31. Thirty-One
Thirty-One
Kyla
My mind was reeling. Rhett’s thumb glided over mine as he held my hand in the cab, the gentle reminder that his hands were firm on me last night. I could still feel his fingers pressing into my shoulder and his hand intertwined with mine. I could still hear his heartbeat, calm and steady as it lulled me to sleep.
I’ve had panic and anxiety attacks before, and the recovery would always seep into the next day. My head would hurt, my heart would still beat faster than normal, and my eyes would be puffy. I would be drained of everything. David had caused many of those attacks. I would call my mother for help—motherly advice, if you will—only to be told to listen to my fiancé, take his words and just let them roll off my back. Then I would break. I felt as if I had no support, no love, no care from the two people who should be giving it to me. Whenever I would break David would shake his head and make himself the victim by telling me I was overreacting or overthinking. My feelings were never valid. And I always believed him. I was the problem. I was the reason for all the bad things that were happening to me. Then, once I apologized for how I reacted, he would pull me in for a hug and tell me it was okay, that I just needed to understand where he was coming from.
His words would ultimately cause another panic attack.
The last one I truly had was the day before I left. I finally found the courage to go through with it, but the simple idea was daunting. Grace was there to calm me down, and help me sift through the emotions afterward, telling me they were justified, but the recovery time was still there.
Last night, once the tears had stopped flowing and I was in Rhett’s arms, the panic—the fear—lifted. He calmed the storm that was brewing inside me. He parted the clouds and cleared my mind, taking the tears away by simply saying a few words that rang in my ears all night long.
Tell me how to make you better. I’m here. I’ve got you.
I woke up feeling refreshed, although slightly nervous about why I felt fine when I gently kissed Rhett and showered before we left for Grace’s house. Then the moment Grace and I sat out on the porch, the truth came flowing out.
“I’m not sure why . . .” I sipped my mimosa. “But he made it all go away, just by being there.”
“Do you think it’s from the way he reacted to it? He didn’t blame you or turn it back on you. He said it was okay and then was there for you. No words were really needed? ”
I looked back into the house, seeing Rhett sitting patiently on the kitchen island. “Just being near him . . . it’s like he pulls everything away and just—”
“Calms the storm?”
“Exactly.” Funny how Grace always knew exactly what I was thinking. “I didn’t wake up with a headache, I didn’t think about what was said or done, I was just . . . awake—in his arms. Comfortable. Calm.”
“And that’s . . .” Grace’s voice drew out.
“Different. He was there, unlike anyone else. He was defending me in front of my mother, then took my hand and led me out of the house, and then just . . . I’ve never had someone react that way before. I had to explain myself. I had to talk about it again moments after it happened, but Rhett—”
“He just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I apologized,” I admitted.
“Figured. You apologize for a lot of things you don’t need to.”
“Then he apologized, told me he should have never riled my mother up, and just . . . made sure I knew he had me.” I smiled. “I never realized that’s what I needed.”
“Summer of Cowboys.”
“Summer of Rhett. I also—” I swallowed, ready to admit the next part out loud to someone. “I may have said I love him to my mother. And then I told him I meant it.”
“We’re here.” Rhett pulled me from my thoughts as we pulled up in front of a large arena, the biggest I had seen since my time with him—and Billings was pretty big.
“It’s huge .” I leaned forward, my hand slipping from his as I tried to see the entirety of the arena from the cab. I looked over at Rhett, my eyes wide.
He wiggled his eyebrows and winked. “Come on, let’s go get Buckle settled and find Wyatt.”
The arena was bigger on the inside than on the outside. I felt like I was stepping into the Tardis as Rhett led me around. Someone was using a truck to drag the dirt, making me wish I was in the small arena in Idaho running the Ground Hog. The big screens sat overhead on both ends of the arena, and were currently showing ads for the Cowboy Channel. There were so many seats, I wasn’t even sure where to start looking. What would it look like once it was filled with people?
“Tie-down ropers are here.” He pointed to the chutes. Normally I sat off to the left, close enough that I could see the whites in his eyes as he rode, but here the seats were higher up. He wouldn’t be as close, and it would be harder for me to jump out of the seat to go meet him for a hug and kiss after his ride.
