Chapter 32
Callum
The door to my suite opens and I hope to see Cate on the other side. Instead, Alex peeks his head in, hovering in the doorway until I nod for him to enter.
His face relaxes slightly when he sees me sitting up in bed, a tray of food perched over my lap.
A servant delivered it a few minutes ago, advising me to eat slowly.
I’ve been trying to heed her word, but when the scent of the soup hit my nostrils, the hunger of the past few days caught up with me and I inhaled every morsel within just a few minutes.
“Glad to see you’re back to normal.” Alex wipes a few crumbs from the covers on the bed, his voice careful, like he’s afraid I might kick him out any second.
“Uncle.”
“You gave us all quite a scare, son.” The word slips out, echoing around the room, highlighting the loss.
“We will need to plan a memorial for Father,” I say quietly.
“And for Dom.” I still haven’t come to terms with the loss of my sister.
I prepared for weeks to lose my father, was even prepared to take his life myself, and I was still a mess when it actually happened.
I never expected my sister to be a casualty in all of this.
I would have made many different decisions had I known.
“Already working on it. I know you’re going to be busy in the coming weeks.”
I shift the tray of food to the other side of the bed. “I won’t be too busy for this. I owe it to them. I owe it to her.”
“I know there is nothing I can say to ease the pain or assuage the guilt, but I know what it is like to lose a sister, Callum.” Alex’s throat catches on his tears.
“What I can offer you is the reassurance that she would be proud, and so would James.” He crosses to the side of my bed, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Your mother would be proud too.”
Now is the moment when I should tell him the truth—that I’m not the actual candidate, I wasn’t the one to put the knife through Harold’s heart.
But I can’t seem to make my mouth form the words.
I can’t start this campaign with lies, even if it is what Cate claims she wants.
But I allow myself this moment to bask in the false praise, imagine the looks of pride on the faces of my parents and my sister.
“Thank you for saying that.” I shift my weight, subtly causing Alex’s hand to fall from my shoulder. “I know that you had the best of intentions, joining the Uprising. I know who you are, and I know you would never do anything to hurt me or this family.”
“But it is going to take some time before you trust me again.”
I nod. “I’m sorry.”
“Do not apologize, Cal. I made my choices, and I stand by them. But I am not ignorant of their consequences.” He opens his mouth to say more, but hesitates.
“Please don’t hold back, Uncle. Now is not the time to keep secrets.”
“It’s Cate.”
I raise myself off the bed. “Is she hurt? Why didn’t you say something as soon as you came in? Where is she?”
Alex pushes my shoulder, keeping me in place. “She’s fine.” His eyes darken with what feels like foreboding.
I clench my fists in the blanket covering me. “Whatever you have to say, just say it.”
“We’ve been having some meetings, early strategy sessions,” Alex says.
“How long have I been out?” I ask sarcastically. I know it’s only been two days. I shouldn’t be surprised that was plenty of time for him to start scheming without my input.
Alex ignores me. “The bottom line, Cal, is that everyone agrees on one thing: Being with Cate is going to be a major hindrance in the election.”
A wall of hot anger crushes over me. “Because she’s a courtesan or because she’s Gifted?”
“I know how much she means to you, but it wouldn’t be wise for her to be by your side during your candidacy, Cal. It’s not her Gift that is troubling, but how she chooses to make her living. It’s the one thing a whole room of strategists can agree on.”
“I don’t care.” I cross my arms over my chest, not caring if I sound like a petulant child. “Cate isn’t going anywhere. I’m not doing this without her. Besides, things aren’t like they used to be. Aren’t we supposed to be building a more equitable world? Does that not include courtesans?”
“Of course it does.” Alex sighs wearily, the stress of the past few days clearly visible on his face. “There is another option.”
I eye him warily. “What is it?”
“You get married.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
The words don’t come from me, but from a voice in the doorway.
Cate.
Not exactly the way I would have chosen to propose.
She crosses to the bed, standing on the opposite side from my uncle. Her eyes rake me over, taking in the empty tray of food and the way I’m able to sit up on the bed. She offers me a soft smile before turning her attention to Alex. “What was that you were saying?”
Alex shoots me a heavy look.
Cate bristles, pulling her shoulders back and schooling her face. “You don’t have to hide it. I know that my relationship with Cal could potentially damage his campaign. I told him the same thing myself.”
Alex lets out another long sigh. “Good. Then we’re agreed that the best course of action is for you to end this relationship. The sooner the better.”
Cate’s eyes narrow. “I didn’t hear either of us agree to that. I already tried to convince him, but he was kind enough to remind me that I don’t get to make his decisions for him. Just like he doesn’t get to make mine for me.”
I reach for her hand, buoyed by her defense of us, and intertwine our fingers together. Maybe there is a chance of earning her forgiveness. “I choose Cate. And as long as she continues to choose me, we will remain a couple.”
“So option B, then,” says Alex with a grimace. “You get married.”
Cate’s fingers tighten around mine, and I feel it again, the itch. It’s a little less persistent, but it’s there, buried under my skin. “Those are our options? Never see each other again or tie ourselves to one another for life?”
I would be lying if I said her reaction didn’t sting, just a bit, but I know where it’s coming from, and I understand her hesitation, even if we both know we’re already connected forever.
I turn to Alex. “Can you give us some time alone?”
Alex looks like he’s going to protest, but he sees my glare and decides otherwise. He turns on his heel and strides for the door, shutting it gently behind him on his way out.
Once he’s gone, Cate shifts the empty tray to the table and climbs into bed next to me. She doesn’t say anything, just burrows down under the covers and tucks herself into my side. I take her willingness to touch me as another good sign.
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Cate.” I run my fingers through the long golden waves of her hair, entangling them around my fingers before releasing them to fall in a shiny curtain.
