29. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
I don’t need to search for a reason to wake up this morning because I never went to sleep in the first place. I couldn’t. My mind wouldn’t let me. And even though I cried like a baby for I have no idea how long, nothing has ever felt so right.
Jesse…
Fuck, he was just… perfect.
A goddamn angel with green eyes and long hair.
No one has ever just known what I needed without being told like he did. And quite honestly, I’m terrified by how complacent that could make me.
My intention had only been to try to smooth things over, but the second he opened the door and I saw his concern for me already so deeply carved into his expression, I caved. I needed his arms around me. I needed him to tell me again that he didn’t care about my past, and that he still wanted me.
Just as I am.
Just right for him.
My obsession is justified, and fuck everyone back home who called me gay like there’s something wrong with that.
I’m strong.
I’m smart.
I have friends.
And I’m chest-deep in a person willing to accept me as I come. So what if they’re a man?
I don’t care.
I never really did, but that’s the problem with demons. They never leave you alone. Even when things are good, they’ll sneak up on you, split the road ahead of you in two, and push you toward the easy option. Which is always the one where you hurt others instead of yourself. And that’s why I’m so thankful for Jesse’s persistence. He ran after me, showed me a different way, and let me stay half a step ahead.
I just hope it can last.
I need it too…
I hear Jesse’s door open and jump from my bed, race to my door, and casually step out.
“Are you stalking me already?” I ask with a prominent rasp to my voice. One that I’m proud to say comes from Jesse’s fingernails scratching my tonsils.
“Please,” he huffs. “I know you were waiting at your door for me to come out.”
“I won’t admit to anything,” I shrug with a smug grin and fall into step beside him. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yeah, I did, actually. You?”
“I never sleep well. But if I did, I’d lose these.” I point to the dark circles beneath my eyes.
“Then I probably shouldn’t tell you how sexy I think they are.”
“Why’s that?” I nudge him with my elbow.
“Because then you won’t ever try to get some sleep.”
“I can think of a couple of ways you could wear me out.”
Wrapping his lips around his teeth and biting down, Jesse presses for the elevator and turns his back to me.
“You’re not gonna start ignoring me already, are you?” I put my hands in my pockets and lean my chin on his shoulder.
“I’m gonna have to if I ever plan on getting anything done without a constant erection.”
He does have a point.
The pair of us working together is really fucking bad as far as productivity goes, but it’s a struggle I’m willing to endure.
“You look like you slept in your uniform, by the way,” I tell him as I walk backward into the open elevator. He stares at me with a look that could kill, but it only makes me laugh. “Don’t you dare think about blaming me. You’re the one who lives like a slob.”
“But you’re the one who threw them on the floor.” He tries to argue with me.
“There are twenty-four hours in a day, Jesse. You had plenty of time to pick them up.”
“But I was in a post nut coma,” he pouts, turning towards me and staring deeply like he’s reliving the play-by-play in real time.
“Now who’s teasing who?”
With a cheeky shrug, he turns back away from me and leaves the elevator.
In the kitchen, several people attempt to ask me about my face, but they all sound like the teacher from Peanuts. ‘Wha wha wha’ is all I hear because the only thing I can focus on is how I never noticed before that I can see the slightest outline of Jesse’s ribs through his shirt when it’s stretched over his sides.
I like how slim he is. Which is weird, because I hate it in women. But with Jesse, he’s smaller than me. His body is still defined, but lithe. Not overly threatening, yet still strong. And I have the bruise to prove it.
With a smile, he hands me the coffee he prepared, and without so much as a nod goodbye to the person talking to the side of my head, I follow him like a moth drawn to a flame, discovering more things about him by the second that my eyes had never been clear enough to see. Like how when he sniffles, he rubs his lips together afterward. How, without his tie to cover it, you can see some of the sparse blond hairs on his chest when he takes a deep breath. Or how when we head outside, he switches his coffee from his hand closest to me to the outside one and moves closer to my side.
“Do you wanna hold my hand?” I ask smugly.
“No!” he blurts out, embarrassed at being caught.
“I don’t believe you,” I tell him as his chin lowers ever so slightly. So, forty percent for him and sixty percent for my own self indulgence, I run the back of my hand across his and start by hooking our pinkies together, then wrap my hand around his until our fingers intertwine.
I don’t need to look at him to know he’s smiling, because I am too. Just like I know that holding my hand isn’t giving him nearly enough of what he needs.
