Chapter 22
22
Lexi
I’m not sure I trust my legs to carry me out of the shower and into the closet to put on a pair of sweats and one of his Hammett Homes zip-up sweatshirts. I love the deep burgundy color and might have to keep this one for myself. I’ve got coffee going when the doorbell rings.
I dash down the stairs to greet Joy.
She comes in smiling and dressed to the nines in her work clothes. She’s the most well-put-together woman I’ve ever known. Every detail is impeccable. Her nails and lips match her sapphire blue blouse and heels. “How do you manage to look like you just stepped off a Hollywood set so early in the morning?”
“Baby, it’s almost eleven. I’ve been at it for six hours already. Not everyone can loll around in sudden unemployment, you know.”
And she makes me laugh as I lead the way upstairs to the kitchen and the blessing of coffee to wipe the fog from my brain.
“Sorry to barge in on you and Mr. Terrific,” she whispers. “Hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”
“You didn’t. Last night, you might’ve.”
“You jumped the gun!”
“I feel so guilty for letting him talk me into it.” I pour coffees for both of us and grab the half-and-half from the fridge. “Not that he had to expend much effort to get me on board.”
“Screw guilt. How was it?”
“ Sublime .”
“Oh damn.” She fans her face. “You’re gonna get Mama Joy all hot and bothered just thinking about it.”
“How’s your new man?”
“He’s becoming a problem.”
“How so?”
“I like him more than I want to.”
I laugh again. What a delightful— joyful —way to start the day. “Do you hear how stupid that sounds?” I love how it feels like we’ve known each other all our lives and can say any damned thing we want to each other without any worry of offense.
“Girl, of course I do. It’s maddening, but I didn’t come here to talk about me. I came to make a confession to you, my sweet friend.”
I have no clue what she’s talking about, but her smile tells me whatever it is isn’t bad news. “A confession? About what?”
“I did something underhanded, unethical and borderline illegal, but for a very good cause.”
“You’re gonna have to fill in the blanks for me, pal.”
“It’s like this… You know I do a lot of social service work in my practice, helping people with housing issues, health concerns, child care, mental health. You name it, I’ve done it.”
“You’re a rock-star lawyer with a heart of gold.”
“I couldn’t imagine not using the gifts the good Lord gave me to help people when I can. Not that your Mama Joy doesn’t like making her some money, cuz she does.”
“That’s a given.”
“Indeed. Anyway, through one of my clients and her case, I learned about a nonprofit that exists solely to assist people like you and my client who’ve seen a family member through a devastating illness and are left with equally devastating debt.”
My mind goes completely blank as she names the foundation, talks about the founders and how they saw their parents through multiple illnesses that would’ve devastated them financially had they not been wealthy. “That led the siblings to ask what regular people do when it happens to them. They began a foundation in memory of their parents with that sole cause in mind, and well, I applied to them on your behalf—with your mother’s assistance—and, well…”
She’s positively giddy as she puts three pieces of paper on the table in front of me, all of them bearing familiar logos of local health organizations that are enough on their own to spark an instant wave of trauma. Except…
She points to my name and Jim’s at the top of the pages and to the balances on each of them.
Zero.
Zero.
Zero.
“Joy…” I go mute with shock, and then I’m sobbing when it becomes clear she’s eliminated a problem so massive that I long ago accepted it would outlive me.
“I’m sorry I was sneaky about it, but I didn’t want to get your hopes up until I was sure it was going to happen, and then?—”
I launch myself at her, nearly upending both cups of coffee on the table as I land against her full breasts, howling now with joy and relief and heartbreak and gratitude. More than anything else is gratitude to have such a friend.
Tom comes into the room. “Lexi, oh my God, what’s wrong, honey? Is everyone all right?”
I’m so overcome, I couldn’t speak if the house were on fire.
“I brought her some good news,” Joy says.
He looks over her shoulder at the papers on the table and gasps when he sees the zeros. “Oh my God, Joy… How? ”
She repeats the story of the foundation and how she asked for my mother’s assistance to apply for relief from my medical debt. “Came through late last night, and it was all I could do not to march over here and wake y’all up.”
I don’t remind her that we weren’t sleeping…
By the time I pull back from Joy, her gorgeous silk blouse has tearstains on it. I’m not sure if they’re from my tears or hers, because she’s crying almost as hard as I am.