“I don’t know if I can get married, Callum.” She mumbles the words into my chest. “Not just to you but to anyone. Look what it did to them, being Bonded.” She doesn’t have to say their names.
“We are not them, Cate. There is something rotten inside Lady M that has nothing to do with her Bond to Harold. Neither of us would ever be capable of doing the things she’s done.
” I press a kiss to the top of her head, letting her familiar citrus scent fill my nose and stir a sense of longing deep inside me.
I hesitate before asking the question I know I need an answer to. “Have you felt the Bond lessen?”
She stiffens in my arms, pulling away ever so slightly. “I don’t know what you mean.”
I sigh, though the sense of relief that it wasn’t all in my head is short-lived. “Why are you pulling away from me? Why are you fighting this?”
“There are so many things, Callum. So many reasons for us to not be together. This election, the strength of our Bond and what it could make us do. I’m not good for you.”
I cup her cheek in my hand, raising her face so I can look her in the eye. “I told you that I would always choose you, Cate. And I meant it. You’re not helping me by pulling away. You’re only causing both of us unnecessary pain.”
Tears spill down her cheeks. “I’m scared, Callum. Of so much.”
I wipe her tears with my thumbs. “I am too. But we can face whatever the future has in store for us, as long as we do it together. You’ve had my heart from the moment I first saw you, Lady Caterine.
And I’m not taking it back. If you would rather not marry me, I understand, and it won’t change my love for you. Nothing ever could.”
She presses her lips to mine, the kiss soft and sweet, though tinged with the salt of her tears. I deepen the kiss, letting us linger in it, but make no move to take things further.
She sighs as the kiss breaks, the sound full of longing and resignation. “I’ll do it,” she says, her voice quiet. “If it will help you win, if it’s what you need, then I’ll do it. I’ll marry you.”
“I’m not going to marry you unless it’s what you want, Cate.” She starts to speak, but I press my lips to hers. “We don’t have to make any decisions tonight.”
Her eyes search mine, the golden amber darkened with worry. “I don’t want to lose you.”
I tighten my hold on her. “You won’t. Ever.”
She starts to pull away. “You should probably get some more rest.”
I keep her pressed close to me. “Stay with me?”
She smiles, but it doesn’t fully reach her eyes. “Of course.”
We settle into the comfort of the mattress and the warmth of the blankets, and together, fall into a restful sleep.
—
I’m awakened by the press of her lips against mine. No light shines through the many windows of my room, nothing outside but the purest black. It must be late, or very early, but I still don’t have my bearings on time.
I also don’t care much, my lips finding solace in Cate’s as she perches over me. Her golden waves tumble down her back and spill over her shoulders. There’s a calmness, a surety on her face that has been missing since I first awoke. She’s never looked more beautiful.
She pulls away from me, as if seeking permission to continue. I cup the nape of her neck in my hand and bring her mouth back to mine. I lose myself in her. Our tongues mingle and our hands explore, like this is the first time all over again.
Cate sits up, pulling her sleep shift over her head. I rise as well, scooting my back to lean against the headboard so I can cradle her in my lap. I’m already shirtless and the brush of her skin against mine sends a shiver racing down my spine.
I want to tell her that we don’t have to do this, that I’m happy to wait as long as it takes for her to be truly ready, but with the exchange of one simple glance, I know I don’t need to voice the words. This is what she wants. What we both need. To find our way back to each other.
She tugs on my cotton breeches, freeing me from the material, wrapping her hand around me. I cup her breasts in my hands, my thumbs stroking while my mouth moves between her nipples, sucking and nibbling while her hips roll and her fist pumps.
I’m on the verge of exploding, her touch enough to bring me to the brink, but she knows the exact moment to hover over me. I guide myself to her entrance and she sinks down so slowly I think I might combust.
When I’m fully seated inside her, we release matching sighs of relief.
“Cate?”
“Callum?”
I cup her cheeks in my hands, bringing her eyes to mine. “I want you to use your Gift.”
Her breath catches in her chest and her eyes search mine for the truth. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “I trust you with my heart, and I trust you with my mind. You’ve already seen me at my most vulnerable, at my lowest moments, and you have handled that vulnerability with nothing but love and the utmost care.”
“Callum…” Her eyes fill with tears, but she takes in a deep breath to steady herself. “I’ve dealt in vulnerabilities for so many years, but I never allowed myself to have any.”
“You don’t have to be strong for me, my lady.”
She presses her forehead to mine. “I know.”
We’re already as intertwined as two people could be, but I pull her even closer, bury myself deeper inside her. Matching groans escape us and her mouth finds mine once again as she begins to move.
Being with Cate has never been anything less than incredible, earth-shattering, life-altering. But this moment between us, this strengthening of a Bond that could have so easily been broken, it fills my soul close to bursting.
We hold each other tightly, arms locked as if we plan to never let go, as we move together as one, as the release overtakes us. My chest tightens and I have to fight for breath, but I don’t break the kiss. Couldn’t even if I wanted to.
I don’t know what to expect when I open myself up to Cate.
She never breaks contact with me and a second after I come, I’m enveloped in lightness and warmth and comfort.
I don’t forget about my sister or my father, but somehow the loss of them feels settled, the wound scabbed over, no longer raw and bleeding in my chest.
It’s peace, and happiness, and nothing short of pure bliss.
My forehead falls to her chest and her hands work themselves into my hair. I don’t realize I’m crying until I see the tears sparkle against her bare skin. It’s cleansing and purifying and my entire being feels renewed, and whole.
After several minutes of heavy breathing and no need for words, she climbs off my lap and settles into the crook of my arms.
The whole encounter would almost feel like a dream, were it not for the familiar itch returning to my skin in full force. I welcome it, burying my face in the waves of her hair, entwining our limbs as we fall back asleep.