Chapter 27 Avah
AVAH
The door of the Pinecone Grill bangs against the wall hard enough to rattle the glass, the sound piercing the roar of adrenaline still screaming through my veins.
My right knee throbs from the impact of Jon’s face, which is an action I never expected to take but don’t regret for a second. My barefoot walk down Main Street took less than five minutes, and it’s a shock my quaking legs got me here.
The front half of the restaurant is dim, chairs flipped upside down on most of the tables since the diner’s typically only open for breakfast and lunch.
Nick Dixon walks through the swinging metal door that leads to the kitchen, balancing small plates on a tray, his dark hair pushed back under a beat-up ball cap.
My girls—the found family that recognizes my jagged pieces and never fails to set a place for me at the table anyway—are clustered in the big corner booth.
Sloane sees me first, her blue eyes going wide as she slides out of the booth. Molly is right behind her, scanning me from head to wiggling toes as if assessing the damage.
I must look as wrecked as I feel because the rest of the table goes silent. Piper’s fork freezes halfway to her mouth. Sadie straightens in her seat with the alertness of a woman trained to read body language—both canine and human—for a living.
“Avah.” Sloane moves forward slowly, like I’m liable to bolt if she comes at me too fast. She knows me way too well. “What happened?”
I hold up a hand—the one that isn’t attached to the aching wrist—and try to catch my breath. The words clog my throat, a traffic jam of confessions I’ve been swallowing down for weeks. I can feel them all pressing forward at once, demanding to be the first through my crumbling roadblocks.
“I’m moving to Florida.” The sentence sounds asinine and…hello…bury the lead much?
Taking a step closer to Sloane, I hold her worried gaze. “Also, I’m in love with your brother, and my dad’s an ex-con who wants to use me to get to him.”
I immediately switch my focus to the rest of the group, afraid of seeing disapproval or possibly disgust in Sloane’s bright eyes. “And I’m fairly confident I just broke my ex-fiancé’s nose with my knee.”
Nobody moves.
Nick manages to set down the tray without making a sound, then wipes his hands on his apron as his head swivels between the table of stunned women and me.
“I’m going to leave you ladies to talk amongst yourselves.” He glances over his shoulder on his way back to the kitchen and gives me a quick thumbs up. “Nice work on the nose, Avah.”
I acknowledge the compliment with a nod, and then it’s just the book club ladies.
“Sit down, Avs.” Molly deploys the same calm tone with me I’ve heard her use when one of her twins is about to go into meltdown mode, and I’m not mad about that at all.
I slide into the booth, knowing my legs won’t hold me much longer.
The vinyl is cool against the backs of my arms, and I press my palms flat on the table to keep them from trembling.
Any normal person would be crying right now, but the tears won’t come.
It’s like my body tripped a circuit breaker somewhere between my apartment and the diner, and the emotional grid went dark.
“Let’s start with Florida,” Iris says, scooting her plate out of the way and folding her hands in front of her on the table as if this is one of the monthly mayoral meetings she used to run. “What’s in Florida?”
“My mom lives there,” I answer hoarsely, grateful when Taylor pushes a glass of water in my direction.
“Do you even talk to your mom?” Piper asks, earning a swift elbow to the ribs from Sadie.
I take a quick sip, then wipe the back of my hand over my mouth. “Mostly when she needs money to leave her latest awful boyfriend.”
Piper nods like that doesn’t sound totally unhinged. “Okay.”
“Wait.” Sloane takes the empty place across from me. “Start at the beginning. What happened before you got to the diner?”
“Jon showed up at my apartment.” My voice sounds flat, like I’m reading a police report about my own life.
“My father went to see him last week and pitched some scheme involving NorthStar families.” I swallow—once, twice—then continue, “For context, dear old Dad was recently released from prison after serving fifteen years for swindling a whole bunch of golden girls and guys out of their savings. Jon said he’ll tell Jeremy about my dad, the fraud conviction, all of it.
He threatened to blow up the NorthStar partnership and make sure everyone knows exactly where I come from. ”
Sloane’s face drains of color. “What did you do?”
“I told him to fuck off. He grabbed my wrist when I tried to walk past him, and I—” I glance down at the red marks circling my arm. I used to take care to hide them with long sleeves or turtlenecks. I’m so sick of hiding. “I kneed him in the balls.” I shrug. “Then I kneed him in the face.”
“Good.” Piper’s voice is uncharacteristically quiet.
“He deserves worse,” Sadie adds, squeezing my hand.
“No offense,” Iris says, taking a sip of wine, “But somebody should knee your dad in the nuts, too.”
Taylor raises her hand. “I volunteer as tribute.”
The corner of my mouth tilts up because our sweet librarian is totally serious. “Shacking up with a hockey player has brought out your violent side,” I say. “It looks good on you, Tay.”
“Or maybe your strength is rubbing off on me,” she counters, her spun sugar smile back in play.
“I’m not strong.” I shake my head. “I’m a total coward, keeping secrets and pretending to be someone I’m not.
” I seem to have gone numb on the inside, which keeps my voice level and my eyes dry.
It can’t last, but I’ll deal with my emotions later.
They’re a problem for a woman who isn’t surrounded by the people she loves most in the world, with an aching wrist and a life falling apart for the second time in as many months.
I love my friends, and I love Jeremy. And yet…
“I have to leave before my dad can do any real damage.”
