Chapter 16
MOLLY
Chase hadn’t wanted to talk about the visit with his mom, or much of anything, on our way back to the farm. He played it off like it hadn’t rattled him, but I noticed the muscle tic in his jaw as he kept his eyes fixed on the road.
I didn’t push because I understood he needed space to process what had happened, and I respect him enough to give it to him.
I also trust that he’ll share when he’s ready.
Or maybe he won’t. Does great sex mean he owes me his emotions?
I want to be the person he turns to, even though I have no real claim on him.
Isn’t that the story of my life, craving more than someone is willing to give me?
We drove home in silence, and he spent the afternoon in the flower field, met the kids at the bus stop, and then took off on horseback like he was chasing something only he could see.
I hugged both my babies and sent them inside for snacks, then finished up in the greenhouse. Laurel is sitting at the kitchen table when I hobble through the front door, pencil in hand with an all-too-familiar crease between her brows.
“Where’s your brother?” I ask when Luke doesn’t answer my calls up the stairs.
“He went outside,” she replies without looking up. “Mom, why can’t he be normal?”
I whirl around on my crutches so fast I nearly land on my butt again. “Your brother is perfect just the way he is. Why would you say something like that?”
“He’s not perfect.” She rolls her eyes. “He’s…weird.”
“Laurel Marie.”
She lets out an exaggerated sigh. “He’s always trying to hang around me and my friends because he doesn’t have any of his own.”
“You’re his sister. He loves you. You have a twin bond.” I say it with conviction, but my gut twists because I know what it’s like to feel pressure to act a certain way.
I also understand that my kids are very different from one another. Things come easily to Laurel, just like they did for Teddy. She’s confident and social, the kind of kid people naturally gravitate toward. Luke reminds me of myself. Quiet, tender, and unsure of where he fits.
I don’t want Laurel to resent her brother for needing more, and I know with enough time and patience Luke will find his place in the world.
I’ve found mine here in Skylark, and I’m holding on to it with both hands.
This town has healed something in me, and I want it to work that same magic on my sweet son.
“The other kids need to give him a chance.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to convince her or myself.
“The Chase hype helped,” she says with a shrug.
“The what now?” I blink. “What’s the Chase hype?”
Laurel looks at me like I’m a few Draw 4 cards short of a full Uno deck. “Everybody knows Chase. He’s famous—not like Taylor Swift or Ian Barlowe famous, but he’s a big deal around here. When he came to school and was nice to Luke, it made Luke a big deal for a second.”
“Is that for real?” My mind boggles at the idea that one visit to the classroom from Chase did that much for Luke.
“Totally,” she says. “You saw how they picked him when we played the shower games. Luke never gets picked for a team. He should have acted like us knowing Chase was a bigger deal.”
“Why should he have to?” I ease down into the chair across from her. “Why are kids so mean?”
“I don’t know, but they are. I try to help him, but it’s not easy. I guess it’s gotten a little better, but next year we’ll be starting over again, and I can’t be his blankie.”
I offer her a soft smile. “Not even a corner square?” I shake my head before she can answer. “Forget I said that. You aren’t responsible for your brother.”
Luke still sleeps with the fleece blanket someone gifted the twins as babies. When he started elementary school, we battled daily over whether he could bring it with him. Finally, we compromised, and I cut a square from the worn fabric and tucked it into the front pocket of his backpack.
It’s still there. Sometimes when I volunteer, I see him wander over to his hook, unzip that pocket, and run his fingers along the fabric like he needs the comfort.
“What if we could stay in Skylark?” I ask quietly.
Laurel looks up, wide-eyed. “Can we? I don’t want to go to Albuquerque with Nana. I like it here.” She tucks her hair behind one ear. “I’ll never make friends like the ones I have in Skylark.”
“Sweetie, you’ll make friends wherever you go.” I pause. “But I’m working on a plan. I want us to stay. I’m going to try to buy Nana’s farm. Things might be tight for a while…”
She bolts from her chair and wraps her arms around my neck, climbing into my lap like she’s little again. “Please, Mommy. I want to stay so bad.”
“Oh, sweet girl…” I cradle her face in my hands and brush my thumbs across her cheeks when tears spill down them. “Why didn’t you say something when I told you Nana wanted us to move with her?”
“Because I thought you wanted to, and she acted like we had to come with her.”
I want to cry right along with her. Because my brave, bold, beautiful daughter has learned from me what it looks like to stay silent to keep the peace.
“I’m grateful to Nana for everything she’s done,” I tell my daughter. “But she wants us to be happy. Daddy would want us to be happy. I think he’d love knowing you’re happy here.”