She grasps my chin and looks at me with fierce love. “I see a lot of crazy-ass shit in my line of work, so many hard cases that don’t end the way they should. I want you to know that doing this for you brought me as much happiness as it brings you, so thank you for letting me lie, cheat and pretend to be your lawyer to get this done.”
Every part of me is trembling. “I’ll never have the words.”
“No words are needed. I love you. I wanted you out from under this burden, and now you are.”
I hug her again, and at some point, Tom wraps his arms around both of us. I’m pretty sure he’s in tears, too.
Joy has to go to work, so I walk her to the door.
“In my whole life,” I tell her, “no one has ever done anything bigger than this for me, Joy. I’ll never forget it.”
“It made my year to pull this off for you—and for your Jim, who would’ve hated being the cause of such distress for you.”
“It ate him up that I was going to be left with so much debt. That was his greatest fear about dying.”
“I hope now he can rest more peacefully.”
I hug her tightly for a long time. “Thank you.”
“Love you.”
“Love you more, and don’t you dare argue with me.”
She laughs, and when we pull apart, we’re both wiping away more tears. “See you Saturday.”
I wave her off and then go to find Tom.
He’s waiting for me with his arms out.
I fall into his embrace, sobbing.
“I’m so, so happy for you, Lex. You deserve to be free and clear to enjoy your new life.”
“I still can’t believe it.”
“What a friend.”
“Right? I told you my widows are the best people I’ve ever known.”
“They sure are.”
My phone rings, and I take the call from my mom.
“Someone has been keeping secrets.”
“I almost exploded the other night, knowing it was happening and not being able to say anything until Joy had the final receipts. Daddy and I are beside ourselves over this. You’ve got one hell of a friend in her.”
“I know. I’m overwhelmed. It’s going to take me a decade to wrap my head around this.”
“What a relief.”
“It sure is. Thank you for what you did to help her.”
“I only told her who the biggest creditors were. She took it from there. She’s a powerhouse, that one. They gave her some pushback, citing privacy laws and whatnot, insisting on talking to you. She wasn’t having it and told them she had full authority to speak for you and let’s get this done.”
I’m in tears all over again imagining Joy going to war for me—and Jim.
“Daddy said this morning that Jim will rest easier now.”
“That’s funny. We just said the same thing.”
“You must be elated. We couldn’t wait for you to find out.”
“It’s such a huge load off my mind. I thought about it way more than I should have since I wouldn’t have been able to pay it off in this lifetime or the next one.”
“Now you can fully enjoy this lifetime, which is what Jim would want for you. It’s what we all want for you.”
“Thanks for everything, Mom. I know I say it all the time, but I never would’ve survived it without you guys, and Jim used to say the same thing. We were so lucky to have your love and support during the darkest days of our lives.”
“We love you both, and we wouldn’t have been anywhere else. And, Lex… We can see you have feelings for Tom, and we think he’s a wonderful guy.”
“I do, too.”
“I hope you’re giving yourself permission to be happy with him. Jim would want that for you, too. In all the years he suffered, all he cared about was what it was doing to you.”
“I know.” I look over at Tom, who’s leaning against the counter, scrolling through his phone. “And I am happy. Happier than I’ve been since before…” I certainly don’t have to define “before” for her.
He looks up, catches my eye and smiles.
After my mom and I say our goodbyes, I get up and go over to Tom, who puts his phone aside when he sees me coming. I slide my arms around him and rest my head on his chest. “You know what one of the best things about being laid off and out of debt and having your new guy being out of work on medical leave is?”
“What’s that?” he asks, sounding amused.
“You could conceivably spend the whole day in bed and not have to feel one bit guilty about it.”
He’s immediately hard and ready for what I have in mind. “I’m really digging debt-free Lexi.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet, my friend.”
Tom
You know how you can be sure you’re in love with someone? When you’re happier for them than you are for yourself. I’ve never been happier for anyone in my life than I am for Lexi after hearing her horrible debt has been cleared. After everything she did for her beloved husband during his illness, she’s the last person who deserves to be saddled with that kind of burden for the rest of her life. I’ve been trying to think about how I might broach the subject of helping her with it, even if I knew she’d flatly decline such an offer.
