Chapter 26
26
Charlie
S ummer had started to cool off—especially closer to the mountains. Even though the bigger fires were no longer roaring, Charlie couldn’t help the continued anxiety any time she heard of a fire that started anywhere within a couple-hundred-mile radius.
She still watched the news for updates, holding her breath until she heard that there were no casualties. Statistically speaking, Charlie had to admit that Ash should be okay. After he’d gotten hurt, she’d gone down the rabbit hole in researching everything she could about his job.
Charlie had wanted to prove herself right. She’d wanted to show Ash that he was being too cavalier about the whole thing. Unfortunately, she only ended up discovering that she’d been in the wrong.
Were there still risks for his job?
Absolutely.
But not nearly as much as she’d originally thought.
Now she was alone, hurt, and embarrassed—unable to bring herself to call Ash and tell him as much.
Charlie stared with unseeing eyes at her larger-than-life family. With the summer coming to an end, Wade had insisted that they needed to have one more picnic before it got too cold. The leaves hadn’t started changing colors just yet, but there was a distinct nip in the air when dinner rolled around.
Her nieces and nephews played in the field. Her brothers tossed horseshoes. Her sisters chatted while seated on one of the larger blankets. And somehow, Charlie didn’t feel like she fit in with any of them.
She was the youngest. Even though she was twenty-two, they still viewed her as the baby of the family. Why else would Mason, Daniel and Liam care so much about who she wanted to date?
Daniel caught her eye from where he stood with their brothers. He didn’t move toward her, though he had that look on his face—the one that said he wanted to say something, but he didn’t know how to say it.
None of her brothers had apologized for how they’d inserted themselves into her life. Even now, she couldn’t deny how much she hated that they’d done that. Her relationship with Ash had been tumultuous right from the beginning.
Maybe it was doomed from the get-go.
“Uh-oh. I know that look.”
Charlie dragged her gaze from Daniel and looked at Emma. She’d turned from the conversation she’d been having with their other sisters-in-law. A frown marred her pretty face. Though she was still very much the country music star that she’d been when she’d arrived in Copper Creek, she was looking more and more like a Copper Creek native with each passing day.
Her skin had a natural glow from being out in the sun, riding or helping Caleb with various jobs he had over at Mateo’s place or working on her own property. She completely fit in with the family now, clad in worn jeans, a hat, and dusty boots.
She placed her chin in her hands and rested her elbow on the picnic table that Wade had brought out this past summer. The expectant look on her face made it clear she wasn’t going to say another word until Charlie admitted that she was struggling.
Tempted to brush her off, Charlie glanced once more to her brothers. She was nearly successful until Daniel snagged her gaze again. Irritation flooded her being. “They’re jerks. And you married one of them.”
Emma snorted. “Who? Your brothers?”
Charlie gave Emma a dark and yet pointed look.
“What can you expect? Brothers are always going to be really protective.”
Charlie rolled her eyes. “I think it was less about being protective and more about being controlling. They didn’t like that I was dating their friend .”
She’d garnered Bailey’s attention at some point, the most recent woman to fall in love with one of the many Keagan men. She hid a smile behind her hand and merely glanced at Emma before taking a sip of her drink. Charlie wanted to demand to know what that look was for, but she resisted. The woman was likely going to say something similar to what Emma had said.
“So, your mood is about Ash, right?”
Charlie heaved a sigh before folding her arms in front of her and resting her head atop them. “Yeah, it’s about Ash.”
“You miss him.”
It was obvious. There was no need for her to confirm anything of the sort to Emma.
“Have you called him since his visit?”
Charlie’s grimace was hidden by her arms. No, she hadn’t called him, though she’d lost track of how many times she’d nearly done just that. It had been torture to hold herself back from calling or texting him. She was second-guessing everything these days.
“Caleb says that you broke it off because of what happened to him when he was out fighting fires.”
Charlie tensed. Of course her brothers would tell their wives what was going on. Not that her brothers necessarily cared about the why of it all. But her sisters-in-law would. Now that Charlie’s life was on full display, she could expect that everyone would eventually know it all.
She peeked over at her brothers. Daniel wasn’t looking in her direction anymore. She hadn’t thought he would tell any of them her reasonings. No, it would have been Mason. Daniel was too quiet, too private. Out of all of them, he was the one most likely to keep these things to himself.
“Let me guess,” Charlie said. “You think I’m in the wrong.” Sitting up, she glanced over at Emma, not surprised to see that Bailey was giving them her full attention as well. They’d gotten close when Bailey helped Emma purchase her house. Bailey was nice enough, but she wasn’t as close to Charlie, and it was mildly uncomfortable to have her take an interest in this conversation.
Emma glanced at Bailey as if the two of them were of one mind. Then she shrugged. “I didn’t think that his job was a big deal.”
“Yeah, well, you don’t have to worry about your husband not coming home after being called out to work.”
Emma offered Charlie a sympathetic smile. “You’re right. I don’t have to worry about that in the same way you would. None of us do. But that’s not why I think his job shouldn’t be the deciding factor.”
Charlie cocked her head, her brows knitting together. “So, you don’t think it’s dangerous?”