“You really should learn to tie this yourself.” I torment him once we reach the back door of the hotel.
Assuming the position like it’s a pre-scripted role play, Jesse takes my coffee and watches as I step as close to him as physically possible whilst still being able to tie his tie.
“You’re the one who undid it, remember?” His words beat against my neck.
“Would you have rathered we left our clothes on?” I rebut—trying to keep a straight face.
“Would you?”
“Right now, I wanna tear this crinkled uniform off you and lick your entire body.”
“You think you can wait eight hours?”
“Maybe.” I tug the knot tight, look him dead in the eye, and indulge myself.
Crashing my lips against his with no regard for time or place, I grab his hips and force him against the wall. With a coffee in each hand, Jesse allows himself to be submissive. Pinned down and defenseless. Just like he thinks I want.
The back door opens, but I ignore it.
I know we’re not alone, but I don’t care who sees.
“You’re lucky there’s no camera back here.”
Jesse tries to get away, but I hold him in place.
“You always have been a dirty pervert, Wade.” I look at him proudly, and so damn satisfied that I can claim what I know he wants right in front of him.
“Need a third?” he asks boldly—pushing my boundaries and letting the back door close behind him.
“Maybe.” I shrug nonchalantly. “But I’ve got someone else in mind.”
“Guess my gaydar isn’t as honed as it used to be.” He’s spiteful, though it doesn’t stop him moving closer.
“We’re not gay,” Jesse retorts.
“And what do you call this, then?” He waves his hand, gesturing to our still connected bodies.
“Experimentation. What the fuck are you doing out here, anyway?”
“It’s five after, and Celeste is pissed. You’re just lucky I’m the one who caught you or the whole resort would know by this afternoon,” he spits like just saying the words hurt his ego.
Jesse sighs with relief, and I can’t say it doesn’t hurt.
Stepping back from him, I turn to face Wade head on. For a few seconds he holds my gaze, but his cock-hungry eyes double cross him when they focus on my pants. Unashamedly, he stares, looks at Jesse’s crotch, and slumps sideways against the wall. “Fuck me. I know what I’m gonna be thinking about before I go to sleep.”
“They aren’t gonna go down if you keep staring.”
Wade swallows thickly, drops his act, and points comically between our dicks. “Look, I’ll give you three minutes to get those monsters under control, then I send Celeste out here.”
“Are you embarrassed by us?” I ask Jesse when Wade is gone.
“Is there even an ‘us’?”
That’s not the point I’m trying to make here, Jesse. “Don’t we like each other?”
“Didn’t you and Cleo like each other? You and Alma? How about any of the other girls you fucked more than once?”
My face screws up as I look at him because he has a point. And how dare he use my promiscuity against me when I’m trying to call him out?
“Yeah. I liked them,” I agree.
He looks at me; so?
“This feels different,” I admit—far more annoyed than I think I should be.
“Even after a couple of weeks?”
“What can I say? I guess it doesn’t take long when it feels right.”
“So what’s the problem, then?” he almost snaps at me.
“My problem is that you seem a little too concerned about people finding out.”
“I’m not ashamed,” he insists. “I wouldn’t have kissed you the first time if I were. But this—” He points his finger between us. “Whatever it is, it’s less than twenty-four hours old. And you have to let me be the one to tell Romeo and Saxon.”
I dip my head to the side, raise my eyebrows, and smile. Because I might just be as big of a fan of him being stubborn as I am of him being flustered.
“Fine,” I say—gesturing towards the door. “Mom’s the word until you tell them. But I refuse to keep my hands to myself.”
“Little Jess just went down. You don’t wanna wake him up again.”
I look back over my shoulder. “There’s nothing little about him.”
“Thank god that’s over,” Jesse sighs, slumping forward on the desk.
“Don’t do that.” I bite my knuckle. “You’re giving me ideas.”
“Well, get that out of your head. I’m not a bottom.”
Like a punch in the guts, my diaphragm cramps, and I feel like I can’t draw enough breath into my lungs. “You might have to learn to be.”
“No chance.” He turns to face me. “I’ve been getting my dick wet for eight years. I don’t plan on being on the receiving end.”
“My mouth’s wet.”
With a burdened gulp, Jesse’s argument stumbles when he looks at my lips.
