20. Brad
20
brAD
I woke up with my hand close to Dylan’s, and I wondered if it had been like that all night. It took everything in me not to just wrap my arms around him and pull him close. It was hard to be so close to him and not be able to do anything about it, since we were sharing a tent with Jason and Micah. All I wanted was to feel him near me, to kiss his pretty face. Seeing him look so happy yesterday made something stir inside me, aching for the smile on his face. Every piece of me cried out to want to make him happy like that every day, but that wasn’t possible. Was it?
The moment passed when Dylan woke up, not seeming to notice just how close we were to one another. Maybe he didn’t feel the same pull toward me as I felt to touch him. He just glanced at me with a hint of a smile as he went off to wash up as best as possible.
When we got back to join the others for breakfast, the clouds threatened to burst open, looking heavy in the sky.
Shane looked a little annoyed, but that wasn’t anything new — he often looked annoyed. “It better not rain today…it’s already so dirty here,” he complained, glancing at the sky as though warning it.
“Come on, man, you’ve done way worse than hang outdoors.” Theo laughed, clapping him on the back.
Shane’s eyebrow lifted.
He was not in the mood for Theo’s sunny disposition.
“Come on, baby, we can stay here for a while if you’d prefer,” Alex cut in, taking his hand with a smile. “It’ll be okay. If it does rain, there’s the tent.”
He shrugged. “I guess.”
“What’s so bad about the rain?” Dylan mused, swallowing his bite of granola bar. “It cleans the air, you know? Every little drop is like a little bubble…it’s nice.”
I couldn’t help but smile.
“That’s cute…not sure it’s accurate, but I like the sentiment,” Charlie said, offering a kind smile in our direction.
Charlie had always seemed to like Dylan pretty well, even when he was just Theo’s fake boyfriend. There was this strange levity to Dylan over the past day, a certain thing that hadn’t been there in Rome. I couldn’t tell if it was just the summer wearing off and time away from his dad, or if it was related to being out here in the open festival. He did often say that music made him feel alive.
After finishing, Dylan took off almost immediately for the stages, and I followed him. Maybe I was like a dog chasing its favorite toy, but I didn’t want him to have to be alone. Just in case he was miserable or something happened. These things were huge, and Dylan could handle himself if he needed to, but he shouldn’t have had to.
Maybe I was Toto.
“It’s gonna rain,” he said suddenly, spinning around a few times.
I laughed, “Oh yeah?”
“Yep. Can’t you smell it?” He looked up into the sky, eyes open wide like he was summoning something from the air.
I sniffed. All I could smell was people and wind, but who was I to argue? With that face? “Not really,” I admitted, “But I believe you. Hopefully, Shane just stays in the tent then, huh?”
“He better. Maybe he can get some from Alex so he can finally relax,” Dylan mused, this faint sort of grin on his face.
Sometimes I wished I could take a peek inside his brain, see what was really going on in there. There was that sad look that fluttered across his eyes from time to time, and I swore it was there for a second again. It went away just as quickly, replaced with this usual carefree Dylan attitude. The half-lidded expression that almost looked like it was concealing something.
“You’re thinking too optimistically.” I clapped a hand on his shoulder.
He smiled a little, lips twisting in amusement. As he turned back to head toward the stages again, however, fat drops began to patter against the ground. It wasn’t slow to begin, just suddenly going from dry and calm to thick drops of rain pelting from every angle. I laughed, unable to help it. Even more so as I looked at Dylan.
He was standing there, his arms outstretched like a scarecrow, eyes closed as the rain pelted our skin. Something about him looked just so perfectly beautiful like that. Full of this wonder and sense of whimsy, I was pretty sure he was going to jump in puddles if he saw any.
Staring at him like that, taking in the way his eyelashes fanned across his cheeks and the slightly parted lips, I wanted so much to kiss him. I wanted to forget that our friends weren’t far — maybe watching our every move. I wanted to grab him up and kiss him breathless, feel his hands on me.
But I was still a coward. I just stared on.