Chapter 13 Piper
PIPER
Forty-five minutes and copious amounts of sibling side-eye later, my sister and I are taking a short hike on the trail behind the cabin.
This much-needed (by me, at least) nature break is quiet except for our footsteps crunching on pine needles and the sounds of birds and squirrels doing their woodland creature thing in the trees overhead.
Beast—Sadie and Ian’s so-ugly-he’s-cute rescue mutt—leads the way, and watching him prance down the trail like he’s the king of the forest makes me miss Max and his furry version of unconditional love.
We’re walking at an easy pace after my previous issue hiking.
Following Sadie feels steady and familiar, and as some of the stress I’ve been carrying this morning eases, I’m grateful she suggested we get out of the house.
Give the boys time to talk, she’d said. Which really means give Felix and Ian space to have whatever conversation brothers need to have when one of them drops a bomb about suddenly becoming a guardian to a toddler.
There was a crap ton of tension in the kitchen this morning after that revelation, with Felix defensive and Ian obviously pissed at not being told about Ellie.
Then another round of morning sickness hit, which upset both Sadie and Felix, but I had to hide it because Ellie isn’t the only thing Ian doesn’t know about yet.
And the sweet girl picked up on the strain and somehow decided all of it was Ian’s fault.
She burst into tears when his deep voice rose, and it took both Felix and me to calm her down.
“Do you think they’re okay?” I glance back toward the cabin even though we can’t see it through the trees.
Sadie adjusts her ponytail, her blonde hair shining in the late morning sunlight filtering through the forest. “They’ll be fine. I think he’s most upset that Felix didn’t tell him.”
I kick at a rock on the trail. “Felix is trying to find someone from Julie’s family to take Ellie permanently, someone more equipped to raise a child than he is.”
“Yeah.” Sadie’s voice goes soft. “That sounds like Felix.”
“What do you mean?”
She pauses and reaches out to press her palm against the trunk of a pine tree, as if the rough bark can answer that question.
“Things weren’t easy for Ian and Felix growing up.
You know some of it. But their parents..
.” She shakes her head. “There were a lot of lies and secrets. Their mom and dad hated each other, and the boys ended up as collateral damage in the divorce. It affected both of them, more than either wants to admit.”
I rub two fingers against my suddenly aching chest. “That’s awful.” Though it explains some of Felix’s doubts about raising Ellie.
“They don’t talk about it much.” Beast gives a little bark like keep it moving, and Sadie starts walking again.
“But Ian’s shared some of what happened.
Their parents didn’t fight over custody.
They fought over who got a break from custody, as if the boys were a burden to be passed back and forth instead of children to be loved. ”
“Jesus.”
“And then Felix...” She looks over her shoulder at me, her expression troubled.
“Under all those muscles and tattoos beats the heart of a golden retriever who keeps getting dumped on the side of the road by someone he thought was his person. He’s been left three times, Piper.
And Ronnie cheated on him with Russ, who was supposed to be his friend as well as his teammate.
” Sadie shakes her head. “It really did a number on him. Ian says Felix doesn’t believe he’s capable of being enough for anyone long-term.
He’s decided women break up with him because they know he’ll eventually let them down the way their dad always did. ”
I swallow hard, remembering the vulnerable look on Felix’s face this morning when I told him about the baby. It was more than shock, and different than anger that I’d kept it from him. Now I wonder if I was seeing a glimpse of that golden retriever scared of being hurt again.
“But he has so much to give,” I say quietly. “If he could just see that.”
“I know.” Sadie brushes a strand of hair out of her face.
“And I think deep down, he does too. He just doesn’t trust himself not to screw it up.
Being left—first by their parents, who made it crystal clear neither of them wanted the responsibility, then by three women he loved—it messed him up.
Ian says some guys can’t adjust to real life once their career ends.
They’ve spent so long being defined by football that they don’t know who they are without it.
And Felix...” She sighs. “Felix is scared that when football ends, there won’t be anything left worth keeping. ”
“That’s not true.”
“We know that. But Felix doesn’t. Not yet, anyway.”
We walk in silence for a while, the trail winding through the forest. The nausea hasn’t returned, and even though my legs are already tired, I need to keep moving. Moving is helping me process everything that’s happened in the past few hours.
“I hope he changes his mind,” I say finally. “About Ellie.”
“Me too.” Sadie squeezes my arm. “He just needs time to get out of his own way.”
“What if he doesn’t? What if he really believes someone else would be better for her?”
“Then that’s his choice to make.” Sadie’s voice is gentle but firm. “You can’t force someone to see their own worth, Pip. They have to figure it out themselves.”
I think about how Felix has been with Ellie since that first night at the cabin. The way he reads to her and makes her smile. Stays up late researching toddler development. He’s already a good father. He just doesn’t know it yet.
“Can I ask you something?” Sadie’s voice breaks into my thoughts.
“Sure.”
“Why did you agree to nanny for Felix?”
The question catches me off guard. “What do you mean?”
“I mean...” She gives me a sideways look. “You don’t even like him. Or at least, I thought you didn’t. Why didn’t you come home when he got here?”
I don’t answer right away. The truth is complicated and messy, and I’m not sure I can explain it in a way that makes sense.
“Piper. What’s going on?” Sadie’s studying me more closely now. “If that scene in the kitchen this morning was any indication—”
My face flames. “It’s not…we’re not…the baby is Felix’s.”
Sadie stops dead in her tracks, staring at me with wide eyes.