Emma chuckled. “Oh, I know it’s dangerous. I just have a different view of things, I guess.” She looked over to Bailey as if nudging her to comment.
Bailey shifted in her seat and offered Charlie a smile similar to Emma’s. “I was married to a man who wasn’t completely honest with me. He did things to put my family in a different sort of danger. It might not have been a physical one, but he put us in situations where we could lose a lot. I still loved him despite it all. And I will never regret that relationship because he gave me my daughter.” Bailey’s eyes shifted to where Anya was playing with the other children. “For all the stress and pain there was, I would never want to lose the chance of having her in my life.”
Charlie had the hardest time trying to understand the connection her sister-in-law was trying to make. How did dating Ash compare to the husband who had ruined his own family with his debts and drinking?
“Then I met Carter.” A flicker of sadness moved across Bailey’s face, but it mingled with a bittersweet smile. “It terrified me that he might be the same as my late husband. If he was willing to put me in that situation, I knew what I would be signing on for, and I wasn’t sure I could do it.”
“So why did you?” Charlie demanded. “If Carter was such a risk, then why…”
“Because I didn’t want to lose the good we had when we were together. And I could see that he was trying to be a better man.”
Face scrunching with confusion, Charlie shook her head. “I guess you’re a lot more understanding than I would have been.” Her face flushed, and she looked away. “I didn’t mean…”
Emma placed a hand on Charlie’s. “It’s okay. I can see why you would say that.”
Bailey nodded slowly. “Fortunately, your brother has done a lot to be better. He has realized that his behavior hurts more than just himself, and he’s working on it.”
“But Ash isn’t dealing with personal growth. It’s his job. He’s putting himself in danger every day when he knows that I can’t handle it.” Charlie’s voice trembled and she flushed deeper. She hated how selfish her words were making her out to be.
“Let me ask you one thing,” Emma said softly. “We all know that Ash is a good man. He’s not going to do anything to hurt you intentionally, right?”
Charlie nodded, her thoughts inadvertently running through several memories of them together. Their first kiss in the rain. Ash telling her she was perfect the way she was. He’d made himself absent during the remainder of her teenage years to protect her from himself. Then there was the time he’d saved her from that encounter with the stranger at the park. He’d taught her how to protect herself. Every single thing he did for her was out of love.
Her heart constricted.
She knew he loved her. He just hadn’t been able to leave his job for her—his only imperfection—and it could barely be called that.
Charlie forced herself to look Emma in the eye. She sighed and nodded again as she murmured, “He’s only ever made me feel safe.”
Emma nodded. “And you love who you are when you’re with him, right?”
It was getting even harder to fight the emotion that threatened at the back of her throat. She didn’t want to break down in front of these women. There was no way for her to escape if she did. Charlie would have to get her horse from where it was tied up in order to avoid that embarrassment.
Emma squeezed Charlie’s hand this time. “Let me ask you this, then. Let’s pretend that Ash agreed to quit his job, but something else tore him from your life. If you could only have him for five years–if you could only have him for a decade, would that make any difference? Knowing your lives would be cut short due to illness or an accident, would it change the way you feel about him? Would you push him away then?”
Her questions cut through Charlie like a sharp blade through flesh. Her whole body reacted, and she sucked in sharply. Her eyes darted to Bailey, whose first husband had died in a car accident. Bailey watched her intently.
If Charlie knew that Ash’s life would be cut short due to something out of his power, she’d still want to spend as much time as she could with him. She’d want to enjoy her life with him in whatever capacity she could. She let out a shuddering breath and a tear slipped from her cheek.
“I think I made a mistake.”
Emma’s smile didn’t tear at Charlie like she thought it might. It almost offered a degree of comfort as Charlie came to her realization.
Charlie swallowed hard and looked away. “I would still want to be with him,” she whispered.
Emma squeezed her hand once more. “I thought as much. There are certain people who come into our lives and make such a big difference that we can’t go on living without them. They leave their marks in any number of ways. I don’t want you to regret anything. If you feel that you can’t handle being with a man who might not come home, then perhaps you’re simply not ready for a relationship.”
Her words stung in spite of being the most truthful thing she might have said to Charlie during this conversation. Hadn’t she said this very thing herself? Somehow it felt different coming from Emma. Charlie was still young. She’d always considered herself more mature than those around her. But in this moment, she couldn’t deny that she’d made some very immature decisions.
The heat in her face threatened to set her on fire, and she couldn’t escape from it. She let out a sorrowful laugh. “What do I do now?”
Emma shrugged. “I guess that’s up to you and what you want. I can almost guarantee that you still have a chance to make things right with him. The worst thing that could happen is that Ash turns you down, right?”
Charlie nodded, a lump forming in her throat. Part of her wanted to believe that Ash would never push her away due to holding a grudge, but she couldn’t deny that he had every right to be wary of her. She swallowed again and again, but the lump wouldn’t go away.
She pulled her hand free of Emma’s and reached for her phone, disappointed to note that it had died. She hadn’t realized the battery was low when she’d gone on this trip. Emma didn’t miss the movement. She pushed her own phone across the table. “You can use mine.”
Charlie shook her head. “I’ll call him when we get back. It’ll give me a chance to organize my thoughts.” She forced a smile. “Thanks, though.”