Chapter 31
31
Carter
“ W hat happened?” Bailey flew from the house, wrapping her robe tighter around her body. She looked as though she’d been crying, and a pang of guilt quickly piled onto his already weary emotions.
Carter’s hand tightened on the railing so he didn’t collapse on the stairs. He’d barely slept after he’d reached out to Emma. What he’d really wanted to do was drive right over here last night and pound on the door until Bailey agreed to speak to him, but Emma had put her foot down and told him to take the guest room.
Bailey skidded to a stop a couple feet before him, her eyes surveying him much like they had that first night when she’d hit him over the head. Her lower lip trembled, and a small tear slipped down her right cheek, clinging to her chin before dropping to the frosted-covered porch. “What happened?” she repeated in a whisper. “Are you hurt?”
He chuckled, then winced at the pain it caused. At this point he could assume he had a broken rib. His lip split open again when he smiled. Every bone in his body seemed to scream in protest when he wanted to move an inch. “I think it’s pretty clear that I’m not in the best shape of my life.”
Her brows creased. “Was it—did that man do this to you?”
Slowly, Carter shook his head. He got the distinct feeling that if he told her, she’d run inside and lock the doors. And yet, those sorts of thoughts were what had driven him to keep secrets, which in turn caused him to lose the most precious person he had in his life.
Now was not the time to hold anything back. If he wanted a chance to win her heart again, he’d have to start at the bottom.
She shivered, and he frowned. It was freezing out here. He motioned toward the house. “You shouldn’t be out here.”
“Neither should you,” she said. He couldn’t tell if she meant he shouldn’t be at her home or if he should come in from the cold as well. There was only one way to get an answer to that question.
“Can…” He swallowed hard and winced at the effort even that small movement required. “Can I come in?”
She tightened her arms around herself, then glanced toward the door. Finally, she nodded and headed inside.
“Carter!” a child’s voice hollered as Carter walked through the door. Anya ran and threw herself at him.
Carter groaned, nearly buckling to his knees.
“Sweetheart!” Bailey took a step forward, but it was too late.
Anya pulled back and then she gasped. “Are you okay?”
He hated her seeing him like this. It wasn’t the first time, but he vowed it would be the last. Carter gave her a crooked smile. “I had to fight off some bad guys who wanted to take Christmas joy away.” It was the closest he’d come to telling anyone the truth, and somehow it had simply slipped out. He glanced up to find Bailey’s surprise. She was bound to ask him for details, and he’d have to give them to her.
“Sweetie,” Bailey said softly, “how about you go play some more. Or color a few pictures? I’m sure Carter would love to have one of your pictures to take home.”
Anya sent one more concerned look in his direction, then nodded before scurrying away. Bailey didn’t move from where she stood just inside the doorway. Her arms were still folded tight around her body, and she looked as if she might burst into tears again at any moment.
If he had to guess, he would assume she was going to ask him what he was doing there. She might tell him it was inappropriate to just show up without calling or sending her a message. But worst of all, she might bring up all the terrible ways he’d hurt her. He didn’t think he was ready to hear them come from her mouth.
“I’m so sorry,” Carter said, dropping his eyes to the floor. “I should have never?—”
“Is it true?” she demanded, and his head lifted. “The money you stole—did you spend it on me?”
Slowly, he nodded.
“Why?” she rasped. “Why would you do that?”
“I didn’t plan on it to work out that way… It just did.”
She nodded, but her eyes shifted elsewhere as she attempted to make sense of what they were openly discussing. Then she jerked her chin toward the coffee table a few yards away. When his eyes followed the movement, he noticed the familiar pages out for all the world to see. “And that? You paid for nursing school?”
Another nod.
“Why?” she asked, the emotion clogging her throat. “Why would you do that?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Carter took a step toward her, then thought better of it and stopped. “I love you.”
She shut her eyes tight. “You’re not being honest with me.”
