18. Chapter 18
Chapter eighteen
Cashlynn
“Hey, you two. Welcome!” Willow greets us with a big smile as she opens her front door. Parker’s hand rests possessively on my lower back as we step inside, something I’m growing ridiculously fond of.
“Thanks for having us. This property is gorgeous,” I tell her as I take in the open layout and the beautiful view of the ocean just a small stretch of sand away.
Dallas walks up behind Willow, wrapping his arm around her waist, admiring the view himself. “Thank you. This is our own little slice of heaven in Carrington Cove.” Then he turns to Parker and claps him on the shoulder. “How’s it going, little brother?”
Parker reciprocates the gesture. “It’s going. Busy, but making progress.”
I wish I knew more about what he’s making progress with, but alas, my fake fiancé is still locked up pretty tight. After my talk with Willow and Hazel earlier this week, I decided to continue to wait on him to open up to me, but he still hasn’t said any more about his mysterious Monday night appointments.
It ’s seriously making me question if they’re a figment of my imagination.
“Hey, before I forget,” Dallas says, turning to his brother, “I wanted to know if you had plans next weekend.”
Parker turns to me for silent confirmation, and I shake my head, loving that he thought to check with me about our plans—even if I’m not entirely sure where our relationship stands. Just the thought of asking him about it has my anxiety building again.
“Not that I’m aware of,” he replies.
“Would you be willing to help me build a shed out back?” Dallas jerks his thumb over his shoulder. “I want to get it done before the baby comes, and Penn is tied up with a few jobs..”
“So, I’m second choice?” Parker quips. “The brotherly equivalent of a second-string quarterback. Got it.”
Dallas rolls his eyes. “If that’s how you want to take it, sure.”
Parker smirks. “Of course I can help you. I’m just giving you shit.”
Dallas blinks at him. “Wait a minute. Did you just crack a joke?”
“Jesus, don’t make a big deal out of it,” Parker grumbles. “I said I’d help you, didn’t I?”
Dallas turns to me. “Keep up whatever it is that you’re doing. I like the effect it’s having on my little brother.”
I laugh under my breath. If he only knew .
“So, how are the geese doing?” Parker asks Willow, changing the subject as we head toward the kitchen. Willow has a bottle of wine chilling for us and a sparkling water with lime for herself.
Willow smiles proudly as she pours the wine. “Mallory and Gary have been patrolling the yard, watching over the eggs for the past week. We started with two and now we’re up to five.”
“Mallory and Gary?” I ask.
Dal las groans. “Willow’s named every bird that comes within fifty feet of this house, like they’re her pets. Later, I’ll tell you how they started out as mortal enemies.”
Willow shoots her husband a glare, and then motions for us to follow her outside. We step onto the wraparound porch and head toward the side of the house, where a narrow path of tall grass separates their property from the neighbor’s. Near the edge of the grass are two geese—one sitting on the ground, covering the eggs, I’m assuming, and another patrolling the area.
The second we get too close, the one standing begins to voice his concern.
“Honk!”
Willow places her hands on her hip as she stares down at the bird. “Easy, Gary. Parker is just here to make sure you and Mallory are gonna hatch healthy little babies.”
Gary shifts his head, eyeing her, and then takes off toward his partner. “Honk!”
I giggle, watching the interaction. Parker takes a few steps closer. “I need to wait for Mallory to move to check them.”
“How exactly are you going to do that?” I ask.
He pulls a flashlight from his pocket, clicking it on and off. “I shine the light through them to check that they are viable. If Mallory has been sitting on them thus far and doesn’t move, they’re probably good to go. But if several aren’t viable, she might abandon the whole nest, and then the ones that could have survived won’t, so that’s what we want to be careful about.”
I look to my side to find Willow recording Parker on her phone. “Don’t mind me, just documenting him in action.” She winks in my direction, and suddenly, I think I know exactly what she’s up to.
“What if she doesn’t move?” I ask.
“ She should. If she only laid the eggs this week, we still should have a few days before she starts to incubate. Once she does, she won’t move at all.”
“Not even to eat or drink?” I ask, stepping closer to him.
“Nope. Her sole purpose becomes making sure those eggs hatch.” As he senses me near, he pulls me into his side and looks down at me.
“I hate to admit this, but all of this bird talk is actually kind of hot.”
He arches a brow at me as he laughs. “Hot, huh?”
“Yeah. Seeing you in your element, talking about something you know so much about...it’s really sexy.” I reach up and straighten his glasses.
“Well, taking care of animals is my job.” He presses a kiss to my nose, and then one on my lips before moving his mouth to my ear and whispering, “But glad to know that it turns you on.”
I can feel my cheeks grow hot. I glance over at Willow, who is still recording us, and she flashes me a thumbs up.
“You know, watching you paint has the same effect on me,” he says to me, his voice still low.
When I lean back and look up at him, I can see the reverence and heat in his eyes. “Maybe I’ll just have to start another painting.”
He pulls me tighter into his body where I can feel just how much he likes that idea. “You should start it tonight.”
Dallas clears his throat, breaking our moment as Willow puts her phone away. “All right, you two. Dinner is almost ready. Let’s head inside and you two can continue to eye-fuck each other in there.”
Parker flips his brother off, grabs my hand, and leads me back toward the house. But before we go inside, I pull on his hand, holding him back.
“Everything okay?” he asks.
Cup ping his jaw, I lock onto his eyes, wanting to make sure that he sees the honesty in mine when I speak. “You’re amazing, you know that, right?”
