Chapter 16 #2
“Tomorrow.”
I stride out of the room and down the grand staircase, out to the cobbled street and into my carriage.
Lady Caterine is everywhere. Her scent on my clothes, her lips on my skin, the imprint of her mouth on my cock, and over my heart.
She consumes me. And after tomorrow, after I take my father’s life, everything will change.
A sick feeling of dread washes over me, clinging more fervently than even the ghost of her presence.
—
I don’t sleep that night.
Breakfast in the dining room is a silent affair, the four of us sitting with our thoughts without being able to share them.
Dom keeps her eyes on her meal, but every so often I catch her looking at our father, drinking him in like this will be the last time she sees him. I guess it might be.
Father tries to pretend nothing is wrong, reading the paper—the headline reminding us that the Scotan killing period begins at midnight—and eating his toast as if it were a normal morning.
Not many people wake up knowing a certain day will be their last. Does that make it easier or harder, I wonder.
Alex watches me. Several times I catch him opening his mouth as if to speak, but he always shuts it shortly after. He knows there’s nothing left to say.
I try to eat, but even the plain toast I choke down sours in my stomach.
Finally, my father rises. He looks at each of us, one by one.
“I’m not one for big emotional speeches, but let me just take this moment to tell you all that I know this is the right outcome.
For Scota, and for all of you. I ask that you feel no guilt for your actions; spend your time and energy instead on uniting Avon and bringing the ideals of our province to the country at large.
” His eyes flit between me and Dom. “I get to go be with your mother now.”
Dom sniffles, though she tries to hide her tears.
I keep my back straight, forcing myself to be the kind of man my father thinks I can be, the kind of man I want to be.
He looks right at me. “I will see you tonight, son.”
Wordless, I nod, my hands clenched in tight fists at my side.
He exits the dining room, leaving the three of us to sit in pained silence.
“I’ve arranged for a group of trusted guards to be posted around the castle tonight,” Alex says, as though he is delivering a casual morning report, though I can hear the emotion hiding underneath his words.
“What for?” My voice is hoarse, choked on tears I won’t allow myself to shed.
“To ensure that you are the one who…” He doesn’t finish his thought, but his words slowly penetrate my mind.
“You think there are others who will show up tonight? Others who will want to kill him?”
Alex looks at me like I am a na?ve child. “Yes, Cal. I think there might be others.”
It has never occurred to me that there would be other Scotan citizens who might want the chance to rule Avon. It’s another reminder of how out of touch I have been, and how much work I will have to do if I am elected. I don’t want to be the kind of ruler who doesn’t understand his own people.
Dom, unusually silent, lets out a quiet sob.
Alex hands Dom his handkerchief, but his eyes never leave me. “Do you have everything else you need?”
I swallow. I don’t know what I need, honestly, other than to not sit in this room, in this house for the rest of the day stewing in my own misery. I push my chair back from the table and stand. “I need to get out of here.”
Alex stands too, but I gesture him to stay put.
“I will be back when I need to be. I know what I need to do.”
I squeeze Dom’s shoulder, knowing I should stay and attempt to offer her some comfort, but there’s nothing I can say to make today any easier.
Once I push my way into the hallway, I find myself following in my father’s footsteps. The door to his study is already closed, but I knock and don’t wait for permission to enter.
My father stands at the window, his gaze locked on the rolling hills of our estate grounds and the great mountains beyond. Sometimes I forget how beautiful Scota is with all of her lush greenery and rolling hills. I’m sure it’s something he is going to want to remember.
“I hope you haven’t come to tell me you’ve changed your mind.”
I cross the room, joining him in front of the window. “You know I haven’t.”
“Good.” He spares me a quick glance before his eyes return to the green and blue landscape outside.
The sky is bare of clouds, for once, like the sun wanted to be here to witness his final day.
“I know this is not an easy thing to ask of you, Callum. If there were any other way, you know I would take it.”
“I know.” I’ve spent many moments over the past few weeks fighting against his wishes, angry with him for even asking me to do the only thing that can be done. “I’m sorry I’ve made this more difficult than it needed to be.”
He claps a hand on my shoulder. “I can’t really be upset with you, Cal. In any other circumstances, it’s all a king can hope for—a son who doesn’t want to see him dead.”
“I know we haven’t always agreed on everything, and I know I have been hardheaded and stubborn.
But I want you to know that I’m going to do everything I can to be the kind of leader who would make you proud.
” I swallow the emotion in my voice, but it doesn’t stop the sheen of tears from springing to my eyes.
His grip on my shoulder tightens. “You have always made me proud, Callum. What I want, more than anything, is for you to be happy. And despite everything, this week you have been happier than I have seen you in a long time. I hope you will allow yourself to keep that happiness, even after I’m gone. ”
I hesitate before speaking again, not wanting to ruin this moment. But it could be our final one, and there are things I need to know. “I spoke with someone recently, someone who was born in Scota and abandoned by her parents.”
My father’s eyebrows rise. “Did she become a ward of the province?”
I nod. “She was sent to a Scotan orphanage. But it did not sound like any of the ones I have ever been to. The wardens were cruel and abusive to both her and her sister.”
He turns away from me once again, a heavy sigh on his lips. “I wish I could tell you her recollections are untrue, Callum.”
“So you knew this was happening? How many other orphanages were under similar rule?”
“Son, this is going to be a lesson you’re going to need to learn and learn quickly. Leaders—no matter who they are and where they rule—are not all-powerful. We can’t be everywhere at once, see everything happening. All we can do is put people we trust in positions of power and leadership.”
“What did you do when you learned of this information?”
“I removed the wardens from their positions, fined them, and banned them from ever working with children again.” He shrugs, but there is nothing easy or light about it, his shoulders sagging with the weight of responsibility.
“There are going to be things you miss, Cal. You just have to fix them as soon as you become aware, and do whatever you can to make sure the same mistakes aren’t repeated again. ”
I nod, taking my time to absorb his words, advice I will surely need should I take the helm as the leader of Avon.
My father clears his throat, a knowing smile on his lips. “Things are going well, then, with you and the Lady Caterine?”
If by going well you mean the very thought of her is enough to consume me, then I suppose so. “They are going as well as they can. I will be ready when the time comes.”
“And you trust her enough to help you?”
“I do.”
And suddenly, even though I know this very well may be the last conversation I will have with my father, I long for nothing more than to be far from this room. I long to be with her, in her arms. Only she can bring me the calm and peace I need before undertaking this task.
“Go,” my father says, the knowing smile growing.
I turn to leave, but double back. Wrapping my arms around my father, my king, I wait until he hugs me back, knowing this will be our last embrace.
I force down the sadness and focus on the joy of it.
When he clears his throat and loosens his grip on me, I release him from the hug and leave him to his thoughts, heading directly for the front door.
I dressed casually for breakfast in a button-down shirt and vest, but I don’t bother changing before heading outside to my awaiting carriage. The driver doesn’t even need instructions.
There is only one place I could possibly go.