What an incredible thing Joy did for her. I’ll love her forever for that. I’m so glad Lexi has friends like her and the other widows who look out for one another in ways that go far beyond the topics of grief and loss.
And when she suggested we spend the day in bed, I nearly had another heart attack—the good kind, this time, the kind that seals the deal, not that our deal needed sealing. I’m all in with her and have been from the start.
I can already see the difference in her since Joy’s life-changing visit. She’s lighter, unburdened, freer to enjoy her new life now that her greatest worry from her past life has been resolved.
She stands next to my bed and whips her shirt over her head while I stare at her, still unable to believe that I get to have this with Lexi Nelson.
“Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to get naked?”
“Uh, definitely the latter.”
“Well, hurry up already!”
“I’m a’hurrying.”
We fall into bed, wrapped up in each other and desperate for more of the intense connection we shared last night. I can already see that unburdened Lexi is also uninhibited Lexi, as if she’s been given a new lease on life, which, of course, she has.
Hands and lips and tongues and legs wrapped around hips—knowing we have nowhere to be and nothing to do other than fully indulge in each other has set us free to fully enjoy ourselves.
I push into her, loving the way she pulls me deeper, how her eyes close and her mouth opens on a silent scream of pleasure. God, she’s beautiful, sexy, sweet and everything I could ever want. I raise myself up on my arms and move with her, letting her set the pace, which is fast and furious this time around. I’m down with that.
“Tom.”
“I’m here, honey. What do you need?”
“Just this. Just you.” She opens her eyes, and as her gaze collides with mine, I fall even deeper in love with her than I already was, if that’s even possible.
We maintain eye contact as we chase the peak, crying out in unison from the power of what we created together. This goes way beyond anything I’ve experienced before. The difference between sex and lovemaking is finally clear to me.
“I have a confession to make,” I tell her in the sweet aftermath.
“Do I want to hear this? I’m in a really good mood.”
Smiling, I kiss her cheek and then her lips. “I think you might like this confession.”
“Lay it on me.”
“I have, at times, mocked the concept of lovemaking. Any time someone referred to it like that, I’d make fun of them. But now…” I kiss her softly. “Now I get it. For the first time in my life, I get why people call it that.”
Her smile touches every corner of her sweet face. “You’re right. I like that confession.”
“I never knew it could be like this, or how much of a difference love would make.”
“Thus the term lovemaking .”
“Are you mocking me by any chance?”
“Would I do that?”
“Yes, I believe you would.”
She loses it laughing. “Maybe I would.”
“And here I was about to tell you how much I love you. But forget it.”
“Please feel free to proceed.”
“No, I’m mad at you.”
She laughs some more, and the surge of love and tenderness and ever-present desire makes me light-headed—in a good way.
As I start to move in her again, I don’t care that she’s making fun of me or having such a good time doing it. I love her, I’m drunk on her, and I want this—I want her—for the rest of my life.
Lexi
Tom and I spend the entire day in bed, coming up for air, food and water before going back for more. I worry about him overexerting himself, but he says he feels great, and I decide to trust him. For the first time in years, I have nothing to worry about, no burdens to carry, no fears for the future. I’m free to fully wallow in the exceptional present and in my love for him.
I used to fear that I’d never have the kind of sexual connection I shared with Jim. That, too, has been resolved decisively after being with Tom.
I’m fully aware of how lucky I am to have found that twice in a lifetime, and I’ll never take it—or him—for granted.
He’s napping after we make love for a third time—and yes, I’m still laughing at what he said about that term. I grab my phone from the bedside table and compose a text to my widows, wanting to tell them about the enormous thing Joy has done for me.
Their responses come flooding in.
Iris: Joy… OMG. I’m in tears of joy for Lexi and for all of us to have a friend like you.
Derek: I’m so relieved for you, Lexi. Way to go, Joy. You’re the best. What a thing to do for someone. So much love for both of you.
Roni: What Derek said. I’m mopping up tears at my desk! Joy… My goodness… You’re a rock star.
Brielle: I’ve never had friends like you people. Joy, you are an exceptional human being. Lexi, I’m so, so happy for you. I hope you will fully enjoy every minute of your freedom from such a crushing worry.
Kinsley: I picture Jim smiling in heaven because Lexi has such an incredible friend who would do something like this for her. Well done, Joy!