I shouldn’t poke my tongue into the side of my cheek and grin before letting the tip slip to push into the corner of my lips, but I do. I need him to break. Stubborn Jesse is sexy, but immovable brick wall Jesse won’t do either of us any favors.
Ripping his eyes away, he grabs his phone from the drawer and leans his hips on the counter in an attempt to conceal the effect I’ve had on him.
Pressing my chest against his back, I trace my hands along his belt, dig my thumbs into his waistband, and use it as leverage to grind myself against his ass. “You’re so sexy when you tie your hair back… And when you’re trying to hide how turned on you are.”
“How is this helping anything?” He exhales, tilting his hips backward against me as his head falls to the side.
“It’s not.”
“Then why?”
I know why. I fully understand the sweet agony of being tortured like this. I mean, I’m doing it to myself as well. But I need to keep him this way. I can’t let him slip through my fingers when I’ve only just secured him. “Why not?”
“Cause… Saxon wants you to come for drinks again tonight,” he says eventually, changing the subject. “I think he’s trying to steal you from me.”
“I didn’t think he knew about us.”
“He doesn’t. He just sees that you pay me more attention, and in his own special way, is threatened by it… You gonna come?”
“I told you I won’t keep my hands to myself. So if you’re willing to risk it, you won’t be able to keep me away.”
Dragging my hands back to Jesse’s sides, I run them firmly up from his waist. My fingers bump over his ribs until I’m rubbing his chest, and I can feel his nipples harden.
“As much as I hate to admit that I’m loving this just as much as you are, Esther is bound to barge through that door at any second.” Stepping back, my chest is instantly cold and aching for Jesse’s touch. Slumping into the blind, I grunt in frustration and have to reach into my khakis to adjust myself.
Bravely, he looks back at me, and I can see in an instant he regrets it.
“My balls are gonna be blue by the time I get to have my way with you again.” Stilling my hand, I leave it down my pants. “You look like you wanna help.”
“You’re your own worst enemy,” Jesse huffs with a sassy scowl and whips his head back around to look at his phone.
From where I’m standing, I can see him scrolling through pictures of broken bones on Google images, and I creep closer to take advantage of the boner-killing material.
“And I’m not your sub either, by the way.” Jesse puts down his phone. “I’m not your thing to use whenever you feel like it.”
“Are you saying you don’t like that I want you so bad?”
“Why would I hate it? Of course, I want the person I like to want to fuck me. I’m just used to that meaning I also get to fuck them.”
Anxiety percolates up from my toes and into the pit in my stomach where all my worst thoughts originate. I know his words are rational. Nothing about them is innately unreasonable, but—“You understand why it’s not something I can do, right?”
Jesse nods but doesn’t look at me, and the unease pushes up into my chest.
I know it’s not a fair thing to expect him to take on a role he isn’t comfortable with, but—simply put—he hasn’t been through what I have. He hasn’t been held down and forced to withstand probably the worst thing a person can be forced to endure and still live to talk about. To remember it, every fucking day of his life, and wish that the cowards would have just bashed his head in with a baseball bat instead.
“Hey!” Jesse says sharply—spinning around before moving past me to lean in the corner with his arms crossed
“What?” I look at him dubiously. “Though you do look cute when you’re pissed.”
“I’m not pissed. Just curious,” he responds in a brighter tone.
“About what?” I lean on the wall beside him and copy his stance.
“Earlier, when Wade offered himself as a third, you said you had someone else in mind.”
Pretending to gloat, I push off the wall and stand directly in front of him with my legs on either side of his. There was absolutely nothing behind the statement other than to make Wade feel like he was missing out on something.
“Jesse, Jesse, Jesse. Don’t you worry your sweet, pretty self about that.” I poke his cheeks, then run one finger down his tie. “I don’t want anyone like I want you.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.” He pushes me back, and I laugh.
“You never asked one.”
“Alright! Who’s first?” Esther’s voice booms through the expansive foyer, and I suck down my amusement. “Your face looks pretty good, considering,” she continues without waiting for an answer and grabs my chin, moving it back and forth as she inspects my bruise.
“I’ll go first if that’s okay with you.”
“Go for it, Jesse boy,” I tell him. And as he walks behind Esther, I wink at him suggestively. “I’ll be here waiting for you when you get back… OW!” I stare at Esther, wide eyed, as she pushes the door closed behind Jesse after flicking me in the forehead.
