Chapter 9
CHAPTER 9
B J had to admit, the look of pure happiness on Penny’s face made him feel ten feet tall. The underlying fissure of apprehension in his gut eased the moment those pale pink lips turned up, a huge grin splitting her face. When she’d flung her arms around him, he felt as though he could damn near fly. Nothing made him feel better than making the ones around him happy.
To the sacrifice of your own happiness?
What? Where had that come from?
He ignored the little voice in his head. How would making Penny happy make him unhappy? He never wanted to be a dad, but he always figured he’d be an uncle. Looked forward to spoiling his nieces and nephews rotten. Hyping them up on sugar and then handing them back to their parents. Sounded like a blast. That would essentially be his role with this kid. Penny’s kid.
“What’s the next step?” he asked when she released him and took a step back.
“You’ll need to set up an appointment with my doctor and provide a…sample for testing.”
“Testing? Like for STDs? I had my checkup a few months ago and everything is negative.” He’d also been in a bit of a dry spell for almost a year now. Self-imposed. Casual sex had become empty. He didn’t want a wife or anything, but he wanted a deeper connection than casual dating. He craved…more.
She waved a hand in the air. “I’m sure it is, but it’s standard procedure to test all donations. Plus, they look for other things in the test sample related to genetics and all that.”
Okay, he could fill a cup. After all, he’d have to do that anyway for the procedure, right? Man, this was weird. He didn’t even know how any of this worked. Did they give her a turkey baster and a cup full of his boys and let her have at it? A small part of him wanted to ask, but the rest of him wanted this whole embarrassing situation to be over and Penny to have her dream. If curiosity got the better of him, he’d look it up later.
Thankfully, he lived in the age of the Internet.
“And if you’d like any monetary compensation, I have the funds stashed away for what I was prepared to pay an anonymous donor.”
Monetary compensation? Did Penny just offer to pay him to jerk off into a cup? Nothing about that sounded right. He narrowed his gaze.
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”
Her lips pinched together before parting to speak. “I’m only trying to be fair. If you made a deposit at a sperm bank, you get paid like any anonymous donor.”
“But I’m not anonymous. I’m your best friend.” He took a step closer until they were less than a foot apart. “We’ve known each other for seventeen years. You helped me pass Trig after I missed two weeks of school because of the flu and almost failed. I held your hair as you puked in the bushes after senior skip day when you had too much tequila.”
Her face paled when he brought up the memory, nose scrunching up in disgust. Poor Penny. To this day, even the smell of tequila made her gag. Happily, they didn’t produce any at Jacks.
“You were there for me after my dad died.”
Her expression softened, sadness entering her eyes.
“You let me cry on your shoulder and didn’t say a word.”
“I wish I would have said something comforting, but I didn’t know what to say.”
Reaching out, he cupped her cheek in his hand, rubbing his thumb against the softness of her skin. “You didn’t have to say anything. You were there for me. Let me grieve. That helped more than you could ever know.”
A gentle smile tilted her lips as her head pressed into his hold. “I’m glad.”
“Me too, and that’s why I’m glad to do this for you. Not for any type of compensation, but because you’re my friend and I want you to be happy.”
A sniffle sounded from her, eyes glossing over. Most men would say they hated a woman’s tears, and BJ would agree. But these tears weren’t born of sadness or pain. They were a result of happiness. Her bright smile showed as much.
“You really are the best.”
“I know. But I think you need to say that more often around Ace. The guy needs his ego taken down a notch or two.”
She laughed, stepping into his arms when he opened them for another hug.
He tightened his arms around her, leaning his head down to kiss the top of her head as he always did. But this time, when his lips touched her hair, something felt…different. The softness of those silky strands seemed to caress his lips. Her scent—which he’d never given much thought to before—overpowered his senses. Cinnamon. Penny smelled like cinnamon. Spicy and so potent he could taste it on his tongue. What the hell was going on?
Pulling away, he headed into the kitchen. He needed a drink. “Tell me more about how all this works.”
Opening her fridge, he let the cool air wash over him. His body felt heated, flushed…aroused. No. He didn’t get aroused around Penny. She was a beautiful woman. Smart and funny in her own dorky kind of way, but she was also his best friend. He didn’t think of her that way.
Then why was he suddenly sporting wood from an innocent hug?
He needed to get it together. Whatever the hell was going on with his body was simply physics. He’d gone too long without sex. That was it. His body and mind were mixing things up because he hadn’t had sex in too damn long and they were talking about sperm and babies. Usually, that meant intercourse. His head was confused. The little one.
“After the doctor gives your sample the all clear,” Penny spoke from behind him, following him into the kitchen. “I’ll go in and…well you don’t really need the details, but hopefully everything will take, and I’ll have a beautiful baby in nine months.”
He turned, beer in hand. “Hopefully?”
She reached around him to grab a soda out of the fridge, nudging him aside and closing it once she got her beverage. “Yes, well, it doesn’t always work the first time.”
“How many times does it take?”
She shrugged, popping open the top on her drink and taking a small sip. “Depends. Every woman is different, but it doesn’t matter. I’m going to keep trying until I succeed.”
Like she did with everything in life. Penny truly was amazing in going after her goals. Still…“Won’t that get expensive?”
He didn’t know how much artificial insemination cost, but he’d bet it wasn’t cheap.
