Chapter 22
Athena couldn’t believe that Henry could be so callous. She’d thought he was better than that. Out of everyone, he was supposed to be the one who would accept her for who she was and what she’d gone through. He knew her darkest memories, and he still wanted to insist that the world wasn’t as dreary as it truly was.
It was moments like this one when the doubts she fought so hard to keep buried were unearthed. Their views were so different. He was still a baby when it came to experiencing the world. How could she date someone who wasn’t willing to acknowledge there was so much more out there?
Athena hated the way she felt right now. She hated how whenever Henry spoke to her, he always had some form of criticism or argument against her. Why couldn’t he just be supportive and tell her she was more than capable of making her own decisions?
She made it to the barn and started taking everything off Beast. He stood patiently while she removed the harness, saddle, and blanket. He continued to exude his own kind of peace as she brushed his hair and mane.
Not once did he fidget or indicate he was stressed, which surprisingly aided in calming her down. Athena slowed her movements and allowed herself to breathe a little deeper. She shouldn’t be upset with Henry. This wasn’t about him. This was about her own insecurities. He wasn’t trying to change her; he was trying to help her see that there was a kinder world out there.
Gritting her teeth, Athena shook her head. If she wasn’t careful, she’d alienate the one person who seemed to believe in her.
Athena was definitely the problem. She was the one who couldn’t seem to help herself when she got defensive. Why wasn’t she able to think clearly when Henry was around? It didn’t seem fair.
Once she was done with Beast, she slipped out of the barn, praying no one would stop her. The last thing she wanted was to have someone else tell her she was wrong about the whip. She didn’t need anyone else pointing out that she didn’t belong. She’d had enough of that to last a lifetime.
What she needed to do was figure out a plan to help her fit in better around here. Maybe she needed to meditate.
Athena grimaced at that thought as she wandered the trail she’d worn from the back of the house to the barn. Meditation was for the weak or those who wanted to act like they were better than the rest. People who couldn’t handle what life threw at them needed to find their center more frequently.
That wasn’t her. Athena could find her center. She just needed to do it in a way that didn’t throw her in the middle of an argument with Henry.
She collapsed in the grass in the backyard of the house. It was quiet this time of day as everyone else finished up their work before supper. She could usually count on having this space all to herself for a good thirty minutes.
Athena reclined in the grass, spreading out her arms to her sides as if she were making a snow angel. She closed her eyes and listened to the wind rustle through the trees and the foliage nearby.
The ranch was the closest she’d ever come to finding a place that felt like home, and it was more than the people that made a place special. Here, she felt like she could be herself. It was the horses and nature all around her.
Everyone seemed to tolerate her much like she expected—except for Hudson, who still had a chip on his shoulder. Henry was the one she thought she could turn to for anything. But if there was one thing that made her want to stay here—to put down roots—it was the ranch in and of itself. And Henry was the cherry on top.
Now, if only she could let down her defenses whenever he gave her his opinion on how she should view the situation. It took all of ten minutes just lying in the grass for her to finally rid herself of her instinct to leave. That was happening a lot more often these days. It was her fallback solution to conflict, especially when she didn’t want to be the one to get hurt.
The residual ache in her chest flared to life once more, but only briefly. It was as if the grass and fresh air had healing properties. She could do this. She didn’t know how, but she knew she had to try. And if she failed? Then she’d say her goodbyes and be on her way.
“You’re improving.”
The male voice ripped Athena from her quiet reverie, and she shot up from her place. Athena whirled around and stared at Hudson as he stood on the porch behind her. He wasn’t looking at her. His eyes were actually staring off at what appeared to be nothing in the distance.
Hudson’s brows creased and his eyes squinted. “I’ve never seen anyone take to riding like you. Granted, you probably wouldn’t be able to handle riding out with the cattle or anything, but you’re doing better than most city folk I’ve seen.”
That was probably the biggest and only compliment she’d ever get from Hudson. He wasn’t a big talker, and when he did, it was usually to complain about the people who came to this area as tourists. Athena hadn’t bothered looking into it, but there was a country club that boasted dancing, a restaurant, and therapy for veterans.
If there was any substance to what Henry had said the other day, that country club seemed to be proof that he could be right about the good in the world. Unfortunately, that meant more people would continue moving to this town and force it to get a little bigger. She could sympathize with Hudson on that front. He had a good point.