“You need to cut that out.” She wags her finger at me en route to the concierge computer. “He’s a good boy. Too good for your bullshit.”
“Did you ever think maybe I’m the one too good for him?”
Esther dips her head towards me with a look that says, you’re Kai Tremblay. I’ve met you before.
“Okay. Okay. But how can you know enough about him to not question that his nice guy image isn’t all fake?”
“Because I know how to use Google.” She shakes her head, then rolls her eyes when she sees my expression. “Seriously, Kai. You need to get out of your little bubble.”
“Fuck you,” I jeer. “Why would I think to Google him? If you type in my name, nothing comes up.”
“That’s because your grandfather wasn’t a Baron.”
“A what?”
“As in, welcome ‘Lord Jean-Jesse Kendrick, Baron of Dawnchester’.”
“Piss off,” I shrug dismissively and walk towards the drawer to fetch my phone.
“See for yourself. I mean, Jesse himself isn’t a Baron, his uncle is. But I’m still pretty sure he technically should be addressed as Lord Jean-Jesse, or some shit like that… Just put in his full name and ‘grandson of Baron of Dawnchester’. It’ll save you some time.”
“Fuck,” I sigh out a few beats later, because—sure enough—there he is. Wearing a fancy dress suit with tails, a waistcoat, and a fucking top hat at some place called Royal Ascot.
“Yeah, yeah, open that one up,” Esther instructs from over my shoulder. “If you flick through, there are some with his friends in it. You know? The hot ones he came here with.”
“Romeo and Saxon?” I ask.
“Yeah, maybe,” she shrugs. “I don’t know their names. But the three of them are the kind of important that makes me wonder what the hell they’re doing here.”
If someone had asked me when I was sixteen where I thought my life would take me, my answer would have probably been either in prison or deep in some kind of substance abuse. Never, not even in my wildest pipe dreams, would I have even thought to imagine I’d be straddling the hips of a mostly naked Lord. Tracing my fingers up and down his chest, outlining his muscles. And being so deeply fixated, not only on him but also on how he looks at me with infatuation and a completely unfounded equality.
He knows I come from nothing, have built nothing, and therefore have nothing to offer him. But I can’t see anywhere in any of the different kinds of ways he stares at me, that he cares even in the slightest.
I mean, why in hell is a member of the British nobility working for minimum wage when they could have absolutely anything they want without lifting a finger?
It just doesn’t make any sense.
And why hasn’t he told me?
“Where are you from?” I ask, circling his bellybutton with my fingertip.
“Seriously?” he chuckles. “You mean the accent didn’t give it away?”
Endeavoring to keep the mood light, I pinch his stomach. “You know what I mean.”
Jesse removes his hands from beneath his head and brings them to my thighs. “I know you know I live with Romi and Sax in London, so don’t play dumb. I shouldn’t have to give you the Cliffsnotes version of every conversation you’re a part of.”
“You don’t.” I rest my hands on top of his. “But you also don’t talk about yourself very much.”
“Because I’m not that interesting.”
Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! “Where in London do you live?”
“Hackney… Near Victoria Park… But I know that means nothing to you. You could name a thousand places over here and I’d have no clue where you were talking about.”
I rub my hands over my face, through my hair, and link my fingers at the back of my neck. Not because I’m frustrated at Jesse, but because of how long this is going to take if I continue to beat so widely around the bush. “Do you all live in one of your parents’ houses?”
Way too many lines appear on Jesse’s forehead as he looks up at me dubiously. “Why do you think my family has multiple homes?”
“I—I mean. I don’t think that—Isn’t London expensive? Is what I mean.”
“Yeah… That’s why we live together.”
“So you all just rent then?”
“Me and Romeo do.”
“What about Saxon?”
“It’s his terrace.” Jesse’s voice is growing more cagey with each answer.
“I thought you said London was expensive.”
“It is.”
“Then how did he afford to buy—”
Jesse abruptly sits up on the bed with me still on top of him. “That’s his story to tell. If you wanna know, then ask him. But, seriously, Kai, what the fuck is this all about?”
“Nothing.” I smile playfully and drape my arms over his shoulders. “I’m just curious about you. Is that such a bad thing?”
“Not usually, no.” He smiles back. And I can see in his eyes that he’s a little cross with himself for how easily swayed he is by me.
I peck him on the nose. “So, is your family from London?”
“Kai.” He’s trying so hard to be stern.