“How am I supposed to watch you? I won’t be able to see anything.” I sighed, turning my head in all directions. “I won’t be able to get to you after your ride.”
He pulled me close, the feel on his body on mine only a reminder of last night. “You’ll be there, with easy access to the chutes.” He pointed behind him, having me spin in his arms, holding me tight to his chest. “You’re right above the announcer box so”—he kissed my temple—“throw peanuts at Wyatt. ”
I shook my head, chuckling as he made a joke at his brother’s expense. “I’ll make sure to throw peanuts while you’re doing your run.”
“Oh, in that case don’t throw peanuts at Wyatt. He needs to be on top of his game.”
“So do you.” I twisted again and placed my hands on his shoulders. “Are you okay? Focused? Had enough time?” I asked softly as I ran my hands through his hair, the feeling only making my breath twitch.
“I’m fantastic. I’m at the Days of 47 Rodeo, I have my girl in my arms, and am one step closer to the NFR. I’m fantastic.” He stopped and furrowed his brow, lowering his chin, the brim of his hat shadowing his eyes. “I should be asking you if you’re okay, you’ve been quiet.”
“I.” I kissed his lips. “Am.” I kissed him again. “Perfect.”
He raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me.
“Really,” I assured him. “I am. I wish I could explain it—”
“Try,” he said softly as he gently moved my hair behind my ear.
How did I even begin to tell him that I felt peace in his arms, that he—just him being near me—took the clouds that sometimes crept into my brain away? I bet he didn’t even know he was doing anything, but he gave me confidence. He gave me the freedom that I so badly needed. How did I tell him that he was quickly becoming my everything?
When I looked at him, things became clear. The depth to his eyes grounded me and pulled me away from whatever was coming. It didn’t matter that David was an issue, it didn’t matter that my mother would never accept our marriage. All that mattered was him and me and . . . us. I told him I was falling for him, but I truly believe, now, that I had fallen.
I opened my mouth to tell him exactly that but closed it as soon as I saw his eyebrows pinch, and kissed him instead.
“I don’t want to talk about anything before your ride,” I answered, taking his hat from his head and gently placing it on top of mine. “How about we go out after the rodeo? We can talk and—”
“You took my hat.” He cocked a grin, a glint in his eye.
I flashed a teasing grin. “I did.”
“We won’t be going out tonight if you’re taking my hat.”
“Noted, then . . . we’ll have to order in.”
“And talk?”
I nodded. “And talk. Now”—I slid my hands down his arms—“show me the arena, I saw a mechanical bull and a churro stand.”
He laughed, lifting his chin in the air. “Okay, okay, let’s go get a churro.”
I lasted four seconds on the mechanical bull, Rhett lasted eight. Being the show off he was, he hopped on twice for another eight seconds. After an amazing barbecue burger and draft beer, I was sitting in the arena right next to the announcer box, watching as the Steer Wrestlers took the calves down by the horns. I was close enough to Wyatt that I could call out to him but refrained. He was in his element and since I had normally kept my focus on the other cowboys, it was a fun change to see how he reacted.
“Whoo-eee!” he called. “He almost got that one, but that little guy was just too fast, so a no score. Now, here at Days of 47, the only gold medal rodeo . . .”
I chuckled. Listening to him, I could have sworn he was faking a slight southern accent.
Once the Steer Wrestlers were done, Wyatt took his hat off his head and turned to me, a large smile as he walked up.
“What do you think?”
“Of the rodeo or . . . ?” I sang.
“Me.” He held his arms out, pride flowing through him.
I shook my head. “Just get back to announcing. Tie-down is next.”
“You’re becoming a rodeo pro. Next thing we know you’ll be going for queen.” He gawked, putting his hat back on his head and returning to his microphone.
The Rodeo Clown began to make his appearance, walking around the crowd as my stomach began twisting in knots waiting for Rhett to take his time on the dirt. This was—making myself chuckle at the thought—not my first rodeo. I had gone to plenty since the Fourth of July, but this one just felt different. There were more cowboys, more livestock, more kids holding on for dear life to sheep as they ran across the dirt. This was a major rodeo. If I was nervous just sitting in the stands, I couldn’t imagine what Rhett was feeling.
