. Daniel and Mason came inside shortly after Ash left. Daniel only looked at her with concern. Mason was the one who made it worse.
“You did the right thing, sis.”
How was she supposed to respond to that? How was she supposed to look herself in the mirror and not see a coward? Because that was exactly what she was.
There was no other way around it.
Perhaps she’d always been a coward. From the beginning she’d been under her brothers’ wings. She’d done what she’d been told. She stayed close to home. She cooked, cleaned, and took care of them as much as a mother might have, but that was all she could do.
She’d never gone out and chased after a dream besides going with Caleb to Emma’s concert. In all her twenty-two years of life, she’d only done one thing that could be construed as brave, and most everyone she knew wouldn’t even call it that.
Falling in love hadn’t been scary. It was what had come after. She’d loved Ash so deeply that she got physically sick when she thought she might not see him again. How was that healthy? It wasn’t.
That’s why she’d made this decision.
“Charlie?” Mason’s voice shattered into the thoughts swirling and swirling in her mind.
Her head snapped up and she stared at her brother with surprise. “What?”
“Were you listening?”
Those worry lines between Daniel’s brows deepened.
Mason pointed to her hand. She glanced down to see her skin had turned white with the pressure. “You don’t look like you’re doing okay. Do you want to sit down?”
She released the counter and rubbed her fingertips over her leg. “I’m fine,” she insisted.
He didn’t argue. Neither one of them had the poor sense to do such a thing since she’d broken things off. She knew why, of course. They didn’t want her dating Ash from the very beginning.
They should be thrilled rather than concerned. The source of their contention was officially gone. She didn’t need to worry about either one of them making a snide comment about Ash or giving her a look whenever she said she was going to spend time with him.
Happiness could reign in the Keagan household once again.
Carter entered the kitchen and then froze when his eyes took in everyone. He didn’t say anything either. He’d been the type to prefer staying far away from this drama.
Charlie let out an exasperated sigh. “I’m not as fragile as you think I am. I’m fine. I’ve made my choice, and as an adult, I’m going to live with it.” She returned to the counter where she could reach the rolling pin and start working on the cookies again.
Five minutes went by, then five more and none of her brothers moved from where they stood. She wanted to issue each of them a glare and a warning to get on with their lives, but she couldn’t bring herself to do even that.
There was a hole in her heart—one she had known would appear. The second she’d walked out of that hospital room, she’d felt it get drilled into her.
It was like she’d told Ash. He was her first kiss and her first love. A person who fulfills that role in anyone’s life will end up leaving a mark. Eventually, it might go away.
And if it didn’t?
She let out another sigh, but it didn’t ease the ache in her chest. Her lungs were fine, she reminded herself. The pain in her chest came from something else entirely.
Charlie peered through narrowed eyes toward the house as the sun started its descent. Her hand shadowed her vision but only slightly. She’d gone out for a ride right after lunch, and it had turned into something a great deal longer than expected.
She’d known she needed to head back home about an hour ago if she wanted to get dinner started and put it on the table for those who still lived in the house.
And yet she couldn’t get the energy to do it.
Her horse had been content to keep walking, and she’d let her.
Right about now, everyone would be showing up in the kitchen. They’d see that there was nothing on the stove or in the oven. They might look in the fridge for something they were to reheat. But there’d be nothing.
She didn’t even have the energy for guilt at this moment. All she could feel was the intense need to get away from everything that reminded her of Ash. And memories of him ran rampant at the house. In the barn. Outside.
She shut her eyes as the memories of their first kiss came to the forefront of her mind. Her throat tightened, and her hands shook.
Depression wasn’t something she’d ever experienced, and at this point, she wasn’t sure if that was what she was dealing with. Getting a good night’s sleep was still hard to accomplish. Food had lost its allure. Her stomach still growled, reminding her that she hadn’t put anything of substance in it for over a week.
For the most part, her family was leaving her alone. She couldn’t tell if they were giving her space because they thought she needed it or if they simply didn’t want to deal with her.
She couldn’t blame them for the latter. She’d brought this on herself, after all.