“What?” Seductively, I lean further into him until our torsos are pressed together.
Taking my face in his hand just as he did yesterday afternoon before making me gag on his fingers, Jesse makes me pay attention in the sexiest way possible. “If you have a question you want to ask, then ask it. If not… I don’t want to talk anymore.”
What’s wrong with me?
How does he always manage to make me want to hand over all my control to him when I’ve never trusted anyone before? It’s strange and so excessively vindicating that he’s able to give me exactly what I want without asking. Like he knows just by being around me that I’m crying out to be taken care of because I’ve been on such high alert for far too long.
So I guess that’s why the extent of his importance suddenly doesn’t seem like such a big deal.
Who the fuck cares where Dawnchester is, anyway?
Not me.
Especially when I’m already so high on the fumes of power radiating from him as his fingers push into my cheeks.
“Is your door locked?” my voice rasps out—thick saliva already coating my throat in anticipation.
“Why don’t you check for yourself? Unless you trust me.”
“I trust you,” I respond, but still desperate for oxygen because I’ve not taken a breath since realizing I’m half naked with my back to the door.
With a dominion like I’ve never experienced before, Jesse keeps his eyes locked on mine and slides his grip from my cheeks, to my jaw, and down to my throat. Now able to move my head, the urge to check the door is overwhelming. But I stay strong as Jesse shows me, without needing to speak, just how much credence his words hold.
He knows I want to look, and I know he won’t be upset at me if I do.
He understands my trepidations, but I want to prove that I’m trying, too.
That I’m not a freak.
That I’m sick and tired of having to be strong.
That I trust him to take care of me…
Jesse glances at the door, then back to me. His palm pushes against my Adam’s apple as he clenches tighter around my throat, and I suck in a deep breath and release it with a quavering pant.
He always knew it was locked, but saw I needed him to check again.
“Such a good boy,” he coos—leaning up to kiss me.
My abs tense at his flattery, and I moan into his mouth.
I search for his tongue with mine, desperate to quench my craving, but he pulls away and trails kisses toward my neck as his hand leaves my throat and works its way into my hair. Tugging back, he exposes my neck further, and my jaw slackens as the need to have my mouth filled intensifies.
“Now, you better be done with all your stupid questions.”
“No.” The word has fallen from my lips before I can stop it.
My head is pulled to the side so I can just see Jesse from the corner of my eyes. “I thought you were a good boy.”
I am. I’m your good boy.
But I’ve also never wanted to be so bad.
“Please.”
“Please, what?” His voice growls like he’s not sure how deeply to commit to his role. “What else could you possibly want to know right now?”
“Ah…” Jesse drags his tongue along my collarbone and towards the crook of my neck.
What are words?
What is a question?
I feel like I had a hundred of them before.
“What?... What?...” He continues up my neck and to my ear. “Don’t waste my time, Kai.” Like a speaker with the bass turned all the way up, my chest vibrates with the low, delicious hum of his warning.
“What are?...” Jesse’s teeth sink into my earlobe, and I swear I can feel his smile against my skin as he nibbles his way higher to the cartilage.
“Hands together behind your back. You don’t get to touch anymore.”
In a pathetic attempt to show my disapproval, I try to groan, but I whine instead.
“Shit like that is what really raises questions, Kai… How can you be so determined to be on top, but get you on my bed and you turn dumber than a bitch in heat?”
I quickly shut my mouth for fear of giving in to him further, even though it’s exactly what my body wants to do. Cause he’s right. I tried to talk. I tried to stay strong. But as soon as he decided play time was starting, I was ready and willing to lose my mind for him.
To surrender.
To be the one used for a change, because I finally feel safe enough.
“You’ve got ten seconds to say something or you lose the right to use something else.”
Holy hell, this is heaven.
And I can tell he’s enjoying it just as much as I am by the deepness of his breaths.
“I…”
“Seven… Six… Five…”
“Do you…”
“Four… Three… Two…”
“Why do you have a weird streak in your hair?” I blurt out, my mind entirely devoid of anything else to ask.
With a scoff, Jesse lets go of my hair to run his fingers through his own. Straightening my head, I look down at him, hungry and hopeful that I’ve done enough to not be punished further.
“It’s natural, but I used to tell girls I’d been struck by lightning.”
“But—”
Jesse’s hand is back around my throat. “You don’t get to talk anymore.”
