Chapter 20
“Exit, pursued by a bear,” Derek quoted Shakespeare’s infamous stage direction. “My friendship with Zoe is over.”
“You actors are so dramatic.” Th ? o rolled her eyes. “Awkward, yes. Over? Probably not.”
He plopped on the plush black leather couch like some television patient in their therapist’s office. Th ? o, who sat in the love seat opposite him, was scarfing down one of the burrito bowls she’d brought for them.
“You didn’t have to cut your night short for me. I should’ve waited. It’s your first night out since you got here.”
He’d texted a 911 to Th ? o after walking out of Zoe’s building. Th ? o was waiting in front of his apartment, food in hand, by the time he’d made it back.
“I needed an excuse to bail. TJ’s boundless energy was wearing me down.”
“You didn’t tell him, did you?” Derek sat up too quickly. The room spun.
“Have you eaten today?”
He shook his head.
“Eat,” she scolded like a big sister. “I told TJ that a friend was having a bad day and needed to talk. I didn’t say who it
was.”
“Thanks.” He pulled the foil lid off his food. His stomach grumbled angrily. He appeased it by shoving a forkful of rice and beans into his mouth.
“So she kissed you after her cat puked in your shoe and then puked on her sketches?” Th ? o shuddered in horror. “Cats are evil.”
“It was the best first kiss I’ve ever shared with someone. I thought she felt the same way, but she couldn’t push me out of
her apartment fast enough.” Her rejection hurt more than all the times he’d lost out on a role combined.
“Can you think about it from her side for a minute?” Th ? o asked gently. “It’s a lot for her to figure out. She friend-zoned you from the very beginning.”
“I’m thinking about her expression after she jumped away from my touch. It was regret. With a side of terror.”
“From what you told me, she was in a vulnerable state.”
“I’m under a lot of pressure, too.” He knew he was whining, but he didn’t care. His pride needed time to repair itself.
“Yeah, but have you told her that?”
“I didn’t want to add to her anxiety. She’s got enough to worry about.” Derek felt protective of Zoe. He was the one who’d
convinced her to work on this show. If she had a bad experience on her first show since college, she might never come back
to theater. Or him.
“For someone who’s amazing at communicating with his cast, you suck at personal relationships.” Th ? o waved her plastic fork at him.
“You suck at relationships,” he repeated in a mocking tone. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
Th ? o didn’t respond. She scraped the last of her burrito bowl into her mouth and washed it down with some beer.
“Derek, what do you want? Truly, really want?” she finally asked.
“Everything,” he replied matter-of-factly. “I want critics to rave about T ? m Cam . I want Zoe to feel the same way about me as I feel about her. I want my mom to be happy for me and not worry so much. I
want to prove to Greg that shows with an all-Asian cast sell tickets.”
“Whoa. That’s a lot to put on yourself.”
“Theater is one of the few things I’m really good at. I mean the Gregory Powers picked me as his mentee. Do you know how many people would kill for that opportunity?”
“Not me.” Th ? o snorted. “I hate working with old white dudes.”
“I know he’s not the most culturally aware guy, but I’d still be playing triad gangsters and IT nerds if it weren’t for him.”
He’d be fighting for the same roles against every Asian American actor in New York. Now he was creating the roles he’d kill
to play in their musical.
“Derek, we’ve known each other for, what, five years now? Shared a freaking closet of an apartment together. So don’t take
this the wrong way.” Th ? o paused as if she were worried about hurting his feelings, then blurted, “You’re a people pleaser.”
“I’m what? I wanted you here to talk about Zoe, not insult me.”
Th ? o gave him a side-eye.
“They are not related.” He crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch.
“Sure. Whatever you say.” She stuck her empty containers into the bag. “Damn, I should’ve gotten dessert, too.”
“You think I worry too much about what others think?” He cringed. That sounded like he cared.
“You’re shortchanging yourself by focusing on everyone’s needs before yours.”
“I don’t do that.”
“Example one”—Th ? o counted on her fingers—“you ditching me every afternoon to pick up an iced coffee for Zoe.”
“I bring you an iced passion tea, too.”
“Especially”—Th ? o glared at him for interrupting her—“when you know we have songs to finish writing. Número dos: you’re putting too much weight
on Greg’s feedback, even though he knows jack shit about Vietnamese fairy tales.”
“He wants us to succeed.”
“Dude can’t pronounce the title of our show correctly, even though I keep saying it in front of him,” she said in exasperation.
“Fine. Maybe I give Greg too much leeway, but he’s the artistic director. He’s producing the show when other theaters wouldn’t
or couldn’t. Don’t forget he has decades of experience over us.”
“Number three,” she continued, ignoring his objections, “you’re so scared of what Zoe will think of you that you’ve kept your
feelings for her a secret for almost ten years. Ten. Years.”
“That’s not fair. We made a pact freshman year.”
“You mean she made it and you agreed because you’d rather be friends with her than nothing at all,” Th ? o pointed out.
Unwilling to admit that she was right, Derek pressed his lips together. He wasn’t the only freshman who had been drawn to
her energy, but he was the person she’d chosen to spend time with.
“I know you derive joy from making others happy.” Th ? o’s tone was now calm and gentle instead of tossing tiny daggers into him. “But when was the last time you did something to
make yourself happy?”
“Zoe makes me happy, T.”
“So tell her.”
“Do you know how many times I’ve tried to tell Zoe that I want us to be more than friends and I couldn’t? What if I lose her
for good?”
“After tonight, you might lose for good if you aren’t proactive.” Th ? o reached over and patted his knee. “She made the first move and you have to convince her that it was the right one.”
“How am I supposed to do that tomorrow during the most important day of our career?” He closed his eyes and groaned.
“You’re being dramatic again. Tomorrow will be easy, because everyone who shows up wants to be part of this. The actors, the
designers, even good old Greg and Prestige’s board.”
That buoyed his confidence. Why would anyone working on the show want to sabotage it? He’d gathered people who understood
that the musical would open doors for so many Asian Americans.
“You’re right.”
“Always am,” she said smugly. Th ? o leaned back and crossed her legs.
“I’ll keep things professional tomorrow while we’re working. But I’ll ask her to meet with me after our first rehearsal. We’ll
go somewhere and talk it out.”
“Promise me you’ll tell her? Tomorrow?”
He sighed. The longer he kept his feelings hidden from Zoe, the longer she’d stay in his life. He’d been living in limbo ever
since he’d found her again two weeks ago.
“Derek, if you can’t tell her, then it’s time to let her go. Move on.”
He’d kept a spotlight on her for so long but she’d stepped off her mark. He had to adjust his light or turn it off.
Tomorrow he’d pull her aside and tell her everything.
“I promise.”