I suddenly remember being thirteen years old and getting caught egging the math teacher’s house with my friends.
I seriously considered running away and joining the circus instead of having to face my sister, and the urge now is just as strong.
Except I have no talents that would be applicable in the circus ring.
“That can’t be true,” Sadie says, sounding even more stunned than she looks, if that’s possible.
“The baby is Felix’s,” I repeat, and now that I’ve said it, I can’t stop. “We ran into each other in Denver in April. I was at a bachelorette party, he was celebrating signing with the Grizzlies, and we...” I gesture helplessly. “We were drunk. We slept together. And I got pregnant.”
Sadie’s mouth opens and closes several times. “But you said… When you called the book club meeting to tell us, you said it was a one-night stand with someone you’d never see again.”
“I know, and I lied.” I wrap my arms around myself, suddenly cold despite the warm morning. “I’m sorry, Sadie. I couldn’t tell you the truth. Not then.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m a terrible sister!” The words burst out of me.
“You gave up everything to take care of me when Mom died, and I didn’t appreciate it.
I was embarrassed by your dog training business.
I was a brat, and then I got engaged to Bradley—the guy you had a crush on—and I just assumed you’d be fine with it and I ignored the fact that he’s a complete asshat and now—”
“Piper, stop.”
Only I can’t. The dam is broken, and the words just keep on flowing. “I’m pregnant by Ian’s brother, and I know you guys are trying to get pregnant and it’s not… You shouldn’t have to support me through one more thing, Sads. You’ve done too much already, and you should hate me for—”
She grabs my shoulders, her grip firm. “Stop talking and listen to me.”
I snap my mouth shut, blinking back tears. Beast trots over and headbutts my shin.
“You were twelve when Mom died,” she says, her voice gentle. “We both lost her.”
“But you had to raise me—”
“And I wouldn’t change that for anything.” Her eyes are fierce now. “Yes, it was hard. Yes, I gave up some things. But I never resented you, Piper. Not once. You were—you are—my sister. My family. Taking care of you wasn’t a sacrifice. It was a privilege.”
The tears spill over, and I don’t bother to wipe them away. “I wasn’t any better once I grew up. I’m still selfish. Bradley—”
“Is a dick,” Sadie cuts in. “Yeah, I had a crush on him in high school. A crush, Pip. But he did us both a favor by showing his true colors before you married him. I would have figured it out eventually, too, if we’d dated. He’s not a good person.”
“What about the baby?” My voice cracks. “You and Ian are trying, and here I am, knocked up from a one-night stand.”
“First of all,” Sadie says, “I’m going to be an aunt. Do you have any idea how excited I am?”
“But you’re not—”
“Ian and I will add to our family when the time is right. Sure, sometimes it’s frustrating.
” She swipes at her own eyes. “But that has nothing to do with you or your baby. We aren’t keeping score.
I’m not going to sit around being bitter because you got pregnant and we haven’t yet. That’s not how love works.”
“I just...” I shake my head, trying to find the words. “I feel like everything I touch turns into a mess. First, I was engaged to a guy you liked, then I got myself pregnant by Ian’s brother—”
“You’re not a mess.” She pulls me into a hug. “And even if you were, I’d love you anyway.”
“You can’t deny that I was a brat.”
“So are most kids, and they don’t have to deal with losing their only parent. You need to stop carrying this guilt around like it’s a badge of honor. You were allowed to be a mess. You’re still allowed to make mistakes without thinking you owe me some kind of debt.”
“But I do owe you—”
“You don’t.” Her voice is firm. “Stop being so damn hard on yourself and start living your life. Make choices for you, not because you’re worried about what I think or how it affects me.”
We stand on the trail, her arms wrapped around my shoulders, for a long moment. And I realize she’s right. I need to figure out my own life.
If only I knew how to do that.
“What am I going to do?” I whisper as I return her embrace. “About Felix and the baby.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.” That’s the truth. “I stayed here because I wanted to see what kind of father he’d be with Ellie. To understand if...”
“If he could be a good father to your baby?”
“Sort of.” I wipe the back of my hand under my dripping nose. “But it’s more complicated than that. And it got even more complicated last night. We slept together again, and then this morning I told him about the baby.”
Sadie’s eyebrows shoot up. “After you slept with him?”
“Not the best choice,” I admit with a watery laugh. “I guess I thought things were changing for him, but he’s still talking about finding Ellie a different family. And I can’t—” My voice breaks. “I don’t want to be with someone who’s looking for the exit before he’s even walked through the door.”
“Did you tell him that?”
I pull back. “Not yet. This morning was a lot. Even before you and Ian showed up.”
“Then that’s where you start.” Sadie links her arm through mine again, and we turn back toward the cabin. “Tell him what you need and give him a chance to show you who he is instead of assuming you already know.”
Can I do that? Do I even know what I need? “What if I tell him and he can’t give it to me?”
“At least you’ll know.” Her voice is gentle. “Then you figure it out from there. You’re stronger than you think, Pip.”
“I don’t feel strong.”
“The best things in life are usually hard,” Sadie says. “But they’re almost always worth it in the end.”
“Do you ever get sick of being so annoyingly perfect?” I ask, elbowing her gently.
She pretends to consider the question. “Not really.”
We walk in silence after that, and by the time we reach the cabin, I’m exhausted but also oddly clearer about what comes next. Maybe talking to Felix won’t be quite as terrifying as I thought.
Or maybe it’ll be worse. I guess I’m about to find out.