“Wyatt,” I called, knowing the clown had a few more minutes in the spotlight. “Wyatt! ”
He turned, grabbing his drink and heading over to me. “Yes, My Queen.”
“First of all, don’t call me that. Rhett never even used that nickname. Second, this rodeo is huge. Do you think Rhett has a chance?”
Wyatt scoffed, “Rhett works best under pressure.”
“So, are you saying all those broken barriers . . . ?”
“Not enough pressure.” He winked at me.
I rolled my eyes. “Just hype your brother up, okay? Make sure he gets to the NFR.”
“If he lands tonight, he rides tomorrow in the Gold Medal—that’s the one we want to count to the NFR.”
“Then hype. Him. Up.” I popped the P. “As your sister-in-law—”
“Ah, pulling that card are we?” Wyatt gave me a cheesy smile.
“Yes, I am, as your sister-in-law I demand you hype him up.”
Shaking his head he tossed me a laugh. “Okay, you got it. I’ll hype him up. He’s fourth.”
I nodded and inhaled, holding my breath for five seconds before letting it out through my round lips. I bet I had more anxiety than my husband.
Jaxson was first, then Darren and a rider named Stetson who made me think of Stetson back at the ranch. I made a mental note to call them after Rhett’s ride. I knew they had to be watching, and knowing that made me miss them. I missed Stetson and Abi, even Lachlan despite his grumpy ass. I missed all of it. And then, that same feeling of calm rushed over me. Home .
“And up next is Rhett Hartwell, riding his mare Buckle. Rhett went through a rough patch the past couple of rides, but tonight it’s different. He’s got his girl—his new wife—right behind us, and she’s told me I have to hype him up.” Wyatt chuckled.
The fellow announcer laughed. “Are we allowed to hype up a rider?”
“Being rodeo announcers means that is literally our job, but she happened to pull the sister-in-law card, and I feel as if that was a direct threat so . . . You hear that, bro? You better be fully hyped up.”
Rhett was on the big screen, his rope waving in the air next to Buckle, shaking his head back and forth and he chuckled. I wish I could be close enough to hear that laugh, but then he gave a quick nod, and the calf was let out of the chute, and he took off. As always, I watched his every move, reveling in the way his muscles flexed once he jumped off Buckle and lifted the calf. I was suddenly very upset he took his hat back.
“A 7.0 for Rhett, putting him in the top slot tonight, I guess you can say you did your sister-in-law proud by hyping him up because that worked. That was one hell of a ride!” The announcer cheered.
I smiled, and leapt from my seat, rushing to the gate closest to where Rhett would be. No one stopped me, not even the guards that were standing close to Wyatt. Rhett saw me, his eye catching mine as he jumped from Buckle and made his way towards me. I was stopped at the railing, not willing to jump the several feet down to the ground. I was unable to go any closer, but Rhett took the chance and climbed the bars to me, reaching me so fast I could barely make sense of it. He took my neck with a free hand to pull me in for the deepest, strongest kiss we had shared in public .
I love this man.
“And that—in case anyone had any doubts—is my sister-in-law. This will be her second time appearing on a rodeo screen, but I’m sure she’s completely oblivious to everyone watching her and my brother.”
I pulled back at Wyatt’s words and looked at Rhett before my eyes drifted to the big screens. I laughed, remembering seeing myself on the screen on the Fourth of July and how I almost shied away. This time, all I did was smile at my husband and lean down for another kiss as the world watched us.
“Okay you two, up next is Zeke Laraway, so let him have his moment, yeah?”
Rhett looked up at me and gave me a smile that reached his eyes. I mirrored him, reaching down slightly to grab his hat and place it on top of my head, not even caring that the cameras were still focused on us.
“Wearing my hat again, Mrs. Hartwell?”
“See you after the rodeo,” I whispered, suddenly extremely happy I had gone back to the hotel room before the rodeo began.