“You’re not leaving.” Sloane says this with absolute authority, like she’s the one who gets to decide.
“I have to—”
“You’re not leaving,” she repeats. “Don’t argue with the cancer patient.”
I know she’s joking, but it’s hard to ignore the lump in my throat that seems to be expanding exponentially.
“You don’t understand, Sloane. My father destroyed people.
That’s in my blood.” I encircle my bruised wrist with my other hand and squeeze, welcoming the sting.
At least that’s a familiar sensation. “And Jeremy’s on his radar because of me. ”
“You didn’t do this,” Sadie insists. “It’s not on you.”
“Without me, my dad has no reason to be in Skylark.”
Sloane sighs. “Do you really love my brother?”
I meet her gaze. “With everything I am.”
“You don’t give up on people you love,” she whispers, and I swear you could hear a pin drop on the diner’s vinyl floor. Her jaw is dialed to stubborn as fuck, which is the exact same expression Jeremy employs when he’s decided a point is no longer open for negotiation.
She reaches across and peels my fingers away from my injured wrist. “We’re not giving up, Avs.”
I want to tell her that my feelings for Jeremy aren’t important. Not when a man who scammed hundreds of people is now looking for his next play—one that involves the people I love most.
I let her keep holding my hand, though. Because the bone-deep numbness that kept me safe earlier is starting to thin, and her grip is the only thing anchoring me to this moment.
“We need to tell you about our conversation with Jeremy,” Iris says. She glances around the table, a beat of silent communication passing between them.
I blink. “Excuse me?”
“There may have been an ambush at Sadie’s house,” Piper admits. “We wanted to get clear on his intentions.”
A strangled sound escapes my throat that could be a laugh in better circumstances. “Absolutely not.”
“Absolutely.” Molly doesn’t look remotely apologetic.
“And?” The word is out before I can remind myself that it doesn’t matter what Jeremy said. I’m about to remove myself from his life to protect him from my family’s particular brand of destruction.
Iris and Sloane exchange another look.
“He didn’t exactly drop the L word,” Sloane says with an IYKYK shrug. “My brother has the emotional intelligence of a trout, so that shouldn’t come as a shock.”
“But he didn’t have to say it.” Molly leans in. “When Sadie asked what you meant to him, he looked like a man who’d been trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube for over a decade and all six sides suddenly clicked into place.”
My chest constricts.
“He said he wanted to be worthy of someone like you,” Taylor adds with a grin. “Then he freaked out and tried to take it back, but it was too late.”
“He’s going to hate me.” My voice cracks for the first time, and I press my lips together until the fracture seals.
“When he finds out about my dad, and the risk I’ve brought into his life…
He has every right to look at me and see all the other people who’ve used him for his money and power.
” I pull my hand from Sloane’s and fold both arms across my chest. “I didn’t tell him my secrets, which makes me no better than any of them. ”
“That’s not who you are.” Sadie’s voice is firm, leaving no room for argument.
“It is,” I argue anyway, feeling a sharp sting build behind my eyes. The circuit breaker is about to flip back on, and I’m nowhere near ready to deal with the charge.
“I can talk to him,” Sloane says. “I’ll explain about your dad and—”
“No.”
“Avah—”
“This is my mess.” I meet her eyes. “I need to clean it up myself.”
“Doing the hyper-independent thing is how you ended up engaged to a man who hit you.” Piper’s gentle admonishment cuts deeper because of the kindness in her voice.
Outside, a car passes on Main Street, its headlights sweeping briefly across the window before the diner settles back into its after-hours hush.
“What do you want, Avah?” Sadie asks. “Not what you think you should do or what makes sense for everyone else. What do you want? What would bring you joy?”
I want to fall asleep with Jeremy’s arm across my waist and wake up to make him coffee in his kitchen in a house where neither of us feels lonely anymore. Where my heart feels whole.
“What I want doesn’t matter.”
“It’s the only thing that matters,” Molly says.
I look around the booth at these women who have seen me at my worst, who’ve put up with my sharp tongue and my deflections and my refusal to let anyone past my high walls. They’re watching me with the kind of patience that says they’ll sit here all night if that’s what it takes.
But I know not every girl gets a happy ending.
My mother told me that as she packed up the car the morning after my high school graduation and headed south without looking back.
My father confirmed it from behind bars with a letter that was more veiled threat than long-overdue apology.
And Jon drove the nail into my coffin every time he raised his hand, and I stayed instead of walking away.
I’ve been collecting evidence my whole life that women like me don’t get to keep the good things. The pile is stacked even higher than my walls.
“I need to go to Florida and talk to my mom face-to-face.” I keep my gaze focused on the rim of the water glass, knowing eye contact would undo me right now.
“I want to deal with my father before he comes after the people I care about. Then I’m going to figure out if there’s an ending to this story that doesn’t involve me ruining Jeremy’s life by being in it. ”
Molly’s hand settles over mine on the table. Sloane covers both of ours, and Piper reaches across to add hers. Sadie and Taylor and Iris squeeze in until I’m enveloped in the fierce, stubborn love of women who refuse to let me disappear.
It should help, and I smile like it does. But fear is still lodged in my heart like a splinter I can’t reach. Loving Jeremy Winslow is the best and most terrifying thing I’ve ever done, and I’m fairly certain it’s going to cost me everything.