5. Chapter 5
Chapter five
Parker
“Eight,” I grunt as I push the bar up off my chest. “Nine.” I blow out a harsh breath. “Ten!” The sound of metal hitting metal rings out in my garage as I hang the bar back up on the bench and roll out from underneath it, standing up to walk around while trying to catch my breath.
It’s the day after Cashlynn crashed back into my life, and last night I slept like shit. I’ve been in my garage for the past hour trying to burn off some of the adrenaline coursing through me before I go to work, but I only feel marginally better than I did when I woke up.
Memories assaulted me all night, each one dragging up pieces of the past I’d like to leave buried—pictures of the future I envisioned with Sasha, flashbacks to the day I met Cashlynn on the plane and the night that followed.
She fucking knew who I was. It all clicks now… Her evasive answers and how she kept steering the conversation away from herself. Now I can’t help but question if it was actually a coincidence.
If she hadn’t been panicking, would we have even spoken? If I had just watched Bridgerton like I intended, how different would my life be right now? I’d probably be sleeping better and wouldn’t be staring down the barrel of this fake engagement. Funny how life works.
My phone vibrates on the ground, snapping me out of my head, and I’m grateful for the distraction when I see Dallas’s name on the screen.
“Hello?”
“Good morning, groom-to-be. How are you feeling today?” The teasing lilt of his voice instantly annoys me.
“Say one more thing like that and I’m hanging up.”
He chuckles. “Calm your tits. I’m just messing with you.”
“My tits are calm.” I stare down and flex my pecs, just to make sure.
“Good. Seriously though, how’d it go last night?” I rushed out of the restaurant so fast that I didn’t even say goodbye to my brother, too eager to get home and process the chaos that is Cashlynn O’Neil.
Blowing out a breath, I say, “Looks like I have a fiancée for the next four months.”
“No shit. You agreed to it?”
“I don’t have much of a choice. There’s too much at stake.”
“Okay, but what happens at the end of four months?”
I push a hand through my sweat-soaked hair as I take a seat back on the bench. “Cashlynn figures she can get her life together in that timeline, and once she does, she promised she’d come clean to her dad about everything. Hopefully by then Robert either makes a decision about retiring, or he’ll appreciate me helping his daughter get back on her feet and still consider leaving the practice to me.”
“So, what is she trying to put together exactly?”
“Hell if I know. We haven’t exactly covered that part yet. All I know is that she quit her job as a lawyer in Philadelphia and came down here to figure out what she wants.”
“Gotta give her credit—that’s pretty brave.”
“ Yeah, until she dragged me into it.”
“Was she apologetic about it at least?”
“Yeah, but her relationship with her father seems way more complicated than I realized. Otherwise, why lie to him about what she’s doing here?”
“Then cut her some slack, Parker. You know better than anyone how much it sucks to let someone down.” My teeth clench in response to his comment. “Did she at least tell you why she lied?”
I stare out at the street as a couple bikes past my house. This neighborhood is farther from the main part of town, so there’s very minimal traffic and people, just the way I like it. Most of my neighbors are retirees or quiet couples. It’s peaceful and I don’t feel like I have to watch my back everywhere I turn like I do when I’m at work.
Thankfully, the crazy women who’ve been stalking me haven’t ventured to my home…yet.
“A little. I don’t know, Dallas, she just seems all over the place right now. I don’t need another Sasha situation on my hands—”
“Cashlynn is nothing like Sasha,” he says, cutting me off.
“We don’t know that. I don’t know anything about this woman, and she’s moving in with me tomorrow. Shit, I thought I knew the woman I was actually engaged to, but that turned out to be a big, fat fucking lie too.”
Dallas sighs. “Parker, you’ve got to let the Sasha thing go.”
I scoff. “You act like it’s so fucking easy.”
“Believe me, if there is anyone who knows what it’s like to hold on to shit, it’s me. And I’m telling you, little brother, letting go of my anger toward Dad was one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.”
I swallow hard, the familiar tightness building in my chest. “And how exactly am I supposed to do that, Dallas? I can’t just ignore what she did, or how bad I let things get after. You think I haven’t tried?”
“ You focus on moving forward. And I’m not gonna lie… Willow’s a big part of why I was able to finally let go. Also, therapy is a big fucking help. Willow and I both went after our worlds collided, and we still do from time to time. Processing your shit out loud is life-changing. Trust me.”
I hang my head, an ache spreading through my chest. “Not everyone gets a happily ever after, Dallas.”
“Only by choice, Parker. Believe me, when it’s worth it, you fight for that happiness every day.”
“Yeah, well, Cashlynn and I are a temporary thing. Let me survive the next four months and then you can lecture me about dating again.”
