Chapter 11
The next day, Fillis went out in search of Jesse. She was fairly certain where she would find him. Sure enough, he was sitting on the ground outside of Meade’s Tavern. He was invisible at the moment, and was probably planning on spending some time with Lucy without her knowledge. Fillis remained invisible, too, so she could talk to Jesse privately.
She walked over and looked down at where he was sitting. “Waiting for Lucy?” she asked dryly.
He grinned at her and nodded. He might be hundreds of years old, but he still looked so young to Fillis. It made her sad when she thought of the way he looked at Lucy. He was like a hopeful schoolboy. She wished there was some way to protect him from heartache, but it was too late for any of that.
Fillis sat down next to him, and they watched the people go by for a few moments.
“You know, I’m not as thick-headed about these things as Joel is,” Fillis said.
“Well, few people are as thick as Joel,” Jesse responded.
Fillis chuckled, then said, “You in love with that girl.”
Jesse was silent for a moment, then shrugged his shoulders. “What difference does it make?”
“I ’spect it makes quite a difference to you.”
“Yeah, I love her.”
“Well,” Fillis said gently. “I can see why. She’s a lovely girl.”
“She is a lovely girl. And not just on the outside.”
I know, Fillis thought. She’d become quite fond of Lucy, and anyone who was precious to Jesse was precious to her.
Jesse looked off into the distance, waiting for Lucy’s approach. He looked a little sad. Probably thinking of what might have been. Fillis understood exactly how he felt. She often joked with her soldier boys about her relationship with Helene, the master’s wife. She talked about their secret, forbidden sex life. She told stories about how they’d had to sneak away when the master was asleep, what a great body Helene had, and how great in bed she was. Everyone thought that was all there was to their relationship. Fillis had been caught having a sexual affair with the master’s wife, and she had to run away before the master killed her. That wasn’t the whole story.
Fillis and Helene had been in love. Not a day went by when Fillis didn’t think of her lovely, careworn face. Helene had light brown hair and soft, gray eyes. The master was abusive to them both and was a cruel father to his children. Fillis was Second Mama to Helene’s children, too. It was easy to pretend sometimes that Helene was her wife, and the children belonged to the two of them.
That was another reason Fillis felt so close to Joel and Jesse. She understood Joel’s agony at losing his children, and she could empathize with Jesse’s pain of loving a woman he couldn’t have.
“I think she could have loved you. If things were different.”
Jesse grinned at her. “You’re biased, Second Mama.”
“Not at all. You’re quite lovable. And you’d treat her right,” Fillis said. From watching Lucy’s interactions with the boys, it was clear that she’d been treated badly in the past. Though she was friendly with everyone, she was tentative when anyone showed interest in her. Just when she started to relax around Joel and Jesse, she’d get her guard up again. Understandably, Lucy wasn’t sure what to make of these two crazy soldiers. Fillis wished she had a way to reassure Lucy that they’d never hurt her. They just enjoyed her company, and she seemed to be good for them.
“Ya think she’ll choose me?” Jesse asked with that hopeful schoolboy look of his.
“I don’t know,” Fillis replied wearily. “’Tween you and me, I hope she does pick you. Means more to you, and there could never be anybody but Emma for Joel anyhow. Not even for a game.”
Fillis knew that Lucy was headed their way just by watching Jesse’s face. His expression softened and he looked at Lucy adoringly. Lucy couldn’t see him, and Fillis was aware of his feelings now, so he didn’t have to pretend. Fillis watched him watch Lucy as she walked up and opened the tavern door right next to where they were sitting. He sat there for a moment after she went inside.
“Go on. Go see her,” Fillis said.
Jesse grinned and quickly floated into the tavern.