Chapter 9
Three weeks later
I was back to being a total disappointment.
I woke up to my brother, Salem, shouting my name, shaking my shoulder, and wearing a frustrated expression. Last night was the first time I had partied in weeks, and all I wanted was to sleep it off.
"Stoppp," I moaned, pushing him away and turning over.
"No. I won't. You need to get up. You need to get in the house and get dressed. You're coming to work with me."
"No, I'm not, Salem."
I realized I was in my car, and I sat up. "I'll go inside and finish sleeping in there."
"No, Sadie, you're coming with me. I've already talked to Phillip about it. I'm taking you back on that job at the golf course."
"Salem, I went to work with you yesterday."
"Yeah you did, Sadie, but then Mom woke up this morning and found you sleeping in your car with a note on your chest. She's going to start charging you rent for that apartment."
"Why? "
"Because you're obviously not saving your money like you say you are."
"Yes, I am. I spent no money last night, Salem. People paid for all my stuff."
"Oh, that makes me feel a lot better," he said sarcastically.
"What did the note say?"
"It was to you. It said that they would've brought you inside but they were worried about setting off alarms. It doesn't matter. The note has nothing to do with this. You were doing so good, Sadie. You had stopped all this crap for like a whole month."
"This is nothing, Salem. This isn't crap. It was late when I came home, and I fell asleep, that's all. Where's my, have you seen my, oh, never mind, there it is. My camera. I was looking for…" I said all of that, mumbling as I got out of my car and stood up. He had the door open, making me feel compelled to get out. My head was spinning. I knew I was out at 3am because we had been at Waffle House at that time. It was a bit hazy after that.
"I love you Salem, but I'm not going to work. I did that yesterday. I’m going to bed."
"Mom and Dad said you have to come with me or you have to start paying rent."
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
"I'll just move out of the apartment and take my old bedroom."
"That's not an option. "
"They said that?"
"Yes. Mom has her craft stuff in there. You need to get dressed. You're going to be sanding."
"Are you serious right now, Salem?"
"Very serious," he said with a straight face. "You have five minutes. I'll be in the truck."
"I need a shower," I said.
He shrugged. "Whatever you can do in five minutes."
He was not budging on this, and I knew there was nothing I could do. He was upset beyond the point of reason.
I went inside and changed. My head was pounding and everything was pulsing like I was in a dream. I had forgotten my earplugs last night, and my ears were ringing. I had enough sense to secure my cameras in my apartment and grab my things. I put my hair in a ponytail and changed into shorts and a t-shirt before going back outside to meet my brother. I was mad at him for this, but I knew there was no getting around it.
I wore dark sunglasses and kept my eyes half open, going through the motions and quietly doing whatever my brother told me to do. I worked for four hours that morning before we left the jobsite to get something to eat.
"You're buying me lunch," he said in the truck.
It was the first thing he said to me besides bossing me around on the job site, and I let out a frustrated laugh .
"What's so funny? I wasn't joking. It's the least you can do."
"What's that supposed to mean? I didn't do anything to you, Salem."
"Yes, you did. You went out last night and got blitzed enough to end up in Mom's driveway with a note. Phillip and I bailed you out big time last month, Sadie, and this is our thanks? Just right back to where you used to be with those freak sunglasses?"
"What do you mean where I used to be? You say that like I have some kind of problem. I'm not a junkie, Salem. I just go out and party on the weekends. That's what everybody does. That's a normal thing for college students to do. You guys work to an insane level, and that's fine for you, but you don't need to expect me to be just like you. I work. I have a job. I go to school. I have a life. Who cares if I party on the weekends?"
"Mom cares. She's not having it. She said if it happens again you're paying rent. She doesn't even know all we got you out of last month. How can you go through all that and then end up sleeping in your car? It's thirty feet from your bed, and you couldn’t even get yourself there."
"You don't know what normal people do. It's not bad for me to party with my friends on the weekends. Especially when I do work at the same time. I keep up with a life and school. You guys are too hard on me. "
"You were doing so good after the accident, Sadie. You were happy."
"It wasn't that I was happy. I was just maybe up a little earlier in the morning. That's when I thought I might start babysitting for that little boy."
"Why aren't you?"
"I don't know. He never called me back."
"If it helps you to work with kids, you should think about doing that. Maybe you could switch your major to teaching, or start taking photographs of kids."
I let out a humorless laugh. "I'm not doing that. I took these photos of that little boy and heard nothing. I edited and printed them. It's the first time I've ever done that for someone, and nothing. Not so much as a thank you."
"Are you saying you took pictures of that little Kennedy boy? The one you babysat? You did a photo shoot of him?"
