Chapter 25 #3
Her question hit something raw in him. Most people in the field talked about compartmentalization like it was a badge of honor, but for AJ, it wasn’t a choice.
The compartments made themselves, little rooms sealed off so the rest of the building wouldn’t collapse.
Sometimes he didn’t even realize he’d locked a door until months later, when something would leak through and he’d find himself angry because a small thing didn’t go his way, or overwhelmed at a commercial, or waking up from dreams of falling.
“I process by breaking things down into steps. If I don’t, it’s chaos. I can’t always tell what someone else is feeling or understand what I am feeling in the moment. If it’s too much, I put it aside until I have time to look at it later.”
Desiree’s expression softened, and she asked, “Is that draining, or is it just normal for you by now?”
AJ considered. There was no real ‘normal’ for him. He’d always felt like a beta-test version of a person, running on an operating system nobody else had.
“It’s normal.”
After five more minutes or so, she set her drink down and looked at him with the kind of gratitude that made him feel uneasy.
“Thanks so much.” Desiree impulsively reached out, wrapping her arms around him. The contact was brief but jarring, a jolt of discomfort that made his muscles snap tight. He flinched, not violently, but enough that she felt it. She dropped her arms at once, horrified. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine.” AJ would never understand the reason people who were for all intents and purposes strangers had the urge to embrace one another. It was so…invasive.
“Thank you, again.” Her smile also conveyed an apology. “I really appreciate it.”
AJ nodded.
When Desiree walked away, he immediately scanned the room for Poppy. She was no longer on the dance floor. He found her standing, staring out the wall of windows. He crossed to her in five strides.
“Poppy,” he said, voice lower than the hum of the party. She didn’t react for a beat. Then, as if she’d been holding her breath, she let it out in a hard exhale and turned her head just enough to look at him.
Up close, he could see her eyes were glossy, reflecting the sodium-orange of the streetlights outside. Her jaw flexed. He didn’t know what to do with that information, but he filed it away anyway.
“What’s wrong? Are you sick? Do you need to go to the hospital?”
“What? No. I’m fine.” She shook her head as her lips flatlined in a tense grin.
He didn’t believe her, not for a second. She was lying, he just didn’t know why.
He studied her, trying to triangulate her mood like he would a misbehaving server on a secure network. If he had to guess, he’d say she was hurt, but not physically.
“What?” She snapped, the word sharp as a tack. “Why are you staring at me like that?”
AJ blinked, then said honestly, “I’m trying to figure out why you’re upset.”
She rolled her eyes, then looked away. “I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
AJ never understood why people lied about their feelings. Was it because, like him, they couldn’t articulate them?
“It’s getting late, are you ready to go?”
“Late?” She looked at her phone and shook her head. “It’s eleven o’clock. Look, don’t worry about me, okay. I’m a big girl. I can find my own way home. You can go do…whatever you want with whoever you want.” Without sparing him another glance, she stormed down the hall.
On her way to the kitchen, she passed Frankie who tried to say something to her but then had to move to the side not to get run over by her.
His sister walked straight up to him after her and Poppy’s hallway interaction and asked, “What did you do?”
“I asked if she was ready to go, I’m her ride,” he explained, keeping his tone neutral.
“That’s all?” Frankie’s eyebrows arched, a silent challenge.
AJ nodded.
Frankie’s lips pursed. “Tell me exactly what was said.”
It had been a long time since he and Frankie had had an exchange like this. She used to help him decipher social situations when they were younger because he was always so clueless.
“I said, ‘It’s getting late, are you ready to go?’”
“Were you talking before that? Did you cut her off? Interrupt her?”
He couldn’t tell his sister he asked if she needed to go to the hospital, she would ask why he’d said that.
“I asked if she was okay.”
“Why did you ask if she was okay?”
“It looked like she’d been crying.”
“Okay.” Frankie nodded, as if logging the information. “What was happening before you noticed that it looked like she was crying?”
“She was looking out the window.”
“Okay.” Frankie’s eyes narrowed. “What were you doing before you saw her at the window?”
“I was speaking to someone.”
“Who?”
“An actress.”
A wrinkle appeared in the center of Frankie’s brows as they furrowed. “Why?”
“She is researching a role.”
“Okay, and did you tell Poppy that?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“She didn’t ask.”
“What did she say right before she stormed off?”
“I said it was late and asked her if she wanted to go, she said not to worry about her, she’s a big girl. She can find her own way home. I can go do…whatever I want with whoever I want.’”
“Ohhh.” Frankie said as if everything made perfect sense. “Were you talking to Shane?”
Shane Fox was an Academy Award winning actress who lived in Hope Falls. She was married to firefighter Evan Bishop. They were both at the party because they knew Zion, who shot Shane for the cover of Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar.
“No.”
Frankie sighed. “What actress were you talking to?”
“Desiree Dove.”
“Right.” She smiled as if that was the final puzzle piece she needed and now the picture was complete. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
Frankie lowered her voice to a whisper and glanced around before leaning in. “She’s jealous.”
“Jealous of what?”
“She thinks you are trying to give her a ride home so you can spend time with Desiree.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Maybe not to you, but in girl math, it absolutely adds up.”
“Girl math?” he repeated.
Frankie nodded.
“I don’t think you’re using that term correctly, and I don’t want to spend time with Desiree.”
“Tomato-tomahto, and you should probably go tell her that.” Frankie patted AJ on the shoulder.
Frankie was one of the few people in his life that physical contact with was tolerable.
Even though he wasn’t convinced Frankie was right, he trusted her, and she’d never steered him wrong. He went into the kitchen and found Poppy with Zion and a man AJ had never seen before.
AJ walked up, and without asking her if he could speak to her, because he was fairly certain she’d say no, he said, “I don’t want to spend time with Desiree Dove.
You are the only person I want to spend time with.
The only reason I’m here, at this party, is because of you. ” He turned to Zion. “No offense.”
Zion lifted his hands up and grinned. “None taken.”
AJ turned his attention back to Poppy. “I’ve been at this party for hours just waiting for you to be ready to go home. I asked if you wanted to go because you looked tired. So, I’m going to ask you again, are you ready to go?”
She stared up at him, and he could see that tears were forming in her eyes, but this time they were happy tears. Her smile grew wider, and she replied, “Yes.”
He took the soda water from her hand and set it on the counter. “Good, let’s go home.”