27. Dylan
27
DYLAN
S omehow, everything felt a little brighter in the next day’s light. The weight of the heartache and the questions were lifted, the confusion and sense of loss was lessened. Brad wanted me, and I was still trying to figure that part out. Of all the people in the world Brad could have, why was I anywhere near the top of that list?
I’d have to ask him more about it later, ask why in the world he’d fallen for me so many years ago. Later though, I didn’t want to figure that out now, didn’t want to interrupt the sanctity of the new day.
My lips curved into a smile as I looked at his sleeping figure next to me. Leaning close, I pressed my lips against his cheek. There was a part of me that wanted to just stay in bed for the rest of the day, just enjoying this with Brad. We hadn’t even done anything else, just cuddled and fell asleep. My heart warmed at everything that had happened.
He stirred, and I kissed his other cheek. I wanted to kiss every part of him.
“Dyl?” His voice was all gravelly from waking up.
“Hi.”
He blinked a few times, and without hesitating, leaned in and kissed me. Almost like he was trying to confirm if I was there. My hand came to his cheek, caressing.
None of it felt real.
All too soon, however, Brad pulled away. “Let me go brush my teeth at least.”
I nodded and only watched him get out of bed and head to the bathroom. It was going to be hard to not let anyone know.
After we got ready and went down to breakfast, it was already hard. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair or kiss him right then and there. It was weird. When we were just friends with benefits, I didn’t even know what I wanted to do, I just tried my best to act normal. Like nothing had changed between us, even though everything had.
Now that it was official — our secret for now or not — it felt like the truth wanted to spill out of me. Wanted to leak out and show itself to anyone who’d sit still long enough to listen. Part of me wondered why he didn’t want anyone to know, but I also knew that as much as our friends loved us and supported us, they could be judgmental assholes.
Or that’s what I tried to remind myself to quiet the other thoughts that threatened to pop up.
I ran my fingers through my own hair instead, listening as everyone talked about Paris. Shane and Alex were going shopping again, much to Alex’s dismay. Once the promise of crepes came up, though, he seemed to brighten. Theo and Charlie were going to visit the different bookstores and maybe a museum or two. Jason and Micah were going to the lover bridge, but somehow I still suspected they wouldn’t leave their room.
“Guess it’s just us again?” Brad mused, smiling at me.
Was his smile always this beautiful?
“Mm, shocking isn’t it?” I agreed, my lips twitching in amusement. No one else knew it, of course, but it really was a couple’s trip. They just might not have realized that another couple sat in their midst.
Which was still really fucking weird to think.
Even though we’d said the words, even though Brad had reassured me in every conceivable way that he could that this was what he wanted, that we would be okay, it still didn’t seem real. Not that we had agreed to this, not that he liked me for so long, not that he wasn’t going to regret this.
I couldn’t let my thoughts get overrun with my continual doubts and cynicism. We finished breakfast with everyone talking at once about their plans or about the things we should do together soon. There was a part of me that wondered if we all should have just picked a city each. One city, one couple.
Just as I was trying to figure out where everyone would be, it seemed like they were all leaving. “Come on, babe,” Brad said, holding out his hand.
I took it and stood up, smiling a little. We were alone. Babe , was that a new thing? Did I like being his babe?
The flutter in my stomach said that I did.
“What is this?” I asked, tilting my head as Brad waved a hand in front of us, gesturing to a beautiful blue lake shimmering with light. We’d been strolling through a park, taking in the lush green trees and ducks that waddled throughout the place. It had taken a little too long for me to realize that Brad had been nudging us in a particular direction the whole time.
“Boat rides…you want to?” He grinned.
Was this how romance worked? All my other relationships, things were more or less just like friends. We’d hang out, and nothing changed. Maybe it was that way with Brad, too, but part of me thought it felt like something was different.
“Yeah, why not?” I agreed, smiling back at him. He looked so cute like this, all eager, like he was just wanting me to join in with him. There was this feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I wanted to encourage that in him forever.
Brad escaped for a moment to work out the details, and then we were being ushered onto a boat on the lake. It was a beautiful Parisian day. Clouds dotted the sky, and the air was mild, a chilly breeze drifting toward us every now and again. The lake before us reflected the trees and the sky around us, and there was just this air of calm, serenity.
A careful hand went to my waist, helping me into the boat. I smiled at Brad, and I was glad that no one else was there with us. If anyone else was around, I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle it. Everything was so good, so right that I needed it to be just us for a little while. To savor the moment, to just exist together for a little while.
Was this how good life could truly be?
Brad joined me, and he rowed us out further into the lake. I watched him for a few minutes, just taking in the way his shoulder and arm muscles moved as he rowed the boat. His chest muscles looked so strong, and I got a flash of the way it felt when he held me against him. I wanted to put my hand against him, feel the way they moved and flexed under my touch.
I was facing where we’d come from, watching the people getting further and further away. “This is…amazing,” I whispered, staring at the rippling water as it drifted around us.
“Yeah? It is. When I stop…you should come over here so you can see it from this angle.”
I tilted my head in curiosity, but silently agreed. There were other boats around us, drifting around with various groups in them. Some were full of families, others couples, and a few even had single riders just drifting around on the lake. We passed by more ducks on the lake, cleaning themselves as we moved around them.
Finally, Brad seemed to find a spot he found acceptable. He stopped rowing and stood the oars. “Come here,” he gestured for me to go to him.
Tentatively, I stood up in the boat, feeling a little shaky. I was used to land or skateboards. I’d tried surfing a few times with Theo, but he was more in tune with the water. So I moved quickly and sat down between his legs. His arms folded around my waist, and he pressed closer.
It was enough to be distracting, but I focused on the sight before me. A rush of warmth and comfort from just being so close to Brad filled me. The Eiffel Tower stood over the lake, and I gasped as I stared at it over the tops of the trees. “Oh shit…” I mumbled, almost as though to myself.
“Beautiful, isn’t it? It’s nothing compared to you.”
His breath was hot on my neck, and I shivered. Heat flushed over me, and I wondered if I was blushing.
Part of me wondered if any of the others were nearby. According to their plans, they wouldn’t be, but what if? I swallowed, wondering how well we were going to keep up this secret relationship. Had it been a good idea to keep a secret? When I hated when Brad looked around for other people?
Maybe that was just because I didn’t know how he felt then.
It didn’t matter, not all that much. Brad’s muscular arms were around me, holding me close. That’s what mattered. For a moment, I couldn’t help but smile. Thinking about a time, years down the road if we were still together, how we could look back and laugh at all of this. At all of our silly fears, at how we were just dumb college kids excited to look at the Eiffel Tower together.
A stirring fluttered my heart, and I realized I wanted that to be reality more than anything. I wanted to look back with Brad one day and have it be more than just an ‘if.’ I wanted us to still be smiling together, laughing about nothing, his arms wrapped around me. This moment was perfect.
I tried not to allow myself to think beyond that, I didn’t want to think about the likelihood. Because this was the perfect moment, and I wasn’t going to waste it wondering and ruining it. I turned to capture Brad’s lips with my own, and I could feel him smile against me.