22. Leora
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Leora
H awaii is such a beautiful place. And I am doing my best to stay busy every day. I’ve been on two diving lessons, and a sunset trip to the reef. But I feel empty and lonely.
The hotel staff are really sweet, and the other guests are friendly.
I’ve made a few friends, but I am sort of keeping to myself because I need to think.
Have another diving lesson after breakfast today. I’m not even hungry.
I should eat - but instead I am walking along the beach.
The sand feels good between my toes. It’s warm and soft. I stay near the edge of the water and when the waves splash up onto the shore they wrap around my ankles and caress me.
“Leora.” I hear a cheerful voice call my name from a little way behind me.
I turn to see Daniel running up towards me.
“Hey, Dan. How are you this morning?” I smile.
I met him on my second night here. He’s here for his brother’s wedding and we were at the bar having sundowners at the same time. He’s really sweet. Very flirty. But I don’t flirt back. I’m here to clear my head, not to make things more complicated.
Having a friend to talk to is nice though.
“I was calling you for a while.” He chuckles as he reaches me.
“Sorry, deep in thought over here.”
“Yeah, this place does that to you. It’s so beautiful. Listen - I took your advice and I’m going for a diving lesson this morning. There is a group going out with Tony at eleven—”
“Oh, I’m part of that group.” I point to them with a laugh.
“Really? Are you serious? Well, I guess that makes this my lucky day doesn’t it.”
I grin up at him as he stands there watching me. His eyes are bright and happy. His entire aura is relaxed and welcoming.
He’s an awesome guy. In another life I guess I could have fallen for someone like him. Tall, dark hair, dark brown eyes - a damn fine build -
But not in this life.
In this life I got cursed. I got to fall in love with and marry a man doesn’t want me.
“Well, then I guess I will see you there. It’s my third lesson. Tony is an excellent teacher. I was nervous at first, but he makes it easy.”
“Awesome. Ok. I’ll leave you to the rest of your walk. See you later beautiful girl.”
“See you later Dan.”
He makes my heart feel happy. But not in that love kind of way.
I turn my attention back to the sand, the sun and the bright blue sky scattered with white clouds.
As I walk, I compare Masaccio to Daniel. There is no competition. My heart, as stupid as it is, is with Masaccio. Whether I like it or not.
He’s just - he’s -
I sigh.
I need to let it go. Dammit.
I’m just hurting myself.
By the time I get back home I have to be in a different frame of mind. One where I don’t mind if he doesn’t care about me. One where I can live in the same house as him and not be tormented day in and day out by my stupid emotions.
I walk a little further along the beach and then turn back.
I’ll just enjoy my dive this morning and figure it out as I go along.
I have another four days in paradise. Then it’s back to my life - whatever that means.
The crystal-clear ocean water splashes against the side of the boat.
Dan and his friend from the wedding group and laughing and joking as they sort out their goggles and diving gear.
We don’t need wetsuits as it’s not cold enough, and we are diving with small handheld tanks because it’s just a beginner’s course.
I pull my goggles down over my face and sit on the edge of the boat, ready to jump in.
Tony shouts. “Every one ready?” Then without waiting for our reply he leaps off the boat and splashes into the water.
I jump in straight away.
I love this. I never knew I could feel this connected to the ocean. The salt seems to soak into my skin and improve my mood the second I submerge.
It’s a different world under the water. One where I can escape the heart ache of love.
Daniel swims over to me, always with that massive smile on his face.
We’ve been diving for about thirty minutes so far.
He’s a natural.
“This is incredible. Thanks so much for recommending it.” He says, lifting his goggles to wipe the fog off the inside.
“I know. I think I am going to dive every day until I leave.”
“Well, I’d love to join—”
“Shark.” Someone in the group screams.
Tony already warned us the reef sharks might make an appearance. I was really horrified when he said that, but he assured us repeatedly that all we have to do is stay calm.
That person scream - is not calm.
Dan swims closer to me and wraps his arm around my waist.
“Don’t worry. I’ll stay with you. Let’s head back to the boat.”
For a second, I’m frozen.
Fear gripping every cell in my body. But Tony’s reassurance loops in my head.
I shake my head. “I don’t want to get out.” I grin.
Dan looks at me as though I’ve lost my mind. I take a deep breath and dive under, swimming towards Tony and the rest of the group, looking for the shark.
The first shark I see is a young reef shark. Only about a meter long. And it is magnificent.
Yes, it’s terrifying. Just the idea of being in the water with a shark is terrifying. But the longer I stay and watch it - the more beautiful it becomes.
And there isn’t just one. There are about six of them.
I do as Tony instructs. I don’t kick or splash too much and if it swims near me, I remain controlled, facing it.
And I love every second of this dive.
By the time we are back on the boat I realize that this is the experience that shows me my true strength. The fact that I can be brave and strong and stay in control of my emotions no matter what happens.
After my week in Hawaii is over and I have to go home to Masaccio - I will treat him like that shark.
Beautiful and dangerous - something incredible to look at - but not something I should turn my back on. Or let my guard down around. I won’t kick or splash or draw attention to myself, but I will be watching and cautious at all times, that is how I will keep my heart safe.
I cannot allow myself to fall in love with him again. Or admit to it and let my heart feel it.
I will treat him like that shark, and I will stay in control around him.
That night, still on an adrenalin high from our experience with the sharks, the entire dive team meets at the local beach bar for cocktails and sundowners.
We are dancing and having fun, but my heart is still heavy. I do my best to push it aside. I hate the fact that I miss him.
I hate the fact that even in such a beautiful place I can’t stop thinking about him.
But it is what it is, and I will get over it.
Daniel grabs my arm and pulls me to the dance floor. I follow him, already thinking of excuses to leave.
I don’t really want to dance, but I notice the rest of my friends from the dive this morning are dancing, so I follow him and make sure to stand with everyone - not just him.
I should allow myself time to relax and make the most of this holiday. This experience is about me finding myself and healing my heart. That’s what I came here for and that is all that matters.
All of us are chatting and enjoying the music and Daniel is being flirty, but not overly annoying about it. I just play it cool and polite with him.