Chapter 32
AJ stood in front of the mirror, his hands moved with precision, deftly looping and pulling the silky fabric to create the perfect knot, like a skilled musician playing a symphony on a finely tuned instrument. The tie hung elegantly around his neck, completing his sharp and polished look.
He was going to be walking Yaya down the aisle today with Niko.
Out of all the cousins who were in town, he and his brother were the chosen ones.
She’d made no secret that his mom was her favorite daughter-in-law because she was the only one to give her a granddaughter, and she hadn’t moved her son or grandchildren out of state, but she did have other grandsons.
Eight, to be exact. Still, she had deemed them her favorites as well and had no issues broadcasting that ranking.
AJ hated having any attention on himself. He was already anxious. He hadn’t slept the night before. Since Poppy left, he’d been replaying their exchange. He knew he’d fucked up, he just wasn’t sure how he’d fucked up.
The past week had been the unhappiest of his life. He didn’t know how to fix it. All he knew was he had to make things right with Poppy, whatever that took. He patted his pocket, knowing he was ready to do something drastic.
A knock sounded before the front door opened. His heart slammed into his chest. Was she back? Was Poppy there? Was she as miserable as he was and wanted to talk things out before the wedding too?
He walked down the hall and came around the corner expecting to see his brunette angel, instead he saw his mirror image, down to the identical suit each wore.
He was carrying four large duffle bags and two oversized rolling suitcases.
Instead of staying through the new year, it looked as though Niko planned to stay permanently.
“Hey,” Niko greeted AJ as he grabbed his keys.
“We have to go.” AJ was running late, something that never occurred.
This morning he’d been off-balance. His entire world felt totally off-kilter.
“Holy shit!” Niko’s eyes widened. “Who is she?”
AJ ignored his brother’s inquiry, stepping over the bags he’d dropped. He waited for his brother to follow him out, then closed the door.
“I have never seen you—no scratch that—anyone look so disappointed to see me before,” Niko bragged as AJ locked the deadbolt and walked to the driveway, where his SUV was blocked by Niko’s rental.
“You thought I was a woman. Who is it? Is it the neighbor? Liam’s baby sister?
The one who had a panic attack about her house? ”
“Poppy,” AJ refreshed his brother’s memory.
“It is her.” A slow smile spread across Niko’s face before he shook his head. “Damn, bro. How bad did you fuck up?”
AJ wished he could answer that, but he had no idea. “You blocked me in. You have to drive.”
Niko hit the fob and they both climbed into the blacked-out Lincoln Navigator. His brother started the ignition and backed out. “I was just fucking around, you know that. Whatever it is, we can fix it. You can fix it.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do,” Niko stated as if it was the gospel truth.
“No, you don’t.”
“You are the best man I know. You would never do anything to hurt someone intentionally. Whatever she’s upset about, I’m sure once you explain yourse—”
“She’s pregnant.”
Niko turned to him, his jaw hanging open, but no sound was coming out.
When he turned his attention back to the road, he asked, “And it’s yours?”
“Yes,” AJ confirmed.
“What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean?” AJ didn’t understand the question.
“I mean, is she keeping it? Are you going to be involved?”
“Yes, and I want to be.”
“What does that mean?”
“No one knows I’m the father.”
Niko turned to him with confusion swimming in his expression. “You don’t want her to tell people you’re the baby daddy? That’s fucked up.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But no one knows?”
“No.”
“Did you just find out?”
“No.”
“When did you find out?”
“The night I took Poppy to the emergency room.”
Niko did a double take at him. “You mean after Liam and Frankie’s wedding?”
“Yes.”
“So when we all went to look at her house, you knew?”
“Yes.”
“You knew you were going to be a dad, and you didn’t tell me?”
AJ heard the hurt in his brother’s voice. It was the same hurt Poppy had that he hadn’t told her Deacon was her half-brother. AJ never intended to make anyone feel bad, it bothered him when he did. Especially people he loved. He loved his brother, not as much as he loved Poppy, but he loved him.
“Poppy has pre-existing conditions. She’d been told her chances of getting pregnant were less than one percent, and it makes her pregnancy high risk. She didn’t want anyone to know in case the worst happened.”
Niko took in the information, and AJ saw that it didn’t quite sting as much now that he knew the breadth of the situation.
"But she’s okay?” Niko looked at him, and all there was in his eyes was genuine concern. “The baby is okay?”