My eyelids flutter and my slut ass moves on its own.
He tuts his tongue in disapproval. “Don’t think you can distract me.”
But I’m the one distracted.
Jesse feels so big and thick beneath me.
I just want to make him happy.
But I need him to tell me more…
“God, look at how needy you are. You’re dying to ask me something else, aren’t you?”
I nod my head as well as I can.
“Trade your position for it?”
My position?
Being on top?
I squeeze my eyes shut and go over the layout of the room. It’s the same as mine, but the footprint is reversed. And there’s Jesse… I trust Jesse… With Jesse, I’ll be safe.
He told me he’d let nothing hurt me.
Opening my eyes, I nod my head.
Green irises focus on me for several long seconds, and when I show no signs of wavering, I’m thrown onto my back. His hands fall beside my shoulders as Jesse cages me with his body, and his blond hair falls down, ticking my face.
“Why did you tell girls you’d been struck by lightning?”
With the most devious cocksure grin I’ve ever seen, Jesse looks at my mouth and licks his lips. “So I could tell them I had electric fingers.”
That’s so fucking stupid and he knows it as well as I do, but goddamn it makes him so much sexier because it’s something I would have done. Sometimes girls are that dumb, and sometimes they just want you to think they are, and… Holy shit, I want those electric fingers down my throat. Inside my—
My eyes shoot open and I scan Jesse’s face and body for any warning signs that I may have missed.
Gently, his hand cups my cheek and I can see his intention as plain as day. “Are you alright?”
I nod and slide my hands behind my back to voluntarily weaken myself because it’s what I’ve always wanted, but was too disgusted at myself to ask for.
Right is wrong, red is green, and the sky is purple whenever I’m around him. Like the world I’ve always seen has been a lie the entire time and only he can set me free.
Settling between my thighs, Jesse palms my cock through my underwear but withdraws his hand when I move my hips. “Uh-uh,” he tuts. “You move, I stop.”
On reflex, I curl my top lip, but the anger is soon overshadowed by the realization of how much more turned on I am by being denied.
“I didn’t think it could get any bigger.” My cheeks flush with warmth at Jesse’s praise. “That’s why you’re never getting that thing inside me.”
Peeling back my underwear, Jesse firmly grips the base of my shaft. As I wiggle unwittingly, his hand loosens, and I have to fight against my urges and stay as still as I can, all whilst watching the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.
With shoulders back and too many wayward strands of hair obscuring his face, Jesse winks at me, presses his lips together, and rolls his tongue around inside his mouth. I swear I can feel it inside my own. Pushing and prodding between soft and hard.
Leaning forward, he releases a trail of spit that lands right on the head of cock before trickling down the side. “I don’t think that’ll be enough,” he states so smugly that my dick jerks in his clutches.
Twisting his hand, he smears his saliva over my shaft and slowly draws upwards—running his thumb over the tip and pushing down on my slit before dragging his thumb back down and releasing me altogether.
“How many?” he asks, wiggling his fingers. “Will two be enough?” He waves his middle and index fingers in front of my face. And this time, I growl. “Three then?”
I shut my mouth tight, but he slaps me.
My body tenses and I glare up at him.
The sting shocks me, but not as much as I like it.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he snickers, his ego filling the entire room. “You’re not fooling anyone.” Making a show of it, he returns one finger to scoop the beads of pre-cum leaking from my tip. Pausing to look at it briefly, he returns his attention to me. “Open wide.”
Without thought, I gape my mouth open, and Jesse spreads my pre-cum over my lips.
“So pretty.” His voice slinks into my ears, and the tip of my tongue traces the inside edge of my lips—tasting my bitterness. “You can have four for that,” he tells me before shoving the fingers of his right hand into my mouth with no further warning.
My tongue laps at their underside before my lips close in, and I start sucking.
“So fucking greedy,” he hisses and digs in further. My throat tenses around his fingers, and I hum at the insatiable hunger I have for the sting of his nails against my tonsils.
Again he pushes.
I teeter on the brim of needing to gag, but I fight it.
Determined to reduce me to a spluttering mess, Jesse fucks his hand into my mouth over and over, and I take it like the whore I am. And almost in real time, I can see a developing addiction to overwhelming me grow inside him.
My eyes water to the point of dripping down my cheeks, but I wish that he’d let go completely. Push down on my windpipe, slap me again, anything, as long as he’s in front of me and I can see his eyes.
