Chapter 12
MILES
O ur away game sucked. To clarify, we sucked. We were projected to win, but it all went to hell pretty quickly. The worst part about losing on the road is that we’re all stuck with one another and the pissed off coaches on the flight home.
I open the book I brought with me. I’ve only just started it because I’ve had a hard time concentrating as of late.
I read the first line as someone slides into the seat next to me.
I glance over because whoever it is, didn’t hit my shoulder and smells pretty fucking fantastic. Sure enough, it’s Bryce.
She huffs and glances at me as she bends over and digs into her bag. “Believe me, I’d rather be anywhere but here. I boarded late, and this was the last seat.”
“Ask the captain. Maybe you can sit in the cockpit, or perhaps they can rig something up on the wing.”
“Haha, aren’t you funny? Let’s remember, no one else wanted to sit next to you. That’s why the seat is open.” She gives me a look to suggest she just schooled me.
“It’s because I’m a reader. I don’t sleep on planes. Everyone else will be out, and my light bothers them.” I hold up the book as proof .
She glances up at the light and back down. Doesn’t say anything and grabs the notebook she’s always writing in out of her bag. “You know they have these cool things called e-readers with a backlight now?”
“You don’t say. I’m an avid reader, and here I thought books only came in paperback.”
“It was just a helpful hint, so you don’t have to sit by yourself.” She writes something in her notebook.
“Thanks for the tip, but I enjoy sitting by myself.”
She rocks her head back then nods. “You are kind of a loner.”
“Being okay alone is not the same as being a loner.” I straighten my back, adjust my light, and open my book. Hopefully she understands that’s my nonverbal way of telling her the conversation is over.
“You know what you did wrong tonight, right?” she says after a minute has passed.
Here we go. “I’ll wait for you to pick me apart in your article, thanks.”
“I’m serious. Porter juked you out, and it’s because you’re not watching his hips, you’re just watching his upper body. You assumed he was going right, but his hips gave him away.”
“In case you missed it, I’ve been playing the position for years now.”
“Well, I think you’re forgetting some of the basics.”
I shut my book, take off my reading glasses, and turn my body toward her, crossing my arms. “Want to do drills with me sometime?”
She mimics my body language. “I’d love to.”
The worst part is she’s right. I knew the minute Porter got by. It’s 101 shit, and I didn’t do it.
“You all had a bad game, so?—”
“So you’re excusing me for fucking the team over?” I relax my arms as the pilot announces we’re going to take off .
She leans in close, and her long hair brushes my arm. “Did you miss Coop’s three interceptions? You’re hardly the one to be blamed for this loss.”
“It doesn’t matter what other people do. It’s what I did, and I failed them.”
She shakes her head and pushes back into her seat when the plane rushes down the runway. Then her hands grip the armrest, and she closes her eyes. I take the opportunity to watch her without her knowing.
Her long dark hair is curled into ringlets.
Her makeup only makes her natural beauty shine a little brighter.
The pink of her lipstick makes it look like she just licked her lips.
She’s not the girl next door type. She’s sexy and confident and appealing.
The minute I saw her all those years ago, put a face to the woman who was calling me out in the Chronicle , I almost couldn’t believe it.
Since Bryce can be either a man or woman’s name, I’d assumed she was a cranky old man with teeth stained yellow from drinking coffee from sunup to sundown.
Someone who liked old-school players and ate meat and potatoes every night.
Thought someone like me, a healthy eater with his green smoothies and a sometimes-vegetarian diet, wasn’t a real man and only real men should play football.
Then she came to the Kingsmen, and I saw her in real life on the sidelines. It was all over for me.
She exhales a long breath, tearing me out of my memory. Her knuckles are white, and her chest rises with a big inhale.
“Are you scared to fly?” I whisper.
“No,” she snaps.
“Then why are you gripping the armrest like you’re hanging off the edge of a cliff?”
She peeks one eye open. “Maybe a little. I don’t like takeoff and turbulence.”
“You know it’s a control thing, right?”
She peeks one eye open again and shuts it. “Just go about what you’re doing. I’ve done this enough times to get through it.”
“Do you want to hold my hand?” I hold out my palm.
“No.” She opens her eyes and shoos me away before locking her hand back on the armrest.
“Are you sure? It might make you feel better.”
She moves her hand again, but the plane dips, and her eyes squeeze shut. Her hand falls in mine, or I hijack it, I’m not sure which, but the result is the same. I grab a hold of her, and she squeezes it, reminding me of Shelly when she was giving birth.
“Give me a little circulation,” I whisper, but a quick glance around the plane cabin shows me everyone is falling asleep. There are no other lights on.
I turn off my light with my free hand and tuck my book in the pocket of the seat in front of me.
The pilot comes on and says it’s going to be a choppy flight, and that he’ll be keeping the seatbelt sign on for the duration of the flight.
The plane dips a few more times, and she continues to squeeze my hand.
I admire our hands linked together. Her small one encased in my big calloused one.
It’s silly, but it makes me wonder what might have happened if she’d acted differently after our night together two years ago.
What if we were a couple? We wouldn’t be sitting here.
She wouldn’t be writing about me because that’d be a clear conflict of interest. Hell, maybe she’d still be in San Francisco at her old job and wouldn’t have followed me here.