Wynter: This is awesome! Adrian and I are thrilled for you, Lexi. And, Joy… There are no words. You’re the best of the best. Love you all so much.
Over the next few hours, Naomi, Christy, Hallie and Gage weigh in with elation for me and praise for Joy, who says , I’m just coming out of court, and y’all have me in tears. This was the greatest thrill of my entire career. I’m so, so happy for Lexi (and for Tom Terrific… I hope he’s benefiting from Lexi’s newfound freedom from worry).
My reply is two words that set off a furor: He is. wink emoji
Again, the replies explode my phone.
Roni: GO, GIRL!
Iris: YESSSSSS
Gage: Go easy on the guy. He just had a heart attack. LOL *just kidding—I’m sure he’s doing JUST fine*
Christy: GET YOUR GROOVE ON!
Derek: Unsubscribe.
That makes me laugh out loud, imagining the White House deputy chief of staff responding to such a thing from work.
Wynter: I LOVE that laid-off Lexi is getting laid!
Derek: That’s it. I’m out.
Naomi: I’m laughing my ass off.
“What’s so funny?” Tom mumbles.
“You’d have to hear the whole thing.”
“Read it to me.”
So I do.
“I can’t believe you told them what we’re doing,” he says with a laugh.
“The widows tell each other everything .”
“That’s terrifying.”
“Nah, I’ll never go too far, don’t worry.”
“So ‘laid-off Lexi getting laid’ isn’t too far?”
“Oh God, that’s nothing compared to what we’re capable of.”
“I’d like to join Derek in unsubscribing.”
Laughing, I tell him, “He’s saying that from his office in the West Wing of the White House!”
“That’s funny. You know what I never would’ve expected until I got to know you and your Wild Widows?”
“What’s that?”
“How much you guys laugh.”
“Oh jeez, if we didn’t laugh, we’d never stop crying. Irreverence is our middle name.”
“I like that for you, for all of you. That there’s still joy and comedy to be found after what you’ve lost. Although, if I lost you, I’d never laugh again.”
“Yes, you would.”
“I don’t think I would.”
“Trust me… It’s physically impossible to stay forever in the throes of early devastation. It’s just not sustainable for a lifetime. Joy creeps in. It finds you even when you think it never will. It can be something simple, like a flower or a sunset or an exquisite butterfly hovering outside the window. Life is beautiful in so many ways. After the fog clears and you start to notice those things again, it becomes clear that you’ll survive the seemingly unsurvivable, and you may even, one day, down the road, be happy again.”
“That’s beautifully said, Lex.”
“I’m not saying it’s easy, because it isn’t. Jim’s illness and death was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, but I have gotten through it. I’ll always love him, and he’ll always be part of me, but his death didn’t ruin my life as much as I thought it had for a while there.”
“Because you didn’t let it. You sought out support and found a way through it. That takes enormous courage.”
“We have a saying in widow circles, when people tell us how they admire our strength, that you never know how strong you are until you have no choice but to be strong.”
“I suppose that’s true.”
“When I was taking care of Jim, so many people told me they wouldn’t have been able to do it, and that used to make me so mad because they could do it if they had to. They just didn’t want to have to imagine a world where that would be needed of them, which is understandable. Who would want to picture themselves in a nightmare like that?”
“No one would, but I don’t agree that anyone could do what you did. A lot of people couldn’t and wouldn’t do it. Please don’t discount the extraordinary thing you did to make it possible for him to be at home for all that time.”
“I don’t discount it, but it’s what most people do for the ones they love.”
“I’ll give you many people… Not most.”
“Okay, I’ll agree with that.”
“You did an exceptional, selfless, kind, giving thing for him, and I hope you give yourself a ton of credit for what a difference you made for him at the end of his life.”
“I do. In many ways, getting us both through that time in our lives is my proudest accomplishment, even if I hated that I couldn’t change the outcome.”
“Hearing about it has been enough to break my heart.”
Smiling, I reach up to caress his face. “Thank you for today. It was lovely.”
“Yes, it was. The first of many lovely days to come.”
“Did you hear that my debt is gone?”
“I heard a rumor…”
“I still can’t believe it. It’s like a dream come true.”
He drops his head to kiss me. “So are you.”