A pinch in his brow appears, making him seem confused. “Okay…”
“The way you care for others, the way you care about animals. You act like your brothers irritate the shit out of you, but I’m starting to understand that’s part of your love language.” He scoffs but lets me continue. “You’re an amazing man, Parker Sheppard. And I’m proud to call you my fake fiancé.”
I want to continue with, “ How can you not see how perfect you are for me, how much I want to make our relationship real and how wonderful I know it could be if you’d just let me in?”
But I don’t.
I’m too afraid of telling Parker the truth, and the irony that I’m keeping my true feelings from both of the men in my life is not lost on me.
With intense speed, he yanks me into his chest, cupping my jaw this time and stroking my skin with his thumb. The intensity of his gaze makes my pulse climb. “You have no idea how much that means to me, Cashlynn.” He seals his lips over mine, slowly moving his tongue along mine, kissing me with a passion and reverence that is brand new, something I haven’t felt from him before.
This feels like more.
This feels like love .
***
Lat er that night, after Parker and I clawed at each other the second we got home, I’m lying in bed next to him as he sleeps when my phone buzzes on the nightstand.
I pick it up and see a message from Willow. It’s a link to a new video she uploaded to her social media—the video of Parker at her house earlier.
The video opens with just him in the frame as he explains what would happen with the geese, but when he pulls me into him, she made sure to capture the two of us during our intimate conversation. Luckily, you can’t hear everything that we’re saying, but that’s not what’s holding my attention anyway—it’s the way Parker is looking at me. And then I read the caption.
“He’s off the market, ladies. What’s that look on his face? Oh, that’s love.”
My heart thrashes in my chest. My eyes keep watching us interact on the screen.
And in that moment, I know I’m in love with Parker Sheppard.
I just hope that my heart doesn’t end up broken because his might still be too damaged to love me back.
***
The front door opens, startling me from my focus. I was having trouble concentrating in my room earlier, so I moved my laptop and notebooks out to the dining room table, planning to get in another hour of work before starting dinner.
But when Parker walks in just after five, the look on his face immediately sets off my alarm bells.
Sta nding from my chair, I walk over to him as he sets his bag on the floor by the door. “Parker, is everything okay?”
He blows out a breath and heads in my direction, wrapping me in his arms and burying his face in my neck. “Just a shitty day.”
Rubbing his back as he holds me tightly, I give him a moment and just soak up his warmth. I hate that his day was awful, but part of me is enjoying every minute he’s finding comfort in me. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Sometimes I really hate this job,” he says, surprising me.
“Never thought I’d hear you say those words.”
He releases me and drags a hand through his hair before removing his glasses and setting them on the kitchen table. “I had to euthanize four dogs today, two of which were emergencies that were too late to fix.”
I can almost feel my heart crack. “I’m sorry.” Gently taking his hand, I lead him toward the couch. I take out my phone and order some food for delivery, deciding neither of us is going to want to cook tonight.
We settle into the couch, Parker resting his feet on the coffee table in front of him as he leans back and stares at the ceiling. “It never gets easier,” he says as his voice cracks. “I feel like a failure when I can’t save them.”
“I can imagine.”
“And watching the owners have to say goodbye fucking sucks.”
“My dad used to say that was the hardest part of the job too.”
He shakes his head, his eyes still directed above us. “It’s not fair that dogs don’t live as long as people.”
“Yeah, I agree. We always had a dog growing up, and our last one died right after my mom did. I think between the two, my father and I agreed we couldn’t handle another loss, and I was about to move away for co llege, so he didn’t want to take on that responsibility again by himself.”
He finally turns to me. “I felt that way as soon as I moved back home. I was focused on work, and then with Sasha…” he starts, but stops almost instantly, as if he caught himself talking about something he shouldn’t.
Adrenaline races through me. “What about Sasha?”
He shakes his head, darting his eyes away from me. “Nothing.”
“You know you can talk to me about her, Parker,” I say, hoping he’ll use this moment to break through this wall that’s between us. I know we both can feel it, but there’s something still holding him back. “Are you ever going to tell me about her?” I ask, trepidation in my voice, but once the words are out, I’m curious as to what he’ll say.
He lets out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping. His hands clench as he wars with himself, every ounce of frustration visible in his body. But he finally turns to me, his gaze full of vulnerability. “I want to do right by you, Cashlynn. I don’t want to carry my issues into another relationship.”
“Then why can’t you tell me what’s going on?” I ask softly, optimistic that his admission means he does want a relationship with me. “Or what happened—so I can try to understand.”
“ I’m still trying to understand it, Cashlynn.”His eyes close as he contemplates what to say next. “But I’m working on it.”
Well, that’s both promising and vague. “All right…”
He turns to me again and reaches for my hand. “I’m just asking you to trust me.”
“I do.”
“And be patient.”
“I—I told y ou that I would.”
His gaze drops down to our hands. Silence hangs between us, and honestly, I’m not sure what else to say.
I trust him, but I also feel like I’m being kept in the dark.
He lets out a groan as he rubs his temple. “I think I need to just close my eyes for a bit.”
“Okay.”
I expect him to head to the bedroom, but instead, he grabs a throw pillow and pushes it into my lap. Kicking off his shoes, he stretches out along the couch, resting his head against my stomach.
“Is this okay?” he murmurs.
“Of course, Parker,” I whisper, stroking his hair softly as his breathing evens out. Watching him drift off, I wonder what demons haunt him in his sleep—and whether he’ll ever let me help him face them.