She waved a hand in the air. “I’ve got the savings for it.”
“Yeah, but shouldn’t you be saving as much as you can for the baby? I mean, I hear kids cost like a million dollars to raise or something.”
“$237,482 actually.”
She knew the exact amount. Of course she did because she was Penny. A smile ticked up the corner of his mouth.
He whistled into his beer. “That’s a lotta dough.”
She scowled, freckles standing out against her skin as it reddened with irritation. “I know what I’m getting into, BJ. I researched all statistics. Read dozens of parenting books. Watched hours of Internet tutorials. I’m aware of the cost, time, and dedication it takes to be a parent.”
“I know what I’m doing. Famous words of every person without kids right before they have one.”
A phrase his mother liked to repeat every time one of his cousins found out they were expecting.
“I wasn’t doubting your ability, honey.” She scrunched up her nose at him the way she did when she was upset. “If I had any doubts, I wouldn’t be willing to donate my…guys.” Shit, he still couldn’t say sperm in front of her.
“Really?”
“Really. I just want to make sure you and the baby are going to be okay.”
She sighed, placing her soda down on the counter she came to his side and slipped her arms around his waist, hugging him tight. That weird awareness started happening again. Strange, because he and Penny touched all the time. They hugged, wrapped arms around each other, even exchanged kisses—platonic ones on the cheek and forehead. So why the hell was his body suddenly going haywire from normal innocent touches?
“Everything will be fine, BJ,” she said, completely unaware of his inner turmoil. “Don’t worry so much about me. I know you have a savior’s complex, but I’ll be okay.”
“A what now?”
She grinned up at him. “You can’t help but help the people around you. It’s one of the things that makes you such a great guy. You always try to fix everyone’s problem.”
So? What was wrong with trying to help the ones he cared about?
“But I don’t need you to rush in and fix anything for me. I have it all under control.”
“All you need from me is my sperm.” There! He said it.
“That and your amazing queso.” Pale red eyebrows bobbed. Her nose scrunched up. “And if the baby decides they like sports, you’re going to have to teach them. Fun Uncle BJ to the rescue.”
He laughed, tipping his beer back to finish the bottle. Now that he could do. The strange vibe dissipated from his body as he helped her clean up the dinner dishes. Granted, all they really did was place them in the dishwasher and throw out the empty lasagna tin. Since Penny didn’t really cook, clean up was always easy. There wasn’t anything wrong with prepackaged food, but his mind wandered to the future. Would Penny try to learn to cook homemade meals for her kid? Nothing could beat the homemade tamales his mother made every Christmas eve dinner. Would their kid have any memories of delicious family recipes?
Not their kid.
Her kid.
Penny made it very clear the baby would be her child, not theirs. She wasn’t splitting custody. He could be involved in the kid’s life, but he wouldn’t be their dad. That was the way it worked with most donors. Fine with him.
Then why was an image of him and Penny running around after a rambunctious mini them and laughing their heads off filling his mind right now?
He shook the image away.
They settled on the couch to watch an episode of the hilarious baking show contest Penny liked. The woman couldn’t cook worth salt, but she loved watching other people do it. He could understand the appeal, he supposed. The host made him laugh, and the finished dishes always looked amazing. Though they had made it a rule to watch after they’d eaten since the first time they watched on an empty stomach. Which resulted in them eating an entire pizza, two bags of chips, and half a pie.
Once the shows finished, he stood, knowing the time had come to call it a night. For once, he felt oddly disappointed by the fact. What was the deal? They hung out all the time. He’d most likely see her tomorrow. Leaving her place had never made him sad before. So why was this weight settling in his chest now? Why did he have this craving to stay?
“Thank you again, BJ. So much.” Penny said as she walked him to her front door. “I really can’t express how much this means to me.”
“I’m happy to do it, honey.” And he was. The joyful expression on her face made him feel a thousand feet tall. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
She nodded. “Yup.”
He cupped her face, intending to give her a goodbye kiss on the forehead like he always did, but for one moment, his gaze caught on hers and something sparked. Her pupils dilated, the inky black iris overwhelming the pale hazel. The tip of her pink tongue came out to run along her bottom lip and he had the strongest urge to dip his head and catch it with his own lips. To delve into the depths of her warm, wet mouth and feel what it would be like to really kiss Penelope Williams.
“Bravo?”
His full name. Uttered in a breathy tone he wasn’t used to hearing from his best friend. He sucked in a sharp breath. That strange ping of desire hitting him low in his gut. He leaned down, so close he could feel her warm breath against her lips. Watching as her eyes went heavy, lids drooping.
What the hell am I doing?
The thought slammed into his brain, halting his movement. Did he almost go in for a kiss with his best friend? His best friend who would soon be having his baby through artificial insemination. Shit! This whole situation was messing with his head.
Tilting her face to the side, he placed a soft and very brief kiss on her cheek. There, that was friend-like. No weird emotional-physical mixing up of that action. He dropped his hand from her face, opening the door and stepping out into the hall. Her eyes flew open, the same shock and confusion he felt inside written plainly on her face.
“Goodnight, Penny.”
“Yeah, night, BJ.”
He turned and headed out of her building to his truck. He spent the entire drive home in silence, wondering what the hell happened back there.