What did she expect when she’d started dating someone her family didn’t approve of?
Her horse pawed at the ground, and she leaned forward to pat her neck. They weren’t going to go back for another hour at least. She didn’t want to look anyone in the face and tell them why she didn’t feel like making a meal.
Cooking had completely lost its allure as well. She knew the reason had more to do with those cooking lessons she’d given Ash than anything else.
Charlie sighed and pulled the reins around to head back to a trail she hadn’t traveled in a while. Hopefully her family would get the hint and fend for themselves for dinner.
The coffee swirled with the cream as Charlie stirred it. Emma and Bailey had practically dragged her out for coffee that morning after Carter had told Bailey that Charlie had skipped cooking dinner last night.
It wasn’t entirely unheard of that Charlie would do such a thing. At least that’s what she told herself as she sat across from the two women she could call sisters. Bailey wasn’t married to Carter yet, but she’d gotten pretty close to Emma over the last several months.
Sal’s Diner was quiet this morning. Either people weren’t quite awake yet or the regular late morning rush hadn’t quite arrived. Charlie didn’t mind the quiet. She could escape into her thoughts and be perfectly content.
Emma nudged her cup, and Charlie lifted her head to find both women staring. “What?” Charlie demanded, forcing a smile. She pulled her spoon from the mug and lifted it to her lips.
The women looked at each other. That same concern that Daniel had worn was etched into their pretty faces. “Something’s wrong,” Bailey said. “And we’re not the only ones who have noticed.”
Charlie shrugged. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m good.”
“Sweetie, I know you. And this?” Emma gestured a wave in Charlie’s direction. “Isn’t good .”
Charlie did her best to hide her disappointment in the statement. She adored Emma. She valued her opinion, but the woman didn’t know what she was talking about. She’d been out of the loop for the most part when it came to Charlie’s dating life. She had her own home and life with Caleb. Bailey was busy, too. She had a daughter, and she was working on completing nursing school. Neither one of them had been available to vent to when Charlie was struggling with her concerns over Ash’s safety.
Alone.
The word was getting so tiresome, and yet that was exactly how she felt, even though she was surrounded by nearly two dozen people.
Emma took a sip of her drink and gazed over at Bailey with raised eyebrows.
Bailey nodded.
Charlie groaned. “Look, I’m fine. Ash didn’t break up with me. I wasn’t dumped.”
“That doesn’t mean you didn’t have your heart broken,” Bailey pointed out.
“But it means that I was the one who caused this feeling I’m experiencing,” Charlie said with exasperation. “And I can’t even be mad at Ash because he didn’t do anything wrong.”
“He chose his job over you.”
Charlie shut her eyes, hating the pain that sliced through her at that statement. She’d noticed that fact from the very beginning, and it was a selfish one. She refused to acknowledge it now. “Ash made a choice that would make him happy. I can’t fault him for sticking with something he’s spent his whole life cultivating. I was just his girlfriend.”
Her voice sounded weak. She could hear her determination to remain happy falter. It wasn’t fair that she had to defend him to her friends. She wanted to push his name into the mud and stomp on it. She wanted someone else to blame other than herself.
But there was no one.
“He’s moving on. I’m going to do the same. We’re both going to be happier with this situation as long as…” She didn’t know what to say. As long as what?
Again, the women exchanged looks.
Charlie was getting tired of it. They needed a change of subject. If she couldn’t get them onto something else, she was going to scream. If she made a scene, then she’d have to leave, and that would be a shame because all she wanted right now was to enjoy her coffee in peace. “I’m going to the bathroom. If you guys really love me, then when I get back, there will be a large slice of apple pie waiting for me.”
Emma let out a laugh. “It’s not even lunchtime yet.”
“And you’re Emma Hart. Are you telling me you can’t convince this place to serve us pie for breakfast?”
Bailey snickered, and Emma gave her a look.
A smile tugged at Charlie’s mouth, but it slipped away just as fast. One day at a time. She could do this if only for the brief moments of happiness she could find.
Those, she would treasure.