More people meant more problems. It was too bad that someone couldn’t just come in and buy up a bunch of land to keep the place from growing too fast.
She’d been quiet for too long. To tell Hudson thank you for his compliment now would make her appear even stranger than she was. So, she turned her attention back to the scenery. After a few moments, she heard the back door open and shut. Hudson had left, and she was alone again. If Hudson could start accepting her, that would add to Henry’s argument.
Athena lost track of time as she watched the sky change colors and felt the cool air waft against her skin. No matter how long she stayed here, she would always enjoy the peace that the quiet could bring.
The back door to the house opened and shut again, but Athena didn’t bother looking to see who had joined her. It was more than likely Henry. He had a knack for making sure she was okay—that they were okay.
She wrapped her arms around her knees as she pulled them to her chest, and then she rested her chin on top.
“I don’t know why you’re so against the whip, but I can respect that you’re sticking to your guns.” It was Brielle.
Athena would have recognized that voice anywhere after all the time they’d spent practicing. She rubbed her nose into her knees and then turned her cheek to rest it where her chin had been. “It doesn’t matter. You made several good points about it.”
“You know, there are several people even around here who dislike competing with the horses. Doesn’t matter if it’s dressage or the bronc riding at the rodeo. There are folks who think that the animals should only be used for work—that we show our love and respect for them rather than turning them into a show.” Brielle settled beside Athena in the grass and a soft smile touched her lips. “It’s similar to how people feel about entering little girls into pageants.”
“I take it you don’t feel that way?” Athena said.
Brielle shook her head. “Well, I don’t feel that way about dressage. I do feel that way about the bronc riding. Some of the things they have to do to those horses to get them mad should be outlawed. But dressage?” She sighed. “It’s more than just a competition. It’s more than showing the judges who’s boss. It’s about the connection we have to our horses. It’s like… you’re having a conversation with him. Or like you’re dancing with him.” Brielle turned to face Athena. “And if you can accomplish that without using the whip, then do it.”
“Then why are you pushing me to use it so much?” Athena demanded. “If you think it’s possible for me to do it without, then help me teach Beast without using it.”
“That’s just it. I can’t.”
“What do you mean, you can’t?”
Brielle pressed her lips together tightly. “I used to do dressage when I was a teen. I was pretty good at it, too. Won my share of national events. But I utilized every tool they offered me. I never had the kind of connection you have with Beast. You’re going to have to figure out a way to get him to understand in a way that makes sense for the two of you.”
Athena peered at the woman she barely knew. She’d figured that Brielle had a past working with horses and possibly competed, but the truth was far more impressive than she’d thought. “Why did you stop?”
Brielle laughed. “I became somewhat of a rebel. If my father wanted me to do something, I fought against it. If he didn’t want me to do something, then that was next on my bucket list. My father was a very strict man.” Her expression sobered. “I made several foolish choices that I’m not proud of and all because I didn’t want anyone to tell me what I could and couldn’t do.”
That sounded familiar. “And how did you fix it?”
She laughed again. “Sweetie, that’s not something you can fix. It’s part of who you are. You just realize that you have to prioritize certain things. When you can do that, then everything else falls into place.”
“You make it sound so easy,” Athena said. “What if it doesn’t? Fall into place, I mean?”
“Then I guess that’s not where your life is meant to be. There are paths we’re supposed to follow and those that we want to but that are meant for someone else.”
Athena hadn’t thought of it that way before.
“Anyway,” Brielle continued, “whatever you decide to do with your training is up to you. But I suggest that you do your own research. Maybe dressage isn’t something you can do. Perhaps you should consider being a middleman for someone who wants to take Beast as far as he can go. He’s calmed down a lot since you got here.”
Why did Brielle have to bring up someone else riding Beast? Even though Athena knew Beast didn’t technically belong to her, some part of her felt they belonged together. They were connected on a level that no one else would be able to replicate. She wasn’t just going to let someone else take the reins.
Athena shook her head. “I’m good.”
Brielle smiled. “Well, I look forward to seeing what you can do with him. Just keep in mind that we’re running out of time. We have to register in the next couple of weeks, and I don’t want to do that unless I know you’re ready.” She got to her feet. “Good work today. Keep it up.”
Athena watched Brielle leave, somehow feeling worse than before Brielle had shown up. If Brielle was right and Athena needed to step down, would she be able to do it?
She didn’t know if she could.