The option of our relationship one day turning romantic has passed.
There’s too much at stake now. Her career being the biggest one.
I know how important it is to her, and she’d never want to be known for messing around with an athlete she’s reporting on, and I would never ask her to do that.
It was different in San Francisco. Now she’s at a national level sports magazine.
You can’t just snap your fingers and go find another job like that.
Her head falls against my shoulder and the flowery scent of her shampoo floats up to my nose. My brain understands what’s at stake. Now I just need my dick to as well.
The plane’s tires land on the runway, and Bryce jolts awake. She looks over at me and swallows audibly. Then her vision shifts around the plane, where most players are just waking up as well. She was so peaceful as she slept with her head on my shoulder, I couldn’t wake her.
“Oh my god,” she whispers to herself, staring at the wet spot on my shirt from her drool. “Why did you let me sleep? On you?” Her eyes widen, and I’m not sure she wants my real answer, so I play it off.
“Next time, should I refuse to let my shoulder be your pillow?” I unbuckle my seat belt and grab my book, shoving it in my backpack while I turn my phone off Airplane Mode. She does the same, but hers dings a bunch of times, whereas mine is silent.
“It’s surprisingly comfortable.”
“Good to know. I’ll make sure to put that on my dating profile. ‘Shoulder is surprisingly comfortable for naps on planes.’”
She giggles, and my ego boosts a bit because I brought that out of her.
“You’re not on a dating site, are you?” I’m not sure of the expression I give, but she chuckles. “I just meant?—”
“Does it make you jealous? Thinking of me with someone else?”
I’m not sure of the answer I want. I spent the entire trip back to Chicago listing all the reasons we can’t be together, and now I’m baiting her to say she feels jealous where I’m concerned.
“No,” she says. “I just meant it’s not exactly like you need a dating site.”
The plane is taxiing, and most of the team is collecting their stuff. Damon’s razzing Cooper about his interceptions, and Cooper’s pointing out all his flaws during the game. No one is paying attention to us, so I figure I’m not going to hold back.
“So, you’re saying I’m attractive?”
She looks at me from the corner of her eye, her notebook giving her trouble as she tries over and over to shove it into her bag. “I’m pretty sure you know you’re attractive. Have you never looked in a mirror?”
“Well, my shoulders are surprisingly comfortable. Maybe you also think my jaw is surprisingly chiseled? That my lips are surprisingly full and soft? My eyes so surprisingly clear you could lose yourself in them?”
“Are you done fishing for compliments? Do you need me to stroke your ego a bit so you can gain enough confidence to hit on a woman at a bar?” She finally gets the notebook in her bag, and she zips it up. I would’ve helped, but she would’ve hated me for it.
My face screws up. “The last place I’d pick up a woman is a bar.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re only out to say they slept with me. That’s not what I’m looking for.”
“And what are you looking for?” She glances around to double-check that no one’s paying attention to us.
“Someone I can dedicate my life to. A wife, the kids, the dog, the house. I want it all.”
She’s giving me a look like maybe she thinks I’m crazy. “Right now, you want all that? ”
It’d be nice, but I’m not sure if it’s destined to happen.
“I do. But although I have a decent off-season, football season is hard, and you have to be one hundred percent committed. I don’t want a wife worrying about me out there.
Not that I would ever cheat, but it’s hard to be the wife of a player in the league.
Takes a special kind of woman to deal with all of that.
If I can find a woman who can deal with that while I’m still in the league, perfect.
But I realize it might have to wait until I’m done playing.
I’ve seen marriages crash and burn after months, or only last only a season or two.
The happy ones are few and far between.”
“That’s not true. Look at Lee and Shayna, Brady and Violet. Look at your sister and Chase. They’re all making it work.” She ticks them off on her fingers.
She has a point I guess.
“True.” I shrug. “Maybe I just haven’t met ‘the one’ yet then.”
She sucks in a sharp breath and says nothing. The flight attendants open the cabin door, and all the players rise out of their seats to file out, so our conversation ends there. Once we’re off the plane, she shoulders through the crowd before I can catch up to her.
At the car riding line, she’s with Cooper, and both of them have their phones out. I’m thinking the messages coming through are from Ellery, but I don’t really know.
Damon comes up alongside me. “Share a ride back to our place?” He claps me on the shoulder.
My eyes remain on Bryce as she heatedly talks with Cooper. What am I missing?
“It’s not our place,” I say.
He laughs. “Don’t be so literal.” He elbows me. “Saw you had your ‘girl wonder’ next to you. Any kissing while everyone was asleep?”
“She’s not my ‘girl wonder.’ She’s the reporter for the team. ”
He leans in close. “I see the way you look at her, man. Your secret is safe with me.”
I shake my head as my car arrives. I can’t get in it fast enough. Unfortunately, Damon slides in right next to me. The driver pulls off the curb, and we drive farther and farther away from where Bryce stands.
How can I miss her already? I only ever get small bits of time with her.
What I wouldn’t do for a chunk of time, a meal, anything.
Once again, I have to remind myself of all the reasons why we can’t be together.
Probably the biggest of which is that she doesn’t want to be with me.
She ran out on me—I should tattoo it on my skin, so I don’t forget.