More pre-cum drips down my shaft, and drool trails from my chin to pool in the divot at the base of my neck.
Completely drunk on Jesse’s ability to render me useless, I lose focus and cough—my throat straining around him.
He withdraws his hand.
Thick strings of spit connect his fingers to my lips.
His left hand claims a fistful of the hair on top of my head and jerks me toward him until I’m hunched forward. “I hope you look this good when you choke on my cock.”
I know my eyes are hooded and red, my lips are swollen, my chin and chest are covered in masses of spit, and my jaw is still slack, but I stick my tongue out.
“I’d never have guessed you’d be such a cock slut.”
My eyes brighten with pride and I silently dare him to push me further.
Jesse looks between my mouth and his dick.
I want to claw at his underwear, have him straddle my chest and skull fuck me into next week. But he just looks at me, almost guilty for even considering the exact thing my gaping mouth is telling him I want.
“Not this time.”
Defiantly, I poke my tongue out further.
“Enough.” His voice grows sterner.
My fingers slide up the leg of his boxer briefs—
Jesse’s right hand connects with my cheek, and saliva splashes against his chest. Instant regret is present on his face, but I grin, blow him a kiss, and spit all the thick, bubbly goodness he worked so hard to create all over my cock.
“Fuck.” It’s more of an expression than an actual word at this point, because Jesse drops me. My head bounces against the mattress, and he grabs my dick like making me come will solve the climate crisis. “How are you so damned sexy?”
Is that a rhetorical question?
Will I get hit again if I try to speak, because I think I’d like to?
Either way, I know the answer. And it’s because I’ve never been so enamored, so keen to please, so willing to sign myself over and live in someone’s back pocket.
“You’re not allowed to come until I say you can,” he asserts to the atmospheric sound of his sloppy strokes.
“Y-you.” I cling to the sheets, fighting with myself to hang on. “Y-you, too.” I force out through the closest thing to an out-of-body experience I’ve ever had. I feel like I’m floating, not a care in the world other than to do what I’m told… Because I want to.
I fucking obsessed with you, Lord Jesse Kendrick of wherever the fuck you come from. You are my Prince and I’ll worship you for the rest of my life. Just please don’t leave me.
“Please. I can’t hold on.”
Jesse kneels up and finally pulls his dick out.
My eyes fixate on its dripping end as he pumps us both in time.
I want to taste it.
I want to taste him.
“Please give it to me,” I beg, almost incoherently.
“Why do you think you deserve it after what you put me through?”
“I don’t… But I’ve been good today.”
“How do I know you won’t change your mind tomorrow?”
“I’ll never leave you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do,” I gasp, and tug at the covers.
“Don’t you fucking lie to me!”
Releasing the sheets, I search for Jesse’s thighs. The coarse blond hairs feel rough beneath my fingertips. His flesh is muscular and rigid. He’s not what I had planned. But now… he’s my main reason for living.
“I’ll never leave you,” I repeat, looking him dead in the eye.
“God—fuck!” he curses—shuddering forward and coming all over my stomach. Catching himself with one arm, his dick slaps against mine. “You can come now,” he huffs.
I grit my teeth. “Not till you tell me you don’t want me to leave.”
“You’ve been mine since before you even knew it.”
I’ve been his?
Jesus Christ.
I wrap my arms around his shoulders, push my forehead into his chest, and groan so primally the ground may actually be shaking.
This whole time I thought it had just been me. That I was the only one who saw light in the darkness whenever we were together. The only one who knew from the very first day that this was something far more special than anything I’d ever known before it.
Like a solar flare, I explode, and all the twisted self-hate inside me erupts—smearing between our bodies.
Three deep breaths and my vision is clear. But I’m spent, and my rational mind hasn’t rejoined my body.
Flopping back against the mattress, I chase light spots around the ceiling.
Jesse moves to sit beside me. “Sorry, I got so carried away.”
“What for?” I ask—still soaring above him.
“I just… Don’t worry.” He shakes his head. “Let’s have a shower together.”
Forced to the ground far sooner than I’d like, I slap my palm against his chest and let it drag down his torso. “I told you last time, I don’t do intimacy.”
Jesse looks at me like I’m an inanimate object that just started talking and he’s trying to figure out if I’m real or he’s tripping serious balls. “What we just did was pretty fucking intimate.”