"Yes, and then I edited the photos and had them printed. I loved them, and I liked that little boy. I went to a lot of trouble, and then I gave them to him a week ago, and nothing. Like I said, not so much as a thank you."
"Maybe he didn't get them. Maybe you didn't send them to the right place."
"I have his address. I dropped them off myself."
"I don't know what to tell you, Sadie. Just because one person doesn't react a certain way to your photographs doesn't mean you should give up. "
"I'm not giving up on photography," I assured him. "I'm just not interested in taking pictures of little kids."
"Is it because they weren't thankful? You can't base your decisions on stuff like that. People fail. All that matters is how you felt about the pictures. Did you have fun taking them? Did you think they came out good?"
"Yes, but I was just having fun with that little boy in general."
"And what happened?"
"I don't know what happened. He just never called me back. I didn't think I did anything wrong other than dreaming about him one time, I mean, I fell asleep on the job a little bit."
"See, Sadie, you can't do that, especially with them."
"No, it was fine. At least I thought it was."
"It probably wasn't. I'm sure that's why he didn't call back. You have to get normal rest and work normal business hours. You have to stop staying out all night. You're not going to find anything but trouble in the middle of the night. You slept in the driveway. You look like crap right now."
"Thanks, Salem. That's because you drug me to work after three hours of sleep."
"I made you come out here because I love you. You can't keep ending up in situations that have you sleeping in the driveway, Sadie. It's no wonder that guy didn't call you. That's how his wife died—drunk driving. His mom told us she had all sorts of drug problems."
We were silent for a long time after he said that. I already felt bad for my decisions last night. I didn't need to be reminded of how horrible I was.
"I knew his wife was in an accident, but until now, I didn't know any details."
"She got pregnant before they got married," he said.
"He told me that."
"His mom said he's trying to do better for the kid."
"Yeah, well I don't have anything to do with them, anyway."
"You seem like you're disappointed with that. I really think you should think about working with kids. I think it might be good for you. Phillip and Addie will be having babies soon enough. You need to think about becoming an aunt."
"Salem, you're being too serious about all this. I don't need to change my major. I went out and had some fun last night with my friends. That's pretty normal for a college student. I feel like that's a perfectly healthy thing for me to do. I even worked while I was there. I probably have a thousand dollars in photos on my cameras right now."
"Okay, whatever you think," he said, still sounding a little uncertain.
"So, does that mean you're letting me go home? "
"I was planning on taking you home after lunch, anyway. I'm heading home, too. I'll finish on Monday."
We went for fast food from a chicken finger restaurant and we ate in the truck on the way back to our mom and dad's.
"So, can we agree that you'll try to make it back to your bed next time?" he asked me when we got close.
"Yes."
"And maybe before 5am? Maybe two? Do you think that's reasonable?"
"Why a curfew? I’m twenty-two years old."
"It's just a reasonable life choice. I'm telling you that as your older brother."
"I mean, I'll take it into consideration."
"Mom definitely doesn't want you out that late."
"I'm going to get my own place soon, anyway. I've already been talking about it and saving up." Even as I said it, I knew I was just being stubborn. Salem was looking out for me, and deep down, I was thankful for it.
"It's not about that, Sadie. It's for your own good."
"I-I mean I see what you're saying, but some of my best pictures happen in the wee hours of morning. The time of night is not an issue. Doctors and nurses do it all the time."
"Okay," he said, relenting but sounding uncertain .
"How are you such a rule-follower?" I asked.
"I don't want you at raves," he said. "Those things are stupid. That doesn't mean I'm a rule-follower."
I smiled and shook my head at him, but deep down, I felt like he might be right. I knew I regretted partying last night. I knew I didn't feel good about myself, regardless of what my family thought. But I had been trying to justify it all morning—to him and to myself. Salem was right, though, and I knew it. I had been proud of myself during the last three weeks, and my life was better in general for hanging up all that stuff.
Last night wasn't even that fun. It honestly wasn't fun at all. Some dude was watching me and trying to get close to me, and I spent most of the night avoiding him.
Salem might've been right, but I just didn't want to hear it from him. It was humiliating that other people would be giving me a hard time about my life. I was sweaty and nasty, and I didn't want to be lectured.
I had soul-searching to do.
It was understandable that I was disappointed about being rejected as a babysitter, but John-Michael had his reasons. Those reasons were more than likely why he didn't call me back. All this time, I had been worried that I had kissed him and that was the real reason. I didn't know which was worse. Both were rejection .
I spent that whole day feeling bad and repenting for what I had done the night before.
That very same night, John-Michael called me.