12. Chapter 12
Chapter twelve
Parker
“Fuck.” I push the barbell back up far enough to rack it, blowing out a breath. Challenging myself with heavier weight today was my game plan going in, but everything feels really fucking heavy this morning.
The elephant sitting on my chest isn’t helping either.
It’s been an entire month now that Cashlynn has been living with me, and with time, I was hoping it would get easier to be around her. But it’s only gotten harder to ignore how she makes me feel.
When I get home from work, I genuinely look forward to our conversations about our days. She fills me in on her progress with the gallery, and I tell her about my patients—and the daily battle not to level Seth out in front of everyone at the practice.
“How early do you get up to work out every day?”
I twist my head to the doorway and stop cold. Cashlynn’s standing there, her hair thrown into a messy bun and her body poured into black spandex—the smallest fucking pieces of spandex that must exist in the world.
Holy shit. She might as well be wearing a bikini .
I g ulp down the knot in my throat. “Five.”
She covers her mouth as she yawns. “I thought so.”
“What are you doing up this early?”
She walks further into the room, and that’s when I notice she’s carrying a mat under her arm. “With everything going on, I’ve let my morning yoga routine slip, and I was really good about it back in Philly. I figured I’d get back into it now that things have settled. It keeps my mind centered and my body flexible.”
She rolls her shoulders back, arching slightly, and it’s all I can do not to groan.
Fuck me. As if I needed more fuel for my already overactive imagination.
“It might be quieter in the house,” I say, wanting nothing more than to watch her bend herself into all sorts of positions, but knowing that watching her do so will be fucking torture.
“I don’t mind the noise. This is your gym, right?” I nod. “Then this is where I’ll work out too.”
Resigned to my fate, I lie back on the bench, gripping the bar like it’s the only thing keeping me tethered to sanity. I stare up at the ceiling and curse myself, knowing that if I don’t control my imagination here, Cashlynn will get a front-row seat to my cock standing at attention under my gym shorts. The mesh does nothing to contain an erection, that’s for damn sure.
Gripping the bar above me, I lift it off the rack and do my next set, breathing out hard as I push close to failure. Racking the bar again, I sit up and find Cashlynn bent over right in front of me, her shorts doing nothing to hide that ass I know I shouldn’t have memorized like I do.
“ Jesus,” I mutter.
Cashlynn peeks at me from between her legs. “Is something wrong?”
“Nope.” I stand, avoiding looking in her direction, and walk over to the free weights where I grab the forty-pound dumbbells for some bicep curls. Staring at my form in the mirror helps for about three seconds—until I glance toward Cashlynn again and find her still bent over, watching me.
“You have an incredible body, Parker.” Straightening, she brushes loose strands of hair from her face and lets her gaze roam up and down my bare chest. Then, as if the torture weren’t enough, she licks her lips.
“Thank you,” I manage, my voice tight.
“You’re welcome.” She smiles and then goes back to stretching, moving down to her mat and starting a pose. Her body stretches flat to the mat, then shifts as she starts to arch and flatten her back. With each movement, I think about what she’d look like on all fours, bowing her back like that as I fuck her from behind.
Jesus Christ. This is torture .
When she stands, she rolls her neck and reaches behind her to fiddle with her top—which let’s be honest, is basically a sports bra. Between the shorts that barely cover her ass and this top that is straining to contain her breasts that I remember vividly, Cashlynn’s body is entirely on display, and I’m struggling not to appreciate it as she did mine.
She scrunches her nose. “This top is digging into me. Could you adjust it for me, please?”
I place the dumbbells back on the rack. “Uh, yeah. I can do that.”
“Thanks. I think the straps are just too tight.”
I walk over to her and when she turns her back to me, my eyes involuntarily trace the curve of her waist, remembering what her hips felt like in my hands, thinking about how easy it would be to push her forward onto the bench and have my way with her .
Focus, Parker .
I grip the metal piece that slides along the straps and pull it down, releasing some of the tension.
Cashlynn lets out a sigh of relief. “Oh my God. Thank you. Can you do the other side too, please?”
I repeat the process, making sure the two sides are even. The smell of her coconut shampoo hits my nose with each passing second, and that smell…does things to me. It makes my dick stir, and just as I feared, my shorts start to tent.