“I am now .” He wanted to pull her into his arms and show her exactly how he felt about her, but she didn’t trust him. It would take some time for that to happen again. “When I left to find my place in the city several years ago, I got caught up with a bad crowd. I indulged in… vices that I shouldn’t have. By the time I came back, I owed a lot of money to pay off my bad habits.” This was harder than he’d anticipated. He was baring his soul to her—telling her everything he hated about himself. And there was no guarantee she’d accept him after.
Bailey gnawed on her lip as she consumed the information he fed her. Then understanding flooded her eyes. “You— all that money you spent—” Her face flushed, and tears filled her eyes. “You spent everything you had on me… on us .”
Carter moved a little closer to her. “I did.”
“Why?” she whispered.
“Because I love?—”
“So you said. Why not just say something? Why put yourself at risk? You needed that money to pay off your debts.” She was floundering with this realization, and he could see it. There was some part of her that didn’t believe she deserved any of it.
In two steps, he was in front of her and holding her hands. “Tell me it was a mistake all you want, but I don’t regret it.”
She tugged her hands free from him. “But you’re putting yourself in danger?—”
“Don’t you get it? I cared more about your happiness than my own well-being.” He was scrambling. This wasn’t going as he’d planned. “Besides?—”
“That’s a ridiculous way of looking at it,” she accused. “If you care about someone, you need to take care of yourself so you’re capable of caring for those you love.”
“You’re right,” he acquiesced, his voice a low hum. He shot a look toward Anya, who didn’t appear to be interested in their quiet conversation. “I suppose in the moment I wanted to ensure her innocent view of the world held strong.”
Bailey’s breath shuddered, and a near-silent sob escaped her mouth. She pressed her fingers to her lips and shook her head when he sent her a worried glance. When she finally composed herself, she whispered, “What are you going to do about the money you owe?”
He frowned more out of embarrassment than anything else. “Emma has agreed to give me a loan. Caleb offered to let me stay with them for a probationary period since Wade is understandably wary of my presence at home. He says I have to start seeing a therapist along with resuming those group meetings, and I can’t say that I blame him.”
“Sounds like it’s all working out then.” Her wet lashes fluttered as she continued to meet his gaze.
Carter gave her a wry smile. “Not everything.” He reached for her hands again, and this time she didn’t pull away. “I really want to make things right between us. I know the road is going to be long, and it’s going to be harder than breaking a wild horse… but it’s all I want. Just one more chance.”
Bailey’s eyes searched his. A few tears continued to drip down her cheeks, and it took all his self-control not to wipe them away with his thumb. It broke his heart to see her so sad. He swore that if she gave him another chance, he’d do everything in his power to make sure she never shed another tear over him again.
She took in a deep breath, and then, without warning, she wrapped her arms around him. He winced, and a painful moan was ripped from his throat. Bailey gasped and pulled back, her brows creasing with worry. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Her gaze swept over him. “Where else did they hurt you?”
He’d noticed that she hadn’t asked him about why he had the injuries, even after the hint he’d given Anya—a fact he was grateful for. While he hadn’t done anything wrong, he wasn’t sure he was ready to share that part of the story just yet. In time, he would, though.
“Just a couple cracked ribs and?—”
She gasped. “Carter! Why didn’t you say anything?” She rushed to the freezer and pulled something out before returning to his side. The bag of peas made him smile. “What?” she demanded, shoving the bag at him.
He accepted the offering and held it up to his face, not surprised that she gave him a look that clearly meant she’d wanted him to use it on his torso. The injuries weren’t even a full day old, but the swelling was dissipating faster than he’d anticipated.
Bailey reached for his hand and tugged him toward the couch. She helped him out of his coat before pushing him gently into a seated position. Then she took a seat beside him and turned to face him, folding her legs beneath her. She reached for his free hand and held it.
Yes, this was everything he wanted for Christmas and then some—far more than he’d ever hoped to receive. He couldn’t think of anything else she could have given him in this moment.
“I love you, too,” she whispered.
His lips quirked upward. Except that .