He laughs. “You might feel different after your time with her.”
I huff. “You’re hilarious.”
“Look, you two obviously have a connection if you slept together. Why not explore it?”
“Because she’s my boss’s daughter, for one. And two, who knows if she’s even staying here? Beyond her moving in with me tomorrow, I have no idea what her plans are.” I pause, hearing Willow’s voice in the background. “Hey, while she’s there, tell my amazing sister-in-law she can foot my therapy bills, since her videos are half the reason I’ll need it.” Dallas laughs as I continue. “Cashlynn was quick to remind me that a fake engagement would get my stalkers off of my back. Funny thing is, I wouldn’t have any if it weren’t for Willow, so...”
“You should be thanking her, Parker.”
“Uh, for what, exactly?”
“For bringing some excitement to your life,” he says with a laugh.
“Yeah, well, between those videos and my fake engagement, I think I’m good on excitement for the next year or so.”
I hear Willow’s voice again in the background, and Dallas covers the phone. When he comes back, he says, “Willow wanted me to tell you th at she thinks the geese are getting ready to lay eggs again, by the way.”
I do some mental calculations. “Makes sense. They usually start around the end of February, early March.”
“Say, why don’t you bring Cashlynn over to see them? Willow can film another video and include your fiancée this time. The women in the comments will go nuts, and word will spread that you’re a taken man.”
Shit. I hate to say it, but my brother might be onto something. “That’s actually not a terrible idea.”
“Oh my God, Parker! Let’s do it!” Willow screams in the background.
I let out a groan. “I’ve got a million other things to figure out first, okay?”
“You said she’s moving in tomorrow?” Dallas asks as I stand from the bench again and reach for my water bottle, taking a long drag. Cashlynn texted me last night asking if Saturday would work, and honestly, I needed a day to brace myself. I still have a full shift today, and I won’t even be home till late.
“Yeah…”
“Then you should bring her by Mom’s for dinner on Sunday.”
Realization slams into me. “Fuck. I have to tell Mom, don’t I?”
“Sorry to say it, little brother…but if she finds out about your engagement from anyone else, you know there will be hell to pay.”
“She’ll never buy it.”
“Maybe not, but you know Mom. She might just be so thrilled that you’re dating again that she won’t question it. She worries about you.”
“Right. It’s more likely that now that you and Penn are off the market, I’m her next project.”
“She’s got Hazel, too.”
“ Yeah, but that won’t last long. You know our sister is a hopeless romantic just like Dad was. There’s bound to be some guy that sweeps her off her feet soon.”
“You know, with the way you two watch Bridgerton , you’d think you’d be more open to love.”
“That show is a masterpiece, but it’s not real life, okay?”
My brother laughs at me through the phone.
There was a time when I was a hopeless romantic too, but then my heart was ripped from my chest, thrown into a blender, and poured down a garbage disposal. Watching Bridgerton now just lets me escape from reality and live in a world that’s so different from the one I’m living in now.
“This isn’t going to end well, is it?”
Dallas hums thoughtfully. “I wish I had the answer for you, Parker. All I know is that I’m really fucking proud of you.”
“Why?” I ask, genuinely curious, because I’m not sure what I did to warrant those words. But Dallas has always looked out for me, even when I didn’t want him to, and I’ve always looked up to him. He was never afraid to stand up for what he wanted, even to our own father. He’s sacrificed a lot for others, both in service to his country and for the people he cares about. And the love he has for his wife has turned him into a man I respect immensely, even though he still doesn’t know how to mind his own fucking business.
I wanted to be that same type of man for Sasha, but that just wasn’t in the cards. And part of that was my own fucking fault.
“Because you didn’t run from this,” Dallas says, bringing me back. “You could have easily bailed and left Cashlynn to figure it out on her own, and no one would have blamed you.”
I stare out at the street. “Believe me, I wanted to.”
“ But you didn’t. You’re helping her out, and I think on some level, it’s because you understand her decision more than you realize.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ll figure it out.” He says something to Willow again, before coming back on the line. “I’ve gotta go. Husband duty calls.”
“Ha. Better you than me.”
“You say that now, but when you get to show up every day for the one person you can’t live without, you might just change your tune.” With that, he ends the call, leaving me alone with his words.
The thing is, I did have someone to show up for, someone I thought I loved and would do anything for. And I did—at least, I thought I did. Looking back at it now, I can see that even though I gave her everything I could, it wasn’t enough.
That’s why I have to keep my distance from Cashlynn. I’ll count down the days until I get my life back, and I’ll keep my heart out of it. Because when you go above and beyond for someone, you run the risk of getting crushed in the process.