I turn around quickly, adjusting myself, and go back to the free weights.
“Thanks, Parker.”
“No problem.”
Cashlynn drops back down to her mat and I try with every ounce of control that I possess not to look in her direction, debating on cutting my workout short. A nice cold shower should do the trick, or I can just jerk off for the thousandth time—not that it’s been helping.
“Ugh!”
Her frustrated groan snaps my attention back to her, and I immediately regret it. She stands up tall, turns her back to me, and then rips her sports bra off up over her head, throwing it to the ground.
Fuck. Me. Sideways .
“Um, is everything all right?” I manage to choke out as she covers her breasts with her forearm and turns around to face me. But why does she bother? I already know what those rosy, pink nipples look like and how they feel in my mouth.
“I think that top is just too small. It’s digging into me and I couldn’t take it anymore.” She grabs her water bottle and then walks right up to me, an innocent smile on her face. “Thanks for trying to adjust it for me, but I guess I just need to get rid of it.”
Swa llowing down my frustration, I say, “You could’ve waited to take it off in your room, Cashlynn.”
She blinks a few times, dips her eyes down to my crotch, and then lifts her eyes back to mine with a pleased smile on her lips. “Yeah, I could have, but I just couldn’t take it for another second.” She shrugs and then moves to the door. “I’m gonna hop in the shower.”
As soon as she’s gone, I look down and see my cock standing at full attention, straining against my shorts. Yeah, there’s no way she didn’t see that—or feel it with how close she was standing to me.
I drag my hands through my hair and place them on the top of my head, looking up at the ceiling, asking God why I’m being punished when I was just trying to help the woman out.
But it seems karma is hell-bent on making herself known, and Cashlynn is a lot more to handle than I bargained for.
***
“Where’s Grady?” I ask as I walk into Catch & Release for our Thursday lunch, finding my brothers already in their usual spots—Dallas behind the bar and Penn on his stool, shoving a burger in his mouth—but no sign of our friend with his daughter strapped to his chest like normal.
“Callie had a doctor’s appointment,” Dallas says, filling up a glass of Coke for me and sliding it down the bar.
Penn looks at our older brother. “That’s going to be you soon. Have you and Willow discussed cutting back your hours at this place once your son arrives?”
Dallas looks out over his restaurant, the business he takes immense pride in. One day, I hope to do the same with Carrington Cove Animal Hospit al. “We have. I’m promoting Sara to manager and hiring a few more servers. I won’t be working night shifts anymore, gentlemen. And I’m not sure what will happen to our Thursday lunch dates.”
The chime above the door rings out as Grady strolls in. “Sorry I’m late.”
“I thought you weren’t going to make it,” Dallas says.
“Callie’s appointment was quicker than expected, so Scottie took her home for some one-on-one time since she has the afternoon off.”
Grady slides onto a stool to my left and Dallas pours him a drink. The kitchen bell rings, signaling that my lunch is ready, so Dallas grabs it and asks the cook to throw down another burger for Grady.
“Jimmy’s gonna get you a burger going,” he says to Grady, setting my plate in front of me.
“Appreciate it.” Grady tips his chin to Dallas and then leans back on his stool. “So, what did I miss?”
“We were talking about how Dallas’s life is about to change once the baby comes and he has no fucking clue what he’s in for,” Penn replies.
Grady huffs out a laugh. “There’s no preparing for it, man. Life and all of your priorities shift.”
Dallas nods. “Yeah, I was telling them I’m not going to be working nights anymore.”
Grady nods. “Probably a good idea. Evenings are the witching hour. One night Callie’s easy to bathe and put to sleep, then the next, she screams for an hour before bedtime.”
Dallas blinks. “Joy.”
Penn chuckles. “You’ll adjust.” Dallas nods, taking a deep breath.
Penn looks to me now. “Speaking of adjusting, how’s living with Cashlynn?”
I finish chewing my food and wipe my mouth with my napkin. “It’s …interesting.”
Dallas laughs. “How so?”
“Well, I swear the woman is trying to drive me nuts. Otherwise, she just has weird fucking habits and I’m not sure I’ll make it through the timeline we agreed to.”
