18. Nerissa
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Nerissa
R eading the email again my eyes well with tears. I blink them away in disbelief and read it once more. It can’t be. This can’t be happening. Is this some kind of sick joke?
It’s Sunday morning and the last thing I expected when I opened my emails was to find a very curt and formal message from the law firm notifying me I am fired before I even started.
“Due to unforeseen circumstances—” I huff, my throat is tight as a big lump sits there and I can no longer hold back the tears. “We have decided to go in a different direction.” I slam the laptop closed. I can’t read another word.
I cry like a child who has been told they can’t get a puppy when it’s all they have been dreaming of. I can’t stop crying so I push my laptop away from myself and flop face down onto my bed, burying my face into my pillow so that my neighbors don’t hear my heavy sobs through the thin walls.
The universe must hate me to taunt me with something so amazing and then snatch it away.
Their email doesn’t even make sense. None of this makes sense. It was all set in stone. I thought it was a done deal.
I shake my head, nuzzling my face harder against the pillow as tears continue to soak into the fabric.
I cry for over an hour and then pass out from exhaustion. When I wake up, just for a moment, I pretend it was a nightmare. But my swollen, burning eyes are all the proof I need. I sit up, sighing and wondering what to do with myself. I’m numb and empty. It’s as if my future has been ripped out from beneath my feet.
Well, there is no point in lying around in bed all day feeling sorry for myself. I should message Hayley and ask her to go for coffee with me.
I pick up my phone and stare at it.
I’m too embarrassed to tell her what’s happened. I feel like such a failure.
After I’ve had a cup of tea, I’ll figure out what to do.
Focusing on each small step in making the tea I lose myself in the task and for a few minutes I feel a little lighter.
I carry the tea to the chair and sit looking out of the small window to the street down below where people are going about their day as though it was the most normal Sunday in the world.
I should get out there and go for a walk or something. Staying inside here is only going to make me feel worse. But the thought of getting dressed and doing something so normal makes me cry again.
My phone chimes and I sigh. I guess I was going to face Hayley at some point.
But the message is from Tuomo.
Tuomo: Hi, little bird. Good luck for tomorrow. I’ll see you after for the celebrations?
I chew at my lip, knowing I’m playing with fire.
Me: There won’t be any celebrations. More like drowning my sorrows.
Tuomo: Why? What’s going on?
Me: They went in another direction. I don’t have a job anymore. I’m kind of heartbroken about it.
Tuomo: I’m coming to fetch you right now. We can have ice-cream on the beach, and you can forget those assholes who don’t deserve you.
I should say no. I should call Hayley instead. But somehow, I don’t care if I’m making a mistake or not.
Me: I’ll get ready.
I’ve been thinking about this guy every day since I snuck out of his room. When I see his name on my phone, it makes my heartbeat so fast, I get dizzy. And right now, I deserve a little distraction from this horrible day.
Rushing around my apartment I pull on a pair of skinny high wasted jeans and a crop top along with my colorful sneakers. Grabbing a jacket, I shove my phone into the pocket and then rush out of the door. The excitement and thrill of seeing Tuomo again has made me forget about that stupid email. It’s exactly what I needed.
A s I walk out onto the street outside my apartment Tuomo pulls up. He climbs out of the car and walks around to my side to open the door. When I step close to climb inside, he grabs me and kisses me. I giggle and blush. His smile is full of mischief and his eyes are soothing to me.
He drives us through the city with the windows down and the music turned up loud. His hand is on my thigh, and it’s so normal - it feels fantastic. It’s a beautiful day and the hot summery air pushes into the car making my skin glow. I float my hand out of the window, dancing it on the breeze and letting my thoughts slip away in the wind.
Tuomo parks along the promenade. A long strip of walkway that wraps around the edge of the ocean separating the city from the water. We climb out and as soon as he is next to me, he slips his hand into mine.
We get ice cream in a waffle cone with a chocolate hidden inside. We walk along the edge of the ocean, listening to the waves and laughing about people, making up stories about what they might be talking about and who they are.
Tuomo makes me laugh with his imaginative thoughts and the characters he creates.
I’m having so much fun it scares me.
I haven’t laughed this much in ages. I haven’t felt this good around someone - ever.
“Will you let me take you on another date?” he asks as we stand leaning against the railing near the edge of the promenade. High tide waves are crashing against the wall beneath us and the spray is shooting up in a salty mist and covering my skin. I love the smell of the ocean.
He turns towards me, leaning his hip against the railing. “Little bird?” he says, forcing my attention onto him so that I have to answer his question.
I sigh and squeeze my eyes tight for a second, then nod. “Yes.” I blurt out. Surprising myself because I was dead set on not seeing him again.
Today was - it was a decision made in a moment of weakness. I was down, and I agreed to see him. But it’s been too much fun, and I can’t be having fun with a guy like Tuomo.
“Yes.” He chuckles, grabbing my jaw and pressing his lips against mine.
His tongue tastes of vanilla and chocolate and his lips taste salty from the ocean spray.
He slips his arms around my waist and holds me tight as though I am with him.
I lean into him, standing on my tip toes to deepen the kiss. Flashes of the other night taunt my mind. My heart races.
Why does he feel so right for me?
I push away from him, my hands against his solid chest.
“I - I should get back home.”
“Are you sure? We can get a bite to eat if you like?”
“I need to send my resume out to other law firms.” I say, hit by the pang of sadness again. I really wanted that job. But if I can’t have it, I will keep trying. I’ll find something else. There are several law firms in this city, and I will apply to every single one of them if I have to.
“Alright, little bird. I understand. But keep Wednesday night open. I’ve planned something very special for us. A night you always remember.” He kisses me again, a soft, tender kiss. Then he takes my hand, and we walk back towards his car.
My thoughts are full of warnings, red-flags, and concern about how quickly I am becoming entangled with him. When my head is cleared, I’ll cancel our date. Over text it will be easier than face-to-face. When he looks at me with those dark eyes, I can’t seem to say no to him.
I’ll pull myself together, and tomorrow, I’ll send him a really polite cancellation.
Monday morning rushes by so fast I can’t believe it when I look at the time and see it’s three o’clock. I haven’t eaten yet, I haven’t checked my phone in hours - but I have sent my resume out to five law firms with a great covering letter tailored to each one depending on the position I am applying for.
It will take a few days, even a week, for them to get back to me - but it’s done, and I’m optimistic about it.
I’m too tired to think, I still need to message Tuomo and cancel our date, but I am going to leave it till tomorrow. He’s going to be annoyed if I do it now, or wait. But at least tomorrow I’ll be able to deal with it better.
I stand up and stretch my arms above my head. Sitting for so long is bad for me. My body aches. I should grab my yoga mat and go down to the park for a bit. That will help me clear my head.
My laptop chimes, indicating I have received an email.
I open it, expecting a generic ‘thank you for your email, we will get back to you’ vibe. But as I scan it flop back down into the chair.
It’s a decline.
Straight away.
How could they even have had time to go through my information? Did they read the covering letter? Another email comes in - another decline. My heart sinks.
What is going on?
By Tuesday morning every single application has been declined and none of them have given me a logical reason. I feel like my life is falling apart and I don’t even understand why. What did I do wrong?
When Tuomo messages me to confirm our date, I reply yes.
I need the distraction.