“Yes. We heard the heartbeat at the twelve-week checkup.”
“Does anyone else know? Frankie? Yaya? Mom?”
“She told everyone on Thanksgiving, but she didn’t say who the father was.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know.”
“You didn’t ask her?”
“No.”
“Why not?” he repeated.
AJ could hear the frustration in his brother’s voice. He wasn’t trying to frustrate him. He was trying to speak to his brother about the situation.
“She didn’t get to tell everyone how she planned.
Her mom was tipsy and asked her loudly at dinner if she was pregnant because she wouldn’t take a drink, and everyone overheard.
It was awkward. I was going to ask her on the way home, but she drove her mom home because she’d been drinking instead of riding with me.
Every day since, someone has been at her house, so I haven’t had a chance to speak to her alone. She’s been different. Distant.”
“Are you sure it’s her who’s been distant? Maybe she doesn’t know how you feel? Have you told her? Have you talked about it?”
As they pulled to a stop, AJ picked up his phone, opened it up to his and Poppy’s text message thread, and handed it to his brother.
Niko scrolled through all the messages that AJ had sent her. All the articles, spreadsheets, cribs, strollers, bassinets, etc,—he then handed the device back to AJ. “Okay, well, that definitely shows that you want to be supportive, but have you actually talked about it?”
“No.” AJ was waiting for her to bring it up.
With her being high risk, he hadn’t wanted to say the wrong thing.
He tended to do that. He’d been waiting for her to be ready, for her to tell people.
But as soon as she had, it was as if she didn’t need him any longer.
Or she was embarrassed that he was the father.
She recoiled when he tried to touch her hand.
As they pulled away from the stop sign, a woman walking down Main Street caught AJ’s attention.
She was absolutely stunning with long, thick auburn hair, a perfect hourglass figure, gorgeous green eyes, and full lips.
But what stood out to AJ was the distinctive tattoo on her shoulder of a butterfly mandala with shaky, uneven line weights that was placed off-center on her body.
Mandalas were meant to be perfectly symmetrical, and the line work had to be impeccable, neither was achieved in that attempt.
“Why is Gianna here?” AJ asked his brother.
“What?” Niko turned his head to AJ. “She’s not.”
“Yes. She is.” AJ pointed to the woman heading into Brewed Awakenings Coffee Shop, her back now to them.
As if she sensed their gaze at that exact moment, she glanced over her shoulder, giving them a full view of her face, perfectly spotlighted by a ray of sunshine as if God himself was her lighting tech.
“What the fuck?” Niko cursed.
“Is she here for you?”
Niko and Gianna had been on and off again since their freshman year of college. Every few years, she would show up in Niko’s life, they would get back together swearing things would be different, and then six months to a year later, it would go up in flames. She was the definition of toxic.
AJ always felt her tattoo was the perfect representation of her as a person.
From a distance or at first glance to most people, or people who didn’t know what to look for, Gianna was beautiful, just like her tattoo, but if you looked closely, the lines were crooked, they were uneven, and it was off-center, just like the woman herself.
“Fuck no. She’s probably just here on vacation.
” Niko shook his head, dismissing his ex’s sudden appearance in their grandparent’s hometown as they drove past the local coffee shop and turned the subject back to AJ’s situation.
“I know that you two crazy kids didn’t really date, but did you guys talk about wanting kids before you knocked her up? ”
“Yes.”
“What did you say?”
“I told her I never wanted to have children.”
“You did?” Niko’s face scrunched up.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t.”
“Fuck me,” he whispered under his breath as he ran his hands through his hair. “Has that changed?”
“No,” AJ answered honestly.
Niko pulled the car over and turned to him. “So you don’t want to be involved in the baby’s life?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“So you do want to be involved in the baby’s life?”
“Yes.”
“But you just said you don’t want kids.”
“I don’t.” AJ wasn’t sure why that was confusing. To him the distinction was perfectly clear. He did not want some abstract idea of children, but the baby that Poppy was carrying, his baby, their baby, it was Dylan. Of course he wanted Dylan.
“AJ, if I’m confused, and I’m your brother who has known you your entire life—literally, we were conceived at the same exact time.
I can’t imagine how this poor woman who has only known you a few months must feel.
” Niko shook his head and spoke slowly, emphasizing each word. “Do you know what you want?”
“Yes.” AJ knew exactly what he wanted, but she hadn’t asked him what he wanted.