Penn laughs as he pops a fry in his mouth. “Women are fascinating creatures, that’s for sure. What did she do?”
I spend the next few minutes telling the guys about the unplugging of the appliances, her giving me shit about ironing my socks, the kiss, and this morning’s little bra-removal incident.
“You iron your fucking socks?” Grady asks from beside me as Dallas hands him his burger.
Penn and Dallas throw their heads back in laughter. “You have to understand something about our little brother,” Dallas says. “Parker is what they call anal-retentive.” Grady nearly chokes on the bite he just took. “He has a system for everything. And if you mess with them, he blows a fucking gasket.”
“I’m not that bad,” I mumble around a french fry.
“Um, yes you are,” Penn adds as he clasps a hand on my shoulder. “But we love you in spite of it.”
“Gee, thanks.” I look up at the ceiling. “I’m so glad I took time out of my day to have lunch with y’all just to get roasted.”
Dallas flicks me in the forehead. “Oh, calm down.”
I blink up at him. “Did you just…flick me?”
Grady chuckles and pats me on the back. “I’m sorry. That little segue was my fault. Back to Cashlynn. You said she kissed you and stripped off her bra in front of you?”
I shoot him a glare that I wish could singe off his chest hair. “Yes, and if you haven’t noticed, the woman is fucking gorgeous. I’m in quite the predicament.”
Gra dy shakes his head. “I’m wondering if maybe…she’s trying to drive you crazy?”
Dallas furrows his brow as all three of us look over at Grady. “What do you mean?”
“I could be way off base here, but I remember Scottie telling me about this romance novel her mom and grandma roped her into reading. The guy and girl were roommates for some odd reason, and she knew he liked her, but he wouldn’t act on it. So she did all kinds of shit to push him over the edge.”
I stare at the half-empty Coke in front of me. “Do you really think she’d do that?”
Penn clears his throat. “I mean, none of us know her as well as you do, but at the gallery that day, she had this look in her eyes when she was speaking to you.” He darts his eyes to Dallas and then back to me. “And I hate to say it, but I saw it from you too.”
“What kind of look?’ Grady asks.
“The kind that if Willow and I weren’t in the building with them, they probably would have been naked and fucking up against the wall.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t see shit,” I grumble, even as my mind unhelpfully replays that exact fantasy.
He shoves my shoulder. “Parker, it’s okay to fucking like her.”
I turn to face Penn. “This isn’t grade school. This is my fucking life.”
Dallas decides it’s time to chime in. “Yes, it is, and you’ve been wallowing and stomping through it for four fucking years, Parker.”
Penn shoves my shoulder again. “You have a woman living under your roof who you’ve already slept with, you know you have a connection with, and who is genuinely trying to help you while helping herself. You’d be a fool not to explore more with her.”
“ She does give you those googly eyes,” Dallas adds. “I bet she fucking wants you and is trying to get you to make a move.”
“Then why not just tell me?”
All three of them laugh. “Oh yeah, because you’re so open to talking about your feelings,” Penn says mockingly.
“Let’s be real—none of us are. The only way Willow can get me to open up is if we have sex first,” Dallas admits.
Grady turns to him. “That’s weird. I always feel like talking about my feelings and shit after Scottie and I have sex too.”
“Fuck, me too,” Penn says as all three of them stare at one another.
And then a lightbulb clicks on in Dallas’s eyes. “Holy shit. Has Cashlynn been hanging out with the girls?”
“Uh, she had a meeting with Willow the other day at Astrid’s bakery. She said Scottie and Hazel were there for a little bit…” I grow more anxious the longer this conversation continues.
Dallas snaps his fingers. “That’s gotta be it.”
“What’s gotta be what?”
Grady smacks me on the back of the head. “They’re plotting, dipshit. I thought you were a doctor?”
I shove him away. “Fuck you, Grady. My mind is a fucking mess, okay? Between my roommate’s Jedi mind tricks and battling Seth at work, I’m barely keeping my own name straight these days.”
“Well, I think your fake fiancée knows exactly what she’s doing, and step one is making you give in to your attraction to her,” Penn says.
