20. Nerissa
CHAPTER TWENTY
Nerissa
W aking up on a yacht is an unfamiliar experience for me. The ocean is rocking us and while some people find it horrible, I find it really soothing.
I slept so deeply and don’t even remember dreaming. Of course, that could have been because Tuomo exhausted me before he wrapped his arms around me and covered me in the blanket. I was too tired to think, and I fell asleep almost instantly.
He is already awake and watching me when I blink my eyes open.
“Hi, beautiful.” He says in a deep, husky morning voice.
“Morning.” I say, self-consciously brushing my hand across my face and wondering how bad I look. My make up must be smudged across my eyes and my hair will be full of knots and standing up in all directions. But Tuomo is still looking at me as though I am the most gorgeous girl on the planet.
“I’ve messaged the chef and told him he can prepare breakfast.” He says, leaning down and kissing me.
Dammit.
I can’t believe this happened again.
I am so bad at staying away from him and even worse at not ending up in his bed.
I don’t know what it is about him, but I lose all control and become weak when I’m near him. He makes me feel so safe and so comfortable that I seem to stop using my brain all together.
After a lazy, slow breakfast the yacht takes us back to shore and Tuomo drops me at home.
As soon as I am alone, the pang of worry and guilt gets stronger.
I am playing dangerous games and I’m going to end up really hurt or in some kind of trouble.
But when I’m with Tuomo, he’s the perfect guy, and he makes me feel amazing. He isn’t the perfect guy though. He’s dangerous. He’s not someone you mess with and not someone I should be falling for.
But that’s ridiculous. I’m not falling for him.
I’m just - enjoying a little fun.
My stomach churns as I climb the stairs up to my apartment.
I push the door open and walk inside.
I remember the night of my birthday. How terrified I was when he pinned me against the bed, how I thought he was here to kill me. It seems like a distant nightmare now. As though I imagined it. Or, like it happened, but I made it seem worse in my mind than it really was.
No. I shake my head, sitting down on the edge of my bed and fidgeting my hands in my lap. I didn’t imagine it. Tuomo has that side to him. It could come out at any moment, and I should never ever forget about it - even when he seems so perfect.
He isn’t.
My phone chimes and I slide the screen to open the message.
Tuomo: I miss you already. I can’t wait to see you again. Can I fetch you tomorrow for a picnic in the park?
Smiling at his message.
Shit.
This is so bad.
I think I need to spend some time with other friends. I should call Hayley. She doesn’t even know I haven’t started work yet, or that I got declined at all the other jobs, because I’ve ignored her last few messages, just replying sorry, I’m really busy, will chat soon . And I only wrote that because if I said nothing at all she would come and bash my door down because she’d think I’d died alone on the floor of my apartment.
It’s not fair of me to keep all of this from her. She’s been there for me through everything for the past few years. We are really close.
I should tell her what’s going on.
“What am I doing?” I huff, flopping backwards onto my bed.
I sit up again, my head is too busy, and I need to clear it. I never got around to doing yoga in the park. I stand up and wiggle out of the clothes I am wearing and search my closet for my gym tights and crop top. Dressed, I grab my yoga mat and a bottle of water. Purposefully leaving my phone behind because I need space to think and I can’t do that if Tuomo keeps messaging me, I leave the apartment and start walking towards the park.
It’s another beautiful day, even though the sun is not as bright as it was yesterday, the soft layer of gray clouds is peaceful and eases the heat away a bit.
I love summer, but what I really love is over Christmas when it snows. I’ve always wanted to cuddle someone special as we sat by a massive fireplace and sipped hot chocolate together.
I also want to do other, sexier things in front of a fireplace. I grin to myself, picture Tuomo and the magical things he did with his mouth last night.
Then I roll my eyes and get annoyed with myself and the woman walking towards me throws me a weird look. She thought I was rolling my eyes at her. I should really pay attention to what my face is doing. It’s hard to hide your emotions when you paint them all over your face.
I smile at her, but it’s too late. She’s already offended. She snubs her nose at me and walks faster, passing me with a huff.
The rest of the walk to the park I ignore my thoughts and pay attention to the here and now. Live in the moment. It’s the best way to ease anxiety or worry that’s bothering you.
I watch the people and listen to all the sounds of the city.
There are a couple of people doing yoga in the park already. It’s popular here, near the pond. Even with kids running back and forth, screaming, and laughing, it’s easy to relax and zone out.
However, every single position I get into makes me think of Tuomo.
I keep picturing him folding me this way and that way and bending me over just like this. It’s driving me crazy and making me so horny I can’t focus on my breathing.
I push through the entire sequence which lasts forty-five minutes, but it’s messy and my breathing is off, and it makes me more flustered than anything else.
At the end of it I just lie on my back staring at the sky and the tops of the trees moving in the wind.
I’m hopeless.
The next day Tuomo takes me out again.
And then day after that.
And every day that I spend with him makes it easier to forget the dangers and pretend that he is the perfect man for me.
One night, walking along the waterfront with the city lights shining in across the water he takes my hand and stops me. I turn to face him, and he pulls me close to his chest, wrapping his arms around me.
“Little bird.” His deep voice rumbles against my chest. I stare up into his dark chocolate eyes.
“Mm?” I say, looking at his lips, wanting to kiss him again.
“I want you to know how much you mean to me. The time we spend together - it’s not just casual fun to me. It’s really special. I appreciate every moment with you.”
I shift nervously against him.
I love it when he speaks like this. I love hearing his heart and he seems to wear it on his sleeve when he is around me. It’s so mature that he can speak about his emotions openly.
But it makes me nervous too because I am scared to tell him how I feel.
I am scared to admit to myself how I’ve fallen for him.
“You don’t have to say anything, little bird.” He smiles. “You don’t have to be ready for anything. I just want you to know how special you are.”
I shake my head, lowering my eyes because I’m nervous.
“You are really special to me too, Tuomo.” I whisper.
He puts his finger beneath my chin and lifts my face up towards his.
“I didn’t hear you.” His voice is mesmerizing.
“You are really special to me.” I repeat, staring right into his eyes, drowning in them, being pulled so deep into him I don’t know if I will ever be able to make my way out again.
He leans forward and presses his lips against mine.
His tongue slips into my mouth as we kiss.
I can’t help it. No matter what I do to stop it from happening my heart is making its own choices about him.
And now I accept the truth.
I’m, stupidly, falling for him.