“I want to stay on the farm,” she whispers. “Do you think Nana will let you buy it? Or maybe we could just live here, like we do now?”
I’ve considered asking Linda if she’d rent the house to us until I can save up enough to buy it. But I don’t know if she’d say yes. She wants her grandkids close, and I tentatively agreed to follow her to Albuquerque, but we need a place that’s ours.
Maybe it’s finally time I stop doing what everyone else expects and start doing what’s right for us.
“Laurel, I can’t promise I’ll always be able to give you everything you want. But I do promise to always listen. You never have to hide your feelings from me. We’ll figure this out together. And I’ll help your brother too. You’re allowed to have your own friends.”
“Thanks, Mommy,” she whispers.
We talk a little longer as I turn over the possibilities in my mind.
What happens if I can’t buy the farm? Or if Chase changes his mind and decides not to step aside after all?
After watching his mother mistake him for the man who once terrified her, and seeing how deeply it shook him, I get it.
He needs peace and a place to start over that doesn’t carry shadows. Just like I do.
But this farm has become more than just a house for the kids and me to live in. It’s our home.
I’ve spent so long doing what’s best for everyone else.
Now, for the first time in years, I feel like I’m building something that’s mine.
I’ve made a life here, one where I can finally stand on my own two feet.
I don’t want to walk away from that. I don’t want to pull my kids from the house where they finally feel happy, or give up the flowers I planted with my own hands. They’re blooming now, and so am I.
“I’ll be nicer to Luke.” Laurel sniffs as she steps out of my arms.
“We’ll help him find his own place. He’s got a good heart, and he just needs to be around people who see him for who he really is. People who won’t make him feel like being gentle means he’s weak or weird.”
She bites her lip and turns away, like she’s holding something back.
“Remember what I said. You can tell me anything, Laurel. Even if I can’t fix it, I want to know what—”
“Daddy used to make fun of Luke,” she blurts.
My mouth goes dry. My stomach knots and a dull pressure creeps up the back of my neck. “What do you mean?”
“He used to call Luke his little freak show to his friends because Luke was so shy and awkward. I tried to make it better, Mommy. I talked enough for both of us. But when we had to go places with him, he’d make Luke stay in the car. He’d tell people he had a daughter, but not a son.”
I can’t breathe. It’s like the air’s being sucked out of the room. A slow, cold fury settles in my chest. I want to go back in time, pull my son out of that car, and hold him tight so he never hears those words.
“Are you sure that’s what happened? You were both so young. Maybe—”
“I remember,” she says firmly. “He told a group of rafters Luke got dropped on his head, and he wasn’t joking.” She swallows hard. “I loved Daddy, but he wasn’t very nice sometimes.”
I pull her back into my arms. “Of course you love him. He was your dad. He wasn’t perfect, but he loved you and your brother.”
She leans her head on my shoulder. “He loved you too, Mommy.”
That nearly shatters me. Because if Teddy were alive right now, I’d want to kill him myself. How could he have acted that way about his own son?
Laurel returns to her homework, humming softly under her breath.
I swear, I can tell that something has lifted off her shoulders, the invisible weight she’s been carrying transferred to me.
I’ll take that burden from her every day, even though I have no idea how to fix the damage my late husband has caused by his callousness.
I finally pull myself together enough to go looking for my son.
Sometimes Luke likes to dig in the dirt behind the greenhouse, but he’s nowhere to be seen.
I glance at Chase’s trailer, wondering if he’s gone to visit Princess.
The grumpy cat who hisses at me every chance she gets has taken a shine to my son, contentedly purring every time he curls up next to her on the small sofa.
Despite everything with Chase—the mess of our past—I’m grateful he’s here. Not just because he seems to really see Luke, but when the weight of everything threatens to crush me, his presence makes it feel a little more bearable. As if having Chase close means I don’t have to hold it all alone.
A soft whinny draws my attention to the barn. The doors are wide open, and the air still holds the warm kiss of late spring, even as the sun slips behind the Flatirons. I stop just before the entrance when I hear Luke’s voice followed by a low, familiar chuckle.
My first instinct is a gut punch of panic, terrified that Chase is laughing at my son the way his dad used to. Suddenly, I’m back in a different life. One where I confused cruelty for teasing and tried to convince myself we were happy.
My feet feel rooted in place as a wave of nausea rises. What if Chase is no different than Teddy? What if I let my guard down and brought another man into Luke’s life who might hurt him?
No. I won’t let that happen again.