My face is starting to hurt from squinting at my brother as I try to wrap my head around what he’s saying. “What would possess her to do that? I already agreed to help her with this charade…”
“Yeah, but what if she wants more than just a fake engagement?” Dallas asks.
I r ewind the last four weeks in my mind—all the little moments, touches, and conversations we’ve shared. The confident woman I slept with a year ago definitely wasn’t shy about her body then, but to think that she’d be trying to use it against me? I just don’t know if I believe it.
Getting involved with each other beyond our agreement opens up a can of worms I’ve kept secret for a reason. But I can’t deny that Cashlynn makes me want to set those worms free. She has this softness about her that makes me feel like I can let my guard down, even though sometimes when I’m around her, I feel like I have to keep it up just so I don’t feel too much.
“I don’t know that I can offer her anything more,” I admit.
Dallas leans over the bar, looking me straight in the eye. “But do you want to?”
I look into the eyes of my older brother, trying to remind myself that he faced his demons, and so did Penn. If they could do it, maybe I’m not destined to be alone forever. Maybe every relationship isn’t doomed to fail.
“Is it worth the risk?” I say, my voice so low I’m surprised they hear me.
“Fuck yes,” Dallas says, without hesitation. “Willow is the best fucking thing to happen to me, Parker. But if I hadn’t dealt with my shit, who knows what would have happened between us?”
I toss my glasses onto the bar and drag my hands down my face. “I don’t know if I can handle this right now. With Robert retiring, I already have so much going on and—”
“Let me ask you this,” Penn says, cutting me off. “If Robert chooses Seth instead of you, then what?”
My stomach twists as I turn to look at him. “I—I don’t fucking know.”
“ So you’re willing to take a risk with your career, but not with your heart? Your job isn’t going to keep you warm at night. Your job won’t give you a reprieve from the bullshit of life. Your job won’t show you what it really means to live.” His tone softens, but his next words hit harder. “I hate to say it, Parker, but you’re replaceable at your job. We all are. But you can’t replace the people who matter, and being with Cashlynn might just help you put that all into perspective.”
I can’t deny that Penn is right.
I have a woman right in front of me that makes me feel something for the first time in years. But can I let go of the past so I can move forward with her?
Or will I always be waiting for the other shoe to drop?
***
“Cashlynn?”
When I step through the front door, I expect to see Cashlynn on the couch working on her laptop or in the kitchen making a cup of tea. Over the past couple of weeks, that seems to be her evening routine. But the house is eerily quiet and my chest tightens as a flicker of unease creeps in.
Maybe she went out drinking?
She’s not Sasha, Parker. She’s not out drinking. That’s not her .
As I try to talk myself down from a spiral, I hear her voice down the hall. I let out a breath of relief, but then my stomach churns with fresh nerves as I remember the conversation with the guys earlier.
I had a very hard time concentrating at work after I left Catch & Release, warring with myself over what to do about my growing feelin gs for this woman. I know what my body wants, that much is clear. But my mind is still having a hard time catching up.
Before I can second-guess myself, I make my way to her door, hand raised to knock. But the words I hear come out of Cashlynn’s mouth stop me dead in my tracks.
“Yes, I did yoga in my fucking underwear, Hazel. Ripped off my bra and threw it on the ground in front of him, and nothing. He let me walk away without even grunting or cursing under his breath.”
Holy shit. She is trying to get me to snap. And my fucking sister is in on it.
“I don’t know. I think he’s determined to keep this platonic.” She goes silent, which I can only assume means she’s listening to Hazel on the other end of the line. “No, I’m not going to do that.”
What the fuck would my sister suggest she do now? Sit on my face so I have no choice but to lick her pussy? What a hardship that would be.
“I just don’t know if this is worth it,” Cashlynn says, her voice laden with defeat.
The sound of it guts me. Is she talking about bailing on this entire charade? Or is she giving up on me altogether?
“He’s just so…” But she doesn’t finish that sentence, probably because my sister cut her off. She’s really good at that.
In that instant, I take a step away from the door, the heat rising in my chest shifting into irritation.
So, they have been conspiring. All of them.
Well, two can play that game, ladies.
You know what they say: Payback’s a bitch.