6. Nerissa
CHAPTER SIX
Nerissa
I stare at the box on the table, running back and forth through my memory to figure out who might have been with me when I commented on the dress. But the harder I think the less I come up with. For the life of me the only person I can remember being around and talking to about the dress is Hayley.
I have a lot of friends, but most of them are just friends at university we don’t hang out or go shopping together. They are casual acquaintances I met through my classes. Hayley is my closest friend, the type of friend who would pull off a surprise like this - well - that is - if she could afford it. But she really can’t.
We are all students working shitty jobs just to get by.
I pull my mouth to the side. Hayley says she didn’t do it, and it would have taken her a half a year to save up for a dress like this - so it definitely wasn’t her. Even if she had the money, she would never be stupid enough to spend an amount like that on one dress. It would be careless. She is more levelheaded and sensible than that.
But who then?
Riley? Could it have been him?
No, he’s amazing, but he’s not romantic like this - I mean - what do I know though? Maybe he is. It’s not like we are dating yet. We might be, after he talks to me at my birthday, and we become an official couple, I will find out he is romantic. He could have done this for me as some kind of pre-gesture, to make sure I say yes when he asks me out. I was going to say yes, anyway. I like him so much.
I giggle and spin with the dress pressed up against my body.
It is gorgeous. I’ve been in love with it since I first laid eyes on it. It became this mystical unicorn. The dress I could never have. The girl I want to be could afford this dress, but not me. It was unattainable and a reminder of my position in life. I’m average, just a student trying to get through my degree so I can afford to buy a dress like this one day.
It’s strange how much power we can put into a lifeless, useless object. It’s crazy how it can represent something completely different from what it is. A status. A lifestyle. A person. A dream.
“Well, you have graduated now, and you start your new job in just over a month - so technically, you can be anyone and anything you want to be. You can be the girl who wears this dress. You can be amazing.” I tell myself, standing in front of the tall mirror next to my bed in my bachelor apartment.
It’s small and cramped in here, but its home sweet home to me.
I have set up the space with pictures on the walls, fairy lights hanging from corner to corner and big textured pillow on my blue, purple and pink comforter.
No one else comes in here but me anyway - and Hayley. We sometimes drink wine on a Wednesday and discuss the horrible chapters we had to study that week. It’s so crazy to think that university is over now. Our Wednesday night wine evenings are going to be us talking about work and the people or clients who annoy us. We’re actual adults, that is scary.
My other friends don’t know me like Hayley knows me.
They all think I am a bit bland. I am, I wear neutral colors and always having my hair tied up. I almost never put make-up on.
But I don’t have the right to dress up like the gorgeous girls do. Because I am not gorgeous, or special, or anything but me. It’s just not who I am.
I’m not beautiful - not by the fashion magazine standards. My eyes are still way too big. My lips are puffy like am pouting without even trying. At least my body has filled out as I got older, not so gangly and skinny. God gave me a few curves, but not any idea what to do with them. I blame not having my mom around anymore, there was no one to show me how to go from girl to woman.
I get nervous when boys kiss me. So, I just avoid it. I don’t really date because every guy I fall for seems to just ghost me. And it hurts. Every single time it hurts. The number one personality trait guys in university possess is, asshole. They are all assholes.
I can’t believe I am going to be twenty-five in a few days.
It’s crazy how the time has flown. Just the other day I was - wow - I kissed that Vece boy. Tuomo. Oh, my word. I’m turning twenty-five.
I giggle, remembering the silly, childish pact we made we would get married. Wow, that really was another life. I haven’t thought about him since the day I left. After my mother died I blocked out the Vece mansion and all the pain it held.
My heart pangs when I think about her.
I was going through so much then. I didn’t have time to think about the people I left there. Tuomo was this guy who chased me, he made my heart race, and it was devious and forbidden.
All I remember now is how incredibly hot he was.
He was the older boy, a forbidden fantasy.
But now I am a lot wiser. I understand the truth about that Vece family and who they truly are. Who Tuomo is. I want nothing to do with them.
I want nothing to do with the mafia.
My brothers are still tied up in that mess and it is not a good life. I can see the struggles they go through. Antonio Vece uses them. He doesn’t care about anyone.
People that rich - all they care about is money and power - not other people.
I am lucky I got out of there when I did. I am lucky I got away from all of them. Especially Tuomo. He’s probably just like his father.
Although, I remember how hot kissing him was.
I laugh as I walk through my tiny bathroom and turn on the shower.
I want to get ready for bed, then I can grab my laptop and start following up with whoever hasn’t RSVP’d for my birthday party. I have saved up for a month to have an amazing night and I want everyone there.
M y bathroom fills up with steam. I glance at the window, thinking I should close the blinds, but it’s already so steamed up I can’t even see out of it, so I don’t bother. No one can see in.
I step under the hot flow of water and as it splashes over me, I think about how far I’ve come. It’s been forever since I thought about the Vece mansion.
Losing my mother was more pain than I would wish on my worst enemy. But it was the catalyst I needed to get out of that life and start a new one. I had no choice. They didn’t want me — them sending me away saved me.
And once I was out, I had support of the people I lived with until I moved into this tiny apartment, and started making a better life for myself.
I learned how to be independent, how to be responsible with money, how to take care of myself and save at the same time. Leaving there forced me to grow up.
I am going to do big things. I’ve got massive goals, big dreams, and plans to reach each one.
Graduating in the top five of my year, I was offered a job before I even finished university. Head hunted by a very prestigious law firm. I start in a month. It’s a low-down position, clerical work. But it’s a foot in the door and a chance to be seen and make a name for myself. There’s potential for me to work my way up, and hard work doesn’t scare me.
I’m over the moon excited about it.
I get out of the shower and sigh in annoyance. I left my towel hanging over the back of my bed again.
I run, dripping, through the tiny apartment and grab it, wrapping the fluffy warmth around my body before I wet the entire floor.
I grab a smaller towel for my hair because it’s so long and thick and takes forever to dry, so it needs its own towel.
I grin again when I see the dress on the table. I can’t believe someone bought it for me. It must have been Riley. He’s great, I think he might be the one.
I might lose my virginity to him. Not that I have told him I’m a virgin, God. I just said I wanted to take things slow.
He seems like the perfect guy - sweet, polite, caring and gentle. He’s got a good job, and a plan for his life. When I talk he listens, he respects me. Also, he hasn’t ghosted me.
Still wrapped in the towel I grab my laptop and flop down onto my bed.
I email the venue where I am hosting my birthday - a club in the middle of town - a popular place I have never been to. I confirm the table I have reserved in the VIP section. Then I go through the list of people I have invited and message those who haven’t replied. People can be so rude about these things.
Most of my friends are going to be there. In fact, I think a lot of people I didn’t even invite are going to be there. In university if one person hears about a party it is assumed that everyone is invited. Especially in a club.
Partying is not my style - I look up at the black dress, glittering near the window - a new me. Time to reinvent myself. For one night I can be the pretty girl. The dress could be like Cinderella and magically make me confident and beautiful.
Well - I can wish.
When I am done on my laptop, I throw the towels over the back of my bed again, and pull on my sweatpants and a crop top. I braid my damp hair because I really don’t have the energy to dry it now.
I lift my blankets and climb into bed, snuggling into the warmth.
I fall asleep with a smile on my face, thinking about Riley seeing me in the dress he bought me - and wondering what shoes I should wear with it. I’ll ask Hayley. She’s a fashion queen. She’ll help me pull the whole outfit together.